Am a guy who has tasted different kind of style life has to offer. I grew in a ghetto, I tasted all kinds of life the ghetto offered. I have lived in a room apartment, thank God I now stay in a Duplex. I have slept in the forest and I have slept in a five star hotel outside Africa.I have area boys as my friends and I have guys who are highly connected as my pals as well. I have the basic education Bsc (not too educated). I have dated girls who think they are sophisticated and I have dated girls of other side of the divide. I had to let you know me before I table my complaints. Am a regular NLer but I had to open this thread with another Id as to be open as much as I can.

I met this lady sometime early last year, she is very beautiful. The first time I met her she never gave me a chance until I sent her a text before she could pick my calls. I love her very much but my problem with her is that she appears to be very cold for my liking. I asked her what the problem is and she said I am the cause of her coldness. She said before I can into her life, she has been in charge of her relationships. She said I appear to be too intelligent for her. I told her that is just me, am not faking anything to impress her. I only had a balanced upbringing. I have not done anything to dominate her. Most times I pushed to tell me her feelings and advise on some issues. I have begged her to come out of her shell, I dont like her coldness. We intend to make our relationship former (introduction in two weeks) to our families.

Please help me, am scared of her coldness. How can I help her come out of it. Matured advise please.

Mod please help me take it to the front page for more matured advise.

Coldness is a very vague statement in this instance. Specifics of her coldness would help in getting better advice.

She agree to most of my suggestions. I expect her to disagree on some issues. I do most of the initiatives. She talk less, I expect her to challenge me atleast.

i wonder why we humans complain alot, if she argues with u, u say she is disrespectful, if she always agrees with u, u say she is cold. I am beginning to think we men are the problem

@OP
the issue is very simple: you guys are NOT COMPATIBLE.........solution to your problem: find someone who is!

marrying this lady, while you can CLEARLY see that you guys aint a match, will be WRONG, and just a remedy for failure. why would you want to marry someone you dont understand? why would you want to marry someone you havent discovered yet (aka a stranger)? why would you want to marry someone who you consider COLD?

what you get NOW, is what you will get later........and by the looks of it, it aint much to brag about!

MRbrownJAY: @OP
the issue is very simple: you guys are NOT COMPATIBLE.........solution to your problem: find someone who is!

If the two of them are hot, dont you think that will be a problem. I think one must be little cold to let the relationship work.

^^it doesnt matter if one is cold and the other is hot (or even both are hot)....the problem is that they DONT UNDERSTAND each other. would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you didnt understand, or couldnt feel comfortable with?!

^^^^^
I think you should add tolerance.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
the issue is very simple: you guys are NOT COMPATIBLE.........solution to your problem: find someone who is!

marrying this lady, while you can CLEARLY see that you guys aint a match, will be WRONG, and just a remedy for failure. why would you want to marry someone you dont understand? why would you want to marry someone you havent discovered yet (aka a stranger)? why would you want to marry someone who you consider COLD?

what you get NOW, is what you will get later........and by the looks of it, it aint much to brag about!

I completely agree with this post. You guys dont get eachother mayb yet or mayb never. I would advise you postpone the introduction and tell her to be herself maybe she is pretending to be docile to win you. shake her up if you still dont get her well maybe she is like that- really.

olaoluwa86: Am a guy who has tasted different kind of style life has to offer. I grew in a ghetto, I tasted all kinds of life the ghetto offered. I have lived in a room apartment, thank God I now stay in a Duplex. I have slept in the forest and I have slept in a five star hotel outside Africa.I have area boys as my friends and I have guys who are highly connected as my pals as well. I have the basic education Bsc (not too educated). I have dated girls who think they are sophisticated and I have dated girls of other side of the divide. I had to let you know me before I table my complaints. Am a regular NLer but I had to open this thread with another Id as to be open as much as I can.

I met this lady sometime early last year, she is very beautiful. The first time I met her she never gave me a chance until I sent her a text before she could pick my calls. I love her very much but my problem with her is that she appears to be very cold for my liking. I asked her what the problem is and she said I am the cause of her coldness. She said before I can into her life, she has been in charge of her relationships. She said I appear to be too intelligent for her. I told her that is just me, am not faking anything to impress her. I only had a balanced upbringing. I have not done anything to dominate her. Most times I pushed to tell me her feelings and advise on some issues. I have begged her to come out of her shell, I dont like her coldness. We intend to make our relationship former (introduction in two weeks) to our families.

Please help me, am scared of her coldness. How can I help her come out of it. Matured advise please.

Mod please help me take it to the front page for more matured advise.

Eeerm, I am scratching my head to see what the problem is. This intelligent girl of yours wants you to meet her parents, is that not a good thing? Maybe you feel that she should gist with you more and there should be two-way communication, not just you being better than her at almost everything and doing all the talking?

Give her some time to find your weaknesses and allow her to dominate you in her areas of comparative advantage some of the time (but don't patronise her). That should make you and her happy?

maclatunji:

Eeerm, I am scratching my head to see what the problem is. This intelligent girl of yours wants you to meet her parents, is that not a good thing? Maybe you feel that she should gist with you more and there should be two-way communication, not just you being better than her at almost everything and doing all the talking?

Give her some time to find your weaknesses and allow her to dominate you in her areas of comparative advantage some of the time (but don't patronise her). That should make you and her happy?

Noted

By coldness do u mean she is very reserved (melancholic). If so then its just her character and u can't change someone's character. U just have 2 understand it and be able 2 lift her out of it whenever she gets in2 one of those her mood. U have 2 really be sure, she is what u want. This is so its won't be a problem 4 u later.
Believe me I know. I married my wifey knowing her 2 be very reserved and melancholic. I still married her cos I wanted and had accepted that part of her character.

Dude relax . Don't go ahead with introduction or marriage until you are both comfortable with yourselves. Never marry a cold woman.

@op: i feel wat u re goin thru. my advice is this: first of al, postpone d intro. this way, the pressure will be off. relationship is a very serious n taskin issue. u n d lady have to invest time n really get to know each other. just imagine that al u guys have been doin is child's play. sit down wit her for a heart to heart talk. start d talk by tellin her ur fears, dreams, desires, childhood, adol stage, every u can think of n ask her to tell u al too. don't condemn her wateva she tells u. tell her d kind of dream woman u wanted n that u have found her to be dat n she has dis n dis attitude that hurt u. also ask her wat u do to hurt her n note it n genuinely try to improve. also pray for each other n work genuinely change while each of u adapt to each other weaknesses. show her that u love her passionately n ll do anything as far as it is not wrong or unreasonable to make d relationship blissful. it is well wit u! invite us for ur wedding o!

drnoel: By coldness do u mean she is very reserved (melancholic). If so then its just her character and u can't change someone's character. U just have 2 understand it and be able 2 lift her out of it whenever she gets in2 one of those her mood. U have 2 really be sure, she is what u want. This is so its won't be a problem 4 u later.
Believe me I know. I married my wifey knowing her 2 be very reserved and melancholic. I still married her cos I wanted and had accepted that part of her character.

She's not a mel, d Op is. Melancholics r lively analysts n can b reserved wen dy choose 2. She's phlegmatic n dis kind of ppl r turn offs 2 most melancholics but perfect fit 4 d cholerics. Op, is she dis cold with er oda peers? If yes, den am sowi der's nothin u can do abot it. So it's either u undastand er n take er 4 hu she is or u walk away.

People are indeed different.
This lady thinks you are too intelligent for her liking? I thought that was a good attribute!! Wow .am left with no words.
She's says she's always in charge,meaning? she calls the shots,domineering? what is she?
Her coldness is scary cz you never know what is boiling inside such people. Infact I run away from such as fast as I can.
I think its true you guys aren't compatible.

For her to say that she is always in charge of her former relationship means that she is not the COLD type.
Throw issues to her,and make her bring her own ideas and opinions instead of you making the ideas alone and askin her to know weda they are ok.

olaoluwa86: She agree to most of my suggestions. I expect her to disagree on some issues. I do most of the initiatives. She talk less, I expect her to challenge me atleast.

you're in my shoes, and currently i'm facing hell as my fiance is now a turned feminist! I can't even bring suggestions talkless of giving the final say. And before, she was jst this simple and alwys wanting to satisfy me until i started complaining abt her inability to disagree and get angry but since she has started, i've been relegated. I now have to consider her ego before talking else i'll get a sure answer like, ' honey listen to me, u can't tell me you to do. Do u wot u like, and i'll do mine if u think mine aint good for u'..
My advice, don't teach her to be fierce, u won't love it i swear, and try to give her the opportunity to choose when u think u dnt want to choose for her. If she gives d wrong advice, try to let her undstnd why it won't work and bring yours in a forms like, 'why don't we do it this way?' and at some times let her decisions have it's way otherwise she'll feel it's useless giving it anyway. But, don't ever fight or tell her she's too cold, u'll live to regret it o. I'm already sampling for another sweetheart as i've decided we won't work out.
That, my friend, is my two dimes!

@KINGwax: you created a problem and you're running away instead of fixing it. You're not fit to be any woman's husband, as marriage is filled with problems and the test of maturity is how you can handle it.

@OP: there's seems to be a personality clash btw you and your babe. She's used to being in control and doesn't have it and she's being cold to you (I assume being cold means not being loving and warm as a woman in love would) because she feels you're in control. Which is the right thing, you should be in loving control of the relationship.

So tell her "babe I love you and your wellbeing is important to me. However, I'm the man and the head of this relationship. Pls accept me being in charge and I will always value your input and opinions. I'm not trying to be domineering, but I have to take care of you." If she doesn't change and still feels that her being in charge is the best thing, well...

@ If you love this chick you got to be patient with her. Am sure she will find her bearing someday soon.

Abeg call her and talk about this, make everything clear and tell her what you think *the day you allow third party to decide for you in your relationship, it won't stand the test of time*

OP, she believes in you, she knows your are intelligent and trust your judgement.
She loves you and wouldnt want to argue with you about things she knows you will be right at the end of the day. Trust me, if she isn't, you would have seen her true colors.

Since you have seen both worlds, she has no option than to trust your intelligent.

Don't loose that babe, its not about compactablilty, continue with the relationship... You might not be able to find someone like her.

Don't ask me how i know cos i have been there.

Cheers

What do you want, a woman that did not trust you, someone that will argued with you and challenge you at every point. O boy wake up and groom the gold you have in your hand before you loose it. I have said this in the past but I have been able to her to be intelligent hardworking and submissive wife who trust my judgement and make her view know when not agreeing with what am saying. All other thing being equal you have a good lady with you