Have you ever said Yes to a dating/marriage proposal because of how nice they were to you even when you don't like them and now you are finding it difficult to give your best to that relationship/marriage?

This is called pity dating or pity relationship. You accept them out of pity because of what you have benefitted from them or because you find it hard saying No to them so you don't hurt them.

Your reasons for saying YES could be because
1) You don't want to offend them by given them a negative reply thereby hurting yourself and living in regrets. Some people find it difficult to say NO and this affects them later. You may think you're hurting them by refusing their proposal,but in the real sense you're helping them by being honest with your feelings as the lies would eventually hurt them more than the truth.

2) You were pressured by others to accept them. People can be selfish even when it looks like they're helping you. It is possible that they're coercing you against your wish because of other things they would benefit or have benefitted from this person. If you think their reasons are not valid please don't accept such. Remember that they would not be in that marriage or relationship with you when the going gets bad. It is your choice to decide, so do not outsource such important decision.

3) You don't want to lose whatever you're getting from them. This reason could boomerang at you if they get to know the truth. If they get to know that you are attracted to the things you get from them and not them,this could make their behaviour change towards you. Some could make that relationship/marriage a living hell for you, and with such great animosity true friendship and love would never thrive in this kind of marriage/relationship. Eventually,you would leave or they leave when the truth is out.

4) You want to use them as an emotional support pending when you find the one you truly love. I always tell people who had a painful break up with their exes that what they needed is to heal and not to get into another relationship for now, because such broken people who fears to be alone end up using and hurting others the way they were hurt too.



How to avoid getting into pity dating/Marriage


1) learn to say No When you do not want something. Like I said earlier,being honest with your feelings will save both of you from this kind of situationship.

2) Define the relationship: don't lead people on when you don't like them. Have that honest conversation with them on what this is all about,and make your stand clear.

This applies to the both sides, don't assume they are in a relationship with you when you have not made your intentions known to them. Have that uncomfortable discussion early enough before going all out for them.

3) understand that people can entice you with gifts. They can buy your loyalty with money. They can even enslave you sexually using material things. Hence I say this, don't request from people or accept from people what you know would give them the impression that you are in love with them.

Usually people reason that the more gift you accept from them or demand from them ,it means that you have accepted to do whatever they want from you.

Also don't give out what you can't forgo in the long run and don't accept whatever will make you feel guilty. Be reasonable in your demands and be wary in accepting gifts.

4) Don't force it if it is not working.

I know you love them,but people deserve the right to choose too. Stop forcing people to accept your proposal when they're reluctant to accepting it. You can woo people but don't force a relationship on them or manipulate them into one. It is better to be single than to be yoked with a partner that doesn't love you. If you achieve it by force it will take force to make them stay and to love you.

5) Don't lean on the wrong people for emotional support. If you were traumatised in a relationship, please heal before entering into another. Don't let the fear of being alone make you embrace a person you don't love or respect. You may think you're using people only to get into a big mess.


What to do if you already in such relationship

1) Open up to them about how you feel: this would make them understand why you have not been requiting their love and for some, they may accept for a break up. Keeping it a secret would further put a strain to that relationship,thereby making both parties unhappy. Do it gently without using hurtful words. If you feel you need to return some of things they gave you,then go ahead as this would make them see how sincere and genuine you are.

If you fear they may get violent or fight you, go with someone or speak to people they respect to raise this issue with them.

2) [i]If you are already married to them, then do this. [/i]Find out why you don't love them yet. Sometimes our decisions are influenced by others or by petty reasons which are not important to our happiness.

Understand that genuine love grows with time. Feelings are real but not always right. You may not like a person even before you meet them,but over time you find out that you can't do without that person, because there so many good things about them.

Secondly, make a list of the good things about them and ponder on this list . You would discover that there are many good things about them which you're not seeing only because you are focusing on the things you don't like about them. Understand that in marriage love is not enough. Give it time, the love will grow only if you focus on the good things about them.

here below is exactly the type of person looking for someone to date/marry her out of pity....

https://www.nairaland.com/8130479/need-husband-lady-cries-out

Which one is what to do?

Pettiness supposed no dey in love.

If you don't have love map, then you are likely going to marry out of pity

helinues:
Which one is what to do?

Pettiness supposed no dey in love.

If you don't have love map, then you are likely going to marry out of pity

People can dislike others because of their idea of a perfect partner syndrome which has etched deep into their subconscious mind through movies they have watched, novels and magazines they have read and images they have built in their mind through maladaptive daydreaming. This kind of reasons contradicts reality and so such person should be taught to not choose a partner based on these biases.

Not everybody understands to separate pettiness from love.

MrBrownJay1:
here below is exactly the type of person looking for someone to date/marry her out of pity....

https://www.nairaland.com/8130479/need-husband-lady-cries-out

You are a funny person.

Bonab:

Have you ever said Yes to a dating/marriage proposal because of how nice they were to you even when you don't like them and now you are finding it difficult to give your best to that relationship/marriage?

In all you do, Always avoid pity dating!!!

The ladies are always toxic and dangerous when and if you eventually break up with them.

Funke show me shege banza pro-promax after i summon the courage to break up with her