Ok

strange as my advise may seem....wifey needs to find new hubbies, visit the hospital/ people going through real issuesterminally ill people etc, whao are going through challenges and not whining and also attend a church that doesnt constantly make her feel like an invalid because there are no kids yet...i mean the type of church where there are constant reminders that "this is your month"

Life is so beautiful, kids add to the beauty, but if they dont come, God be praised

Pray for her also and talk to her in real ways about it.For e.g, when she is upset about it, don't give her the cliche answers like-God will do it.
Be more open about how you feel,it goes a very long way.
It gets worse with concerned persons as the years go by and the children dont come, so she has to be ready now, before the externally voices intrude

Hello,

Try this thread it great for people ttc, great advice and wonderful support. https://www.nairaland.com/318334/trying-conceive-child-ttc

amdman: Wifey is 33 and am 30. We live in Lagos, Nigeria. We have been TTC since December 2010. We lived apart for most of 2011 (though met at arranged breaks) because I had to work in a different location from her.

It doesn’t really bug me that we are still TTC, but I think sometimes the pressure gets to her and I need to know how I can help her deal with it. The pressure is not from our parents or siblings (both sides), but more from the unvoiced expectations, the fact that two of my siblings that got married last year are expecting already… stuff like that. I have done seminal fluid analysis with a count of 89m and motility of about 80%. She has also done a pelvic scan that came out as normal.

Last Tuesday, she called that she was in a lab doing HSG. I was shocked because we never talked about it and we usually discuss such things before taking action. She felt I would not agree to more tests and all that, so went to do it solo. I called her couple of hours later and she was in so much pain. I quickly closed at the office, abandoned my car on the island and took a bike from Victoria island all the way to Sango Ota.
Got home close to 8pm and had to sit by her side and comfort her while Chelsea were doing Barcelona in. Missed the match and all that, but I know it was all worth it cos she would have done more if our positions were reversed.

So I need to know what I can do to help her deal with the pressure[size=14pt] because I know that it won’t be long before I start buying huggies.
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Yes Baby, it won't be long for sure. You are already doing a good work comforting her and standing by her, the ttc thread Agiboma recommended for you is a wonderful support group for sure.

Now you have to note that it's high time we Naijas started ignoring what people think and have in mind for us because that steals away happiness and can wreck things like a beautiful marriage. Get creative with things to do with her to ensure that she is happy. The happiness of both of you transcends everything including the expectations of the people around you.

I don't need to mention you guys having intercourse at the right timing which is her ovulation period because you already know that for sure. She should also be fortifying herself with foods that are sources of folic acid while she is at it because soon and very soon (don't mind bubbly me), on a serious note I hope it happens for you and your wife dear.

@op If men like you really exist in such situations, how did I end up with the one I got? (I didn't deserve it). Back to the topic, you can rest assured that your bundles of joy are on the way. You can't do more than you are doing already,at the appointed time (soon)the Lord will certainly fulfill his promise concerning the situation.

@Poster, Maybe,you should plan a family project that will engage you two more and like shushu suggested allow her visit motherless baby home or visit the sick it helps alot. Work on her fears we women are afarid of the unknown(Did you understand?) so reasure her of your love and ensure you pray for the family.It is really painful to be in this situation and women feel they are the ones to be abused by the society. Please,tell her you are not leaving her with or without kids. You can try IVF if you have money and let her take multivitamins pills. Finally, I admire your strong faith in God it counts alot help your wife build on hers too. You are a good man and be rest assure that your bundles of joy are on the way. Don't give up in God!.

I understand perfectly wat u wife is going thru because i also did experienced delay b4 I finally took in.

My advice to u is to sit her down let her knw dat u married her because of love and not because of children.pray together, always assure her that all will be well n she should worryless although it is not easy on d part of a woman because d pressure will b there that is y u ve to increase wateva affection u ve towards her. Endeavour to call her always whenver u r out of d house. And. make sure u make love all through her fertile days and maintain a positive mind.I wish u guys d very best.i

I appreciate all the responses and the more that are yet to come. By the way, the HSG came out as normal (very positive).

Guy, having walked through that road i do not envy you. It is psychologically troubling especially when your 'mates' are 'progressing'. In my own case the first thing i told my wife was that i didint marry her for children. I married her because i love her and if we allow concerns to get the best of us, we might start idolizing the children even before we have them.

Also, stay away from people and places (especially family functions) that will remind of your need. As another contributor said, focus your energy on new things that can take your mind away.

But do not develop close friendship with with other couples who are expecting. This is because if they get pregnant before your wife, it will drag her further into despodency. Except if it is in a support group led by someone who is already a mother.

Furthermore, dont just zero in on the ovulation time. For me, we almost memorized the days of the callendar and filled them with charts but it was the month that we decided just to enjoy ourselves that it happened. The reason being that those days brought along their own anxiety plus it was more like a duty than something to enjoy . So just keep firing as many times as there is the chance and enjoing yourself

finally, i dont know how religious you are but you need to believe God and stand on His promises by yourself. Believe me it works everytime. we decided that we would not go to anyone for prayers because we have acess to the same name JESUS. My wife wanted a boy so we gave him a name and we even started including his name in prayer as is he was already with us. And so it came to be.

So believe God and it will come to pass.