Several years ago, I and my dad were invited by Chief E to his home in Warri Delta state.

This individual was a very senior manager in Shell at the time and the reason for the invitation was to get me a job in Shell with his connections. I had never asked him for help before and was very confident about my future at the time, I was also a 20-year-old young adult with strong optimism about the future and harbored no fear whatsoever.

chief E and my dad attended the same primary school, were very close throughout secondary school, intact, they would always play together after school and most of the time, my dad would be in their house, I am sure you must have had a friend like that growing up.
Their family house was directly opposite my dad's in those days and they were best of friends.
Chief E later attended DMGS Onitsha where he had all round distinction, proceeded to the University of London, and graduated with a first class in engineering. He was retained by Shell London where he rose to a senior manager position after working for 30 years. He was later seconded to Shell in Warri and at this point, he remembered my dad, his old childhood friend, and decided to reach out to help any of my dad's kids.

My dad on his part could not attend university as he was caught up in a domestic dispute involving his parent, he took the side of his mother and his dad stopped sponsoring his education, my dad later dropped out after the death of his dad, got married and started having kids. Over the years, my dad broke contact with his best friend, and communication was lost.

Now back to the present, we got the news about Chief E's invitation and desire to help and I got excited. 20yr old me was already seeing myself as a staff of Shell already and could not hide my excitement.
Me and my dad started preparation in earnest for the trip and on D day.

We boarded a bus at the Jibowu park in Lagos early in the morning and were at Warri in the evening, grabbed a taxi, got to Shell gate in a couple of minutes, and informed security we had come to see Chief E, a call was placed and after about 20 mins, a driver came to collect us from the gate, o boy, the AC inside the SUV was chilling Koko I nor go lie.

We were driven inside the quarters and got to the house. I loved the way those quarters were built, there were three living rooms, the first was where Chief E received visitors, the second parlor was for the kids, and the. The third parlor was for everyone including the servants.
The quarter was a bungalow and since it was getting late in the night we were offered dinner, my dad chatted with his friend late into the night, and when it was time to sleep, a double mattress was brought out and placed on the floor of the third parlor.

This was where the problems started.

My dad started grumbling, complaining why we had to sleep on a floor mattress in the third parlor, he was angry his friend did not offer a space in one of the bedrooms.

I had to shut him down and we got into a serious argument, my point was that of gratitude, I told my dad, that this man was not obliged to help and the mere fact that he reached out to us, we should be grateful.

Wetin later happened?

So a little bit about me, while growing up, I was very arrogant and hated asking anyone for help including my dad. I would rather die than to beg anyone for anything and I believed I would be successful without asking help of anyone.

Now back to the argument with my dad, I told my him we were clearly not in the same social cader with this man and the mere fact we were invited was enough for to show gratitude even if I did end up not getting the job. We ended up sleeping off into the night.

My philosophy in life has been never to depend on anyone for my happiness and success. At 20, I had read more than a thousand books and grown to be cocky and very sure of myself. I was sure of my future without help from anyone.

So the next day, I was informed by chief there was an opening for entry level engineers or engineering student and because he had heard I was into engineering in school and decided to give me a chance.

Indeed I was an engineering student but dropped out from the university two years prior, I hated the course and I told chief E I was taking ICAN and studying from home and also in a different university .

He offered me a contract position in Shell which I declined and I told him I will go finish my studies in Lagos and come back. Remember, I was always confident of my future even though my dad tried to persuade me the time to accept the offer.

Now, we had to leave and my dad told his friend " my children are not doing very well, if you know any big man that can help please"

To which the chief replied " I do not know any big man and laughed"

I opened my mouth in amazement when my dad made that statement, you are standing in front of a big man and still asking if he knew any big man.

It means he still saw chief E as an old friend and never acknowledged him a big man, this was a man that later became a deputy governor in Anambra state, a serious multi millionaire. He should have begged his friend for help desperately.

Now a seriouse lesson I want to point out with my story.

1. The fact that you attended school and played together with someone does not mean they cannot be greater than you in life. When someone you know or are closed with become very successful, acknowledge the fact that you guys are never on the same level again and be humble if you need to get any help from them.
Forget the time you guys were boys, forget that you were ever richer than him and learn to live with the reality of the moment, that your friend don pass you, plain and simple.

2.In life, the fact that we started out together does not mean we will all end in the same station in life. Some people you never expect will end up becoming more successful than you, your reaction should never be of envy.

3. You must acknowledge we live in a selfish world and remember to show gratitude when you are remembered by someone else.
I was very grateful to chief E irrespective of whether I got the job. Don't show anger to your benefactor and not have a sense of entitlement.

4. Believe in yourself and never give up.

Hmmmm following

Your Pman words and behavior that day must have pissed his friend

I guess he did not contact your dad back after that day

PJtech:
Hmmmm following

Your Pman words and behavior that day must have pissed his friend

I guess he did not contact your dad back after that day

He did not. Big men will not reach out, it was my dad duty to constantly reach out to him and my dad never did.

Unfortunately, the poor are more arrogant and proud than the rich.
A lot of people I know are like your dad. They’re in families and right in your neighbourhood.
Good narrative skill though.

Efuaye:
Unfortunately, the poor are more arrogant and proud than the rich.
A lot of people I know are like your dad. They’re in families and right in your neighborhood.
Good narrative skill though.

Thanks. They are too overwhelmed with their situations and very arrogant. This guy later built houses for many people and my dad never reached out to him again.

Sapasenator:


He did not. Big men will not reach out, it was my dad duty to constantly reach out to him and my dad never did.

That's what I'm saying... your dad should atleast reach out to him some couple of times

Ego no dey pay bills

PJtech:


That's what I'm saying... your dad should atleast reach out to him some couple of times

Ego no dey pay bills

You are right. Unfortunately, I seem to be like my dad. I never asked for help even from my dad. My elder bro was different, always asking for help and calling Cief E every time. There was a time he sent my bro a large sum of money.

Now back to the argument with my dad, I told him we were clearly not in the same social cader with this man and the mere fact we were invited was enough for to show gratitude even if I did end up not getting the job. We ended up sleeping off into the night.

My philosophy in life has been never to depend on anyone for my happiness and success. At 20, I had read more than a thousand books and grown to be cocky and very sure of myself. I was sure of my future without help from anyone.

Every blessed day humans rely on each other one way or the other to grow. Even in this same post it's clear.

After all these years, you still deeply don't understand why Dad acted that way. It wasn't because he was arrogant

RealityKings:

Every blessed day humans rely on each other one way or the other to grow. Even in this same post it's clear.

After all these years, you still deeply don't understand why Dad acted that way. It wasn't because he was arrogant

I think because he did not want to reach out to his childhood friend, he did not want to believe he has to beg for help from my.

Mind my grandfather was among the people that Sponsored this guy abroad. At some point growing up, my dad was doing way better than Chief financially.

I live by your principle too. I'd rather die than beg anyone for anything

It's not a good way to go about life, but somehow, I used to believe I could still find a way around it, even if I never asked for anyone's help

Ego will make u do unreasonable things and still make people rate u highly

DevilsEqual:
I live by your principle too. I'd rather die than beg anyone for anything

It's not a good way to go about life, but somehow, I used to believe I could still find a way around it, even if I never asked for anyone's help

Ego will make u do unreasonable things and still make people rate u highly

Mine was worse that as a teenager, I had to go do factory work at 14 rather than ask my dad for money.

Also, I never let anyone know if passing through any challenge as I alway believed I will figure out a way to solve my problems hence people around always believe I am ok all the time so they always come to me with their problems..

Sapasenator:


Mine was worse that as a teenager, I had to go do factory work at 14 rather than ask my dad for money.

Also, I never let anyone know if passing through any challenge as I alway believed I will figure out a way to solve my problems hence people around always believe I am ok all the time so they always come to me with their problems..

keep being good

Your dad might not be arrogant, but he don see say the street nor get memory.

Probably, when chief E was growing up, your dad took so many bullets for him, just to ensure he is okay…now that things has changed, your dad don’t expect him to lick his leg, before he comes through for him.

It’s quite painful that your dad childhood friend, couldn’t even at least prepare a nice bedroom for him, but have to sleep in the living room.

Mind you…your dad does not have an entitlement mentality, it’s just being painful to know that the street nor get memory.

You think your dad doesn’t have a way to source for his contact?? He has probably realized that this his friend is not willing to help…Just imagine for 30 years he was living abroad and couldn’t help his child friend to enjoy the good life with him…some friends sha.


As for me, I’ll never help a fool in this life again….because them go lose guard you when you needed them the most.

The only thing I know is, there is nothing sweeter than being productive, independent and self sufficient. Considering that I have also made it far without assistance from anyone, I will continue to push and stick to that lifestyle. Sometimes, I ask myself, how much could one possibly give me that will make an impact? Even if the richest person in the world was my former classmate, if I have no reason to reach out, I won't do so because I hate asslicking.

Back to the discussion, I don't agree to the submission that your dad was arrogant. I think he had dignity which most people mistake for arrogance. Someone like me would rather starve than beg for money or ask for favors. This is because I have realized that people respect armed robbers more than beggars. I hate "see finish".

There is nothing wrong in asking for help! Asking for help is far different from begging for help!

DevilsEqual:
I live by your principle too. I'd rather die than beg anyone for anything

It's not a good way to go about life, but somehow, I used to believe I could still find a way around it, even if I never asked for anyone's help

Ego will make u do unreasonable things and still make people rate u highly

You are just like your Dad! Somebody offered you a contract job and you turned it down! Then tell me why would you and your Dad embark on more than 8 hours journey, just for you to turn down the offer? Your pride and ego is just like your Dad's. A lot of us were working and going to universities! I told my inlaw I can not support him fully in University, he had to get a full time job and study part-time for his degree. A lot of us, studies like that

Sapasenator:


Mine was worse that as a teenager, I had to go do factory work at 14 rather than ask my dad for money.

Also, I never let anyone know if passing through any challenge as I alway believed I will figure out a way to solve my problems hence people around always believe I am ok all the time so they always come to me with their problems..

So, why would they waste their time and resources to travel from Lagos to Warri, if they were not willing to stoop to conquer?

We4all:
The only thing I know is, there is nothing sweeter than being productive, independent and self sufficient. Considering that I have also made it far without assistance from anyone, I will continue to push and stick to that lifestyle. Sometimes, I ask myself, how much could one possibly give me that will make an impact? Even if the richest person in the world was my former classmate, if I have no reason to reach out, I won't do so because I hate asslicking.

Back to the discussion, I don't agree to the submission that your dad was arrogant. I think he had dignity which most people mistake for arrogance. Someone like me would rather starve than beg for money or ask for favors. This is because I have realized that people respect armed robbers more than beggars. I hate "see finish".

bummyla:
So, why would they waste their time and resources to travel from Lagos to Warri, if they were not willing to stoop to conquer?

It depends on what you mean by "stoop to conquer" in this context. What could the OP's dad have done differently in order to conquer?

My Dad doesn't complain, he would have slept on that floor graciously and thanked him very well for his assistance.



My Boss will say, never turn down the money!


I wouldn't risk my life and my child's life from Lagos to Warri and let a trifle thing like sleeping on the floor mess up our bigger goal.


The goal is to get my son into shell and Chief E is a stepping stone. Nothing would have stopped us

We4all:


It depends on what you mean by "stoop to conquer" in this context. What could the OP's dad have done differently in order to conquer?

bummyla:
My Dad doesn't complain, he would have slept on that floor graciously and thanked him very well for his assistance.

My Boss will say, never turn down the money!
I wouldn't risk my life and my child's life from Lagos to Warri and let a trifle thing like sleeping on the floor mess up our bigger goal.


The goal is to get my son into shell and Chief E is a stepping stone. Nothing would have stopped us

No, It was not because of the incident concerning sleeping on the floor that made me decline the offer.

My dad wanted me to take the contract position but it will come at a cost of not continuing with my career path. I was writing my ICAN exam in Lagos and always had to travel for my degree.

I would have had to give up my degree and professional pursuit and would have regretted my actions in hindsight.

The trip was not dangerous but actually fun. It was a long time ago and our roads used to be safer.

A little but of background to the story, my dad's father was a very well to do man with houses and properties.

He married late and had my dad as the only son.

Now my granddad at a point wanted to marry a Kogi woman and madly in love at the time but his kinsmen refused and insisted he must marry from our town Awka.

He was kind of forced into marriage to my grandma, a woman he never liked and as we grew up realized she was a very bad woman.

Grandpa came to despise his wife so much that a bitter quarrel ensued. Around this time Chief E finished secondary school and needed financing to travel to the UK for his studies. My grandpa provided about 65% of the fund needed by chief E at the time and enabled him travel to UK for his studies.

Now kasala come broke out between old papy and his wife and my dad supported his mom against the father.
His father cut him off because of that that singular action and refused to contribute to the education of my dad henceforth. Infact, the hatred he had for his wife was transferred to my dad. Kinsmen had to intervene before he could sponsor his own son through secondary school. After high school, he stopped sponsoring my dad.

On his death bed, he started selling all his properties so my dad would not inherit anything that could be passed on to my grandma.

He sold a flat in Onitsha to the family of the then Atorney General, Clement Akpangbo, sold other houses, lands and made sure my dad had nothing. He gave all the money to his brothers and kinsmen before his death.
You see, in a way, my grandpa was partly responsible for the education of chief E in the UK reason why he was trying to reach out and help one of my fathers children.

I later changed my surname because of the actions of my grandfather. I refuse to bear the name of someone who could be so wicked to his only son.

RealityKings:

Every blessed day humans rely on each other one way or the other to grow. Even in this same post it's clear.

After all these years, you still deeply don't understand why Dad acted that way. It wasn't because he was arrogant

I honestly agree with you as I lost lots of opportunities in life over time because I was too arrogant to reach out for help or collaboration. I have now recognized this as an attitudinal flaws and working hard to make correction.

I am doing very well now but I believe I would have been better off had I reached out to others in the past.

We live to learn and make ammendment.

EreluRoz:
keep being good

Thanks for the compliment mon cherie

techgen:
Your dad might not be arrogant, but he don see say the street nor get memory.

Probably, when chief E was growing up, your dad took so many bullets for him, just to ensure he is okay…now that things has changed, your dad don’t expect him to lick his leg, before he comes through for him.

It’s quite painful that your dad childhood friend, couldn’t even at least prepare a nice bedroom for him, but have to sleep in the living room.

Mind you…your dad does not have an entitlement mentality, it’s just being painful to know that the street nor get memory.

You think your dad doesn’t have a way to source for his contact?? He has probably realized that this his friend is not willing to help…Just imagine for 30 years he was living abroad and couldn’t help his child friend to enjoy the good life with him…some friends sha.


As for me, I’ll never help a fool in this life again….because them go lose guard you when you needed them the most.

When the Civil war broke out, Chief E had an elder bro who was a student of UNN. The guy dropped out from the university and joined the Biafran army unbenown to the family. When his battalion was attacked my a mortar in the war, the elder bro was badly wounded and dying. It was my dad who discovered his location, contacted Chief E's family and the young guy was rescued. His two legs were later amputated and in later years, he was sent abroad for surgery. The family always credited my dad for saving the life of Chief E's elder bro.

Also my grandpa helped pay for the chief's education in the UK and he and my dad were very close, maybe the reason why my dad expected more from his old friend.

We4all:
The only thing I know is, there is nothing sweeter than being productive, independent and self sufficient. Considering that I have also made it far without assistance from anyone, I will continue to push and stick to that lifestyle. Sometimes, I ask myself, how much could one possibly give me that will make an impact? Even if the richest person in the world was my former classmate, if I have no reason to reach out, I won't do so because I hate asslicking.

Back to the discussion, I don't agree to the submission that your dad was arrogant. I think he had dignity which most people mistake for arrogance. Someone like me would rather starve than beg for money or ask for favors. This is because I have realized that people respect armed robbers more than beggars. I hate "see finish".

I agree with you. I life, I hate being indebted to others and I have had this philosophy since I was 10. We had a 4 months strike in my Js3 and I worked in a furniture company. At 14, I started working in construction so I would not ask my dad for money. At 15, I left my family to live in Lagos with a family friend so I could work in a furnace for a plate manufacturing company, Wahum. I became a chartered account at 21 and ACCA at 24, finished a part time degree which I paid for myself at 22.
Paid for my own MBA in Nigeria and masters abroad.

At 25, I was so desperate to travel abroad that I applied for Immigration to UK, Denmark, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and couple of other countries. Eventually left the country by myself without any help from anyone.

Sapasenator:

I honestly agree with you as I lost lots of opportunities in life over time because I was too arrogant to reach out for help or collaboration. I have now recognized this as an attitudinal flaws and working hard to make correction.

I am doing very well now but I believe I would have been better off had I reached out to others in the past.

We live to learn and make ammendment.

Its all in the past. Time changes alot of things
Its like a compas to set paths right

You see why I said the street don’t have memory.

Imagine he could fly his elder bro. out, which is not bad though. But could nor at least assist your dad to enjoy the better life.

It’s quite painful, my dad also have people like this, when he was growing up…he had people around him, whom he assisted greatly to become who they are today, because he was a big boy then. Where are they now?…them nor even send am, even some because of little issue turned it to enemity. And as for me, I won’t even dare ask any of them for help.

I don’t really know why most black people, tends to forget those who helped them when nobody was.

As it is rightly said “ Na God they help MuMu”

Sapasenator:


When the Civil war broke out, Chief E had an elder bro who was a student of UNN. The guy dropped out from the university and joined the Biafran army unbenown to the family. When his battalion was attacked my a mortar in the war, the elder bro was badly wounded and dying. It was my dad who discovered his location, contacted Chief E's family and the young guy was rescued. His two legs were later amputated and in later years, he was sent abroad for surgery. The family always credited my dad for saving the life of Chief E's elder bro.

Also my grandpa helped pay for the chief's education in the UK and he and my dad were very close, maybe the reason why my dad expected more from his old friend.

techgen:
You see why I said the street don’t have memory.

Imagine he could fly his elder bro. out, which is not bad though. But could nor at least assist your dad to enjoy the better life.

It’s quite painful, my dad also have people like this, when he was growing up…he had people around him, whom he assisted greatly to become who they are today, because he was a big boy then. Where are they now?…them nor even send am, even some because of little issue turned it to enemity. And as for me, I won’t even dare ask any of them for help.

I don’t really know why most black people, tends to forget those who helped them when nobody was.

As it is rightly said “ Na God they help MuMu”

I didn't actually depend on him and If he had not reached out I may not have contacted him

He seemed a very good person though.

Herein lies the reason your dad has refused to reach out to chief for any form of support...

Sapasenator:
A little but of background to the story, my dad's father was a very well to do man with houses and properties.

He married late and had my dad as the only son.

Now my granddad at a point wanted to marry a Kogi woman and madly in love at the time but his kinsmen refused and insisted he must marry from our town Awka.

He was kind of forced into marriage to my grandma, a woman he never liked and as we grew up realized she was a very bad woman.

Grandpa came to despise his wife so much that a bitter quarrel ensued. Around this time Chief E finished secondary school and needed financing to travel to the UK for his studies. My grandpa provided about 65% of the fund needed by chief E at the time and enabled him travel to UK for his studies.

Now kasala come broke out between old papy and his wife and my dad supported his mom against the father.
His father cut him off because of that that singular action and refused to contribute to the education of my dad henceforth. Infact, the hatred he had for his wife was transferred to my dad. Kinsmen had to intervene before he could sponsor his own son through secondary school. After high school, he stopped sponsoring my dad.

On his death bed, he started selling all his properties so my dad would not inherit anything that could be passed on to my grandma.

He sold a flat in Onitsha to the family of the then Atorney General, Clement Akpangbo, sold other houses, lands and made sure my dad had nothing. He gave all the money to his brothers and kinsmen before his death.
You see, in a way, my grandpa was partly responsible for the education of chief E in the UK reason why he was trying to reach out and help one of my fathers children.

I later changed my surname because of the actions of my grandfather. I refuse to bear the name of someone who could be so wicked to his only son.

@SapaSenator, I'd like to contact if you can help me get this.
Thanks.
https://www.nairaland.com/8177033/nigerians-living-austin-texas