victorazy:


And you'll come and marry her.

Oga,why are you being offensive like a Rottweiler on attack mode?
Lol!
I understand not!
Why are you reacting like a female king cobra disturbed at her nest while incubating her eggs?
Who offended you this morning?
Don't take it out on me,Abeg!
Look for the source of your frustration and vent your anger there.

1. Fake story.

2. OP is a guy.

3. Enjoy the drama. Living with a Bible-thumping Christian man who respects others like himself is boring.

Roger3D:
God hates divorce

So she should remain stuck till he infects her with an incurable STD or beats her to death or seriously injures her.
If it were to be your sister, would you tell her this " God hates divorce"

Thats the reality. Anyone can find a good wife or good husband weather you're bad person or a good Person. Your personalities doesn't determine that you'll find a good wife or good husband. Its a matter of luck.

Augustine2244:

Lol! Wahala! That means only God can help us in choosing life partners.

Diamond1605:


Maybe you should come and stay with him and see what I’m talking about

My darling sister, unfortunately you cannot help your husband. It will only get worse( from experience). If he would change it will be through his personal decision and conscious effort. I am sorry no one(outside God ) can help him.
In situations like this you have to consider your safety,the safety of your children. Trust me you wont like your son to grow to be like his father(this is the example he is seeing). And you wont like your daughter to see this example as a good man she should be with when she is of a marriageable age. No matter the age of your children, they understand what is going on.
If you have a supportive family please explain explicitly to them what is going on. I think you need a good source of income and then consider separation (not necessarily divorce). As time goes on you will know what next to do.
What do tou think will become of your children if anything bad happens to you ? Think about them and do the right thing

Kukutente23:

I don't get Alfa
I thought Islam allows one to beat his wife
He's also allowed to marry another, even a 10 year old so what's your issue with what's on ground
The man seems like a good Muslim IMO

Does Islam allow Colo?

Islam forbids Colo! It is Christianity that says it is not what you eat that defiles you but what comes out from you!

So the OP is a Christian family!

Colomental!

My dear your life is in danger, that man needs to be taken to a rehabilitation center for some time to cure his drug abuse and that will also help for the cheating part, if that is not done hmmmm you and your kids will be harm some day after he has taken his kolos. Beside what does he do for a living.

Madam you might not agree with some point here but pls and make use of the point you think is good for u.

1. You are really a good woman, just like my wife and i pray for her everyday, i will pray for you too.
2. You must be one of the ladies that is not from this generation, coz, values for marital homes still up there.
3. Most successful homes you see, the women are the reason behind it just like you said he cheats and you are still in the mirriage, believe me if the opposite is the case that marriage will end within a day.
4. Continue to be supportive, but i don't advise you to stay if he is beating you, most physical abuse sometimes end in death.

On your own part
1. Are you doing what he wants? remember been a good woman's does not keep a most women in marriage, what keep them is doing what the man wants.

2. Is there an area he want you to adjust? have you had convo with him? what does he really wants?

3. Are you dependent on him for everything? is he seeing that you are not adding value to the marriage? there must be a reason why some men do somethings.

I have been married for 11yrs, i have never cheated on my wife, infact i detest cheating, i am not a fan of second wife, despite been a Muslim and have the resources to take another wife, i just believe that what ever you are looking for outside is well available in you with your wife, but that does not mean we don't have issues that sometimes makes me think cheating is the solution, all i do is to have a H-H discussion with her and we sort out the issues and cap it wit happy ending. Most men don't value good women, they take them to be weak, but i can tell you that is just a matter of time for such men to realize and make amend and become the best man you ever wish for yourself.

Pls, i will advise you stay strong, but if you are my daughter, drugs, cheating and physical abuse is a NO for me.

[quote author=Diamond1605 post=131217011][/quote]
Pls keep putting in ur best my dear sister, pray for him more and to change ur approach to him. U know adult can not be changed just try ur to take another approach to handle the matter. God help u more. Victory at last amen

I can advise a woman to stay with a man that cheats if she so want to, note that I don’t support cheating but when a man lay his hands on his woman it’s a no for me and I advise the marriage should be resolve if it continues

I do support what you just said here. Probably she's over dependent on the man. Maybe too lazy, staying unkempt or untidy like a village grandma while your husband looks fit and sweet. Probably she's not the ambitious type, while your husband is building himself, upgrading for better future, the wife just lay about fat and dirty in the house finding excuses as a married woman and too busy to even clean herself up and be presentable. Some women turn so unreasonable about their life after getting married, some just assumed that's the trophy of life been married. They turned toxic to the spouses family, revelling in an unkempt house, untidiness, unkempt looks and some even smell so bad plus not having a life, solely depending on the man to the extent of asking everything to even money for toothpaste or if there is anything lesser to buy as a family.
Let us hear from the man too or she should come out sincere and give us the real pictures of happening in the house.

I presumed that this woman drives him, frustrated him into taking drugs. He was a good man and still a good man you said. I believe he wasn't like this before you married. Now, you have scattered his life with your terrible habits, attitude and lack lustre lifestyle. I ain't judging you but I believe the major fault is from you until your husband story is brought here sincerely.

Some Women can frustrate a good man to the extent of committing suicide, taking drugs etc .
.




makes

Michelle55:
Which good man beats his wife at every slight provocation or have we suddenly lost the meaning of a good man?

Why are you covering his ass when he doesn't value you?

Are you fully dependent on him? All I see is a dependent woman making excuses for an abusive adult.

No one asked you to cheat on him so you don't have to bring that into the topic, real men don't beat their women or cheat in their faces so please stop misusing the term "a good man" it's a slap to those real and good men out there.

Is it until he beats you to death that you would find your square root?

Besides, all I see here is a woman trying to be heroic. What happens to his side of the story? Everyone is a Saint in their story until we hear the full gist.

He beats you, calls you names yet you are still there. Omo the story no clear because in this time and age that domestic is frowned on you are still there making excuses.
The Lord is your strength 💪!!!

[quote author=Diamond1605 post=131217011][/quote]
He beats you but love you, what kind of definition of love is that? You might be suffering from Stockholm syndrome.

Double0h7:
Be very clean, stay quiet, wear red pant and bra to bed and satisfy him very well! You have a good man and good men are scarce nowadays so hold on tight to your good man. Continue to endure and one day you will be rewarded with a long marriage, your own family and the glorious title of Mrs so and so! Just hold on!

If she were to be your sister or daughter, can you give her such advice?

A man who loves you and yet he beats u, "you're un serious", a man who you hits you and call u names at a slightest mistake and you love him, "you're mad", ok why are you scared?, u want to be the next dat people will here, u think u will make him change dnt worry abi mercy chiwo be her name abi, i no knw her name again, she stil dey pray 4 grave, nd d bastard minister in dunamics, hes escaped prison,

First of, remove the word I Don't Know How To Cheat in your vocabulary, that doesn't make the pain of what's happening to you disappear - Well, unfortunately here in this clime, we only rely on prayers, i am not saying it's bad, but have you thought of therapy and other means to help him recover? Especially with this his new habit of smoking colorado, that thing can lead him down more into the rabbit hole.

I wish there was more i could do to help you at this point.

How many years have you been married, and how many kids do you have together?
Just curious.

I don't know if you can see this

Just know that you are making him to have "option"

The same mistake my mum did that landed I and my siblings in this perpetual STAGNANT life

But I am winning and rewriting the story

If not she did everything to see us through school, I would have forever blamed her

If you hear my story, your husband is a saint

What am I saying ?
The earlier you leave him , the better for you and your kids , he will know that he doesn't have "option" , you are nursing that addiction and bad behaviour

They will NEVER change

How long have you tried and it didn't work out

My mum tried for 30 good years , nothing come out

You have tried
From your write-ups no one will blame you even his family

I wish we can talk more on this (you can reach out)

Augustine2244:

Why not divorce him?
Since you know he's chronically womanising.
Or are you waiting till the day he infects you with HPV a virus that causes cervical cancer in women and penis cancer in men; or HIV or any of these other terribly nasty STDS?
Madam,you have tried your best and since he refused to change, divorce him.
You should have noticed negative traits in him before you married him.
This is exactly why courtship is very important for intending couples, because it gives ample opportunity to study your partner well and know the type of person he or she is.
No matter how long the mask is worn,it must drop to reveal the real person.
Moreover no man who genuinely loves his wife will cheat on her, not with one woman but multiple women.
And you say he loves you?
Lol!
Madam, stop making EXCUSES for your husband and take your life back.
This habit of making excuses in women is exactly why many of them are often beaten to death or seriously maimed in abusive marriages and relationships.
It's only a tree that is informed of its imminent death and it still remains standing.
Madam, you are not a tree.
Good luck.

YOU HAVE REALLY HIT THE NAIL ON ITS HEAD. LEFT FOR THE OP TO USE HER BRAIN... IF SJE DOESNT WANT TO DIVORCE AS YOU'VE ADVICE, LET HER SEPARATE FROM HIM...

[quote author=Diamond1605 post=131217011][/quote]

See op, let me tell you, if you don't leave that toxic marriage, it may end your life.

If you keep waiting for him to change, he will change after loosing your enemy to death and not you.

If you keep waiting for him to change, he will change after remarrying another wife maybe after your enemy is dead.

I have a sister, her toxic marriage killed her.
Her story is just similar to yours... Tho she had two boys ...

Everyone in the family told her to separate from her husband eve if she hate divorce but she insisted. The husband later realised that he had lost a precious gem after killing his wife...

A good man indeed.

Is that what you want your kids to grow up and become?

You make bad choices and expect it to become good because of addiction.

It's not how you feel, but the consequences of your association is the true measure of value in any relationship.

Right now , you are sad but telling yourself your are on Disneyland.

It's call self deception.

I wish I could tell you more. But let start with the Truth.

Kobojunkiee:
Are you some sort of zombie?

"we are all matured here, you don’t have to insult me or my husband before you pass your point across" if after reading this and you still went ahead to do what you did then you really need to ask yourself who the zombie really is.

[quote author=Diamond1605 post=131217011][/quote]

1. He beats you
2. Verbally abuses you
3. Uses drugs

My dear, only God can change this man. And God changes people who have love for Him. Your marriage is only going to get worse. Separate now.

Kobojunkiee:
You think cheating on him is the only solution in this situation that is why I asked if you are even a human being at all.

thank u for these ....she thought is about cheating ...u are talking about a ddrug addict here that is violent .... beating u join and Las Las na good man what is there definition of A GOOD MAN ... She stated changing him ....did that man ask for help ....has he realized he needs help .... Madam have u thought about your life and that of the children .... someone on drugs ..what if he rapes ur kids ...what he stabbed them ... U are covering for him ...u did not report to ur family ...for how long ..... covering him up so as his children not to know...but ma believe me they will grow and see it but get ready make one of ur children no dey on drugs or abused by their father ..... U love a man more than ur life and that of children .....

don't worry madam one day God 🙏 will touch his mind and heart. Just keep on praying don't give up on God .

[quote author=Diamond1605 post=131217011][/quote]

Awww…such a sweet woman. Remain in the marriage, keep praying, and showing him love.
One day, when he eventually kills you or one of your kids you’ll learn that marriage is not a do or die affair.
Just imagine the bag of red flags you bagged as husband and I’m sure all these signs were evident during dating but “he’ll change when we get married and have kids”. You’re not even asking for help on how to escape and be self sufficient..you’re asking for how to help the man to CHANGE. you’re a foolish woman and please, that is not an insult..it’s a description (one of your qualities)

Abeg carry this your rubbish story away from here jare😡

Double0h7:
Be very clean, stay quiet, wear red pant and bra to bed and satisfy him very well! You have a good man and good men are scarce nowadays so hold on tight to your good man. Continue to endure and one day you will be rewarded with a long marriage, your own family and the glorious title of Mrs so and so! Just hold on!

Diamond1605:
I don’t have friends to talk to, I can’t talk to my family about it because it means I’m putting my husband out.

My wife don't also have friends maybe just one or two and her family but the bastard put me out there at every opportunity.
For this sole reason, I pray your husband turn a new leaf and enjoy your marriage without stress.

[quote author=AngelicBeing post=131219211]Lol at enjoy beating as a sign of love, Hahaha

Double0h7:
Be very clean, stay quiet, wear red pant and bra to bed and satisfy him very well! You have a good man and good men are scarce nowadays so hold on tight to your good man. Continue to endure and one day you will be rewarded with a long marriage, your own family and the glorious title of Mrs so and so! Just hold on!

Odedo

Drugs related challenges take time to go away. keep praying for him and you also get close to God, he will sort it out. I am a living testimony of the highest addiction, Today i am building businesses all over and living my best Life with zero addiction except water. I also love God very much. I can join NSPPD to start with. Good Luck & Gods Grace

Diamond1605:


I never for once thought of cheating on my husband. Something I did not do when I was single, why will I want to do it now?

Its the beating part I don't like ... If you dont jave a razor mouth ... Give him space small cus beating Everytime fit enter death for any of you ... People that even smokes igbo sef I can't stay with them not to talk colorado ....
Am very sure he has been living like this before you met him.... Character that takes years to build no just dey fly away ooo... Even some stopped a year and still come back ... Give space before somebody die ooo... Involve your family ooo

Pls, continue praying for him, but, at thesame time, tell his parents about his beating you up, and the fact that you want to take a break before he harms you or your children, discuss this with him and assure him you are doing it to safeguard your life and that of your kids, and not that you want to jump into another relationship, it is dangerous especially for the woman if the husband is a woman beater and worse if he is also a cheat, carry his family along in this decision, so they'll know your true intentions. Your absence in his home might help make him come to his senses. And if it happens that he chooses to destroy himself, so be it, but, not with you and your kids. I hope your prayers prevails

Good morning Madam. Pray to God to really help you because from this statements alone: My husband is a good man, he cares for me and the kids. I know he loves us but I’m tired of his cheating ways.

He beats me at any slight provocation, calls me names like stupid, useless, a person without life. I have caught him cheating numerous times and the painful thing is I can’t cheat on him because it is irritating and I love him, you seem to have the wrong perception of who love is. Yes I used who because God is love. Would God or someone who has the essence of God in him or her hurt you purposely every now and then and if unknowingly not find a way to refrain after he/she has been made aware of such actions? No Ma. I once dated a narcissist woman(not saying your husband is) but I knew first hand that you can't change them, no amount of love given or what you do will ever change them. I went on quora and checked and read from victims, spiritual and psychological people who narcissist really are and was scared to the bone marrow. It was as if they had met her personally. So my dear pray and ask wise people for advice. I can't even proffer a solution, I had to hint you on the changing ish hence my reason for sharing my own pain because I had to cut the said narcissist out of my life after she discarded and kept on cheating with several people and acting like she wasn't doing anything wrong.