“Your heart, lungs, pulse &BP are ok.
Now let me see that little thing which gets
you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
Lady swings into action, removes her panties
and spreads her legs....
Dr: “No! No! Please put back your clothes... just
show me your tongue!”

Somehow we always think we are aging at a slower rate than everyone else, this was true of this older woman who is seeing a doctor for the first time.
She was taken into a room and told to “make herself comfortable.” While reading the doctor's diploma on the wall, she realizes that she went to high school with him many years ago.
The doctor enters the room; he is very gray, and slightly bent over from old age, and says “hello, how can I help you?”
The woman asks; “Did you attend Roosevelt High School?”
“Yes I did”, the doctor answered.
She asks: “Class of 49?” “Yes I was”, was the answered.
The woman was delighted, and said: “You were in my class!”
The doctor responded: “What did you teach?”

Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car
on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon,
Dr. Samuel Kaiser, who was standing off to the side,
waiting for the service manager.

Jerry, who was somewhat of a loud mouth,
shouted across the garage,
"Hey Kaiser, Is that you? Come over here a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised,
walked over to where Jerry was working on the car.
Jerry, in a loud voice that all could hear, said argumentatively,
"So, Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. Like you, I too take valves out,
grind them, put in new parts, and when I'm finished, this baby will purr like a kitten.
So how come you get the big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

Dr. Kaiser, very embarrassed, shook his head and replied,
"Try doing your work with the engine running."

joerux60: “Your heart, lungs, pulse &BP are ok.
Now let me see that little thing which gets
you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
Lady swings into action, removes her panties
and spreads her legs....
Dr: “No! No! Please put back your clothes... just
show me your tongue!”

puma.....

What’s wrong, Doctor? You look puzzled.”
“I can’t figure out exactly what’s wrong with you. I think it’s the result of heavy drinking.”
“Well then, I’ll just come back when you’re sober.”

Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?
Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.
Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.

Dentist (to the patient): For God's sake, stop making those noises and
waving your arms. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient : Yes, I know. But u're standing on my foot.

Doctors son: Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me
some guidelines of success.
Doctor father: Always, write your prescriptions
illegibly and your bills legibly.

Mohan : (to the doctor) : Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?
Doctor : Your eyesight seems to be poor.
Mohan : How did you come to that conclusion?
Doctor: You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a
veterinary hospital.

nice jokes collection

thanx bro.
lets hav these ones as well

Doctor: Liquor is a slow poison for you.
Patient: It's all-right. I'm not in a hurry.

Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?
Doctor: Use a pencil till I come to see your son.

Patient to doctor: On the top of your prescription these words are printed:
We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it
to God?
Doctor: Pay me. I will send it

Patient: Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?
Doctor: That is what I want to find out myself.

Doctor to patient: Why are you nervous?
Patient: Because this is the first time I am going to have an operation.
Doctor: But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation.

Patient to friend: I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory.
Friend: What did he do?
Patient: He made me pay him in advance.

Patient: Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am
ninety?
Doctor: How old are you now?
Patient: 40
Doctor: Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?
Patient: No. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I don't smoke. I have no vice.
Doctor: Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?

Patient: Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine.
The doctor was very much pleased.
He asked : Did it really help you?
Patient: It helped me wonderfully.
Doctor: How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?
Patient: I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his
sole heir.

A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age.
Patient: The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not
pain?

Cool jokes, u tried

ya ya

Nurse: Why are you sad today doctor?
Doctor: The patient I operated today afternoon died.
Nurse: Doctor, you didnt operate the patient today afternoon. You did a post mortem.
Doctor: Then who was the guy on whom I did a post mortem today morning


Doctor Vs. Lawyer Funny Joke
What is the difference between Doctors and Lawyers?
Because of mistakes Lawyers make, someone might end up hanging 6 feet above.
Because of the mistakes Doctors make, someone might end up buried 6 feet below


Things you must not hear the Doctor speak in an operation theatre.
1) Now if this is the kidney and that is the liver, what the heck is this?
2) Now where is Page 5 of this manual?
3) Shoo shoo black dog, come away with that piece, thats not your food.

Soo funny

lets try these ones


Patient: Doctor, I think I need to get my eyes checked up.
Man: You certainly need do. This is a restaurant.


Doctor: How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top
of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?
Nurse: A basketball coach?


Doctor: You are suffering from depression. Dont keep anything with you that worries you a lot.
Patient: Ok doc, I just threw away your 'doctor charges' bill.


Lady: Doctor, my husband is speaking in his sleep.
Doctor: Just allow him to speak to you during the day, he will become alright.


My wife went to the doctor last week and he told her to lie down on the couch.
"Why?" she asked "Because I want to clean the floor" replied the doctor.


A man went to the doctor and said " Doctor I've injured my arm in two places". The
Doctor replied "Well don't go back to those two places again".

nice jokes

thanx flair. try these ones too;


A Doctor asks his female patient "Would you say that you were sexually active?"
"No" she replied " I usually just lie there".


A plumber mended a leak at the doctor’s house. The two minute job cost $200.
"I don't charge that much and I am a doctor".
"Neither did I when I was one" said the man "that's why I became a plumber".


I asked my Doctor the other day "Do you think that I should have a child after
38?" The Doctor replied " No, 38 children are more than enough.


My wife went to the doctor last week and asked "I am 4 months pregnant, when do you think the baby will move"?
The Doctor replied "If you are lucky, as soon as she finishes college.



A man goes to the doctor and says "Help me doctor, I can’t help stealing things"?
"Okay, take these pills twice a day for a week" replied the doctor.
"But what if they don’t work" said the man
"Then get me a 42 inch plasma television".