Since I clocked 14, I became so broke and hopeless. This was due to lost of a parent. I was exposed to an unimaginable level of hunger and poverty, I had to resort to doing menial jobs so I could at least feed. This condition continued until I completed my Secondary School. I had no hopes of ever furthering my education even though I had a burning desire to do so. Miraculously, I got admission, and graduated.

Things were supposed to get better after I graduated, but the first one year after my graduation was suicidal. It was marred with poverty, hunger, depression and suicidal thoughts.

After some times, it was as if God was determined to compensate me for all the sufferings. I could switch from three different jobs within a life. My life changed, I got married and live a decent life. I can now afford to spend 200k on impulse, I can help others as well.

The problem with me is that, despite all these, I don't really feel happy deep down. My happy moment are always ruined with "what if" I'm still very scared of my past, it haunts me. I get scared of going back there. My wife has always assured me I'm done with that poverty phase in my life, but I find it hard to shake it off.

When I get hungry, despite the fact that I can buy whatever I want to, I'll rather endure the hunger under the simulation that I was still living my former life of hopelessness.

May God help me, it's been three years of breakthrough, I'm yet to adjust to my present reality.

Anyone ever been in this situation? How did you manage to convince yourself that you've moved on?