Growing up, I can't count the number of times I heard funny threats like 'if I slap you.....(followed by a variety of phrases).....'

As a matter of fact, some were preposterous while others were downright funny!!

E.g.
If I slap you, you will use your legs to hold your ears!

If I slap you, you will pack your ears from the floor!

If I slap you, you will see my handprint in your dream!

If I slap you, you will forget your name!

If I slap you, you will run for three days!

If I dash you slap eh?.....my friend disappear from here!


If I slap you, you will cry from now till tomorrow!

Etc
I remembered this cos I just heard someone say to her kid 'if I slap you,even heaven will reject you!!!' Am like, WTF Lol!
Anyone else heard funny threats?

of course

If i slap u. . . . .u wil leave nairaland.

if i slap u....u will post beta jokes

Yemmyc: If i slap u. . . . .u wil leave nairaland.

If I give u upper cut, u'll find urself inside nextweek!

realsammie: if i slap u....u will post beta jokes

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man on the woman's bedside table. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he asks nervously.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad? Your brother? Your cousin?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, and no. You're so hot when you're jealous!" she answers.
"Well, who the hell is he, then?" he demands.
She whispers in his ear, "That's me, before the surgery"

A Mother-in-law was quarreling with her Daughter-in-law and as usual it came down to who the guy(son and husband) would listen to.
Mother-in-Law: "I carried him for 9 months, so you'd better........ "
Daughter-In-Law retorts:,"SO WHAT?He was ONLY 3.5KG then wasn't he?"..
For your information, I CARRY HIM EVERY NIGHT AND HE IS 89 KGS NOW! So whats the Big deal

A married man died before having s.ex with his wife.
The wife then cut his di.ck and fixed it on the wall.
Each night she went to the wall to satisfy herself.
One day her neighbor found out! Then he made a hole in d wall, removed d man's di.ck and put his di.ck through the hole waiting for the lady.
Suddenly the lady came with a knife, cut the di.ck and said "darling we are moving to a new house"

nw dats beta.. well done

realsammie: nw dats beta.. well done

Lol! U no see urself?Just wanted to tell u I can post jokes. So that's what u want but don't forget dis...jokes,funny threats,not same thing!!
Am asking for funny threats u heard growing up. Or did no adult threaten anyone around u den?

More

'If I blow u,u'll use ya tongue to count ya teeth!

'If I catch you!You will beg God to save you!'

'By the time I finish beating u,ur own mother won't recognise you!'

'My friend shut ur smelling mouth before I shut it permanently for you'

'Where are you running to?If u don't come back here before the count of three,I'll kill you den kill myself!'

'Do I blame you? See ur head like you father's head!Continue talking till I reach there whether u'l not regret the day u were born!'

'If I don't kill u today, den u'l know that am not the one that carried u for nine months!'

Etc

just waking up . . . .*yawning loudly*

bunmioguns: just waking up . . . .*yawning loudly*

Lol! Bunmioguns my love,you beta not let that cockroach enter ya mouth o! Cos you seem to yawn a lot. Oya post one joke that will leave everyone in stitches...can you?

RocksQueen: Growing up, I can't count the number of times I heard funny threats like 'if I slap you.....(followed by a variety of phrases).....'

As a matter of fact, some were preposterous while others were downright funny!!

E.g.
If I slap you, you will use your legs to hold your ears!

If I slap you, you will pack your ears from the floor!

If I slap you, you will see my handprint in your dream!

If I slap you, you will forget your name!

If I slap you, you will run for three days!

If I dash you slap eh?.....my friend disappear from here!


If I slap you, you will cry from now till tomorrow!

Etc
I remembered this cos I just heard someone say to her kid 'if I slap you,even heaven will reject you!!!' Am like, WTF Lol!
Anyone else heard funny threats?

must you copy from my facebook page? Next time acknowledge the real owner

olawalebab: must you copy from my facebook page? Next time acknowledge the real owner

can u ever do better than this! mtchew!

Rocksqueen, thumbs up! u really rock!

Sweet, sweet, sweet

RocksQueen:

Lol! Bunmioguns my love,you beta not let that cockroach enter ya mouth o! Cos you seem to yawn a lot. Oya post one joke that will leave everyone in stitches...can you?

smiling and talking to himself. . . . so hav gotten here. . I don get maut dye . .

Take dis dry one My babybubu



A young couple left the church and
arrived at the hotel where they were
spending the first night of their
honeymoon. They opened the
champagne and
began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his
socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww -
what's
wrong with your feet? Your toes look
all mangled and weird. Why are your
feet
so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my
toes."
The bride was satisfied with this
explanation, and they continued
undressing.
When the groom took off his pants, his
bride once again wrinkled up her
nose.
"What's wrong with your knees?" She
asked. "They're all lumpy and
deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he
explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness
that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with
this answer. As the undressing
continued, her husband at last
removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me
guess.. Smallcox?"

swtchicgurl:

can u ever do better than this! mtchew!

Rocksqueen, thumbs up! u really rock!

is it a crime to say your mind. I don't have any skeleton to hide like you. The earlier you say your mind the better for you

olawalebab: is it a crime to say your mind. I don't have any skeleton to hide like you. The earlier you say your mind the better for you

dont mind dt Eediot.

bunmioguns:


dont mind dt Eediot.

why r u calling people names, bunmi!
besides, e don tey whey we see for that side na. . . .

olawalebab: is it a crime to say your mind. I don't have any skeleton to hide like you. The earlier you say your mind the better for you

bunmioguns:


dont mind dt Eediot.

wat's with d barking?! mtchew

Hi five rocksqueen. *goes back to watchin 90210*

can you bark like a dog?

Vivly: Hi five rocksqueen. *goes back to watchin 90210*

hope u're thinking of a liposuction or br**st augumentation ooo

watch ya back

Still on insults...'Road Rage Insults'
Everyone must have experienced it one time or the other.

Here are some...

'You dey stroll for mainroad abi...(ZOOOOMMM)....shuo why you dey run comot for road?You for still dey there dey stroll na,whether I no for jam those your thin legs...u dey crase!!!'

'Your father!'

'Dem no born you well!'

'Take!(Fingers facing outward and widespread)'

'Waka!(With five fingers)'

'You dey Crase!'

'Mad man!'

'Na woman?no wonder she dey drive rubbish!'

'Na by force to drive moto?'

'My friend move ur car,why are u driving it as if its a tanker?'

Etc

[color=#990000][/color]if i slap u, u'll be seeing corpse without pant

@bunmioguns. Why are u highlighting the 'my love' na? There was a 'cockroach' and a 'mouth' in that sentence too o!Nice joke though..

@swtchigurl. Tnx hon

@Vivly. Hope u have a strong stomach? Cos when I see the way they tear up the human body....uhggggg!!!(shiverrrr)

@olawalebab. Brother Olawalebab, I have a feeling that u think everyone knows ur FB page....WELL I DON'T!,U'R NOT THAT POPULAR! And I didn't copy dis from anywhere so stop tryna claim ownership!

RocksQueen:
@swtchigurl. Tnx hon

u're welcome

RocksQueen:
@olawalebab. Brother Olawalebab, I have a feeling that u think everyone knows ur FB page....WELL I DON'T!,U'R NOT THAT POPULAR! And I didn't copy dis from anywhere so stop tryna claim ownership!

that's all he knows how to do

slap me and let me see what switch girl looks like!

sutoboy: slap me and let me see what switch girl looks like!

are u always this dumb

swtchicgurl:

are u always this dumb

too bad he's in love with u switchic

@rock i understand you. @switch. Why now.

~vicky~:


too bad he's in love with u switchic

very bad indeed!

olawalebab: @rock i understand you. @switch. Why now.

what i've i done this time?

swtchicgurl:

very bad indeed!



what i've i done this time?

you dey do me ....