well we didn't meet online or was it a matchmaking, we have known each other right from childhood cos we grew up in the same neighbourhood b4 he traveled, I never knew he was interested in me until last 3yrs, I trust him and am not materialistic, all those thins he bought I didn't ask him for them. Am just worried because of his change in attitude

@OP,i think you should give him some time,go on with your life in 9ja...and i implore you when you get to call him again,just tell him how much you've missed him and all,don't sound desperate by telling him bout your new suitor(that's a NO NO),get him to tell you how he's doing over there,let him know you might be far away but you are there with him too...you might not know what he's going through over there.
Pls try be calm,don't do some crazy shite out of desperation...Goodluck!

Young lady i think u should be truthful to us if u want good advice. First, he waited and supported u while u where in school right? he came back and meet ur family and lots of goodies. i think its not about ur beauty or personality, i think its about ur characters. he saw ur friends and he also went through ur messages. u might think u had all the areas covered but to tell u the truth u didnt.... my friends he wont be back for u again, move on and be more truthful with the next guy, if u cant then hide ur phones and friends. cheers

OAM: Young lady i think u should be truthful to us if u want good advice. First, he waited and supported u while u where in school right? he came back and meet ur family and lots of goodies. i think its not about ur beauty or personality, i think its about ur characters. he saw ur friends and he also went through ur messages. u might think u had all the areas covered but to tell u the truth u didnt.... my friends he wont be back for u again, move on and be more truthful with the next guy, if u cant then hide ur phones and friends. cheers

Hmmmm and u knw all dis because??

He wanted a55, you gave him and he is gone. Its dat simple. You were what they call December runs! Get over it and move on cos you won't see him again. Yes his mother is in on it too!

@ op maybe he thought that you were a virgin, reaching there he saw something else and the stuff maybe doesn't suit him. There is guy, he love the name and the girl is a very good girl *wife material* but he said he wouldn't marry the babe only because she doesn't know how to wine on bed. Most guys have there own reason for marriage. Hope when he came, you guys were not always eating fast food. Most guys love babe that will tell them honey y waste money on fast food, get the money let me cook delicious meal for us and its more economical .There's a lot about men. Little things matter most to them. Just call him and tell him about the other guy, if he says you should move on abeg no hesitate b4 you loose both. To me I think he doesn't care again, moreover MUST YOU MARRY HIM? Abeg move ahead with your life. What you love about him is just his money and maybe b/c he doesn't base in Nigeria. What of if actually he doesn't have money wouldn't you rush to the next guy?

Simple , the guy doesn't like u enuf to marry u.maybe u r d type dat look more beautiful in pictures..on ground dey r not.I have done it most times. A girl blows my mind on fb,bb,twitter or other social media.
I hook up with her and most times dey just don't match up with wat I wanted physically.the attitude mayb good,but its either she's a head too short,a size too big or a touch less pretty.I go on with the charde,and once she's gone,the calls stop.she keeps wonderin my sudden change in attitude when she knows she was so sweet to me.it often aint about only attitude,the attraction must be there.
Right now am waitin for one-a gurl I been shadowin for almost 2yars.she finally gave me an ap now.if she's not fine?gave save her rat ass.I'l prolly tell her to her face cos she suffer me well well.or I mayb just b polite and suffer thru d outing till she goes off.den I delete her frm my memory

Some things are not adding up in her story.

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Na wa. I def believe the low JAMB scores. Comprehension is no longer common. My ex was like this too: I could gist him the entire Avengers movie and he would hear synopsis of yoruba film. Didn't you read where the OP wrote "she grew up with the guy, they were childhood neighbours?" Why are y'all accusing her of being bad? What part of her story isn't adding up?? Talk about projecting your insecurities, mehn...

Onegai: Na wa. I def believe the low JAMB scores. Comprehension is no longer common. My ex was like this too: I could gist him the entire Avengers movie and he would hear synopsis of yoruba film. Didn't you read where the OP wrote "she grew up with the guy, they were childhood neighbours?" Why are y'all accusing her of being bad? What part of her story isn't adding up?? Talk about projecting your insecurities, mehn...

I think the issue here is many people read and just say whatever comes to their head without thinking through cos the way people conclude on here is really alarming.

Na wa. I def believe the low JAMB scores. Comprehension is no longer common. My ex was like this too: I could gist him the entire Avengers movie and he would hear synopsis of yoruba film. Didn't you read where the OP wrote "she grew up with the guy, they were childhood neighbours?" Why are y'all accusing her of being bad? What part of her story isn't adding up?? Talk about projecting your insecurities, mehn...

Lol at the bolded, thought i was the only one that noticed.
I guess some people are just in a hurry to reply without really going thru the post.

Onegai: Tell your relatives to pls be quiet, as if trouble comes, they will not pressure you then o, they will stay at home. You obviously like Guy no.1 more than Guy no.2 (it's always like that). So here's my suggestion: tell Guy no.1 "I'm not sure why you're acting like this, pls tell me if anything's going on, I'm gonna live my life, you know where to find me", then limit calls to him to once a week, preferably text rather than call. Tell Guy no.2 "I'd like to get to know and love you better, may we have 3 months and after we marry?"


Then see where the chips fall.

I support @onega, dats d best u can do. So dat u won't loose at both ends. There seems to be some musicians playing in some men's head.

@OP, the whole world is experiencing a global economy downturn...things are no longer as easy as it used to be for most people, especially those living abroad. If he is living in Europe, then have it in mind that he may have lost his job (if its Greece, Spain, etc), and doesn't want to let u know cos we (Nigerian men) always believe by default that Nigerian ladies only like or love or want us for our financial capacity...which he had proven to you by sending u gifts, etc. If he is staying in the united states, there is also possibility that he is out of job cos those countries are facing unemployment crises or pay cut, which must have affected him. The your guy loves to be in total control of his finance, and I can proudly tell you that he is an Ibo guy. So firstly, find out if he is still financial stable as he used to be cos when a man is not financially stable, he dislikes every other thing around him; his lover, etc, only his male friends are his best friend at such period, becos they are the ones that will be giving him business ideas and ideas to stand back financially, whereas the ladies will be busy worrying him with love me, buy me this, u didn't called me yesterday, u didn't picked my call today, etc. so be more concerned about his welfare now, try & find out his financial & business welfare and not his romantic welfare or escapedes cos there must have been one existing since.

Another reason, he may have lost interest in you for the following reasons:
1. He slept with you & u didn't meet up to his expectation, which is why sex b4 marriage is BAD! he may have measured your sex standard with some sex machines he do come across there in the country he lives.
2. Someone may have discouraged him; it maybe a family member, a close friend, etc.
3. You may have discouraged him urself through an ignorant behavior u displayed ignorantly, they are so many for me to list out here, spare that for now.
4. You may have looked so differently than he thought and wished & desired u to be, talking about physically & otherwise...men's taste in women changes so fast like chameleon, only takes absolute self-control/fear of God for them to hold back.
5. It is possible that he has met someone else, but of course he had someone else all these while for sure, so this alone can never be the reason for his gradual withdrawal, the above reasons are the more likely reasons. And finally, he may not be ready for marriage now and he observed from his stay with u that u are desperate to marry, and will soon get overaged, and decides to withdraw for u to find another shelter...and most times, men find it hard to communicate this to the lady cos of guilty conscience and cos he values and is afraid of ur emotional response to such sad news. There are many other likely reasons, but the above ones are paramount...meanwhile, don't close your door until you are ready to sleep...meaning don't ignore other potential guys coming your way, its one big mistake Nigerian ladies do...getting too drowsy about one guy that is yet to take them to the altar. Remember we are humans and humans can change at any time. Goodluck!

sauer:
I find it quite funny and a little disheartening that your definition of love and care is when "your guy" calls you non-stop, buys you niceties and pampers you with marriage. Can't you just pick your own self up and wade through life? Apparently, you are panicking in spite of what he tells you. This to me merely reveals that you never really trusted this guy all this time. I mean, you don't even believe him! So, it's either you are easily given to paranoia or don't trust your guy. Whatever comes out of this, is merely the beginning in your journey through life. If you are unable to handle this, I wonder how you'll be able to handle instances where "your guy" attempts to cheat or cheats outrightly. Suicide?
Come on, swallow a chill pill and go about your own business!

Okay. I see where u are coming from but one would be dumb to ignore or act submissively when a situation has drastically changed. Smh one should not ignore red flags. I think you should play it by ear. Chill out; watch his actions. If u loose him in the process he was not worth your time. Place trust but don't be stupid. Some women are used to being cheated on and accept this behavior with no questions. Still question but br smart about it.

@ op i think the more reason why you are in love with the first guy is becaouse he showered you with gifts, and more financially comfortable than the other guy but a bird at hand they...my 2 cent.

@ op i think the more reason why you are in love with the first guy is because he showered you with gifts, and more financially comfortable than the other guy but a bird at hand they...my 2 cent

i have a job that pays me well apart from that my family can take very good care of me.
i was 100% well taken care of by my parents before he came into the picture, i just listed all those items to show how far he went to show that he loved me, am not in the relationship because of the gifts

OP,I understand ur predicament. I've faced rejection for no apparent cause at the time. My advice for u is to see this as an act of God. It's difficult to let go but u have to. From the moment he told u he was waiting to build his house b4 seeing ur parents,u should have suspected he had no plans to marry u. I suspect he went out of his way to be nice to u out of guilty conscience.
Call him one night when he's not busy,take the bull by the horns and ask him what the problem is. Tell him u know he's no longer interested in u,but u need to hear it from him,and why. He may stall for some time,but ur boldness will probably put him on the defensive and he would say the truth b4 he realizes himself. Say ur goodbye and wish him well in future endeavours. It would hurt for sometime,but time heals all wounds.
In the future,God may open ur eyes to why it didn't work out. I'm talking from experience.
Stay blessed.

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