MAKING A GOOD CHOICE WHEN CHOOSING A WIFE

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e., a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people).” [al-Noor 24:32 – interpretation of the meaning].

The head of the household must select a righteous and suitable wife based on the following conditions described in various ahaadeeth:

“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” (Agreed upon).

“This world is all temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this life is a righteous wife.” (Reported by Muslim, 1468).

“Let every one of you have a thankful heart, a remembering tongue [remembering Allaah] and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.” (Reported by Ahmad, 5/282, and al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah from Thawbaan. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5231).

According to another report: “A righteous wife to help you with your worldly and religious affairs is the best treasure anyone could have.” (Reported by al-Bayhaqi. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4285).

“Marry one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud before the other Prophets of your great numbers on the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by Ahmad. Saheeh al-Irwa’, 6/195).

“I advise you to marry virgins, for their wombs are more fresh, their mouths are more sweet and they are more content with little.” According to another report: “… and they are less likely to deceive.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah. Al-Silsilah al-Saheeh, 623).


Just as a righteous wife is one of the four elements of happiness, so a bad wife is one of the four elements of misery, as it says in the saheeh hadeeth: “One of (the elements of) happiness is a righteous wife, who when you see her you feel pleased, and when you are away, you feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property. And one of (the elements of) misery is a bad wife who when you see her, you feel upset, she keeps attacking you verbally, and when you are away, you do not feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property.”

On the other hand, it is also essential to look at the situation of the prospective husband who is proposing marriage to the Muslim woman, and to agree to his proposal in accordance with the following conditions:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religion and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or sister, etc.] to him, otherwise there will be fitnah and great corruption in the land.”

All of the above must be achieved through asking the right questions, verifying facts, gathering information and checking sources, so that the home will not be corrupted or destroyed.

The righteous man and righteous woman together will build a righteous home, because “the vegetation of a good land comes forth (easily) by the Permission of its Lord, and that which is bad, brings forth nothing but a little with difficulty…” [al-A’raaf 7:58 – interpretation of the meaning].

If one's wife is righteous, this is a blessing indeed, and this is from the Bounty of Allaah. If she is not that righteous, then it is the duty of the head of the household to strive to guide her. Any of the following scenarios may apply:

A man may marry a woman who is not religious in the first place, because he himself is not religious at first, or he may have married her in the hope of guiding her, or under pressure from his relatives, for example. In these cases he must strive hard to guide her.

A man must also realize from the outset that guidance comes from Allaah, and that Allaah is the One Who reforms people. One of His blessings to his slave Zakariya was, as He said (interpretation of the meaning): “… and [We] cured his wife for him…” [al-Anbiya’ 21:90]. This curing or reforming may have been physical or religious. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “She was barren and could not have children, then she had a child.” ‘Ataa’ said: “She was harsh of tongue, and Allaah reformed her.”

There are various means of guiding or reforming one’s wife, such as:

Paying attention to correcting her worship of Allaah in all its aspects, as will be discussed in detail below.
Striving to strengthen her eemaan, such as:
Encouraging her to pray at night (qiyaam al-layl)
Encouraging her to read Qur’aan
Encouraging her to memorize adhkaar and remember the appropriate times and occasions for saying them
Encouraging her to give charity
Encouraging her to read useful Islamic books
Encouraging her to listen to useful Islamic cassettes that can increase knowledge and strengthen eemaan – and continuing to supply her with them.
Choosing good, religious friends for her, with whom she can form ties of sisterhood and have good conversations and purposeful visits.
Protecting her from evil and blocking off all avenues for it to reach her, by keeping her away from bad companions and bad places.

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

MAKING THE HOME A PLACE FOR THE REMEMBRANCE OF ALLAAH

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The likeness of a house in which Allaah is remembered and the house in which Allaah is not remembered is that of the living and the dead, respectively.”

We must make our homes places where Allaah is remembered in all kinds of ways, whether in our hearts, verbally, during prayer, by reading Qur’aan, by discussing Islamic issues, or by reading different kinds of Islamic books.How many Muslim homes nowadays are dead because there is no remembrance of Allaah, as mentioned in the hadeeth. What must they be like when all that is heard therein is the music of Shaytaan with instruments and singing, and backbiting, slander and gossip?What must they be like when they are filled with evil and sin, such as the haraam mixing of the sexes and wanton display between relatives who are not mahram or with neighbours who enter the home?

How can the angels enter a home like this? Revive your homes with all kinds of dhikr, may Allaah have mercy on you!

What is meant is taking the home as a place of worship.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We inspired Moosa and his brother (saying): ‘Take dwellings for your people in Egypt, and make your dwellings as places for your worship, and perform al-salaah, and give glad tidings to the believers.’” [Yoonus 10:87].

Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “They were commanded to take their dwellings as places of prayer [lit. mosques].”
Ibn Katheer said: “This – and Allaah knows best – was because of the intensity of the tribulation that they were facing from Pharaoh and his people. They were commanded to pray much, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘O you who believe! Seek help with patience and prayer…’ [al-Baqarah 2:153], and as it was reported in the hadeeth that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), when he was distressed by something, would pray.”

This explains the importance of worshipping at home, especially at times when the Muslims are in a position of weakness, as happens in some places where the Muslims cannot pray openly in front of the kuffaar. In this context we may think of the mihraab of Maryam, which was her place of worship, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… Every time Zakariya entered the mihraab to visit her, he found her supplied with sustenance…” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:37]

The Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) used to be keen to pray at home – apart from the fard or obligatory prayers (which they prayed in congregation in the mosque) – and there is a moving story concerning this. Mahmood ibn al-Rabee’ al-Ansaari reported that ‘Utbaan ibn Maalik – who was one of the Companions of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and was one of the Ansaar who had been present at Badr – came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “I am losing my sight, and I lead my people in prayer. When it rains, the valley between me and them gets flooded and I cannot get to their mosque to lead them in prayer. O Messenger of Allaah, I would like you to come to come and pray in my house so that I can take it as a place for prayer.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “I will do that, in sha Allaah.” ‘Utbaan said: “The next day the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Abu Bakr came in the morning. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked for permission to enter, and I gave him permission. He did not sit down until he entered the house, then he said, ‘Where would you like me to pray in your house?’ I showed him a corner of the house, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up, said Takbeer, and we stood in a row behind him, and he prayed two rak’ahs and gave the salaam at the end of the prayer.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 1/519)

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

SPIRITUAL TRAINING FOR THE MEMBERS OF THE HOUSEHOLD

‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray qiyaam at night, and when he prayed witr he would say, ‘Get up and pray witr, O ‘Aa’ishah’” (Reported by Muslim, Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi, 6/23).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “May Allaah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses he throws water in her face.” (Reported by Ahmad and Abu Dawood. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3488).

Encouraging the women of one's household to give charity is another means of increasing faith. This is something very important which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged, when he said, “O women! Give in charity, for I have seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 1/405).

One of the new ideas is to have a box at home for donations to the poor and needy: whatever is put in the box belongs to them, because it is their vessel in the Muslim home. If the family members see an example among them fasting on al-Ayyaam al-Beed (the 13th, 14th and 15th of each Hijri month), Mondays and Thursdays, Taasoo’aa’ and ‘Aashooraa’ (the 9th and 10th of Muharram), ‘Arafaah, and frequently in Muharram and Sha’baan, this will be a motive for them to do likewise.

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

PAYING ATTENTION TO ADHKAAR AND SUNNAH DU’AA’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE HOME

Adkhaar for entering the home:

Muslim reported in his Saheeh that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When any one of you enters his home and mentions the Name of Allaah when he enters and when he eats, the Shaytaan says: ‘You have no place to stay and nothing to eat here.’ If he enters and does not mention the name of Allaah when he enters, [the Shaytaan] says, ‘You have a place to stay.’ If he does not mention the name of Allaah when he eats, [the Shaytaan says], ‘You have a place to stay and something to eat.’” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 3/346; Muslim, 3/1599).

Abu Dawood reported in his Sunan that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man goes out of his house and says, ‘Bismillaah, tawakkaltu ‘ala Allaah, laa hawla wa laa quwwata illaa Billaah (In the name of Allaah, I put my trust in Allaah, there is no help and no strength except in Allaah),’ it will be said to him, ‘This will take care of you, you are guided, you have what you need and you are protected.’ The Shaytaan will stay away from him, and another shaytaan will say to him, ‘What can you do with a man who is guided, provided for and protected?’” (Reported by Abu Dawood and al-Tirmidhi. Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 499)

Siwaak
Imaam Muslim reported in his Saheeh that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) entered his house, the first thing he would do was use siwaak.” (Reported by Muslim, Kitaab al-Tahaarah, chapter 15, no. 44).

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Tbaba1234,this is too much load,pls give us small small,may Allah reward you.

uplawal:

Tbaba1234,this is too much load,pls give us small small,may Allah reward you.

Jazaka Allahu Khair

CONTINUOUSLY RECITING SOORAT AL-BAQARAH IN THE HOUSE TO WARD OFF THE SHAYTAAN

There are a number of ahaadeeth concerning this, such as:
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not make your houses into graves. The Shaytaan flees from a house in which Soorat al-Baqarah is recited.” (Reported by Muslim, 1/539)

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Recite Soorat al-Baqarah in your houses, for the Shaytaan does not enter a house in which Soorat al-Baqarah is recited.” (Reported by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak. 1/561; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1170).

Concerning the virtues of the last two aayaat of this soorah, and the effect of reciting them in one’s house, he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah wrote a document two thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth, which is kept near the Throne, and He revealed two aayaat of it with which He concluded Soorat al-Baqarah. If they are recited in a house for three consecutive nights, the Shaytaan will not approach it.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 4/274, and others. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1799).

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

TEACHING THE FAMILY

This is an obligation which the head of the household must undertake, in obedience to the command of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones…” [al-Tahreem 66:6]. This aayah is the basic principle regarding the teaching and upbringing of one's family, and enjoining them to do what is good and forbidding them to do what is evil. There follow some of the comments of the mufassireen on this aayah, in so far as it pertains to the duties of the head of the household.

Qutaadah said: “He should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Him, and direct them in accordance with the commands of Allaah, and help them to do that.”

Dahhaak and Muqaatil said: “It is the Muslim’s duty to teach his family, including relatives and female slaves, what Allaah has enjoined upon them and what He has forbidden.”
‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Teach them and discipline them.”

Al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “We must teach our children and wives the religion and goodness, and whatever they need of good manners. If the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to urge the teaching of female servants, who were slaves, what do you think about your children and wives, who are free?”

Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his Saheeh: “Chapter: a man’s teaching his female slaves and wife.” Then he quoted the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “There are three who will have two rewards: … a man who has a female slave whom he teaches good manners and teaches her well, and teaches her knowledge, and teaches her well, then he frees her and marries her: he will have two rewards.”

Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this hadeeth: “The chapter heading refers specifically to female slaves, and to wives by analogy, i.e., teaching one’s free wife about her duties towards Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger is more clearly essential than teaching one's female slaves.”

In the midst of all a man’s activities, work and other commitments, he may forget to allow himself time for teaching his wife. One solution to this is to allocate some time for the family, and even for others such as relatives, to hold a study-circle at home. He can let everyone know the time and encourage them to come regularly, so that it will be an ongoing commitment for him and for them. Something similar happened at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Chapter: can the women be given a day exclusively for them to seek knowledge?” and quoted the hadeeth of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him): “The women said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The men always crowd us out and we cannot reach you, so set aside a day for us when we can come to you.’ So he set aside a day when he would meet them and teach them.”
Ibn Hajar said: “A similar report was narrated by Sahl ibn Abi Saalih from Abu Hurayrah, according to which [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] said: ‘Your appointment is in the house of so and so,’ and he came to them and spoke to them.’”

What we learn from this is that women should be taught in their houses, and we see how keen the women of the Sahaabah were to learn. Directing teaching efforts to men alone, and not to women, is a serious shortcoming on the part of dai’yahs and heads of households.

It is also important to teach women some of the ahkaam of fiqh, such as the rulings on tahaarah (purity) and menstrual and post-partum bleeding, salaah, zakaah, siyaam (fasting) and hajj, if she is able to go; some of the rulings on food and drink, clothing and adornment, the sunan al-fitrah, rulings on mahaarim (who is a mahram relative and who is not), rulings on singing and photography, and so on. Among the important sources of such information are the fatwas (rulings or edicts) of the scholars, such as the collections of fatwas by Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz and Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, and other scholars, whether they are written fatwas or fatwas recorded on tapes.

Another matter that may be included in a syllabus for teaching women and family members is reminding them of lessons or public lectures given by trustworthy scholars and seekers of knowledge which they can attend, so they can have a variety of excellent sources for learning. We should not forget either the radio programs of Idhaa’at al-Qur’aan al-Kareem; another means of teaching is reminding family members of the particular days when women can attend Islamic bookstores, and taking them there, within the guidelines of sharee’ah [i.e., proper hijaab, etc.]

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

START BUILDING AN ISLAMIC “LIBRARY” IN YOUR HOME

Another thing that will help in teaching your family and letting them develop a understanding of their religion and help them adhere to its rules, is having one’s own Islamic library at home. It does not have to be extensive; what matters is choosing good books, putting them in a place where they are readily accessible, and encouraging family members to read them.

You could put books in a clean and tidy corner of the living room, and in a suitable place in a bedroom or guest room; this will make it easy for any member of the family to read constantly.

In order to build a library properly – and Allaah loves things to be done properly – you should include references so that family members can research various matters and children can use them for their studies. You should also include books of varying levels, so that old and young, men and women can all use them. You should also have books for giving to guests, children’s friends and family visitors, but try to get books that are attractively presented, edited properly and with the sources and classification of the ahaadeeth properly given. You can make the most of Islamic bookstores and exhibitions to build a home library, after consulting and seeking advice from those who have experience in the field of books. One way in which you can help family members to find a book when they want it is to organize the books according to subject, with books of Tafseer on one shelf, books of hadeeth on another, fiqh on a third, and so on.

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

HOME AUDIO LIBRARY

Having a cassette player in every home may be used for good or for evil. How can we use it in a manner that is pleasing to Allaah?
One of the ways in which we can achieve this is to have a home audio library containing good Islamic tapes by scholars, fuqaha’, lecturers, khateebs and preachers.

Listening to tapes of Qur’aan recitation by some Imaams, for example those recorded during Taraaweeh prayers, will have a great impact on family members, whether by impressing upon them the meanings of the Revelation, or by helping them to memorize Qur’aan because of repeated listening. It will also protect them by letting them hear Qur’aanic recitation rather than the music and singing of the Shaytaan, because it is not right for the words of al-Rahmaan (Allaah) to be mixed with the music of the Shaytaan in the heart of the believer.

Tapes of fatwas may have a great effect on family members and help them to understand various rulings, which will have an impact on their daily lives. We suggest listening to tapes of fatwas given by scholars such as Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh Muhammad Naasir al-Deen al-Albaani, Shaykh Muhammad al-‘Uthaymeen, Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, and other trustworthy scholars.
Muslims must also pay attention to the sources from which they take fatwas, because this is the matter of religion, so look to where you take your religion from. You should take it from someone who is known to be righteous and pious, who bases his fatwas on sound ahaadeeth, who is not fanatical in his adherence to a madhhab, who follows sound evidence and adheres to a middle path without being either extreme or too lenient. Ask an expert. “… Allaah, Most Gracious: ask, then about Him of any acquainted (with such things).” [al-Furqaan 25:59 – interpretation of the meaning – Yusuf Ali’s translation].
Listening to lectures by those who are striving to raise the awareness of the ummah, establish proof and denounce evil, is very important for establishing individual personalities in the Muslim home.


There are many tapes and lectures, and the Muslim needs to know the features of the sound methodology so as to distinguish sound lecturers from others and look for their tapes, which they can listen to with confidence. Among these features are:
The lecturer should be a believer in the ‘aqeedah of the Saved Group, Ahl al-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa’ah, adhering to the Sunnah and firmly rejecting bid’ah. The speaker should be moderate, neither extremist nor lenient.
He should base his talks on sound ahaadeeth, and beware of weak and fabricated ahaadeeth.
He should have insight into people’s situations and the realities of the ummah, and should offer the appropriate remedy for any problem, giving the people what they need.
He should speak the truth as much as he can, and not utter falsehood or please the people by angering Allaah.
We often find that tapes for children have a great influence on them, whether by helping them to memorize Qur’aan by listening to a young reader, or du’aa’s to be recited at various times of day and night, or Islamic manners, or nasheeds (religious “songs” with no instrumental accompaniment) with a useful message, and so on.

Putting tapes in drawers in an organized fashion will make it easier to find them, and will also protect them from getting damaged or from being played with by young children. We should distribute good tapes by giving or lending them to others after listening to them. Having a recorder in the kitchen will be very useful for the lady of the house, and having a recorder in the bedroom will help a person make good use of time until the last moments of the day.

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

INVITING GOOD AND RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE AND SEEKERS OF KNOWLEDGE TO VISIT THE HOME

“My Lord! Forgive me, and my parents, and him who enters my home as a believer, and all the believing men and women…” [Nooh 71:28 – interpretation of the meaning].
If people of faith enter your home, it will increase in light (noor), and will bring many benefits because of your conversations and discussion with them. The bearer of musk will either give you some, or you will buy from him, or you will find that he has a pleasant scent. When children, brothers and parents sit with such visitors, and women listen from behind a curtain or screen to what is said, this offers an educational experience to all. If you bring good people into your home, by doing so you keep bad people from coming in a wreaking havoc.

Source: 40 RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE MUSLIM HOME by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

LEARNING THE ISLAMIC RULINGS WITH REGARD TO HOUSES

These include:

Praying in the house
With regard to men, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of prayer is a man’s prayer in his house – apart from the prescribed prayers.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, no. 731).

It is obligatory to pray (the five daily prayers) in the mosque, except if there is a valid excuse. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said: “A man’s voluntary prayers in his house will bring more reward than his voluntary prayers at other people’s places, just as his obligatory prayers with the people are better than his obligatory prayers alone.” (Reported by Ibn Abi Shaybah. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2953).

With regard to women, the deeper inside her home her place of prayer is, the better, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best prayer for women is [that offered] in the furthest part of their houses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3311).

A man should not be led in prayer in his own home, and no one should sit in the place where the master of the house usually sits, except with his permission. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man should not be led in prayer in his place of authority, and no one should sit in his place in his house, except with his permission.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2772). I.e., no one should go forward to lead him in prayer, even if they recite Qur’aan better than he does, in a place that he owns or where he has authority, such as a householder in his home, or an imaam in a mosque. Similarly, it is not permitted to sit in the private spot of the head of the master of the house, such as a bed or mattress, etc., except with his permission.

tbaba1234: MAKING A GOOD CHOICE WHEN CHOOSING A WIFE



The head of the household must select a righteous and suitable wife based on the following conditions described in various ahaadeeth:

[i]“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” (Agreed upon).

Love does not count in islamic homes. No wonder they are full of hate and almajirism.

Logic Mind:

Love does not count in islamic homes. No wonder they are full of hate and almajirism.

i guess u have a problem comprehending small word like MAY

Seeking permission to enter

“O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them, that is better for you, in order that you may remember. And if you find no one therein, still, enter not until permission has been given. And if you are asked to go back, go back, for it is purer for you. And Allaah is All-Knower of what you do.” [al-Noor 24:27-28 – interpretation of the meaning].

“… so enter houses through their proper doors…” [al-Baqarah 2:189 – interpretation of the meaning].

It is permissible to enter houses that are empty if one has some legitimate business there, such as a house prepared for guests. “There is no sin on you that you enter (without taking permission) houses uninhabited (i.e., not possessed by anybody), (when) you have any interest in them. And Allaah has knowledge of what you reveal and what you conceal.” [al-Noor 24:29 – interpretation of the meaning].

Not feeling too shy to eat in the houses of friends and relatives, and in houses of friends and relatives and others to which one has the keys, if they have no objection to that. “There is no restriction on the blind, nor any restriction on the lame, nor any restriction on the sick, nor on yourselves, if you eat from your houses, or the houses of your fathers, or the houses of your mothers, or the houses of your brothers, or the houses of your sisters, or the houses of your father’s brothers, or the houses of your father’s sisters, or the houses of your mother’s brothers, or the houses of your mother’s sisters, or (from that) whereof you hold keys, or (from the house) of a friend. No sin on you whether you eat together or apart…” [al-Noor 24:61].

Telling children and servants not to barge in to the parents’ bedroom without permission at the times when people usually sleep, i.e., before Fajr, at siesta time and after ‘Isha’, lest they see something inappropriate. If they see something accidentally at other times, this is forgivable, because they are tawwaafeen (those who go about in the house) and it is difficult to stop them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Let your legal slaves and slave-girls, and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions: before Fajr prayer, and while you put off your clothes for the noonday (rest), and after the ‘Isha prayer. (These) three times are of privacy for you; other than these times there is no sin on you or on them to move about, - attending (helping) you each other. Thus Allaah makes clear the aayaat (verses of this Qur’aan, showing proofs for the legal aspects of permission for visits, etc.) to you. And Allaah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.” [al-Noor 24:57].

It is forbidden to look into the houses of other people without their permission. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever looks into someone’s house without their permission, put his eyes out, and there is no diyah or qisaas [blood money or retaliation] in this case.” (Reported by Ahmad, al-Musnad, 2/385; Saheeh al-Jaami, 6046).

A woman who has been divorced by talaaq for a first or second time [and could still go back to her husband] should not leave or be made to leave her home during the ‘iddah, and she should still be supported financially. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O Prophet! When you divorce women, divorce them at their ‘iddah (prescribed periods), and count (accurately) their ‘iddah (periods). And fear Allaah your Lord (O Muslims), and turn them not out of their (husband’s) homes, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open illegal sexual intercourse. And those are the set limits of Allaah. And whoever transgresses the set limits of Allaah, then indeed he has wronged himself. You (the one who divorces his wife) know not, it may be that Allaah will afterward bring some new thing to pass (i.e., to return her back to you, if this as the first or second divorce).” [al-Talaaq 65:1]

It is permissible for a man to forsake his rebellious wife inside or outside the home, according to the interests prescribed by sharee’ah in any given case. The evidence for forsaking her inside the home is the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “… refuse to share their beds…” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]. With regard to forsaking women outside the home, this is what happened when the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forsook his wives, leaving them in their apartments and staying in a room outside the houses of his wives. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Kitaab al-Talaaq, Baab fi’l-Eelaa’).

One should not stay alone overnight in the house. Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade being alone and said that a man should not stay overnight alone or travel alone. (Reported by Ahmad in al-Musnad, 2/91). This is because of the feelings of loneliness etc., that come from being alone, and also because of the possibility of attacks by enemies or robbers, or the possibility of sickness. If one has a companion, he can help fight off attacks, and can help if one gets sick. (See al-Fath al-Rabbaani, 5/64).

Not sleeping on the roof of a house that has no protecting wall, lest one fall. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever sleeps on the roof of a house that has no protecting wall, nobody is responsible for what happens to him.” (Reported by Abu Dawood, al-Sunan, no. 5041; Saheeh al-Jaami, 6113; its commentary is in ‘Awn al-Ma’bood, 13/384). This is because one who is asleep may roll over in his sleep, and if there is no wall he may fall off the roof and be killed. In such a case, nobody would be to blame for his death; or his negligence would cause Allaah to lift His protection from him, because he did not take the necessary precautions. The hadeeth may mean either.

Pet cats do not make vessels naajis (impure) if they drink from them, or make food naajis if they eat from it. ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Qutaadah reported from his father that water was put out for him to make wudoo’, and a cat came and lapped at the water. He took the water and did wudoo’ with it, and they said, “O Abu Qutaadah! The cat drank from it.” He said, I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Cats are part of the household, and they are among those who go around in your houses.” (Reported by Ahmad in al-Musnad, 5/309; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3694). According to another report he said: “They [cats] are not naajis; they are among those who go around [al-tawwaafeen wa’l-tawwaafaat – refers to children, servants, etc.] in your houses.” (Reported by Ahmad in al-Musnad, 5/309; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2437).

CREATING OPPORTUNITIES FOR MEETINGS TO DISCUSS FAMILY MATTERS

“… and who (conduct) their affairs by mutual consultation…” [al-Shoora 42:38 – interpretation of the meaning]. This is a time when the family members can sit together in a suitable place to talk about issues within and without the family that affect them. This is a sign of strong ties, interaction and cooperation within the family. No doubt the man is the one whom Allaah has appointed to be in charge of his “flock’s” affairs and he is primarily responsible and is the decision maker, but giving room to others to contribute – especially when the children get older – is good training for them to learn to bear responsibility, as well as giving everyone the confidence of knowing that his or her opinion is valued when they are asked to express their points of view. Examples of this are discussions concerning going for Hajj or for ‘Umrah during Ramadaan, and other trips, travelling to visit relatives and uphold family ties, or for vacations; organizing wedding parties and ‘aqeeqahs for newborns; moving from one home to another; and charitable projects such as finding out about the poor people in one's neighbourhood so the family can offer help or send food to them. Families can also discuss problems faced by themselves or by relatives, and talk about how to solve them, and so on… It is worth pointing out here that there is another important kind of family meeting, which is holding frank discussions between parents and children. Some of the problems of adolescence can only by solved by one-on-one conversations between parents and children, where a father talks, calmly and quietly, with his son about matters that have to do with the problems of youth and the Islamic rulings pertaining to adolescence, and a mother talks to her daughter and tells her what she needs to know about Islamic rulings and helps her to solve the problems that she may face at this age. The father or mother may open the discussion with words such as “When I was your age…” This will have a great effect in making what they say acceptable to the youngster. Lack of such frank discussions will force the children to talk to bad companions, which leads to so many other evils.

NOT SHOWING FAMILY CONFLICTS IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN

It is rare for people to live together under one roof without any arguments, but reconciliation is better and correcting oneself is a virtue. What shakes the unity of the family and harms its infrastructure is when conflicts are brought out into the open before the members of the family, who then split into two or more opposing camps, not to mention the psychological harm that is done to children, especially little ones. Think about a home where the father says to the child, “Do not speak to your mother,” and the mother says to him, “Do not speak to your father.” The child is confused and filled with turmoil, and the entire family lives in an atmosphere of hostility. We should try to avoid conflict, but if it happens, we should try to hide it. We ask Allaah to create love between our hearts.

NOT LETTING INTO THE HOUSE ANYONE WHOSE COMMITMENT TO ISLAM IS NOT PLEASING TO YOU

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The likeness of a bad companion is like the one who works the bellows” (from a report narrated by Abu Dawood, 4829). According to a report narrated by al-Bukhaari, he said, “the one who works the bellows will burn your house or your clothes, or you will smell a bad odour from him.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 4/323). Indeed, he will burn your home with all kinds of corruption and evil. How often has the entry of corrupt and suspicious people into a home been the cause of enmity among the family members, or of division between husband and wife. Allaah curses the one who turns a wife against her husband, or a husband against his wife, or causes enmity between a father and his children. This is how sihr (magic, witchcraft) is brought into people’s homes, why things are sometimes stolen, and why so often morals are corrupted: it is because a person whose commitment to Islam is no good is admitted into the home. We must not let such people in, even if they are neighbours, men or women, and even if they appear to be friendly. Some people keep quiet out of embarrassment, and if they see such a person at the door, they let him in, even though they know this is one of the corrupt people. In this matter, women bear a great deal of responsibility. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, which day is most sacred? Which day is most sacred? Which day is most sacred?” They said, “The greatest day of Hajj.” Then he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Friday khutbah on that day: “Your rights over your women are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your beds whom you dislike, or allow anyone into your homes whom you dislike.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1163, and other from ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7880).

Muslim women, you should not feel upset if your husband or father does not let one of the female neighbours into the house because he sees that she is trying to cause trouble. Be smart and be strong if someone tries to make comparisons between her husband and yours, lest that pushes you to demand things from your husband that he cannot afford. It is also your obligation to advise your husband if you notice that he has close friends who are making evil appear attractive to him.

Advice to men: try to be at home as much as you can, because the guardian’s presence at home keeps things under control and enables him to supervise the upbringing of the family and to put things right by watching and following up. For some people, the basic thing is to be always outside of the home, and only if they cannot find some place to go do they come home. This is wrong. If a man is constantly going out for purposes of worship, he must still strike a balance; if he is going out for the purposes of sin and wasting time, or because he is too busy with matters of this world, he must reduce his work and business commitments, and put an end to idle meetings. And how evil are those people who neglect their families and stay in nightclubs…! We do not want to fall in with the plans of the enemies of Allaah; we can learn a lot from the following paragraph of the minutes of the French Eastern Masonic lodge held in 1923:

For the purpose of separating the individual from his family, you must eliminate morals at their root, because people are inclined to cut off their family ties and do things that are forbidden, they prefer to chat idly in cafés rather than carry out their duties towards their families

BEING STRICT IN ADHERING TO A SCHEDULE FOR MEALS AND BEDTIME

Some houses are like hotels where the people who live there hardly know one another and hardly ever meet.
Some children eat whenever they want and sleep whenever they want, which leads to them staying up late and wasting their time, or eating on a full stomach. This chaos leads to a weakening of family ties and a waste of time and energy, and exacerbates the lack of discipline among family members. You could excuse those who have legitimate reasons, because students, male and female, may have different times of leaving schools and universities, and those who are employed or who run stores do not have the same work schedules, but still there is nothing nicer than a family gathering together at the table and making the most of this opportunity to ask how everyone is and to discuss useful topics. The head of the household has to be strict in setting a time for everyone to be back home, and in insisting that everyone asks permission before going out, especially those who are young, whether in terms of chronological age or mental age, as it were, for whom one might have fears.
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