a 30year old guy, in love with a 29yr old divorcee with two lovely kids.
both enjoying a blossoming 4mnths relationship,and now the kids see him as a
father figure.her parents and extended family adores him but
marriage possibility is just 20percent. should the relationship continue?
this is not a story line, its reality.its me

cos of serious parental stress.the guys parents actually disowned him because he decided to
secure a work in the north after his NYSC there.till date his father doesnt talk to him.the dad
says until he gets a transfer back to lagos, they aint talking,
so imagine taking a girl he met there home.

so is the 20% possibility ur own assumption or he told u
are u the one . .

but what is wrong in taking a girl from the north home

thot i mentioned earlier that i was the person or is it becos i am using the 3rd person pronoun?
@iice;just out of curiosity, if you were in my shoes,what would you do?

@efuah;nothing is wrong with gals from the north.its just the nigerian factor of
cultural differences.ironically, they are very nice people

The poster can't get a definite reply because she left out vital details have so many begging questions to answer. If she can be frank, she would be well guided.

@good one there
ok, with my personality but your thinking,
or are you thinking what i am thinking?

you dont have to know my personality before you air your view, do you?
and if ola has questions, i am sure he will ask, just as you asked earlier.
anyway, it seems new members arent encouraged here
no long thing

@ poster,

^{singing ***** akunamatata,it means dont worry}

Efuah had asked you one of my questions just as contributors are right to ask.

That 20% tag, is it real or imaginary? Have you bother to gauge the guys opinion about this?

How would you be so sure that the real reason he was disowned by his parents was his desire to live in the north? I want you to give this a deep thought. I once had to relocate into another state against my parent's wish. It was tough convincing them but they never disown me on that account. I visits them when l can. Parents differs but to disown a child must have deep underlying cause.

Next, is he living with you? Are his parents rich of poor? Do both of you practice the same religion? How long has he been in the north? Is the job he presently does lucrative? Did he ever tell you about any other disagreement between him and his parents? Is he married before? Did he has a lover in lagos his parents were aware of? Are the parents trying to give him a wife? Are they tribalists?

For now, l'd rather focus on the guy than his family. There are two distinct challenges before you. The guy, on one side, the family on the other side. The side having to do with the guy is the most serious aspect. But it does appear, you have either overlooked that side or you already tackled it.

It is useless for us giving you advice on what to do with the parent when a silence question about the guy is begging for attention.

A four months old relationship, it is still too early for you to be so sure. Some men can be are chamellons. They are simply transform into your desired colour. Only by testing can you uncover their real colour.

I would appreciate it if you could provide answer to each of questions above. It may be too much, when you ponder on them, you would realize how important they are to your happiness. I am sure other members would agree with me on some if not all of the questions.

@Ola ; thanx a bunch for your concern and also for the questions.
i gess you didnt notice the (m) in front of my name.
Ok, i am the guy in question,i finished my service in jan 2007,
i came to the north in feb 2006 for my NYSC, i am cuurently working
with oceanic bank,

my parents are wealthy, and they are very tribalistic.
you know the stories we hear about crisis in the north,i guess thats
why my folks are against my staying in the north.

my girl doesnt stay with me,in fact we only get to see each other like once in a forthnite
she stays with her folks and we are both christians,

Your posting made you look as if you are the lady. You didn't clarify enough to enable members understand you.

Whatever, l don't think you have big problem as such. You only have phobia.

Since you are working, the first step is to reconcile with your parents.

You are the cause of the problem in a way. Try adopt diplomacy. Find people that have your parents' ears and let them persuade your parents to let you be. As a banker, there is probability of your being posted away from the north if you reach a certain level in your career. It depend on you. So you could still rejoin your parents in future.

By the way, what stop you from visiting your parents occationally? Visiting them would be an opportunity for them to re-evaluate their stand. It happened to me, so l can tell you that the reason they want you around is your safety. Your well being. The circumstance of their disagreement with you might not be unconnected to the manner you made your choice. They might have sensed arrogance in your presentation, hence their stands. Like l said, l passed through it so l know what l am talking about.It is your duty to find ways/people to convince your parent to let you make a choice. They love you, that is why they acted that way.

On the lady, that is another aspect. Don't take the lady home until you have reconciled with your parents. Let chat on my YIM later.

Another thing to note: DO YOU IN YOUR INNERMOST HEART LOVE THAT GIRL TO THE POINT OF MARRYING HER? Do you really want to marry her? Why did you say 20% chance? Is it only your parent or it has to do with you also?

As for your parents being tribalistic, it matters and it doesn't matter. We would discuss that.

Killings in the north is not as prevalence as it used to be. I lived in the north during Jos crisis. I was at the point of origin of the crisis. So l can say it is not a pleasant experience. That however, does not mean l cannot live in the north again. There're peaceful places to live in the north.

i will advise u think wit ur head n ur hrt