@Ileke IdI
she wasnt caught,9lifes said in his post that she has gone to confess to an elder even before he knew about it.which means she regrets her actions and is remorseful thats why she dint wait for her man to find out himself but went ahead and made confession.

taryour:

@Ileke IdI
she wasnt caught,9lifes said in his post that she has gone to confess to an elder even before he knew about it.which means she regrets her actions and is remorseful thats why she dint wait for her man to find out himself but went ahead and made confession.

so why did she cheat in the first place?
@OP
I think you already have your answer in your heart,you seem to know what to do only its so hard,
am with CC and Mr Brownjay

@oluite
ofcoure there is no gudenuf excuse fo cheatin but since the dead has been done and she is remorseful then she should be given a chance. You do not cut of the hand because it has been infected do you?
If she wasnt remoseful is a diffrent case entirely.

taryour:

@oluite
ofcoure there is no gudenuf excuse fo cheatin but since the dead has been done and she is remorseful then she should be given a chance. You do not cut of the hand because it has been infected do you?
If she wasnt remoseful is a diffrent case entirely.

It is not yet a hand,it is another body on its own o!
I dont understand cheating
It is just wrong
and they are not even married self.
Why do you feel she is remorseful because she involved an elder?
Maybe she knew it will come out so she decided to confess first?
Who knows?anyway that is another story,
Dont cheat then there will be no need to be remorseful,
Why throw away something precious for what??

It is better to be unhappy with someone you love, than unhappy with someone you don`t love.
What if you get another lady someday and find out she cheated on you too.
Look she has made a mistake and regrets. Be man enough to deal with it. Is this about pain or hurt pride?
Women are very vulnerable, especially when they are of marriageable age.
With time as you get married and have kids you will bond even more and things that seem so important now will seem trivial.
Imagine you sister made such a mistake, would you not wish that the fiancee forgive her. Now you have the opportunity to show this girl that you love her - because love is not proud and can forgive.
I respect that girl, she is one in a million. She confessed because she did not want to betray you and make you live with a lie. She risked her happiness and the future of the relationship because she wanted to go into the marriage with you on an honest foundation.
Does that not count at all.
Please snap out of it and all will be well - after all that is the reason why people get married - to belong solely to one another.
EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE!!!

If you cant trust someone then there is no use being in a relationship with him or her

If 2 ppl are in a relationship and anything you tell me I have to crosscheck and have doubt then Am I not better without you?

How do I know that when you said you were caught in traffic you, were not elsewhere, How am I even sure that in the hours you claimed to be in the office, lectures school etc you were there?

I had a friend who caught his wife cheating and he kinda forgave her but he almost lost his mind, He would leave his business and be trailing her all over town to ensure she wasnt with another man, keeping tabs on her movt to the hour

His business almost collapsed well in his Inspector gadget ways he caught her again and let to their separation

@ Poster, i think the real definition you seek for what love and trust is, lies in your heart. What love is to A might be different form what it is to B.

we all as human beings want to be loved and to love also, we want to be trusted and we really so much want to trust others, the former yes maybe some will find real and true love, but the latter, it will be crazy and suicidal to put your trust in any man/woman, because there is a tendecy for betrayal even when it is not really intended.

@ 9lifes I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.People will come up with all sorts of excuses about why they cheat all I know is that the cheater doesn't care that much anymore otherwise why cheat??
You've invested a lot of your time,energy,hope and finances but you are the only one who knows if you're capable to see beyond the hurt and forgive her or move on!!
People in a courtship would save each other so much misery/heartache by just saying they want out instead of cheating,but again cheating sometimes is also seen as a communication tool to say it's over
Moving on is the hardest part but with time,it gets better and you start again from gear one.We all create our own destiny,They call it life so stay strong my brother

@ OP. Since you are still neutral on this issue, I would suggest you give yourself some time to get over the initial shock and anger though it won’t totally go away ever, then delve deeply into the details of the affair. How it happened, where and why. You really need to go into the why. I think you may find your answer on whether to stay or go in doing this. Sorry for your pain. All the best.

Disclaimer: This opinion is specifically for the OP. It is not applicable to everyone that find themselves in this situation.

Thank you all for your answers.You all have great and conflicting points.Like i said for now,i just want to be neutral until my head is clear a bit.

@freesia
She wasn't trying to end it.To the best of my knowledge we were open.I think she is matured enof to know i can take any reason or explanation if leaving was her plan.I will explain further how i discovered it.

@ronkebp

Can you really give ur best without trust in a relationship?but ur points are noted.

@dayokanu
men the experience is hell,i don loose weight,i never come on cam to chat with my family because of this.Na now i understand why guys dey cry before they turn playboys,the flash backs no get part two.You just do't know what to believe again,i can no longer do things i do naturally with her.

@mutter
How can u love someone and u are unhappy around them,na love be that?explain if u can.If this statement "Women are very vulnerable, especially when they are of marriageable age." is true,what is the proof of strength.Men are also vulnerable when it comes to faithfulness too,we all are exposed,the problem is falling.And yes she was courageous to an extent cos i discovered it my self.May be the guy would have also attended my wedding,she introduced him as a friend.Thanks,you made good points.

@tatyour
There so many funny dots that are connecting and others that are not.She may be remorseful,but what are about the reasons behind it.I personally no get time for games,its very straining,guys and women wey dey do am get strength, the simpler the better.

9lifes, no you really cannot give your best if you surround your mind and mode of thinking about trust, give room for disappointments, so that when it happens you will not have to break a neck, moreso it is also an avenue to truely know if you really loved in the first place, because true love forgives all things.

There so many conflicting versions to the whole thing or right now i just cant take any explanation.
We knew each other for a year plus before i travel for a two years course.And since most of her friends are guys,this is one part of her life i never went into,now i think i made a mistake or something like that.In the first few months outside Nigeria she complained about a close male friend crossing his allowable space,i told her to deal with it.But few months after, i discovered the friendship was still on,this led to our first major misunderstanding.After that phase i heard nothing of her male friends until the affair issue came up.it lasted for more than 5 months,but according to her it was shorter than that,but the guy kept replaying the whole thing over an over,i saw several mails.Now i remember the words of my friends, "oboy catch fun ooh,woman go do u something one day, "may be they are right.

Before this,we always had problems with boundary issues.She is very close to her male friends,but i have never had problems with this,but i warn her about certain lines i am uncomfortable with.There was no improvement,so i ignore that part and moved on, i really don't have energy to keep tabs on anyone, but right now,i am not sure if that was the right approach.Actually i expected nothing less,cos i was completely and totally committed to her,and i have to reassure her of my love like every fing day.Any text msg or mail without ending it with i love u, go turn to wahala, i mean i gave my best.

Her relationship with the guy ended few months after i was due to return but failed to make it.Then she accused me of cheating and all that,and asked for the password to my mail.I was like mails are suppose to be private things,she refuse to listen and insisted that my refusing was the proof she was looking for.I gave it to her, gave her one week to do her investigations and then change the passowrd.The problem started when i had to ask her too for the password to her mail.Then she said with a low voice tune, " make your heart no break for the things u see inside, there are mails that will shock you", and yes she was right, i found hell.That was the first time ever to access someones mail box.

The guy was practically in my spot.The words they exchanged were not different from ours, the way they talked about their whole experience and shits.And this guy was also engaged to another person.And things that are  not suppose to be shared,she did with this guy, and i was like,where is my special place?For now i am dealing with all these myself,cos i practically boasted about her among my friends.My friends go go kill me and her if they find out.My mom is madly in love with this girl,she does things she has never done  to us, send food even to her office,cook special meals for her, god,what else do women want,what is too good to be true,LOVE?

There are so many conflicting and connecting dots, still watching shall,God dey,nothing do them.

forgive my errors.

Based on what you just said OP, I’m afraid you need to end the relationship. Sorry. Don’t let it change you though, you can still find love with a decent girl.

@ OP only you can answer the question you asked.If love is your reason for staying in a relationship, do you think its still strong enough to wither the trials and tribulations of marriage. It seems that you are hurt by your partners actions and have not competly got over the betrayal. You should take some time to yourself to really look within to see if you want to move fwd with this relationship. GL to you

9lifes, i feel that you are hurting bad and it is just a shame that you had to go through this, well that is part of life. just like everyone have adviced you, either you don't see the two of you together because of what she has done and leave her or forgive her and give her another shot. People make mistakes and is it right to be utterly ''beat down'' because of that No!!! maybe before she did not have an understanding or maybe she had trust issues that you might be cheating on her wherever you were, and decided to keep company and everything just went out of hand.

mutter:

It is better to be unhappy with someone you love, than unhappy with someone you don`t love.

bia aunty mutter, why should we be unhappy and be ok with it in the first place?

9lifes:

@freesia
She wasn't trying to end it.To the best of my knowledge we were open.I think she is matured enof to know i can take any reason or explanation if leaving was her plan.I will explain further how i discovered it.

I hear you,You may be surprised she may not even have a valid reason why she cheated,but shifting the blame to you is another thing,was her guilt driving her to ask you for your password? Bro if this relationship is meant to be, it will be if not then C'est la vie.
You take heart

No amount of words will make a mugu see the light. A mugu is always a mugu! As for me oh, there is no amount of begging a woman can do to make me take her back after she slept with another man! I will only take her back on the condition that she brings me the head of the guy she slept with in a gold-plated calabash!

No amount of words will make a mugu see the light.

I hate to call him a mugu sha o, but he needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Nothing wrong IMO with forgiving a cheating partner (in some instances) and I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt but after reading the details he posted, I now have insights into the type of person she is and I’m sorry but it ain’t pretty.

ileobatojo:

I hate to call him a mugu sha o, but he needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Nothing wrong IMO with forgiving a cheating partner (in some instances) and I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt but after reading the details he posted, I now have insights into the type of person she is and I’m sorry but it ain’t pretty.

Many of these Lagos/ABJ runs girls end up married oh and guess the type of guys they marry? Guys exactly like the OP that can't think with their hearts and heads at the same time! Captains save a ho! God forbid bad thing!

taryour:

@Mrbrownjay,if what i wrote is laughable then laugh it all out,i have not in anyway said all women are hypocrites. U are entitilled to your opinion just as i am entitilled to mine.you advice the op to leave the woman he still loves without given her a chance at all,but when you men do the same or even worse you expect we women to forgive you. Lets assume your best male friend as done this to is girlfriend,wunt you be among those pleading to the woman to forgive your friend? There is no perfect humanbeing,people have done worse thing yet they are forgiven.

so, if i understand you correctly, this is not about what the OP is going through, to you is the battle of the sexes. MEN vs WOMEN?! come on sista, whats good for the goose is good for the gander!
love is a two way affair, if someone loves a person that doesnt value them just as much, then this love is pointless and a waste of life. LOVE should have had this woman ACT RIGHT. this issue is as crazy as a football team playing against a rugby team. different game/different rules, how can it work?! IMPOSSIBLE.

you have issues about MEN, and because "some" men out there are stoopid like that, you come here and think the OP is a stoopid guy like the cheating ones you mentioned. WAKE UP, not all men are like that and therefore you shouldnt JUDGE the OP like that.

btw: i would NEVER plead for anyone to forgive cheating, NEVER, simply because I (MBJ) will never forgive cheating.
FORGIVENESS is a word that was invented by bleeped up people to get away with their bleeped up attitude. even God didnt forgive, dont believe the hype!!!!

@9lifes
it doesnt matter if someone cheated for 5 months or cheated for 1hr. if they had the audacity to do it once, they will do it again, if/when the opportunity arises again.

as i said earlier: "unless you tie that woman to the bed post every morning (and only employ female servants/meguard/gardener etc), you will never be at peace with this damsel."

@ moremi, you cant't help casting yourself abi? Why cant u tell a story without making an a55 of yourself? You buy ipad 'and other expensive items' and then? Na new thing? Besides d story doesnt make sense. The girl could have claimed she changed d pink pack herself. And if she kept contact with her ex, then u are the spare not him. If he had shown d seriousness you showed, she would have dumped u for him so stop decieving yourself. I dont blame her o, u must be really stuck up im person!

Ujujoan:

@ moremi, you cant't help casting yourself abi? Why cant u tell a story without making an a55 of yourself? You buy ipad 'and other expensive items' and then? Na new thing? Besides d story doesnt make sense. The girl could have claimed she changed d pink pack herself. And[b] if she kept contact with her ex, then u are the spare not him. If he had shown d seriousness you showed, she would have dumped u for him so stop decieving yourself[/b]. I dont blame her o, u must be really stuck up im person!

i didnt think of it that way. Come to think of it, you're right! I suppose she kept moremi more because he had money and the other guy just wasnt serious. The way she treated both ipads is indication of who she truly cared for. She kept the one the other guy gave her and dashed out bro moremi's. uh oh.

Bros no vex. Women are like that sometimes. Even Uju knows. The Lord will provide.

Ujujoan:

@ moremi, you cant't help casting yourself abi? Why cant u tell a story without making an a55 of yourself? You buy ipad 'and other expensive items' and then? Na new thing? Besides d story doesnt make sense. The girl could have claimed she changed d pink pack herself. And if she kept contact with her ex, then u are the spare not him. If he had shown d seriousness you showed, she would have dumped u for him so stop decieving yourself. I dont blame her o, u must be really stuck up im person!

Aunty Uju, you seem really upset! Aren't you supposed to be pregnant and lactating? Don't worry, you shall remained pressed, oppressed and upset by my success! If you don't like my stories, then set your hairdryer to "high" and get into a warm, bubble bath with it. I don't fcking care.  

I can't be bothered with giving you a detailed account of how I caught her (you're just not worth the effort) but just let it suffice to say that I am a wizard at interrogation and there was no way she could escape my logical dismantling of her hocus-pocus. Thank Baba God I realized I was the spare and quickly moved on. Too bad her main guy is now engaged to another woman. She played the game, failed miserably at it and got burnt.   Me? I licked my wounds in private and found me a beautiful rebound honey to rock me to sleep at night. I forgot that woman in a matter of weeks!

ftmom:




When did apple start making red and pink ipads? In which part of the world is that?

Lmao red iPad?  for where? Please tell me cos I am going to get me one 

First off, I don't think an iPad is expensive, I mean how much is the 64g ipad2 wifi- 3G anyways?

And why do people come up with these stories that have a happy ending? Whatever is wrong with people admitting that things did not work out well for them but they moved on Instead of bring up stories of how those that hurt them lost more? Nigerians

jennykadry:

Lmao red iPad?  for where? Please tell me cos I am going to get me one 

First off, I don't think an iPad is expensive, I mean how much is the 64g ipad2 wifi- 3G anyways?

nigerians and their subtle ways of showing off.  Unfortunately $830 is a lot of money to the vast majority of folks to shell out on a mini-laptop with no personal storage or USB drive.

LMAOOO! Okay that was funny. NL stays cracking me up.

moremi2008:

I forgot that woman in a matter of weeks!  

Ha haaa did you really? You don't sound like someone who got over her quickly. Anyway on the issue of red ipad; an iPad cover you should say not a "red iPad" per se because Apple doesn't make colored Ipads.

Call it showing off, who really cares? We both know you are in the showing off business my dear so chillax, i am not interested in taking over from you. I have people back home that even started using it before I thought about it, they bought it with their own money  and for a man to come here and tell me it's an expensive gift when students back home who work part time are able to afford it is just childish

@UJu

Don't mind moremi jooo, he is envying your belle . Instead of him to congratulate you he is busy talking slangs, it is not easy to be married and preggers now ooooo, I know of a lot of nairalanders here, who are like in their late 20's not married and begging dayokanu to connect them to anything with a third leg, so rejoice my dear . At least you are able to conceive, some of them might have to pray like Sarah and take in after menopause.

No be you send them to go and sh@g and get dumped before walking down the aisle

Abstinence is the key

jennykadry:

Call it showing off, who really cares? We both know you are in the showing off business my dear so chillax, i am not interested in taking over from you. I have people back home that even started using it before I thought about it, they bought it with their own money  and for a man to come here and tell me it's an expensive gift when students back home who work part time are able to afford it is just childish

$830 is quite expensive regardless of how you cut it. That nigerian students were able to afford what is basically a useless toy for N125000 more as a status symbol just goes to show how misplaced our priorities truly are.
By the way, the ipad is barely 1 yr and 11 months old.