Dear nairalander, i do not know how to say (complain) about things but please just read my story the way its written and advice me, be that as it may the situation was more worse than i did reported
Three years ago, i met a girl in church, actually she followed me up as a new convert. We became very close exchanging ideas and feelings/pressure/ experience at work place or with friends at this point intimacy set in, so i opted for it to move to the next level.
At this point, she became her real self and exhibited some behaviors that was not palatable with me,which i have posted on this forum and was advised on the panacea to tackle it and it worked . She is relatively nice and brought me good luck even though we were always having differences and regularly been settled by her uncle
Moreso, i proposed to her and went to ph, nigeria to see her parent, i was accepted (the first time) and when i came with my parents(the second time)after series of prosponement from her father, the family unfriendly,harshly and unwavering turns our dowry payment down and gave us a condition to go buy everything on the list that they are not ready to negotiate it in monetary terms. Sameday, my parent travelled back from ph and i was still in the hotel room , when she visited me in the hotel room, she was accusing my parents of not understading the culture, i narrated all the events to her, we she was obviously not told the truth and she was cunny which is her way though
I then told her to fix her parents and paliate my parents anger of the dissappointment/embarrasmnet on them, but from all indication i feel she loves me but her parents do not and she cant approach her father and i don't know if she knows why the father turn it down and i don't see the zeal in her to remedy the situation, what will i do now my parents told me to watch it, that i dont only get married to a girl but also with her family and that this is just the begining

poster

sorry to hear this. it's unfortunate that the love you both share for one another is not enough for the parents. Anyway you can't blame her for not being able to talk to her father and you can't blame your parents for being angry. If anything you should get your pastors involved so they can talk some sense into the heads of both parties and that way they can negotiate. If not, you might have to cancel the proposal.

No joy comes without some adversity so stay strong

How about meeting the old man for yourself and talking with him?

I guess you are both from different tribes? Your fiancée is actually right, you should have made your findings thoroughly before going with your parents. You ought to collect a list, get everything in the list, tell 'em you ll be coming with your family for the traditional wedding and that's where you then present the dowry.

Don't try and pay her family off.