We know the differences are there, but I have also seen a lot of Ibo/Yoruba marriages. What should matter is the love and respect the parties have for each other. It should be pointed out that  that you will see more of the Yoruba guy/Ibo girl relationships rather than the reverse though.

Donzman:

I wonder WHY!

A woman can only marry a man who chases her, toasts her, nutures a relationship with her & takes her to the altar. If an Igbo man does not do any of these things, but a Yoruba man is on hand to carry out all these steps, then chances are that the Igbo lady in question, will marry the Yoruba guy.

In Lagos, a lot of the current Igbo women under 30, were brought up in this city & can speak the language fairly well. They also have very few hang-ups about ethnicity or tribe, unlike a lot of their sisters who were raised in the East. Is it because there is a healthy mix of people from different cultures living in the city & such Igbo ladies have actually had more chances to mingle with more Yoruba guys out there, than they would have had, if they lived in the East? I really can't tell.

Another thing is that by the time a woman hits the 30-34 year  bracket, she is less choosy about her suitors. She is more inclined to look out first, for quality & other intangible attributes like sincerity, respect, understanding & mutual affection, instead of ethnicity or sheer good looks, in a relationship.  This is probably due to external or internal pressure on her to settle down fast, or probably because she has had relationships with men from both tribes & has discovered that most men are the same, irrespective of their ethnic background.

It often reminds me of that line in Spike Lee's film JUNGLE FEVER, where the lead actress tells her friends: "Give me a man, regardless of the colour of his skin, who is sweet to me, nice to me and who I sincerely believe loves me, "

Finally, a number of Igbo men have this habit of heading back to their districts in the East, once it is time to marry. Dunno why. A female friend of mine from Umuahia, actually stated that  Anambra men do not marry outside & that once it is time for them to do so, it is their mothers that select wives for them. Since I don't have a way of verifying her statements, I cannot accept it as the truth.

All I know, is that people are free to choose what suits them. Some believe that their ethnic differences add spice to their relationships. Others believe that the familiar things they are used to, makes them feel safer.

@Laudate

Why do you speak so much but say little. You still haven't answered my question of why we won't see more Igbo guy/Yoruba girl relationships? Is it only Igbo girls that are in Lagos?

Why pull up my post and not answer the question but instead force me to read something trivial? Kind of annoying!!

Donzman:

@Laudate

Why do you speak so much but say little. You still haven't answered my question of why we won't see more Igbo guy/Yoruba girl relationships? Is it only Igbo girls that are in Lagos?

Why pull up my post and not answer the question but instead force me to read something trivial? Kind of annoying!!

Kindly re-read my post again. I really don't want to rehash all I wrote earlier. Your 1st question in post no. 31, if you recall, had to do with the fact that "you will see more of the Yoruba guy/Ibo girl relationships rather than the reverse though", and you wondered why that was so. This question, was answered in the 1st, 2nd & 3rd paragraphs of my previous post No. 32. No one is forcing you to read anything. If you do not like the contents of any post, you are free to skip it. Se fini.

I stand to be corrected but there was no part of your initial question in post No. 31, concerning why[i] "we won't see more Igbo guy/Yoruba girl relationships?."[/i] This question came later, in your last post no. 33. Even at that, the 5th paragraph of my previous post (no. 32), still goes ahead to give some reasons for  this scenario.

Now what is so annoying about what was written? Na wa o!

It should be pointed out that that you will see more of the Yoruba guy/Ibo girl relationships rather than the reverse though.

That was the post I asked why to, why won't we see the reverse?. . .The factors you put up there should also lead to seeing more of the reverse, why aren't we seeing it?

One could say that many Igbo girls are so beautiful that they make Yoruba guys forget about their tribalism.

It could also be that Yoruba girls are more tribalistic than men, so they don't accept Igbo suitors. Research needed!
It could be that Yoruba girls can't stand the idea of "bringing an Igbo guy home to daddy", so they reject them.

Donzman:

That was the post I asked why to, why won't we see the reverse?. . .The factors you put up there should also lead to seeing more of the reverse, why aren't we seeing it?

My answer was given in my previous post. Here it is again:

laudate:

Finally, a number of Igbo men have this habit of heading back to their districts in the East, once it is time to marry. Dunno why. A female friend of mine from Umuahia, actually stated that  Anambra men do not marry outside & that once it is time for them to do so, it is their mothers that select wives for them.

This is my view. A late Professor of Biochemistry at the University of Lagos College of Medicine, once warned a Yoruba lady about this trend, which he had noticed among Igbo men. A few of his female students had called in for counselling, and in the course of unbottling their problems, he realised that a large number of them were hurting from broken relationships, which crashed as a result of their various Igbo boyfriends citing ethnic differences, as one reason why they couldn't marry those girls. This may be one of the factors why more Yoruba girls are not having more relationships with Igbo guys. His advice to them, was that these non-Igbo girls should trash out the issue of ethnic differences quite early in their subsequent relationships, before things got too intimate.

Maybe Igbo men need to be asked, why they are not marrying more Yoruba girls? 'Cos last time I checked, it was still the job of a man, to propose. And if more Igbo men keeping heading back to the East to pick wives, instead of getting hitched to the non-Igbo girls they have dated previously, it means we are unlikely see more Igbo man-Yoruba girl relationships, ending in marriage.

Seun:

One could say that many Igbo girls are so beautiful that they make Yoruba guys forget about their tribalism.

Hahaha, maybe!! Are you saying Yoruba guys are tribalistic? How much research have you conducted in this area?

Seun:

It could also be that Yoruba girls are more tribalistic than men, so they don't accept Igbo suitors. Research needed!
It could be that Yoruba girls can't stand the idea of "bringing an Igbo guy home to daddy", so they reject them.

Really? I have discovered that most Yoruba parents will always reject their daughters' suitors at the first meeting, even if he comes from the next village. They feel no man is good enough for their daughters. It usually takes appeals & persistence for them to change their minds. Most of my female Yoruba friends went through this stage. Usually, it is after the parents have observed the conduct of the guy & the bond that exists between the couple, that they give in.

This thread is an orgy of feeble minded hare brained analysis.Nobody has conducted a scientific study on this issue and any stereotyping is just that,stereotyping .

Seun:

It could be that Yoruba girls can't stand the idea of "bringing an Igbo guy home to daddy", so they reject them.

The fear of "bringing an Igbo guy home to daddy", in my view, is usually NOT a factor that prevents Yoruba girls from dating Igbo men. After all, parents of Yoruba girls also reject the Yoruba boy-friends of their daughters. The initial opposition of all Yoruba fathers to their children's choice, irrespective of where he comes from, is well-known in the South-West. In fact, it is even worse when the guy comes from a community that does not see eye-to-eye with their own.

One of my aunt's male colleagues from Ondo, informed his parents that he wanted to marry an Ijebu lady. The guy's father did not mince words: "God forbid!" was his first response. World War III almost erupted. The girl's father also turned down his daughter's heartthrob. At the end of the day, the guy stood his grounds, and they both sent their family elders (uncles & aunts) to both parents to convince them to back down. After both families conducted the usual investigations, they finally gave their consent to the union. This happened about fifteen years ago. They have been happily married since then, with 4 kids.

Finally, I have seen several Igbo-Yoruba marriages that worked out. But most of the Igbo male-Yoruba female relationships I have seen, occur among Delta-Igbo males & Abia guys. I guess the Igbo male-Yoruba female relationships, often occur in cases where the men are less easily influenced by the 'traditions' of their own communities.

4 Play:

This thread is an orgy of feeble minded hare brained analysis.Nobody has conducted a scientific study on this issue and any stereotyping is just that,stereotyping .

@4play, you are welcome to conduct the first scientific study & analysis on this issue. We eagerly await your findings, with bated breath!

laudate:

@4play, you are welcome to conduct the first scientific study & analysis on this issue. We eagerly await your findings, with bated breath!

It is better to keep quiet about a subject such as this than to embark on an inane analysis based on narrow minded stereotyping.

4 Play:

It is better to keep quiet about a subject such as this than to embark on an inane analysis based on narrow minded stereotyping.

Point out the parts that are inane, or narrow-minded. And show what qualifies it to be tagged as such.

No one is forcing you to read this thread or to read the posts. If you do not agree, kindly walk past or skip it. If you are unable to do so, outline in clear lucid language, why you do not agree. Simple. Do not dismiss what others have said as narrow-minded. If you do not understand the subject, kindly ask for clarification.

My comments remain just that. Mine. You do not have to agree with them. My own reality is obviously quite different from yours'. It doesn't make it inane.

I have noticed that while you are so busy casting aspersions on other people's contributions, you have not offered, one well-thought out response,  rational explanation or inspired comment, about the subject.

You are too busy brandishing the word stereotype, as if you just saw it in the dictionary.

Dear Laudate~did you attend ISL or Staff School Unilag/Medilag?
Just curious~

@Laudate

You have a PhD in stereotyping?

Ok, according to you, we see Yoruba guy/Igbo girl relationships because we have lots of Igbo girls in Lagos.

Then we do not see Igbo guy/Yoruba girl relationships because Igbo guys always go back home to marry and leave the Yoruba girls heartbroken.

OR you could have been consistent by noticing that due to the availability of Igbo girls everywhere, Igbo guys do not often go for other girls.

But no, how could that be? You'll rather rely on stereotypes for your explanations.

wow.that's a hot one. u see am in this dilemma myself. am an ibo girl in love with a yoruba guy.we plan to get married but the problem is both our parents. now its easier for him cos at the end of the day his parents respect his decision. they only have his interest at heart cos he's been married before without their consent, and seeing that it didnt turn out well, they would love to see him happy by making sure this one does. all in all, we plan to do things the right way but my mum is a very big issue, or so it seems at the moment. she says no way would any of her daughters marry anyone outside our tribe. now i am a very strong-minded person and anything i set my mind to, i always get.ALWAYS.i have made up my mind, that God willing, i would marry this guy and nothing on earth can stop me. he feels thesame way too. but its important to have your parents blessings. it actually does go a long way. it might seem tedious right now, but its only cos we're not ready right now. we plan to work our way into her heart, one way or the other something's gotta give. and if she proves stubborn, well i got my dad. i dunno what his take on this is cos we havent spoken but we will when am ready.even if he doesnt agree, he eventually will. his priority is that he likes to identify with success, and my man is a success story so yeah he'ld cum around. i only am keen on my mum cos i believe mums are usually easier to relate with. eventually am going to put my foot down, its about my happiness and me going for what i want. bottomline is if ur girl sees that it makes her happy to be with you she can convince them. its a thing of the mind, its of strong-will.

Donzman:
@Laudate

You have a PhD in stereotyping?

Ok, according to you, we see Yoruba guy/Igbo girl relationships because we have lots of Igbo girls in Lagos.

Then we do not see Igbo guy/Yoruba girl relationships because Igbo guys always go back home to marry and leave the Yoruba girls heartbroken.

Did you issue the so-called Ph.d certificate, in stereotyping? Why oh why, is it such a big deal when people say what they have observed? So once a statement does not fit into your own preconcieved trend of thought, it becomes a "stereotype". Na wa! Well, last time I checked, this was a public forum. And if my thoughts do not fit into your predefined thought patterns, I truly apologise. But I do not believe in group-think. And I will continue to say it, as I see it. I have several Igbo friends, cousins & relatives who have brought up this issue on several occassions. They have chosen to stress the fact, that they feel more comfortable going back home to pick a wife.  But it is their own reality. And it also fits in what I have observed. Sorry if that does not fit in, with what you feel.

Donzman:

OR you could have been consistent by noticing that due to the availability of Igbo girls everywhere, Igbo guys do not often go for other girls.

But no, how could that be? You'll rather rely on stereotypes for your explanations.

Consistent with what? Or consistent with 'whose' ideas & thought patterns? If the point above is in line with what you believe, fine! You are entitled to your own beliefs, observations & ideologies.

What baffles me, is the way you reach for that tag of stereotype whenever anyone expresses an idea that runs contrary to your own, at any point in time. Please do not play the ostrich by claiming you have not heard or seen Igbo men claim they would rather marry within their own ethnic group. No one says it is bad, wrong or crazy. It is simply what they want. Simple. Last time I checked, freedom of choice was a part of our constitution. Or has it been revoked?

So why are you tagging the observations of those who have pointed out the wish of an Igbo man to marry an Igbo girl, as stereotype?

You claim that "due to the availability of Igbo girls everywhere, Igbo guys do not often go for other girls." You have not answered the question of why. Is 'availability' the only reason? Or are there more culture-specific reasons for their choice? Yoruba girls abound in Lagos too, so why don't more Igbo guys go for Yoruba girls, since they are also widely available everywhere, in the South-west? In fact, they out-number the Igbo girls there. And why don't the Igbo men in the middle-belt, marry more Tiv, Nupe, Igala & Gwari girls, since they too are also widely available everywhere in the middle-belt?

You are silly. . .It's like asking me why don't more blacks marry whites in the US? Duhh, cultural familiarity.

Now I'm still asking you, why is it that the same parents will raise an Igbo girl to marry anyone but raise an Igbo guy to marry only Igbo girls? Does that even make sense?. . .Why should Igbo girls and guys think on different perspectives when it comes to marriage? Don't they have the same upbringing?

Donzman:

You are silly. . .It's like asking me why don't more blacks marry whites in the US? Duhh, cultural familiarity.

Oh, cultural familiarity, eh? That's your take, (or should I say), that is how you explain the Igbo man's preference for taking a wife from his community? Thank God, you said it. If Laudate had mentioned cultural familiarity now, it would have been seen as stereotype. How does your excuse of cultural familiarity, differ from my previous comment, which pointed out that Igbo men would rather marry from within their own ethnic group?

Donzman:

Now I'm still asking you, why is it that the same parents will raise an Igbo girl to marry anyone but raise an Igbo guy to marry only Igbo girls? Does that even make sense?. .

Again, I must ask you to refer to my previous posts. My observations are all there. Most Igbo women I know, have often expressed a preference for men who come from their ethnic group. But as the years go by, and love makes its' debut in their hearts, they may end up falling for men from other ethnic groups, in the various cities where they reside.

Some women have dated across ethnic lines & have discovered that Naija men share similar traits, regardless of their ethnicity. So they have decided to settle for whoever the good Lord brings their way. And like I stated earlier in another post, it is still the job of a man to propose. If a Yoruba man dates an Igbo babe &  proposes marriage, fine. If she likes him enough & is not bothered by the cultural difference, she would go ahead with it. If an Igbo man does the same thing, then she would also say yes, if she likes him enough to marry him.

Secondly, the older a woman gets, the more limited are her choices. So some women believe they can't be too choosy, when it comes to men. Such ladies will tell you that once they find a decent guy, they would settle down with him, irrespective of where he comes from.

But for Igbo men, it seems to be a different kettle of fish. Most men can pick & choose who they will date in a far more proactive manner than most women would & much quicker, than a woman can.

Donzman:
. .Why should Igbo girls and guys think on different perspectives when it comes to marriage? Don't they have the same upbringing?

Do all boys & girls really have the same upbringing, in all truth? Right from childhood, boys & girls are treated differently in many Nigerian households. Parents expect different things or different modes of behaviour, from their kids. In various families, the boys & girls are often (not always) treated differently, and also given rules to govern everything from domestic chores to career path. These differences permeate all facets of their life, from cultural to educational and even to the financial aspects.

The community or background of the various families, also matters. Some communities like Nnewi for example, prefer to marry within their own group. In a few others like Obosi it is said that the first daughter is usually not married outside the town of her parents. In Igbo language "Ada adi eje mba." Dunno if you have heard this before.

A few communities like the Delta-Igbo ones, seem a lot more liberal. But the right person to answer your question, would be an Igbo male. Am sure there are many on this forum, who can do justice to the issue.

Am out.

Oh, cultural familiarity, eh? That's your take, (or should I say), that is how you explain the Igbo man's preference for taking a wife from his community? Thank God, you said it. If Laudate had mentioned cultural familiarity now, it would have been seen as stereotype. How does your excuse of cultural familiarity, differ from my previous comment, which pointed out that Igbo men would rather marry from within their own ethnic group?

Your explanation suggests that if an Igbo man is in a place without Igbo girls around, he'll go back home to get an Igbo girl. Mine suggests that if an Igbo man is in a place without Igbo girls, he'll marry the ones he find around him but if he's in a place with Igbo girls (which is often the case), he'll calmly marry the Igbo girl instead of those from other groups. Do you understand now?. . .SILLY!

The community or background of the various families, also matters. Some communities like Nnewi for example, prefer to marry within their own group. In a few others like Obosi it is said that the first daughter is usually not married outside the town of her parents. In Igbo language "Ada adi eje mba." Dunno if you have heard this before.

That's trash. I'm from Oraifite, only one of my uncles is married to someone from Oraifite. Before you go screaming out, Oraifite and Nnewi are brother/sister towns. "Ada eji eje mba" has nothing to do with where the daughter marries, it's basically a daughter you can be proud of. A daughter you can proudly give away in marriage to someone from another community in marriage without fear she'll soil the family name there. Infact if anything it implies your willingless to give away your daughter in marriage to a man from another community.

Some women have dated across ethnic lines & have discovered that Naija men share similar traits, regardless of their ethnicity. So they have decided to settle for whoever the good Lord brings their way. And like I stated earlier in another post, it is still the job of a man to propose. If a Yoruba man dates an Igbo babe & proposes marriage, fine. If she likes him enough & is not bothered by the cultural difference, she would go ahead with it. If an Igbo man does the same thing, then she would also say yes, if she likes him enough to marry him.

What does this have to say about Igbo guys not marrying Yoruba girls? Is it that Yoruba girls are not feeling the love from Igbo guys or are you saying that Igbo guys do not propose to Yoruba girls?. . .I don't get it!

Donzman:

Your explanation suggests that if an Igbo man is in a place without Igbo girls around, he'll go back home to get an Igbo girl. Mine suggests that if an Igbo man is in a place without Igbo girls, he'll marry the ones he find around him but if he's in a place with Igbo girls (which is often the case), he'll calmly marry the Igbo girl instead of those from other groups. Do you understand now?. . .SILLY!

You used the word "Silly"? This is the 2nd time you have done that, in this thread. Are you referring to the writer or the comments? You claim my explanation suggests that if an Igbo man is in a place without Igbo girls around, he'll go back home to get an Igbo girl. Certainly. Kindly note that my comment does not take into account the meeting place of the couple, or where the guy stumbles on his Igbo girl-friend, for the first time. It refers to the ethnic background of the couple. Most of the Igba nku ceremonies that you see, hardly take place in the city or the towns where the couple or their parents, reside. It takes place back in the East. It has happened repeatedly in my community & nothing has occurred yet, to change this fact. In fact, a pastor once preached against it, by asking why the Igbo brothers in church preferred to engage in this practice. 

Donzman:

Mine suggests that if an Igbo man is in a place without Igbo girls, he'll marry the ones he find around him but if he's in a place with Igbo girls (which is often the case), he'll calmly marry the Igbo girl instead of those from other groups.

Thank you for pointing out this fact. Maybe now, we can advise all the Yoruba girls who are currently dating Igbo men in areas that also boast of a sizeable Igbo population, NOT to waste their time, since an Igbo man will still calmly pick one of the Igbo girls around him to marry, at the end of the day. Thank you once again, for verifying this issue. So going by your analysis, those wondering why we cannot see more Igbo guy/Yoruba girl marriages, should stop searching for an answer!

You suggest that if an Igbo man is in a place without Igbo girls, he'll marry the non-Igbo ones he finds around him. I beg to disagree. If he is in a place without Igbo girls, then he often asks his people from home to get him a wife from their area, or he asks his fellow Igbo friends to introduce him to any marriageable woman they know in any other town, from their ethnic group.

Even sons of professors do it. So if you do not, kindly do not assume that the next Obiora, Amechi, Okeke or Ikemefuna does not think along the same lines.

Donzman:

That's trash. I'm from Oraifite, only one of my uncles is married to someone from Oraifite. Before you go screaming out, Oraifite and Nnewi are brother/sister towns. "Ada eji eje mba" has nothing to do with where the daughter marries, it's basically a daughter you can be proud of. A daughter you can proudly give away in marriage to someone from another community in marriage without fear she'll soil the family name there. Infact if anything it implies your willingless to give away your daughter in marriage to a man from another community.

I agree that "Ada eji eje mba" means a daughter that you can be proud of anywhere. Usually, this pride in their daughters explains why they do not wish to let her go too far away from her community, with a stranger. The few who may probably be disposed to "give her out in marriage to a man from another community", will often prefer that such a community would be one close to their own, in language and/or customs, at least. Do you get it?

Finally, am sorry to disappoint you. No one is screaming out. If only one of your uncles married from Nnnewi/Oraifite axis, it doesn't mean that all the uncles of all the other inhabitants of those communities, did the same. Ikenna's uncle or Chukwudi's family, may not have done the same. So don't wave your uncle's act as a defence. I have enough relatives from the East & I have seen too much of this practice going on around me. I simply do not understand why you are getting defensive about it & trying to brandish epithets like cultural familiarity, to cover it up.

Donzman:

What does this have to say about Igbo guys not marrying Yoruba girls? Is it that Yoruba girls are not feeling the love from Igbo guys or are you saying that Igbo guys do not propose to Yoruba girls?. . .I don't get it!

You asked "are you saying that Igbo guys do not propose to Yoruba girls?" My answer is YES, many of them do not propose to Yoruba girls. They may wine them, date them, bed them, yes, but marry them? Hardly. But the reverse is often the case with Yoruba guys. A Yoruba guy would still chase, date & marry an Igbo girl, if he wishes, despite the large number of Yoruba women in his neighbourhood, cultural familiarity or not! Same cannot be said of Igbo men!

If that doesn't fall in line with your thoughts, there is nothing anyone can do about it!

You used the word "Silly"? This is the 2nd time you have done that, in this thread. Are you referring to the writer or the comments?

The comment was silly, I do not know you enough to call you silly YET!

Most of the Igba nku ceremonies that you see, hardly take place in the city or the towns where the couple or their parents, reside. It takes place back in the East. It has happened repeatedly in my community & nothing has occurred yet, to change this fact. In fact, a pastor once preached against it, by asking why the Igbo brothers in church preferred to engage in this practice.

Your pastor is IGNORANT, sorry to say. Igba Nkwu is meant to be done at the girl's father's native home, that is the significance of it all. It is not reasonable to do it in the city, then the practice will just be like another wedding.

I agree that "Ada eji eje mba" means a daughter that you can be proud of anywhere. Usually, this pride in their daughters explains why they do not wish to let her go too far away from her community, with a stranger. The few who may probably be disposed to "give her out in marriage to a man from another community", will often prefer that such a community would be one close to their own, in language and/or customs, at least. Do you get it?

My grandma is not from my grandpa's hometown, my mother is not from my father's hometown. Infact, Igbos rarely marry within their local community because chances are you're marrying your sister!!

If only one of your uncles married from Nnnewi/Oraifite axis, it doesn't mean that all the uncles of all the other inhabitants of those communities, did the same. Ikenna's uncle or Chukwudi's family, may not have done the same. So don't wave your uncle's act as a defence. I have enough relatives from the East & I have seen too much of this practice going on around me. I simply do not understand why you are getting defensive about it & trying to brandish epithets like cultural familiarity, to cover it up.

You should say the same thing to yourself, just because Ikenna's unlce married from their community, that does not mean every Igbo marry from their own community. Funny how you can think up a logic but cannot apply it to your own argument.

You have relatives in the East, I was born and bred in the East, go figure how you know much more than I do.

You asked "are you saying that Igbo guys do not propose to Yoruba girls?" My answer is YES, many of them do not propose to Yoruba girls. They may wine them, date them, bed them, yes, but marry them? Hardly. But the reverse is often the case with Yoruba guys. A Yoruba guy would still chase, date & marry an Igbo girl, if he wishes, despite the large number of Yoruba women in his neighbourhood, cultural familiarity or not! Same cannot be said of Igbo men!

Maybe it has more to do with the Yoruba girls than the Igbo guys?. . .Just a question!

Donzman:

The comment was silly, I do not know you enough to call you silly YET!

You do not know most of the people on this forum, but you have called them names on other threads. You do not have to know a person to insult them. Grow up!

Donzman:

Your pastor is IGNORANT, sorry to say. Igba Nkwu is meant to be done at the girl's father's native home, that is the significance of it all. It is not reasonable to do it in the city, then the practice will just be like another wedding.

Pray tell, what makes the pastor ignorant? He observed a particular trend among the Igbo men in his church & he commented on it? Is it a crime for a pastor to speak about what he has noticed among his members? Is that your definition of ignorant? And why is it not reasonable to do the[i] Igba nku [/i] in the city? Please enlighten us. In what way would holding it in the city, make it just be like another wedding, to use your own words? I have attended several Igba nku ceremonies in the East o, and this your definition get as e be! There was nothing extra-ordinary about them, that couldn't successfully have been replicated in the city o.

Donzman:

My grandma is not from my grandpa's hometown, my mother is not from my father's hometown. Infact, Igbos rarely marry within their local community because chances are you're marrying your sister!!

Yeah, your grandparents are from different hometowns, but I bet they are both Igbo, not an inter-ethnic couple. Kindly cast your mind back. The question was why don't  we see more of Igbo guy/Yoruba girl relationships, not why don't we see more of Igbo guy/Igbo girl relationships. Can you recall? Good.

As for saying that Igbo people rarely marry within their own community, first, you would need to define exactly what you mean by community.  Are we referring to their immediate village, local govt. area or state? You have chosen to restrict your own definition of community to just the hometown. I know several Igbo families whose parents are from the same hometown or local govt. area, so please note that your argument does not hold water! Kindly speak for yourself when it comes to this issue, because you sure ain't speaking for all the other Igbo people I know. And many of them would disagree with your analysis in this area. One of them would be my next-door neighbour who hails from Anambra State. Her mother refused outrightly, when her elder brother wanted to marry an Imo state girl. And that was just two years ago in 2005! She stressed the fact that he must marry from their state, even if he couldn't marry from their local govt. area! And that is just one example out of all the others that I have seen. Several Igbo people have commented on this issue. What I don't get, is your persistent flair for playing the ostrich.

Kindly understand, that 'your own reality', is different from the next person's reality & you cannot force the next man to super-impose your own version of reality, upon his own.

Donzman:

You should say the same thing to yourself, just because Ikenna's unlce married from their community, that does not mean every Igbo marry from their own community. Funny how you can think up a logic but cannot apply it to your own argument.

Oh, you want to turn the argument around? Then, you would be contradicting yourself, m'sieur! One could also apply the same line of reasoning to your grand-parents marriage & to other issues you have raised here. Just because you claim some Igbo people do not marry from within their own community, does not mean there aren't several other Igbo folks who have gotten married within their own respective communities. Simple.

Donzman:

You have relatives in the East, I was born and bred in the East, go figure how you know much more than I do.

I have also visited the East on several occasions. So am not a stranger to that region. Going by your posts here, what you know about the reality on ground however, is really little. But I may be wrong. You may just be trying to do a revisionist exercise, here. You know what the oyinbos would call, "seeing black and calling it white. "

Donzman:

Maybe it has more to do with the Yoruba girls than the Igbo guys?. . .Just a question!

Nah! I have seen too many Yoruba girls who were left heart-broken, when their Igbo dates turned round to dump them, citing cultural differences as an excuse, before going to marry girls who hail from the East! So that point you are trying to make, doesn't hold water! I always ask those girls, did you hide the fact that you were Yoruba from the Igbo man, when he started dating you? The answer is always NO. So why did he come up with that excuse, at the last minute? No one knows. Usually, it happens after the guy's family intervenes with their own objections. The man now back-pedals and the rest as they say, is history!

Kindly read babyosisi's post no. 68 in the thread "Why must Nigerians abroad marry other Nigerians". I feel it also applies to this issue of why we do not see more Igbo guy/Yoruba girl marriages, even though her remarks were addressed to an African-American poster. It puts it a whole lot better, than I ever could.
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-9127.64.html

babyosisi:
This young man's parents have several fears.
1. They fear you will take their son away from them and being that you are of a different nationality,that you may actually take him far far away.

2.They fear that it would be easy for you to leave the marriage when the going gets tough due to the history of divorce.

3.They fear that their lineage will lose it's Nigerianess and Igboness being that you are not Nigerian.

In her third point, one could substitute the last word 'Nigerian' for Igbo, in order to get a clearer picture.

But I don't expect you to see the truth in these statements, because to you, the fault must always lie with the other party, not the man.

One last word: In your previous posts, you acknowledged the Igbo man's penchant for marrying from his own ethnic background. That would be the cause for the fewer Igbo guy/Yoruba girl marriages that exist. What did you call it now? Ah, yes I remember, cultural familiarity! According to you Donzman, an Igbo man would first go for an Igbo girl wherever he resides, before dating a non-Igbo from another tribe. So Yoruba girls are not the ones to blame. Look in the direction of the Igbo men. Stop contradicting yourself, by now saying maybe it has more to do with the Yoruba girls, than the Igbo guys. In what way? Or have you proposed to any Yoruba girl & she turned you down, saying she didn't like your tribe?

Am out. Feel free to continue this thread, from your own constricted perspective. Peace.

I was exhausted with the whole back and forth thing anyway but I'll correct some of your misconceptions.

One of them would be my next-door neighbour who hails from Anambra State. Her mother refused outrightly, when her elder brother wanted to marry an Imo state girl. And that was just two years ago in 2005! She stressed the fact that he must marry from their state, even if he couldn't marry from their local govt. area! And that is just one example out of all the others that I have seen. Several Igbo people have commented on this issue. What I don't get, is your persistent flair for playing the ostrich.

My grandma is not only not from Anambra state, she's from Delta state. My aunt who is about 60 is married to a man from Igbo state. Another one of my aunts is married to a man from Abia State while another one is married to a man from Enugu state.

When I speak, I speak from the perspective of someone who has lived among Igbos all his life. Not someone like you who has had Igbo friends here and there.

Igba Nkwu is a traditional thing and is done at the girl's native village, that is why you cannot do it in the city! Your pastor should have inquired as to why they go back East to do the Igba Nkwu instead of speaking without inquiry. You don't think the people doing the marriage thing do not think they can save money just doing it in Lagos?

Just because you claim some Igbo people do not marry from within their own community, does not mean there aren't several other Igbo folks who have gotten married within their own respective communities. Simple.

First off, community means immediate village and I never said that Igbos do not marry within their communities, I said RARELY. You can start a thread and ask Igbos here whether both their parents are from the same village, that might give you an idea.

I have also visited the East on several occasions. So am not a stranger to that region. Going by your posts here, what you know about the reality on ground however, is really little

Yeah you visited occasionally,I LIVED there and all my relatives are from there, that explains why you know more than I do!!

your previous posts, you acknowledged the Igbo man's penchant for marrying from his own ethnic background. That would be the cause for the fewer Igbo guy/Yoruba girl marriages that exist. What did you call it now? Ah, yes I remember, cultural familiarity! According to you Donzman, an Igbo man would first go for an Igbo girl wherever he resides, before dating a non-Igbo from another tribe.

Last I checked, I was talking about PREFERENCES!

So Yoruba girls are not the ones to blame. Look in the direction of the Igbo men. Stop contradicting yourself, by now saying maybe it has more to do with the Yoruba girls, than the Igbo guys. In what way? Or have you proposed to any Yoruba girl & she turned you down, saying she didn't like your tribe?

Maybe the Yoruba girls do not send out the "MARRIAGE" vibe to the Igbo men?. . .You'll be indeed stupid to assume that marriage is all about the man proposing. One has to feel attached enough with someone to even propose.

You can keep going but let it be known there are more explanations than the beer parlour discussion you've been dishing out.

well let me put my own input here. Marriages in Igbo land is changing now that people tend to marry outside their villages. You used Nnewi as an example sum point. I am from nnewi, i mean 100 percent. My parents r both from nnewi, my grandparents from both side except my dad's mom who is 4rom Oraifite which is a working distance from my own part of da village. I must correct u perhaphs that marrying an nnewi person is fading now. Even my parents generation, it has changed. I have uncles and aunties who marriedppl from Enugu-ukwu, Imo, Enugu State, Cross River and even Yoruba. Why people prefer to marry from the same town itz because of Culture. If u study the cultues in Nnnewi and itz enviornments like OZUBULU, ORAIFITE, NENI, Nnobi,  AMICHI, ICHI, its is very similar igf not the same and even dialect. My point now is that it is changing in our generation. After visiting Nnewi last xmas (nnewi is a commerical town now i did say) so people 4rom ova come 2 reside there, I noticed that Nnewi girls marry more non-nnewi people now because most of Nnewi guys are abraod and alot of nnewi girls are abroad and choose their own husbands. You statment about 1st daugthers marrying from their town is also fading. My elder sista is married to an Obosi man. The husband's elder sista is married to an Nnewi man and the other one to a yoruba man.

If you ask me, I would love to maary an Anambra person if not an nnewi sef because of cultural differenes. It does matter. For example, my elder sista didnt do her traditional wedding because my mother never did hers but now she has done it, my elder sista is allowed to do it and this is different from other cultures and other things that comes with it.

I did advise not to generalize because I know alot of yoruba who said they will never date or marry an igbo guy, itz  matter of preference.

Donzman:

I was exhausted with the whole back and forth thing anyway but I'll correct some of your misconceptions.

Point of correction. They are not misconceptions. The points that I have raised are observations, made over a period of time & perspectives, that were formed by various events, which took place. Such observations have also been discussed with several other Igbo people, who have confirmed their knowledge of such issues & have also confirmed that their own observations tally with the topic under discussion. You have chosen to tag  it as a misconception. That's your own business.

Donzman:

My grandma is not only not from Anambra state, she's from Delta state. My aunt who is about 60 is married to a man from Igbo state. Another one of my aunts is married to a man from Abia State while another one is married to a man from Enugu state.

You have still NOT said anything new! Yeah, your grandparents are from different hometowns, but they are both Igbo, not an inter-ethnic couple. Abia, Enugu etc. are Igbo states, or have they become Yoruba districts? Kindly cast your mind back. The question was WHY DO WE NOT SEE MORE IGBO GUY/YORUBA GIRL RELATIONSHIPS? Not : "why do we not see more Igbo guy/Igbo girl relationships?"

Thank God, Ezinwanne has confirmed that her parents are both from Nnewi, so that must mean that mean my earlier observations had some truth in them, even though you have used your own family as an example, in an attempt to refute these facts.

At the risk of repeating myself, I must stress the fact that even if your own folks marry from other Igbo communities outside their own, it does not mean other Igbo families do not marry from within their own communities. So stop using your own immediate family as a standard for judging every other Igbo family.  

Donzman:

When I speak, I speak from the perspective of someone who has lived among Igbos all his life. Not someone like you who has had Igbo friends here and there.

Point of correction, again! I do not have Igbo friends here & there. I have Igbo cousins, relatives and friends. Cousins created by blood-ties. As for friends, over sixty-five percent of my friends are Igbo. And I have made several visits to the East. Unlike you, I do not use just my own terms of reference or perspective, as a sole yardstick for judging issues. Am on a continual quest for understanding, so whenever there is a cultural practice that I do not understand, I ask questions from those who hold the answers. I do not make bare assumptions like you do. One does not need to come from a community, to decipher their ways. Prof. Elizabeth Isichei is a foreigner who was once married to an Igbo man. Please check. Some of the most informative works on Igbo culture were written by her. She is still a lecturer in the University of Jos.

Donzman:

Igba Nkwu is a traditional thing and is done at the girl's native village, that is why you cannot do it in the city! Your pastor should have inquired as to why they go back East to do the Igba Nkwu instead of speaking without inquiry. You don't think the people doing the marriage thing do not think they can save money just doing it in Lagos?

Point taken! Does the fact that the Igba nku is done in the East not convey to an outsider, that the Igbo man has gone "home" to marry from his place? Go figure!

Donzman:

Maybe the Yoruba girls do not send out the "MARRIAGE" vibe to the Igbo men?. . .You'll be indeed stupid to assume that marriage is all about the man proposing. One has to feel attached enough with someone to even propose.

You can keep going but let it be known there are more explanations than the beer parlour discussion you've been dishing out.

Pray tell, in what way do Yoruba girls NOT give out marriage vibes? Kindly be more explicit o! Since you are an expert in this area, please share your knowledge with us. When I replied to one of your earlier posts, I stated that: "Nah! I have seen too many Yoruba girls who were left heart-broken, when their Igbo dates turned round to dump them, citing cultural differences as an excuse, before going to marry girls who hail from the East!" Some of these relationships lasted like 3, 5, 8 years or more o! I guess they needed all that time "to feel attached enough with someone" to even propose, abi? May God help us all!


I even know of one particular case, where an Igbo guy met a young Yoruba girl, while he was still a squatter in his friend's house. She was a student, back then. Without thinking about his lack of possesions, she dated him faithfully, sleeping on the floor with him, never making any kind of demands. Later, the good Lord improved his status, and he moved into a mini-flat. Not long after this, they seperated because she left school. A few years after, they got back together. The whole world was waiting for the guy to take her to the East & introduce her to his parents. His excuse? It was not the right time or he wasn't ready yet. By the time he was ready to marry, did he look in the direction of the Yoruba girl who had suffered deprivation with him faithfully? For where? He met an Anambra girl from his state, and in less than few months, he did the Igba nku in her place and they became man & wife. Till date, the Yoruba girl is still distrustful of this man. There are so many stories like this around us. In most African cultures, the men are the ones who propose. Maybe you want to turn things around by insisting that women should propose, since in your view one is  "indeed stupid to assume that marriage is all about the man proposing." Oh, so is it now about 'women' proposing?

So if in your view the Yoruba girls do not send out the "MARRIAGE" vibe to the Igbo men, pray tell, what was the Igbo man doing by chasing, toasting and dating them? Why was he having a relationship with them, that lasted for several months? Sometimes, these relationships last for years o!
Why don't the Igbo men just ignore the Yoruba girls & focus on dating strictly Igbo girls, in line with your cultural familiarity theory? Ah! I forgot,  they need to lead the Yoruba girls on a wild goose chase for that long period of time, in order "to feel attached enough" to even propose, in your own words. Kai!

Ezinwannem:

well let me put my own input here. Marriages in Igbo land is changing now that people tend to marry outside their villages. You used Nnewi as an example sum point. I am from nnewi, i mean 100 percent. My parents r both from nnewi, my grandparents from both side except my dad's mom who is 4rom Oraifite which is a working distance from my own part of da village. I must correct u perhaphs that marrying an nnewi person is fading now.

May God bless you for speaking the truth in such an articulate, straight-forward and respectful way! Some people like to pretend that such tendencies to marry from one's community do not exist or[i] rarely[/i] existed. Thanks for confirming the observations of many folks outside Alaigbo, by letting us know that inter-community marriages are common, and this trend is now gradually changing. Let us hope it will continue.

Ezinwannem:
Why people prefer to marry from the same town itz because of Culture. If u study the cultues in Nnnewi and itz enviornments like OZUBULU, ORAIFITE, NENI, Nnobi,  AMICHI, ICHI, its is very similar igf not the same and even dialect. My point now is that it is changing in our generation.

Again thanks for sharing this observation with us. It butresses the cultural familiarity theory of Donzman, which most non-Igbo folks observed a long time ago. Even though he said that it rarely occurs, and that people avoid marrying from their villages, in order to avoid marrying their sister. 

Ezinwannem:
If you ask me, I would love to maary an Anambra person if not an nnewi sef because of cultural differenes. It does matter. For example, my elder sista didnt do her traditional wedding because my mother never did hers but now she has done it, my elder sista is allowed to do it and this is different from other cultures and other things that comes with it.

You are entitled to your preference jare, my sista. Its' all good. Nice to know what you want & go for it, unlike some folks who will pretend till kingdom come, in an effort to be politically correct.

Ezinwannem:

I did advise not to generalize because I know alot of yoruba who said they will never date or marry an igbo guy, itz  matter of preference.

A Yoruba person who has said he or she will never marry an Igbo person, is highly unlikely to chase, date or have a romantic relationship, outside his or her own ethnic group. I have also seen some Igbo people who say they will never marry a Yoruba person! So you can see that it cuts both ways.

I know several people whose parents are both products of inter-ethnic marriages, but it would be unfair for them to think that all those from their own ethnic group, think the same way or are cast from the same mould, like Donzman often does.

well 10x 4 ur input. What Dozy said about people moving away from marrying from their communtiy as they are likely to be related is very true. Last xmas I was at Nnewi, I knew how many families that I was told that i will neva be able to marry in my village although we are not blood related but itz a complicated thing

So my point is, it is both ways, everyone gat preference

Ezinwannem:

well 10x 4 your input. What Dozy said about people moving away from marrying from their communtiy as they are likely to be related is very true.

But it still doesn't stop people from marrying within their community, does it?

Ezinwannem:

Last xmas I was at Nnewi, I knew how many families that I was told that i will never be able to marry in my village although we are not blood related but itz a complicated thing

Erm, how is it complicated? Since there are no blood-ties with these families, why can't you marry from there? Please can you share some of the reasons with us?

Ezinwannem:

So my point is, it is both ways, everyone gat preference

Yeah, my sista, you are right!. Some people prefer to call this preference, "cultural familiarity." Tee-hee-hee!

Donzman:

Maybe the Yoruba girls do not send out the "MARRIAGE" vibe to the Igbo men?. . .

What does this mean, Donzie? Why are they dating these women for many years if they feel that way about them?

It is complicated in such a way that i cant expalin it or even remember what it was they said it is but gat 2 do with da UMUNNA-KINSMEN, trust me, Nnewi tradition is just 2 complex therefore, it is now hard for someone 2 marry 4rom his/her village

I know this yoruba lady that told me she was 17 when a married yoruba man of 40 with children in Nigeria uses all whatever in his possition to lured her into having children and practically demonstrated readiness to have her as the second wive. Having manage to immigrate into Europe she still turn down most of my Ibo friends (well to do single guys) that attracted to her (with excuses that she need time to think) only to start dating another Yoruba man that has a wife with children back home in Nigeria.

She will be coming for help from me, something a boyfriend should be doing for a woman.

Someone should really explain to me the root of this Yorubas or Ibos Tribalism? I am confused.

well gurl, tribalism is as a result of diff. ethnic groups in Nigeria