Good day moderators, panel of impartial judges, accurate time-keeper, co-debaters, and of course, readers online. I am here to support the motion which says that “What Is Said Is More Important Than How It Is Said.”

We live in an age where emotion seems to rule over our everyday life. Every day we hear statements like:

You are right but the way you said it…
He was correct but he did not say it the right way…
She was saying the truth, but she shouldn’t have said it like that…

We are so concerned about how things are said that we seem to have placed it at a much higher value than what is being said. It is true that how things are said is important, but what is being said is more important. My reasons are as follows:

Every one of us was raised in a different environment. Some were raised in palaces, others in patched houses; some were raised in the cities, others in the country. And the environment in which one is raised is a key determinant of how they face life’s issues. So when the man from the palace meets the man from the patched house some form of conflict ensues. The only thin line that runs through all is action. What we do.

I have always been amazed at how cases are handled in court. How some seemingly unimportant issues becomes of great importance in the courtroom. I’m sure you will agree with me if you watch any of those law series.

Defence Counsel:        Did my client say…?
Plaintiff:                         Actually, when he was saying it, he …
Defence Counsel:        (Cutting in) Mr. James, I need a Yes or No answer. Did my client warn you of an impending danger or not?
Plaintiff:                        Yes he did.
Defence Counsel:        (Facing members of the jury) I’m sure it has been established beyond reasonable doubt that my client did indeed warn Mr. James of an impending danger which he disregarded because he was blinded by his emotions.

Whenever I watched such movies I used to be very angry because when the event actually happened it looked different from what the court established, but now I know better.

My opponents who are opposing the motion say that we are all emotional beings therefore we must be careful of how we say what we say so it can be accepted right. I say yes we are emotional beings but that is just one part of us. We are also rational, logical, psychological, mental, and above all, spiritual beings. Wisdom is in knowing which of these parts should be in play at any point in time.

If I have a life and death information to offer you but offer it in a manner that is offensive to you and because how I said it was offensive to you, you disregard the information, what happens? You end up dead. Because you placed more importance on how I said it instead of what I said.

In Scattered Thoughts, Thought 2, I wrote, “If you are a very, very, proud person who goes about letting the world know how proud you are but you have the answer to a question that has been eating me on the inside. Wisdom has taught me to overlook your pride and still humble myself before you so you can help me with the answer I need. Refusing to come to you because I feel you are too proud does not solve my problem either.” This is placing reason above emotions.

Let me give an illustration. If I was driving down highway 32 but somehow I had the wrong map, not knowing that there was a natural disaster some months back that cut highway 32 in halves creating a cliff at the end of the portion I was driving on. And the signpost to warn uninformed drivers was also broken, so, somehow the universe was working against me. Because, one, I had the wrong map, and, two, the signpost was broken. But somehow you just happened to be on highway 32 for whatever reason.

As you saw me coming on a very high speed, you flagged me down. Being a very nice person I took you for a hitch-hiker and stopped to help. Then you walked up to my door, opened the door, gave me a dirty slap and asked me if I was crazy. What on earth was I doing on that road when there is a cliff at the end of the road? And to drive that life saving advice home you gave me another dirty slap. But you were quite huge and I really did not stand any chance in a fight so I maintained my poise as you walked away.

Now my moment of decision comes. Should I proceed on this journey ignoring what that mad man just said or should I turn around? But since, like my opponents claim, I am more interested in how you say what you say more than what you actually say, I decided to ignore the mad man’s advice and proceed at that high speed I was driving before I was interrupted.

What happens next? I fall off the cliff. But by a stroke of luck I survived the crash. And being a very knowledgeable guy who knows his rights, I file charges against you. In the court of law, counsel to the accused is going to ask me one question and one question alone. Was I warned? The answer is Yes, I was warned. Whether a slap came before or after the warning does not count. I was warned and I disregarded the warning. I disregarded it because I placed more importance on how it was said rather than what was said.

Am I saying how you say what you say is not important? No. What I am saying is that what is said is more important than how it is said. This is where wisdom steps in. If the information is coming from you be mindful of how you say it, because, indeed, how you say it can determine whether people will receive it or not. But if the information is being given to you, use a different rule, apply reason, not emotion. Listen to what is being said however it is being said, because that information can be your life saver. If you disregard it because how it was said was rash, brash, or harsh, chances are you may not read my next note because only those who are still alive when I publish it will be able to read it.

Finally, it takes personal leadership to be able to gain this level of mastery over yourself. And personal leadership is a skill which can be learned. If you are interested in how you can better lead yourself and would want to be a part of my personal leadership class, a one month online class that holds completely on facebook, you can enroll by following the information at the footnote. In this school there are no exams and no certificate because in Personal Leadership, life sets the exams while changes in your life is the certificate.

I hope that with these few points of mine I have been able to convince you and not further confuse you that what is said is more important than how it is said?

If you loved this note why not drop a word or two, send me an sms, or give me a call. I’d love to get your feedback. But above all, share this note with someone. Knowledge increases when it is shared. Thank you.

Mute Efe,
+234-803-874-9796
www.facebook.com/mutehimself

N.B*
If you are interested in the online School for Personal Leadership 2012, January session, which holds entirely on facebook, please text
INTERESTED*FULL NAMES [Surname, middle name (if any), first name]*SEX*STATE OF RESIDENCE (If residing in Nigeria)*COUNTRY*EMAIL*PHONE NUMBER or 1 (If you're texting from your phone) to +234-803-874-9796. For example:
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Payment details will be sent to you within 24hrs. Fee for the training is N5,050.

To see the calendar for the school click on the link below:
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nice one !!!

terrifikjo:

nice one !!!

Thank you terrifikjo.

iice:

Interesting.
However like you said humans are emotional. Despite the rational/logical/analytical part of us, we are often ruled than not by emotions. So the how you said it will always come into play.

Hello iice,
Am I saying how you say what you say is not important? No. What I am saying is that what is said is more important than how it is said. This is where wisdom steps in. If the information is coming from you be mindful of how you say it, because, indeed, how you say it can determine whether people will receive it or not. But if the information is being given to you, use a different rule, apply reason, not emotion. Listen to what is being said however it is being said, because that information can be your life saver.

Hello iice,

I agree completely with your statement. That is exactly what the note is addressing. So people should learn to discipline themselves and listen to the information instead of letting emotions rule. Maturity is in the ability to focus on the more important things. Those who rely completely on emotions are short-changing themselves because you can never control how people say what they say. But you have complete control over yourself and can decide to overlook how it is said and focus on what is being said.

Thanks once more.

Hello iice,

Clicking on the link below will take you to the calendar for the January session that begins on the 2nd of January.

https://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150419487859051 I assume you already have a facebook account.

Hello iice,

Sorry then. The school is run on the Facebook platform. By the way, personal leadership is much more wider than what you garnered.