What informed this thread?

In the midst of all the madness we see around, there comes a great need to put some sanity.

I hear and see all around me that marriage should be enjoyed and not endured. I say to such, marriage isn't a bed of roses. It is a lot of hard work. But the work requires two people that are willing to go all out to please one another.
Two people that are willing to share, willing to give, willing to sacrifice, willing to change and willing to forgive. Marriage is enjoyable when we are willing.

It is when one party is not willing to do all these and many more (or 'gbori du ro' ) like I often say that problem occurs esp. with the men in this instance. Once there is true love, these things will flow freely.

My defination of love is commitment and not butterflies flying about in your tummy.

It takes two, marriage is a union of two people and it takes the effort of the two people to make it work.

One partner cannot decide to do things on his/her own. That freedom ceases the moment you say 'Yes I do'. We all need to make sacrifices and bend some rules.

Most of the people that claim they have it going smoothly for them know within themselves that they also had to make sacrifices and make effort to make things work.

It is tiring when one partner is making all the sacrifices - before long the marriage loses its strength and they both part ways.

So, my point, I don't see marriage as a bed of roses. Infact, nothing in life is. Its all about our choices. Life is what we make of it. Although, some of us come down lucky. It's either you make it work or you crash out and this applies to both sexes. No point dying there.

God help us all.

One main issue that leads to problems is the issue of submission.

The man is often quick to quote the bible: wife should submit not minding that the first instruction goes to him. The bible says: 'husbands love your wives, wives submit'. The greater responsibility lies with the man.

If you love her, you will consider her before makong decisions, you wont abuse her, you wont cheat on her, infact, you will put her first before you think of yoursef.
Why wont it be easy for a woman to submit to a man that treats her right.

Women generally, are known to be soft hearted, kind and compassionate. We can go all out and give all when in love.lol

So, so I say, treat her right and you will get the best of her and vice versa. Shikena!

nice thread tgirl, bt all dis is possibl wen luv is in d marriage. have u considered a marriage wtout love frm one of d patners? ve u considered a marriage dt startd on a very wrong note frm d outset?yes true marriage is nt a bed of roses and its fbfw .... bt my dear tgirl, i thnk u shld add dt d unmarrd shld ensure de neva make d big M(MISTAKE) whn it comes to marriage! makin d big M is d worst thg dt can eva happen to any man or woman. no wonda d sayings "marriage can either make or mar u!

peaceheartt: nice thread tgirl, bt all dis is possibl wen luv is in d marriage. have u considered a marriage wtout love frm one of d patners? ve u considered a marriage dt startd on a very wrong note frm d outset?yes true marriage is nt a bed of roses and its fbfw .... bt my dear tgirl, i thnk u shld add dt d unmarrd shld ensure de neva make d big M(MISTAKE) whn it comes to marriage! makin d big M is d worst thg dt can eva happen to any man or woman. no wonda d sayings "marriage can either make or mar u!

well said peaceheart. Datz d koko.

Choosing d ryt partner is the beginning of a blissful or abusive marriage

Luv dis thread But without God in any marriage forget it ..."A chord of three cannot be easily broken"

Tgirl4real:

well said peaceheart. Datz d koko.

Choosing d ryt partner is the beginning of a blissful or abusive marriage

what is your definition of the right partner? You that is choosing the right partner what makes you think that you are the right person for the choice of partner you want to have? I dont believe in the idea of a right partner but every partner is a WIP. There is no such thing a the right man or woman.

It is a bed of roses.
with the thorns.
Wish everyday could be sweet and sunny but its not it.
We just have to learn how to deal with the little raindrops so that they do not become a torrential downpour.

Sadly it's not. It's more of a business venture whereby each party are in it for their own respective gains.

free2ryhme: Luv dis thread But without God in any marriage forget it ..."A chord of three cannot be easily broken"

Totally agree. And datz why he gave us guidelines and principle to follow

free2ryhme:

what is your definition of the right partner? You that is choosing the right partner what makes you think that you are the right person for the choice of partner you want to have? I dont believe in the idea of a right partner but every partner is a WIP. There is no such thing a the right man or woman.

Yea, everyone is a work in progress. However, if u marry an immature lady that isn't ready to grow up, dat work in progress will turn to abandoned project

My dear, marraige is beautiful but full of it's own problems, we need God to be the foundation of every home, (too bad, some people do not believe in God). The devil wants to destroy whatever God does, and if he sees that you are having it all (under God's care), he will attack that person, but it takes God to be able to overcome him, with intense wisdom from Above.

We all need divine wisdom in all aspect of life, because it helps us make the right decisions, from the beginning, with reference to whom you choose to marry and all what is. There are storms in every marraige but we all stand those storms differently, some marraige are being swept away by this storms, others are not. My advice is that everyone should please look well before you leap.

It will be when you women learn to accept your place.

neyostica: It will be when you women learn to accept your place.

And what is the woman's place?

ronkebp:
And what is the woman's place?

A helper and not a partner

jay bee: Sadly it's not. It's more of a business venture whereby each party are in it for their own respective gains.

Is dis Jaybee for real

eku ojo meta o

Another thing that causes wahala is when the wife wants to control the relationship.

You want to determine wen your hubby wakes up, shower, go to work, return from work, what he eats @ work, who he eats with, the type of work he does, how he spends his money.(lol). You want to make every decision for him. All in the name of making your own contribution you dominate his life.

You determine everything in the family. He hardly says a word, u've said 10 and you hav an opinion on every matter. He doesn't know how to do anything well. Infact, you are competing the 'head' position with him. You are the only one that knows what is best for the kids. His opinion doesn't count.

If you are controlling, u will eventually turn your hubby to a puppet. When he wakes up from his slumber, you start having issues claiming that he has changed.

If you complain too much you chase him out into the hands of other women cos you are choking him.

The bible says it's better to live on the rooftop than to live with a nagging wife.

Just as we want our husbands to 'gbo ri du ro' and treat us right, we also have the responsibilty to treat him as the head he truly is and stop competing with him.

neyostica:
A helper and not a partner

Ok.

Marriage may not be a bed of roses to some but i see no reason why anybody should struggle to make one work ,abeg for those 'lucky' or mature enough to go into such commitment it should be a smooth ride with very little bumps.

Imo if you marry the right person (no matter who you are) you will have little problems. Soo much goes on in life why should ones energy go into forcing a relationship? Abeg i disagree with the op, one has to be incredibly jobless to spend excessive time on someone he/she should get along with naturally.

Marriage is not a bed of roses , your ability to withstand storms , struggles n trials in marriage make it perfect!!!

Tgirl4real: Another thing that causes wahala is when the wife wants to control the relationship.

You want to determine wen your hubby wakes up, shower, go to work, return from work, what he eats @ work, who he eats with, the type of work he does, how he spends his money.(lol). You want to make every decision for him. All in the name of making your own contribution you dominate his life.

You determine everything in the family. He hardly says a word, u've said 10 and you hav an opinion on every matter. He doesn't know how to do anything well. Infact, you are competing the 'head' position with him. You are the only one that knows what is best for the kids. His opinion doesn't count.

If you are controlling, u will eventually turn your hubby to a puppet. When he wakes up from his slumber, you start having issues claiming that he has changed.

If you complain too much you chase him out into the hands of other women cos you are choking him.

The bible says it's better to live on the rooftop than to live with a nagging wife.

Just as we want our husbands to 'gbo ri du ro' and treat us right, we also have the responsibilty to treat him as the head he truly is and stop competing with him.

@Tgirl
If u get in with this mindset, u will make a gud home. U made so many fantastic points. Ensure u live upto this statement when u get married. But if u are married enjoy ur marriage.

marrying the right partner solves 80% of the problems one might encounter in marriage.
sadly, a lot of people marry the wrong spouse for reasons best known to them.

coogar: marrying the right partner solves 80% of the problems one might encounter in marriage.
sadly, a lot of people marry the wrong spouse for reasons best known to them.

True

Marriage
D 8 leta word, ow else can I def it?
Bittersweet
Betterworse
Happysad

coogar: marrying the right partner solves 80% of the problems one might encounter in marriage.
sadly, a lot of people marry the wrong spouse for reasons best known to them.

U got it!

Reasons best known to them ke? Lets try foolishness, stupidity desperation and thoughtlesness....

Tgirl4real:

Is dis Jaybee for real

eku ojo meta o

Yeah na JB oh, how u dey?

queensmith:
U got it!
Reasons best known to them ke? Lets try foolishness, stupidity desperation and thoughtlesness....

it's not that simple, my dear.
no man or woman is infinitely stupid or desperate - the circumstances people often find themselves make them
pursue vanities and blind them completely from the bigger picture.

people marry for immigration status, financial benefits, good positions @ work, beauty, pressure from parents, etc.
these things often solve their problems temporary but it doesn't last for long.
reality bites later when both parties discover there was never love in it - it was all for material gain.

@op,
we live in a socially sensible society,
people are obssessed with looks, class and lots of vanity that are unthinkable and i think its making relationships suffer.
sometimes i wonder, my parents didnt know half the things we know now about relationships before they got married, yet they ve managed to live fine till date
its now that we claim to know so much that we cant hold r/ships together,
marriage courses here and there, singles summits every now and then, we even have men of God that dedicate their ministries towards r/ships
my only problem is the more we are educated abt r/ships, the more difficult its even becoming to hold 2gether.

@neyostica: wat do u mean by helper n not partner?

@joey82: it's simply b'cos we re not ready to put wat we learn into practice! it cuts across everything! marriages, education, religion etc. if we practice half of wat we learn, this world would be a better place! also, pple picks wateva suits/profits dem n dump d rest!

Marriage.... Hmmm! So many women forget so fast that the greatest need of a man is 'respect', and so many men forget that the greatest need of a woman is a 'godly man'. In the beginning, God intended for the man to work, cultivate and protect. The men were supposed to be seen as a Hero to their women... but somehow along the line, the women stop seeing the men as their Heroes; probably cos they men were not Heroic enough or the women wanted to be their own Heroes(independent). Somehow, Somewhere, 'everything has been turned upside down!