Dear All,

My friend has a challenge with his girlfriend because her best friend is a guy.

Even though this was made known to him before the relationship got intense now he feels uncomfortable with the third party in the relationship. The girl is very close to the guy to the extent that she is welcome to pass the night at the guys home where he lives with his parents and folks.

My guy is worried, I need advice on how to advice him.

Well, he'll need to deal with his jealousy!

He needs to realise that his girlfriend had a life before he met her, and is entitled to have friends of either sex. At least, she was upfront with him, before they got serious.

As for the girl, I hope she doesn't feed your mate's insecurity by giving up her best friend, that'll be wrong.

You have every single rite to be jealous.
I would be.

Just make it known to her how u feel and tell he to be sensitive regarding his issue when u are around.
If the shoe was on the other foot, she would do the same

@Siena

Well, he'll need to deal with his jealousy!

He needs to realise that his girlfriend had a life before he met her, and is entitled to have friends of either sex. At least, she was upfront with him, before they got serious.

As for the girl, I hope she doesn't feed your mate's insecurity by giving up her best friend, that'll be wrong.

u r right,but i think the girl should be careful how she goes abt her 'friendship' with her best friend.she should be sensitive to ur bf's feelings,he deserves more attention than her friend.

overall,i dont see anything bad in having the opp sex as ur best friend but u have to know where to draw the lines.

gone

lhorrigan:

i will like to refer u guys to a topic "Is she sleeping with him" that i put up.
My friend had a similar issue about his girl having a too close male friend who she said is a very good friend. Now my friend has come accross emails that raise questions (read and u will understand).
I think male/female relationship can only be handled by few without sex beign involved and since in the long run, it would not materialise in the sense rthat once the lady is married, things wont be the same, then it should not be handled in such a way that it would affect the relationship with her boyfriend.

Please, post the link to the thread about your friend.

dyabman:

@Fikzy

Bleep her with all your power oneday and leave her alone, let her cry when fucking her okay, because one you will Kill yourself of hypertension, Holla

You speak Poo You surely eat Poo

seun

Leave the best friend alone. Sooner or later you're going to dump her and she will need someone to comfort her.

@Seun
nawa for u ooo. how are u sure he will dump the girl?

common! he might have a plan for her that is why i think he's jealous. if not then its free world. if I was in his shoe and no plan for the person in question then freestyle now. they can do all they lyk.

skima:

@Seun
nawa for u ooo. how are u sure he will dump the girl?

common! he might have a plan for her that is why i think he's jealous. if not then its free world. if I was in his shoe and no plan for the person in question then freestyle now. they can do all they like.

My few times on nairaland have revealed that Seun's replies are often S.T.U.P.I.D. Either to amuse nairalanders or to raise some heat!

he's damn too blunt!

@seun shey u get GF?

[b]@Poster

You said you were told that your girlfriend was very close to her male friend prior to making her your girlfriend.   You knew that in words,  but you are now discovering how that makes you feel in the heart.  When you are in love with someone, jealously comes naturally.   You do not want anyone to be as close to your love than you are, for after all, you two are suppose to share a special bond.

It is very hard for a man to accept that a woman is friends with another man.  They automatically think that there is more going on between them (sex)--even when it is not.  Prior to me marrying my husband, I let him know about the three male friends that I am close with.  When I got married, one male friend cut back his visits altogether, and the other one comes by every other week, and the third one I see once or twice a month.  They automatically cut back their visits (even with my still waiting on my husband to join me from Nigeria).  It is as if they knew, as a man, that they would not want any man continually coming around if I were their woman (or wife), so they withdrew.  But everyone does not share their views.

Your friend's girlfriend should realize that she needs to make her man #1 now (not him).  If he does not act as though he understands that, she should relay that to her best friend.  Her man now should become her best friend, and the best friend should "rightfully" settle for second place.

Life changes and relationships do too.

Patricia Daboh[/b]

pmdaboh:

@Poster
Your girlfriend's best friend should realize that she needs to make her man #1 now (not him). If he does not act as though he understands that, she should relay that to her best friend. Her man now should become her best friend, and the best friend should "rightfully" settle for second place.
Patricia Daboh

Hmn, Right I'd relay your advise

He does not need to be jealous if he can trust her. Friends have their place and lovers have theirs, the two have different roles to play in ones life. I had a number of very close male friends and we are still friends except for the distance. Let him deal with jealousy and understand that one can have friend from either sex at least he was told from the onset.

Fikzy:

Dear All,

My friend has a challenge with his girlfriend because her best friend is a guy.

Even though this was made known to him before the relationship got intense now he feels uncomfortable with the third party in the relationship. The girl is very close to the guy to the extent that she is welcome to pass the night at the guys home where he lives with his parents and folks.

My guy is worried, I need advice on how to advice him.

lol------hisses ^{you dont know nothin}

My 2 closest friends were both females. Once I found the person I was going to marry, she never had to ask me to cut-ff or reduce the friendships, I did so voluntarily. Your mission is a serious releationship (and ultimately marriage) is to create an atmosphere of intimacy and trust and nobody should come between you. How would a man feel if he wants to spend time with his girl only to have her say she made plans with her best friend who happens to be a guy. He calls her in the morning and she spent the night in the guy's house


If she doesn't realize that her boyfriend should be her new best friend, she is clearly lacking wisdom. Beauty is wasted on an indiscreet woman. It's like gold in the mouth of a pig.

Oh please. Friendship is worth much more than sexual relationships that almost always end in heartbreak.

Get over it!

So many sick people here , and what the Bleep does that have to do with me, why not try a party, perhaps that would solve your freaking jealousy

A lot of us don't like facing reality. There is nothing like VERY GOOD FRIENDS when it involves the opposite sex. The guy either likes the babe for sex or vice versa and the right opportunity has not come. Just wait and see. There's nothing like trust when it involves 2 Ps! That was how my wife told me how close she is to one of her male cousins until they had opportunity to pass the night at a friend's place after a wedding. The ass**** actually wanted to sleep with her. I saw the emails he was sending to her box about his intentions.  I deleted everything before she could see them.

Why would somebody has the intention of sleeping with his or her cousin. Isn't that incest?

For a girl i really love and could marry, i wouldn't allow her get too close to a male friend like that.

Regardless of whether they were already friend before me. Now that he is her life as lovers,

she wouldn't need that guy as that close of a friend anymore.

FKseun:

A lot of us don't like facing reality. There is nothing like VERY GOOD FRIENDS when it involves the opposite sex. The guy either likes the babe for sex or vice versa and the right opportunity has not come.

Word. Whenever I say this, some people will tell me I'm a misogynist, I don't believe in love and trust, etc. When shit happens they will then wonder what went wrong. I know these people will want to cut my throat but it's the friggin truth.

@FKseun

i agree with you on the issue there is hardly nothing as good friends when it comes to the opposite sex, talking from experience. but it still depends on how you handle the friendship.
i got friends that are guys but not good friends/best friends that are guys.

@Fikzy; where has ur friend's trust gone 2? if dis was made known 2 him b4 he got into a relationship with d girl shouldnt he give them both benefit of doubt besides if they wanted 2 date themselves they would have done dat without ur friend even being in the picture. sooo i think ur friend should stop gettin negative thoughts into his head_{go take a chill pill} b4 he destroys watever he is tryin hard 2 build now

Yes, I agree that the "BEST FRIEND" existed in her life before the boyfriend "came calling". It's also the same situation parents genuinely find themselves before another girl or boy comes into their son/daughter's life. It's the one that you intend to live the rest of your life with that you give priority. How would she feel if she's serious about a guy and way into their relationship a female "best friend" of her guy keeps a prominent role?

Male-Female best friend relationships are deceitful for the most part, someone wants to shag the other, but just can't admit it.

Either that or it creates undue tension and friction in a relationship - totally not worth the trouble. Stick to best friends of the same sex, avoid the unnecessary heartache.

Read from www.laddertheory.com for more information.

And by the way. . .

why all these 'my friend's girlfriend' stories??

Its the internet mate - don't be shy to discuss your problems, we don't know you from Adam and will probably never know you

Tell her you are not comfortable with it and deal with the issue now.

I encountered a similar situation, though it wasn't 'best friend', but it was 'good friend'. same end result, dude wanted to shag her since the day he set eyes on her. She eventually went out with him after we broke up (he was partly the reason) We resolved everything much later, but are both much wiser now - No best/unduly close friends of the opposite sex.

You should tell us more because he can't just be jealous all of a sudden. Maybe they are spending so much time without him and he feels left out or maybe he's just plain jealous for the sake of it. I have tons of friends who are guys and my best friend is indeed a guy. If a guy doesn't feel comfortable around his girl's bestfriend - they should not get together in the first place.

. . .and long lost J-girl returns!

How've you been girl?

Me thinks it all boils down the level of seriousness of the guy with his babe

Debosky!!!!! I've just been there struggling with school and i hope you're doing okay o!

I do agree to some extent with the boy, seriousness plays a big factor

na wa o. . . when a boy and girl become so comfortable as to spend the night in each other's houses . . . e don pass just best friend o. All the women saying "get over it", lets see how u get over it when your boyfriend starts sleeping over at his "best friends" house who just happens to be female.

2 members of the opposite sex that close will one day chop the forbideen fruit. Its only a matter of when.