I am engaged to one of the most wonderful men on earth, but he has an issue, he is too extra jealous. Now what I mean by that is if he hears a guy speaks to me, he becomes suspicious, and being the kinda person i am, before we met i had lots of male friends cos i click with the males than the females. Our relationship is a long distance one, i am in North America and he is in Nigeria. I didn't know this side of him before we became engaged, but ever since we agreed to be together, he has become extra jealous and this would have been no problem if not that he says things to me when any incident happens, he throws words at me anyhow and accuse me of doing things i'm not doing. we have talked about it several times, i pointed to him that its a sign of insecurity but i have not made in insecure in anyway, cos i have loved him all the way and haven't hidden anything from him or cheated on him or given him any reason to be suspicious or insure. He promised to change every now and then but anytime something like that happens we go back to the old story.
The most hurting one happened last night when i went out and was suppose to call to wake him up when i get home, but on getting home, i thought to myself that it was late and that i could wait till later in the evening which would be almost morning in nigeria before i call him, that way, i wouldnt be disturbing his sleep. Then a once toaster who is now my friend (here in north america) called me and I was talking to him. My man woke up, called me and i sent the other guy away. my guy then asked me who it was i was talking to, i told him, and because he knows the story behind this guy, he started saying all sort of things to me and i decided to get mad at him because i felt he was fond of doing that and it needs to stop. After a lot of getting mad and saying words to eachother, he wanted to resolve the matter but i wasn't interested in doing that last night, i was all pissed off and told him to leave me alone that i needed a break. He tried calling me a few times, texted me but i didnt respond to him.
I miss him and i love him, but my problem is if i solve this with him again, i'm dead sure it will happen again. I want to know how to deal with this issue maturely because I am fed up of it and breaking up with him is not an option because I love him so much and I know he loves me too a whole lot.

And you say one of the most wonderful men on earth?
think again!!

After engagment or marriage there are some certain things that are to be nailed to the past, how about about reducing the number of these male friends you got before you knew him? that might also go a long way in reducing these extra jealousy you 're talking about.

Oluwa4Sure:

And you say one of the most wonderful men on earth?
think again!!

To her he is one of the most wonderful men on earth, so whats wrong with that?

~Killz~:

"The Disadvantages of LDR. . .Part one!"

I Don't think it's the LDR factor, maybe the relationship will be long ripped apart if they were closer, coz they will often have the same missunderstanding.

everyone has a problem, but its better to marry a jealoused man than someone that will dash u HIV for free

his promising to change many times and still showing no signs of the change probably means he might never change.
The question is can you manage him that way?
Your decision!

madam, sorry to say this but something is definitely wrong with you. What were you discussing with a friend (toaster who is still working hard to have you on bed) at that time of the night? Let me tell you something, any man who blame your man for his actions is definitely not in a serious relationship, or is busy sleeping around with several ladies (they call them bad sharp guys) these kind of people "no send you even if you sleep with animals".

I AM A JEALOUS MAN, you don't need to tell me

He wouldn't have insulted you if you explain things to him in a proper way. . may be you were rude. . men are dancing to your tune, and you think that is FRIENDSHIP. Let me even ask you, "are you a FLIRT? ?   why would you have more male friends (and you think their girlfriends or wives would be comfortable seeing you around their men) c'mon grow up and stick to your man. Do you know what; JEALOUSY is the reason why couldn't stand other female friends cos I don't see any reasonable reason why a woman would prefer to stick with men (not 'man')

Stupid girl, why are you even talking to a former toaster. You know Nigerian men don't play that shiiiiit. You already know your guy is jealous and you think keeping a former would be suitor as a friend is wise? Women do some of the dumbest things I swear.

Acidosis:

madam, sorry to say this but something is definitely wrong with you. What were you discussing with a friend (toaster who is still working hard to have you on bed) at that time of the night? Let me tell you something, any man who blame your man for his actions is definitely not in a serious relationship, or is busy sleeping around with several ladies (they call them bad sharp guys) these kind of people "no send you even if you sleep with animals".

I AM A JEALOUS MAN, you don't need to tell me

He wouldn't have insulted you if you explain things to him in a proper way. . may be you were rude. . men are dancing to your tune, and you think that is FRIENDSHIP. Let me even ask you, "are you a FLIRT? ?   why would you have more male friends (and you think their girlfriends or wives would be comfortable seeing you around their men) c'mon grow up and stick to your man. Do you know what; JEALOUSY is the reason why couldn't stand other female friends cos I don't see any reasonable reason why a woman would prefer to stick with men (not 'man')

Eh hen bros tell am now

SAFO:

silly girl, why are you even talking to a former toaster. You know Nigerian men don't play that shiiiiit. You already know your guy is jealous and you think keeping a former would be suitor as a friend is wise? Women do some of the dumbest things I swear.

Why are you lying SAFO? You know damn well Nigerian men doesn't mind their women havig make friends even talking to their former toasters.

OP don't pay SAFO no mind.

Nigerian men are jealous by nature. Passionate but still jealous. When we love, we love hard.

SAFO:

Nigerian men are jealous by nature. Passionate but still jealous. When we love, we love hard.

I agree with the love hard thing. Trust me I know.


OP

Keep your male friends. Don't listen to the men. They are just hating.

Mrs Chima. Please can we discussed that things u promised me in return for helpin u?

Oh goodness wot exactly is wrong with dis poster,u talking to some toaster to achieve wot really? I see u loveeee d attention rite! Carry on ur husy jus tripping cus his bipolar,infact dump him go wiv ur toaster he understands u more,f000lish gal.Ur husy get time to dey argue wiv u sef,wen dem do away 15times for ya eye u will understand d definition of Jealousy&Nigerian Men.

Mr, Cork:

Mrs Chima. Please can we discussed that things u promised me in return for helpin u?

I am still waiting on the bullets to use in my gun with your name on it. I am waiting patiently.

Idowuogbo:

Oh goodness wot exactly is wrong with dis poster,u talking to some toaster to achieve wot really? I see u loveeee d attention rite! Carry on ur husy jus tripping cus his bipolar,infact dump him go wiv ur toaster he understands u more,f000lish gal.Ur husy get time to dey argue wiv u sef,wen dem do away 15times for ya eye u will understand d definition of Jealousy&Nigerian Men.

For pete's sake, d toaster is her friend, not her ex. When has it become an offence to chat with a friend?

@op, ur man is insecure but i just hope he's not s.h.a.g.g.i.n.g anyone im Nigeria sha. Guys dat cheat are always 'extra jealous'.

"and being the kinda person i am, before we met i had lots of male friends cos i click with the males than the females. "

You have issues. Any woman that says that has issues. Just like any guy that click more with females than males. Or any person that clicks more with only one gender.

DonSegmond:

"and being the kinda person i am, before we met i had lots of male friends cos i click with the males than the females. "

You have issues. Any woman that says that has issues. Just like any guy that click more with females than males. Or any person that clicks more with only one gender.

hhmmm, well, i dont agree i have issues because, have u considered the fact that if i have more brothers than sisters that could be a reason, or maybe my personality goes well with the guys better? well, i'm not trying to defend myself, but i have had issues with the girls in the past I only have very few girls. By the way, he talks to girls too and i dont raise as much eye brows as he does.

Acidosis:

madam, sorry to say this but something is definitely wrong with you. What were you discussing with a friend (toaster who is still working hard to have you on bed) at that time of the night? Let me tell you something, any man who blame your man for his actions is definitely not in a serious relationship, or is busy sleeping around with several ladies (they call them bad sharp guys) these kind of people "no send you even if you sleep with animals".

I AM A JEALOUS MAN, you don't need to tell me

He wouldn't have insulted you if you explain things to him in a proper way. . may be you were rude. . men are dancing to your tune, and you think that is FRIENDSHIP. Let me even ask you, "are you a FLIRT? ?   why would you have more male friends (and you think their girlfriends or wives would be comfortable seeing you around their men) c'mon grow up and stick to your man. Do you know what; JEALOUSY is the reason why couldn't stand other female friends cos I don't see any reasonable reason why a woman would prefer to stick with men (not 'man')

I am not a flirt and I don't talk to all the men on earth, and i never said i'm sticking with men I only said I have more male friends than female. The main thing is he knew me before now, but since we became engaged he has been extra about me talking with other men.
i agree i didn't explain to him and that's because the way he brought it up was so out of line, he made it seem like i purposely didn't call him because i wanted to talk with the other guy. he knows in his heart that its not true (he said it after when apologising) that he only wanted to hurt me because it seems as if i don't understand how much he wanted me with him and for him hearing that i was talking to another man other than him got him upset.

@OP, You still sound like you can't see anything wrong with your actions. Maybe because he apologizes after the argument. And while I have to admit that your actions by themselves may not be wrong, in the context of the kind of man you are with you may want to do something about it.

Believe me when I say that constant argument wearies the soul, especially if it's about one persistent issue. What you may want to quietly consider is which option you want: your retinue of 'platonic' male friends on the one hand and your relationship with this man you claim you love on the other hand. Which is MORE worth it? If you do love him, if he adores you, if he's a good man, if you feel he'll make you happy for the rest of your life, then maybe, just maybe, for his peace of mind, you may want to reduce these friends of yours who don't really, in the final analysis, have much influence on your happiness. . . especially ALL YOUR EXES. I would do that if I were you.

poster pls hav a grip on urself and shut d hell up! I am ashamed for u! How dare u come here to complain abt a good man who hav time for u? Are u ma.d? Dont u see women complainin here n there abt their men not concerned or bothered abt them in anyway? Do u tink dat is a gud sign? Now dat u hav a gud man. U r lookin for mr perfect! God will replace that man u hav now wit a smooth operator IJN.

@OP I think you have a right to be upset and ONLY because of the way he came at you, however like someone pointed out the context does give you any right to exchange words, what you should have done is ended the call and call him back later with an explanation and apologies afterall you were the cause of his childish rant(s). Worthy of notice, however, is the fact that you've obviously had it with his insecure presumptions and attendant reactions which doesn't bode well for your relationship, so I say, kill this problem YESTERDAY before he becomes a problem when married. Finally, sorry for the epistle.

@OP I think you have a right to be upset and ONLY because of the way he came at you, however like someone pointed out the context does give you any right to exchange words, what you should have done is ended the call and call him back later with an explanation and apologies afterall you were the cause of his childish rant(s). Worthy of notice, however, is the fact that you've obviously had it with his insecure presumptions and attendant reactions which doesn't bode well for your relationship, so I say, kill this problem YESTERDAY before he becomes a problem when married. Finally, sorry for the epistle.

u know him 2well ryt?
u know wat gets him mad?
u said u love him?
so y do u do things 2 mk him mad huh?
i know my bf s extremely jealous, so i dont even think of gettin close 2 anoda
go work on ursef b4 condemnin him

Mrs, Chima:

Keep your male friends.  Don't listen to the men.  They are just hating.  

So you think you 're helping her with this.

Hmmm, if actually u guys deeply love each other the way u have reaffirmed, then u ve got no issue cos love endureth all things. But my fear is dat some dudes do all sorts of things just to convince a lady that they really love her,

Meanwhile, such issue of insecurity will most likely exist in any distance reltnshp.

If break up is not really an opt, then u should be able to define what the option is,,,,,,,

Methinks u r purposely making him jealous, girl, there is what we call private hours, an engaged girl should not be talking to a toaster at midnight. Ever heard of spirit of the nite that make guys bolder
Gain the respect of ur male friends by telling them pls can we talk at a more appropriate time?

MarcAnthon:

@OP, You still sound like you can't see anything wrong with your actions. Maybe because he apologizes after the argument. And while I have to admit that your actions by themselves may not be wrong, in the context of the kind of man you are with you may want to do something about it.

Believe me when I say that constant argument wearies the soul, especially if it's about one persistent issue. What you may want to quietly consider is which option you want: your retinue of 'platonic' male friends on the one hand and your relationship with this man you claim you love on the other hand. Which is MORE worth it? If you do love him, if he adores you, if he's a good man, if you feel he'll make you happy for the rest of your life, then maybe, just maybe, for his peace of mind, you may want to reduce these friends of yours who don't really, in the final analysis, have much influence on your happiness. . . especially ALL YOUR EXES. I would do that if I were you.

I don't keep intouch with Exes though. those ones are gone for good. all the same, I appreciate your comment. Thank you.

OP if you and your man can't work out some sort of compromise then what's the point? There's nothing wrong with a lady having more male friends than females but i must say what you did was wrong; how would you feel if you were thousands of miles apart from your man and can't get through to him cuz he's on the phone with a female he's had a bit of history with? Either way i think it's a no brainer, trust is the most important ingredient in a relationship and it's clearly missing here.