Nigerian singles in the US need to get together and quit fighting each other. A lot of Nigerians are doing well but are scared of each other, just because of ugly experiences of the past. It is about time, Nigerians quit bringing each other down and find something good in one another. Nigerian men are looking elsewhere (Americans, Caucasians, home etc)  just to get to the Nigerian females and the females are getting older before they find a partner. The negativity is becoming overwhelming and something needs to done fast,  i pray for God's mercy and peace. What do you think?

you have a point there.
What's your status?

I'm not available if thats what you mean, but i think we have a lot of eligible single men and women out there. Thanks for asking.

You're not eligible meaning what? Are you married? To a Nigerian? If you are not married then you are eligible. You are in need of handsome men like, um, me.

you're welcome!.
so why are you worried? got a friend or sis who's growing past marriage?

Anyway sha; some of them no longer know the word be SUBMISSIVE to you husband.
No man wants another boss at home

No i don't have any. i thought is ok to raise a topic, does it have to be personal ? It will be nice to be more open minded, this is just an open forum for discussion not combat war. Thanks

is something wrong with asking questions?
i am sure you did not read my posting on the topic.

It's real! _{you fit get am self} you gurls like to fight a man at the slightest provaction _{like you just did}
But i m

I don't know about the US, Chi-chi, but in the UK, Nigerian men are the ones to avoid. They're just out to tap that a**. Besides, u don't necessarily have to marry a Nigerian; Love(if u believe in it) knows no race or country. 

To the dude with the one-track-general-purpose mind: i don't believe some people still dwell in that old age bullsh*t of women are bossy/not submissive. Whatever!

Sweetmina:

I don't know about the US, Chi-chi, but in the UK, Nigerian men are the ones to avoid. They're just out to tap that a**. Besides, u don't necessarily have to marry a Nigerian; Love(if u believe in it) knows no race or country. 

To the dude with the one-track-general-purpose mind: i don't believe some people still dwell in that old age bullsh*t of women are bossy/not submissive. Whatever!

I don't totally agree with you, Nigerian men in the UK are not that bad, it depends on who you mingle with(your cycle of Friends). I personally believe if ladies go to the clubs to meet men they are bound to pick up the wrong type and send out the wrong messages by so doing. I have high hopes in our Nigerian men, there are nice professional, gentle natured Nigeria men out here. Not all of them are fraudulent and cheat on their partners.

And, yes you don't necessarily have to marry a Nigerian man, but some of us are attracted to just Nigerian men and to have to be attracted to someone before you can fall in love with them(story of my life). And i repeat, if you keep comming across the bad type, that should send a clear massage to you that you need to change your location, cycle of friend and maybe your hobbies.

kajad:

you're welcome!.
so why are you worried? got a friend or sis who's growing past marriage?

Anyway sha; some of them no longer know the word be SUBMISSIVE to you husband.
No man wants another boss at home

If submissiveness is all you require in a  partner, then you should go back to the cave men era, just a whack on the head and she will be all yours. oh, before i forget the futuristic term for that would be a chauvinist!!!

@ chi-chi

Well, i agree w/ desiree. I live in the US and down in here in TX it's all love in the Nigerian (and then greater African) community. At least among the younger generation. At the top/popular Universities in TX they're A(frican) S(tudents) A(ssc) and these groups are mating, uh, I mean, MEETing grounds for friends and lovers, uh, I mean, spouses.

But, my cousins live in the North and so, so, many NAIJAs, too many, are in the closet about being "African Booty Scratchers", please excuse the phrase. And so, when they see other "ABS"s they "hate" on them as a way of exinguishing the stigma from themselves. This is how I rationalize the behavior anyway.

Of course some negativity DOES exist down here. (It's really hard when your a minority w/in a minority and ppl hate on you for no reason. ) But I've found that if you surround yourself w/ good ppl it's hard to see t/o all their goodness. In TX, there are so many Nigerians doing it BIG and some many others that just love to support them! May I ask, where do you live?

, Desiree So you dont want to be submissive to your husband or whatWhat the heck is this world turning into?,before you know we would start walking with our heads .

Why we have a lot of single nigerian women here is the cultural thing. most Nigerian men value respect and want their wives to worship them like in nigeria. Most nigerian women will prefer to date a "good" nigerian man which they dont see everyday due to the nature of their jobs,
Also america is a whole diffrent society, the society demands a lot from each individual due to capitalism and equality. But nigerian men dont see it that way. The man should pay all the bills like in nigeria but if they do that, they will get broke. Its a capitalist nation. If the woman makes more than he makes, its another issue. But if the partners can torelate the new society they belong in to come extent, then life will be good for all

@ Desiree
The word submissive make you freak out. For your information a lot of men will agree with me. Perhaps the capitalist nature of the us as @ Lager 20 said contributed to low premium being given this issue. Besides that submissiveness does not mean servitude. After I read you on this issue I tried to find out what these word “wife be submissive to your husband and man cherish your wife” really means. In summary the Pocket Oxford Dictionary defined

Submissive: adj. Humble, obedient.

Cherish: v. protect or tender lovingly. 2 hold dear, cling to (hopes, feelings, etc)

Tell me if this is practiced don’t you think things may work out better. Why is it that a lot of marriages in the US don’t work out? Have you thought about it?

A woman should not be required to be obedient to her husband, because she is not a child or a school student. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and not a dictatorship-obedienceship. And the bible says that both men and women should submit themselves to one another, anyway, so if you want to follow the bible make sure you also submit to your wife.

Every woman has the right to be whatever she wants to be …Submissive…, Supportive…abrasive … dismissive …, whatever. @ Desiree even called me a chauvinist.
The thread is the solution to brothers not marrying sisters. Simple!
I have given mine; you can agree, disagree or be neutral.
The problem is real!
If you have no opinion

@kajad
okay Hun, you made your point. Mine was, being submissive is not "all" that makes a woman "good".  A woman could be submissive and in the back-drop of that be your worst nightmare. A woman being submissive does necessarily mean she knows how to run the home, bring up her children, doesn't mean she respects you, loves you or supports you in the ways required to achieve a long lasting marriage, all she does is "obey" your "orders". I don't know about you, but there are far greater qualities a brother would appreciate in a woman than her being "obedient" and "humble" , for me that sounds like what you would expect from an employee, a maid, a business associate but certainly not a wife.

PS: didn't call you a chauvinist at least not explicitly.

@Desiree

Thanks for making chauvinism esoteric; I m relived! Now, I agree with you that submissiveness is not all that makes woman. All other things you mentioned are equally very important. But take this from a man that speaks with concern, I have asked same question chi-chi asked. The answer form the men’s perspective is mostly on the issue of submissiveness. The word usually used as description is “when you talk one them go talk two.” You may wish to help me use a more appropriate single English word to capture what I m saying.

@ Desiree

Thanks for the advice. But its not just about who you hang out with or where you go. So where's the right circle? church? I'm a Christian but you see, a high percentage of 'brothers' in church have a hidden agenda too. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean all Nigerian men. This is my point, if Nigerian men in the US or UK can't appreciate Nigerian women, are we still obliged to chill for them?

@ Kajad
No offence, but i still don't agree with you. A relationship is a two-way street, especially in this day and age. The media encourages independence, free will and even 'singleness' (for lack of a more appropriate word). The economy makes women work as hard, sometimes even harder than men. You have to clarify to me why I still have to be 'obedient' to you when we're both going through the same system and there's good reasons why i should not conform.
Traditional theories are fast disappearing in the wake of westernization. Obedience is overrated; if it is to satisfy your male ego, you might as well forget it. Think about this; most non-African women don't know what the word means. Our women have more respect for the instituton of marriage - which is preceded by a successful base(relationship)

@Sweetmina

its simple!
If you love your man, you will be obedient to him, honour him, cherish him and listen to him and HELP him when he is going wrong. Thats why women were created, to be the HELPER(spinal cord) and not the HEAD.
"he married you, you didn't marry him."
who bought the ring? Who proposed? and lastly, Who is the head of that family you two have created?




NOTE: forget about cases where the woman bought the ring and proposed. lets face the real thing here.

@sweetmina
no offence taken. In the light of a new knowledge I will always take a new position even if it conflicts with what I have done or said in the past. We can exchange ideas without being offensive.

Now, Larger 20 did mention some of what you said. I agree that the economy makes it necessary for women to work and sometime even harder. And anyone who make contribution to the up keep of a home also has a veto power abi? However, African (Nigerian) men are not western men even if you put them in the west. The have expectation that may be different from the western men. A Nigerian man think marriage as a life long affair, western men may not.

Sisters may be westernized; but men (except those born and raised there) know they will want to go back home some day. I think its better to marry oyibo knowing she is oyibo than to marry a sister that is oyibo.

If I may digress a little; why is divorce rate high in the west?

can i know what you are up to? are u hooked or still searching ?
what mode of application will work out for the elligible single ladies out there?
cos the bible says " it is not good for a man or woman to be alone"

@ Lesfrosty

Indeed, if you love your man, you will do all this things. But on the other hand, he has to appreciate me for these things, he can't just 'expect' me to be obedient - like he has a right to it. At the end of the day, I'm human and I deserve equal respect. I definately don't want to be the head or run the home.

@ Kajad

As per the rate of divorce, could it be because one party is unwilling to compromise (decision making and all), or perhaps one takes the other for granted? But then again, you said 'the West'. Divorce rate is on the increase in Nigeria too. Not counting those who are staunchly against the idea and bear a nightmare 'for the sake of their children'.

Point is, give me a good reason, treat me fairly along the way, don't act like you're my boss or a god. It's an agreement, I have a right to pull out. And i definately don't always have to be the one to compromise. But I might chose to stay and live a sham- either way, my happiness is at stake. I don't think I'm asking for too much.

A woman should not be required to be obedient to her husband, because she is not a child or a school student. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and not a dictatorship-obedienceship. And the bible says that both men and women should submit themselves to one another, anyway, so if you want to follow the bible make sure you also submit to your wife.

Seun,

I agree with you in your above post.

Marriage is a two way thing. Women doesn't have problem with respecting in as much as they are respected, valued and given the required attention by their husbands. Submission comes naturally to every reasonable woman if she feels love from the husband.

Gone are the days of our fathers when women were subject to the kitchen, bearing and rearing of children. Now the responsibilities of women have included that of men. So the full submission and attention given to our fathers by their wives in those days cannot be given to the men of this generation.

It pains and brings out the other part (stuborn part) of women of this generation when a man exact and command total submission - and this is one of the reasons of the high rate of divorce in this generation.

For me oh, Hunsbands and wives should see themselves, as mate (equals), friends (Helpful to each other, sharing daily experiences with love and sincerity), mother and father (respecting each other as you would respect your mother or father).

Hi chi chi
dis is sunny 4rm nigeria,i just joined dis site and i went on searching 4 a friend and i got u as one. i will like us to be friends dats if u allow us to be.hope 2 hear 4rm u soon
Sunny

do unto others as you would have others do unto you, is the summation of a happy marriage. period. give to each other what you expect to get in return, for you are a mirror unto yourselves.

stilllord, Thanks for your interest in being my friend. I hope that i will impact your life in a positive way. Remain blessed

Hi everyone. It is nice to see we all have something to say about this issue of marriage. No matter how you look at it someone is hurting in one area or another. I am in the medical field and i see how some Caucasians (not to say they are better than us) stick by their spouses even to the point of death. We are beginning to get our priorities mixed up; love is now a stranger, we either marry for one reason or the other. I don't blame the women for wanting security but i blame some for being over ambitious. At the same time i don't blame the men for wanting women with good careers because they need help with bills in the US but i blame some for not wanting to go to school or succeed in their careers and when a woman turns them down they come up with "she wants to marry a doctor, lawyer , or an already made man". The bible says that God made the man the provider for the household while the wife is the helper and the one that bears the burden of child birth. In recent time, especially in the western world 2 incomes make a home. The single most important thing when looking for a life partner is GOD, seek God's hand. You may marry the richest man and still be very empty and unhappy, at the same time you may marry the most beautiful lady and God forbid, something happens and she is no longer beautiful, what do you do? If you seek the hand of God you see beauty in everything, that doesn't mean you will not encounter challenges but in all things you share peace, happiness, tolerance, patience and above all LOVE.

not too good

I'm not so sure Rosby knows what the bible says. Probably I should refer you to the bible passage you miss quoted. Ephesians 5:22-28. And it says "

22: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23: For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24: Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26: to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27: and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28: In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

For Linguists and non-linguists, I dont think it will be hard to decipher what is expected of both sexes from the bible reference stated.

For non-believers, If you want peace give peace, Let me even ask our females. If you have a boss (male or female) would disrespect or disobey orders given you by your boss?

They may be single but not eligible for marriage at all.


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