@mamaput et al

The post explicitly said 'courtship' not mere 'dating'

Courtship traditionally means the wooing of a woman by a man, usually as a prelude to marriage.

Dating is part of it as well as getting to know the parents, hanging-out together, sending sms, exchanging gifts and generally getting to know each other as a prelude to marriage.


@mamaput et al

They cannot be 'courting' at age 16. They might date not court.

All said, I don't see why I should court a lady for four years!

Even half of that is more than enough to make up one's damn mind about someone.

long courtship is not good. at times when the to be couple are together I mean when there is no distance btween them some still succeed despite the long time of courtship, but if there is distance, it very bad.
that my personal opinion

The answer is not that clear cut. A case of Different strokes for different folks.

But my opinion would be 2yrs maximum!!!

I strongly believe 4 yrs is not too long, i know of a couple who courted 4 13 yrs b4 getting married, it all depends on the readiness of both parties, 4 cryin out loud, marriage is not something u rush into, also marriage is not a bed of roses itself. D parties have to be Financially ready, physically ready, emotionally ready etc. I even believe it gives u time 2 know each other better. abeg make una still hold on tight.

i think it really depend on the stage of life and maturity . for instance if they are hi school lovers and have interest in getting married but they both still want to finish college , if they don't break up or go with other people while in college then 4 years might not be too long maybe even 6 years will be good for them but if they ar both out of college and ar working adults what could they be waiting for ( 4 years ? ) if nothing is behind it 2 years the most i can agree. or else u want someone else to carry your sweetee away

i agree with you

However a clear difference should be shown between dating and courting, dating may take as long as you may wish to study each other, but courtship is just that last step to the real thing, at that point you are digesting and knowing what you have STUDIED. Then we might talk of courtship.
Nonetheless, ''when will the long rehearsed game of madness be staged in the market'' ^{the earlier the better}

some people do 10/15 years courtship anniversary

well since we are talking relationship, I am wondering, guys, how can a lady know if her guy really loves her? how can she keep him in love with her?

la babe:

well since we are talking relationship, I am wondering, guys, how can a lady know if her guy really loves her? how can she keep him in love with her?

@la_babe

Can you start by telling me how a guy can know if his lady really loves him? And how he can keep her in love with him?

well, as for me and my fiance, we started dating in 2002 and feb next year will make it 6 years. Our trad is next week sha. Would have gotten married a long time ago but due to finacial probs. so u see that so many factors can actually lead to long courtship

I started knowing my girl after 2-3 yrs,so it's not about matter of years but situations and problems you guys are able to face during the period you court,it will go a long way to show you the kind of person you wanna marry,not just i love u ,u love me thing.it's more than that.
All these crashes in new marraiges are caused by new challenges which both parties are surprised the way the other partner is handling it.so u can date for 500yrs,u will never know finish,it's like schooling

its not about the number of years involved in the courtship. there is more to what u are asking so i think it will be better u give us the full gist to make the answers more appropraite for the situation

Long courtships? Usually a tale of woe. Naturally, there are exceptions to every rule in the book, so we have phenomenal success stories of people who dated for decades. But my take? Avoid prolonging a relationship/courtship saga beyond what is "normal" in your own circumstance (bear in mind the concept of normal is subjective). I had a along-term courtship which crashed, with disastrous consequences on me (dunno what it did to my erstwhile spouse-to-be). We dated for a period long enough to have had a 2-year relationship and 3 children in marriage. We're both very single at the moment with nothing to show for the years gone by. THAT, is the the major fall-out of long-term relationships - should something go wrong, you'll both start wondering what better things you might have done with the "wasted" time.

Courtship should be kept as short as possible without jeopardising the future home. I'd say things should max out within 2 years. It all depends on your prevailing factors/circumstance (age, finances, emotional lability, proclivity, etc)

4 years is too long 4 courtship, what is it u want to know about urself that u cant knoow in a year.
ave been in courtship for 5 years u cant believe it didnt work out.
but when God is incharge even 2months is ok.

WOW!!!! Did someone say 6 month? how can u date someone for 6 month and then decide to marry, some ppl still dey date for 2 yrs sef dem no know anything about eachother


I guess I'm d only one with a different opinion, 4yrs is not long AT ALL!!!!! Those that get married after 6 months of dating, most of them end up with problems, you get married then u start seeing the side of ur partner that u don't see b4, it's like dat 'spirit' just changed d whole thing, u will start noticing something irritating about ur partner

abeg 4 yrs is not long o, it gives u more time to study who u want to be with, for goodness sakes MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A LONG TERM/LIFE TIME INVESTMENT! You wan rush inot something then 2 months after u get a divorce, all dmoney u spend on d wedding, take time to study ur partner o, 4yrs is not long abeg!

mip:

4 years is too long 4 courtship, what is it u want to know about yourself that u can't knoow in a year.
ave been in courtship for 5 years u can't believe it didnt work out.
but when God is incharge even 2months is ok.

GOD? in 2 months relationship?ABEG!!! What do u know about the person withing 2 months? u con put God there, they don't go together abeg!!!!

All depends on the level of understanding. you can know your to be spouse in two weeks, one month,etc, when you get married it will be just a little difference. but the disadvantages of short term courtship or what is called is much compare to that of long term courtship. i have a cousin who happens to have all the appropriate things for marriage, he was about to get married, my elder sister told him to court any girl she wants to live the rest of his life with, he tot money is the ultimate. he now saw one flashy girl like that, the girl was in school while he has finished and already working. to cut the story short, he jumped into marriage within one/two months of knowing the girl, they had a societal wedding but he is in hot soup, i mean hot soup. after the wedding the girl did nt hide any of her color, my cousin is hearing it now and no body will rescue him unless God and he is serving as a good example to others that are not married.

long term courtship, you will be able to know and understand your to be spouse. This thing called marriage is an institution where one can learn. you know intitutions have different departments. For you to be able to at least know all these departments, you have to take your time and study them well. Even if you court for 100 yrs or one week, their must be a change after marriage. For the change not to affect you so badly, you have to take time to know ur to be spouse so when the wind of change will come, it will not be a hell to you.

well i have known my friend for 6 months now. i will say i have know much about him but sometimes he behaves in a way i dont expect him. so am taking my time to study him likewise him to me. I call him my friend because hand writing on the wall might change, you can never tell. So all these courtship, mock-marriage , trial version ,pre-marriage or marriage needs absolute care. 4yrs or no 4yrs, it is just number. where the 4yrs is too long when the time(age)are no longer on the both parties,so they can meet today and marry morrow , no wahala.

i dey look for who 2 court

WHETHER a marriage will be happy or not is often determined during the first few years. In 1979, 52,000 couples in the United States were divorced before completing their first year of marriage. And in each of the next several years of marriage, a much greater number of couples got divorced.
How is it possible for two people to contemplate building a lifelong relationship and then, in just a few months or in two or three years, determine that their marriage is a failure?


“Most marriage failures are courtship failures,” explains Paul H. Landis, a respected researcher on family life. “This point cannot too often be repeated.” In lands where individuals customarily choose their marriage mates, courtship is the period of time wherein a couple get to know each other better with the possibility of marriage in view. Why is this period so critical?

A Time for Examination
A happy marriage requires painstaking effort. After counseling many unhappily married couples, author Nancy Van Pelt, in her book The Compleat Courtship, asked: “Why do so many marriages fail? There are many reasons, but the main reason is a lack of preparation. . . . I feel anger because of their ignorance regarding the complexity of the task.”

Courtship gives a couple the opportunity to make such an examination or investigation. When utilized properly, courtship not only can help a couple determine whether they are really suited for each other but can also prime them for the challenges of married life.

C[b]ourtship is a time for a person to search his own heart, to sort out just what his important emotional needs are. [/b]When Steve began to court Barbara, she began to reflect on her background and concluded: “I would need a man that would be very patient with me.” She added: “Steve was so patient, putting up with so many things I did to him, and he was very considerate. He always listened to me regardless of what I said. Because of this, my interest in him kept increasing and deepening.”

Because each satisfied the other’s emotional needs, their courtship led to a happy marriage.

So during courtship, ask yourself: What kind of person am I? What are my important emotional needs? Also, what are the personality strengths and weaknesses of me and my partner?

For instance, one young man said of his girlfriend: “She has a certain stability that I need. I’m restless and flighty. I feel that she has a steadying, calming influence.”

A landmark study of a thousand engaged couples, many of whom were questioned further after several years of marriage, found that the fulfillment of such emotional needs “appears to be of primary importance in today’s marriage.” (Courtship, Engagement and Marriage, by Burgess, Wallin, and Shultz)

While love is important, having similar goals and the ability to satisfy each other’s emotional needs are essential for a lasting relationship.

So a successful courtship should be long enough for a couple to get well acquainted. [size=13pt]The really important concern is not always how many months or years the courtship takes but what is accomplished during the period.[/size]

A successful courtship yields many pleasant memories and lays a good foundation for a happy marriage

4 years is too long ho ha!.
Anyman that'll wait for 4 years before taking his woman to Church or the courts is not serious.

Whao, a whole lot has been said on this issue, mine will rather be another angle to the topic.

1. Courtship is not same as dating, the former is for mature adults with marriage in view withing the shortest possible time, while latter is for those whose mind are not made up yet.
2. There's no set time frame for courtship.
3. After six months in a relationship/courtship, you should be able to deduce if there's a future in it or not.
4. Plans do change, so do people. So even when theres a clear cut arrangement toward marriage, unforseen circumstances could come shatter your plans, hence theres should always be a plan B or C in case of contigencies.
5. Marriage should be a life time investments, so look very well before you jump into it, if u hastily jump in, u might hastily jump out too.
6. Court for at least a year before marriage.
7. Court for no more than two years except theres a geninue reason for it[the reason must be good enough]
Having courted for 4 yrs? dats too long in my opinion, except thats the period you have gotten to know each other all in all. No church in nigeria will allow that, hence its too long.

what of if this people are still like 18,19,20 and they truly love themselves and they start there relationship would anyone tell mi that they should get married because 4yrs in courtship is not good,won't they finish there school and have somethings a family should have before gettin married.pls that kind of topic should be based on age and category of people is it graguate and working or schooling still been carter for.

original post @justbazik
How long does everyone think it appropriate for courtship?
What are the advantages and this-advantages of long term courtship.
Educate someone today. Peace out.

Most posts here are making the assumption that dating and Courtship are one and the same. let me start by clarifying the differences.

DATING: You're still going out as friends, sizing up and getting to know each other better.
COURTSHIP: You have finally made up your mind, and verbally agreed to marry.

My advice is if a guy dates you for up to 2 years and doesn't propose, ask him his plans if u think you can live with him in marriage, if he doesn't say anything reasonable, cut off and save yourself from impending doom. 2 years(especially if u see up to 2times a wk.) is enough to know if somebody is compatible with you.

4 years cannot be said to be too long depending on the circumstances.

Courtship means BOTH PARTIES HAVE AGREED TO MARRY, so in that case, u may not always control how long it'll take, in as much as u might want the wedding to be the next day.
I've seen situations where couples agreed to marry but their parents stand in the way, either because of tribal sentiments or societal status. In that case, u have no control. Finances is another monster that's making some guys to hold out much longer.

@Bestglo. I sincerely agree with you. It all depends on the understanding of the two parties!!!

circumstances can warrant long courtship.i have seen a couple date for 10 yers and got married still, i have yet seen a couple date for 2 months and get married.it all depends with the daters.what they want,what they dont have,what they are looking for and what they already have.! age,maturity,education and finaces play their own roles too.

i thimk it depends on d persons involved and the strenght of the relationship. i mean i have been dating this guy for like 8years and we still feel thesame way about each other .although we 've had our fights. just comes with the relationship

janami:

i thimk it depends on d persons involved and the strenght of the relationship. i mean[b] i have been dating this guy for like 8years [/b] and we still feel thesame way about each other .although we 've had our fights. just comes with the relationship

God forbid bad thing!!
8 long years??
do you know a child born when you started dating the man,is about half way through grade school
Please wake up and smell the kunu

opokonwa i really do not like the sound of that word
its sound like an Arab thing or old British.
i do not understand why the young people bring up things of old

A lot of women waste their time in relationships that are heading nowhere, because they are in love with a fairytale picture called love, and are not taking time out to study the person they are involved with. It isn't the length of time you spend in a relationship that is the issue, but how much of your partner that you have gotten to know, in that long or short time you have been together, that matters.

As a woman, you need to ask: How does my guy view & handle money? Does he see it as a means to an end, or an end in itself? Is he ready to do anything to get it or can he walk away from it, if he feels tha stakes are too high?

What are his values & virtues? His likes & dislikes? How does he handle anger? What motivates him, turns him off etc.? Can you guarantee that if he hits serious money tomorrow, he won't turn his back on you, and run after that  fine, little 'Sisi' in a miniskirt? How does he get along with my family? What kind of respect does he have for me? Does he value my opinions and my actions? For goodness sake, ASK questions about anything you need to know!!

As a man, you also need to ask: What are the things that my girl holds dear? What values does she have? What are the things that can lead her into a screaming fit and what are the things that give her the greatest pleasure? How does she treat those that are close to her?

How reliable, hardworking, spiritual, prayerful and caring, is she? What is the most important thing in her life? "Who" and "what" are the things she values most? How does she handle conflict?

What is her breaking point etc.? Can you honestly love her the way she is, care for her, inspire her to be the best she can be, and guarantee that when the chips are down and all else fails, she will be by your side?

The issue is not wether you court for 1 year or 4 years. The issue is 'have you learnt enough about your prospective partner to be comfortable enough, in marrying him or her?' 

At every stage, do a quick emotional check to make sure both of you are on the same page in that relationship. Ensure that you are not thinking "our relationship is going to end with a happily-ever-after," while your partner is thinking "how-do-I-get-out of-this-thing-without-making-a-scene?"