hi. please am urgently searching 4 a job, am flakky

I sincerely appreciate everybody that has contributed and I say a big thank you for your advise. I actually shed some tears over some of the contributions like somebody saying i cooked up the story why would i do that is it to get money or sympathy. I only posted this sincerely because i really need advise because its getting to a stage i was becoming really desperate, frustrated and lonely.

Another person said i must have been wayward for me to have married a womaniser. No sir i was not that is why most times i ask God why me. I should have had a nice time and really enjoyed myself while in school as a spinster. I was not wayward.

One or two people also said my intention for a friend was not genuine that i only needed somebody to touch me bla bla bla. No that has never been my intention because I know the consequence of adultery and I know where God is taking me to therefore I can not sacrifice my destiny on the alter of adultery! I only need a friend that I can talk to especially when he wanders away at least that would prevent me from thinking.

I have tried nearly all that was advised; pray for him; call him in the middle of the night; talk to his family what is it that i have not done? I'm tired.

I dont want to divorce him cos the oath we took was for life, another option that i can consider is leaving separately but wont i deny my baby the love of his father?

As for weather im the cause well im not perfect i have my flaws too which was simply as a result of the way he is treating me. All these stuff about dress well, dont deny him sex why would I do that when i know that my body belongs to him.

I also thank all the people that left contact but somehow they got me confused especially when i read some of the posts of my potential friends they are not really worth it. (please dont be offended) I said a Christian friend not somebody that would compound what im going through.

please, i quest you are real faithful like you said. why should you think of having a male friend which you know may eventually put you into temptation or another predicament. Honestly, somebody is ready to take your advantage and cause more pain to you, pretending that he can help you solve the problem. My sister, just go on your kneel and make your prayer to God who has the whole world in his hand and he will change your husband then give you a happy family. All possibilities comes from God almighty. do not allow satan to take charge over your family.  you are already announcing your problem to Satan and he his ready to keep you company like you demanded. If possible, go on dry fasting and prayer, I mean hand over your situation to God as if its God's problem and expect him for a change. do you remember that God heal the sick, cast out demons, heal the blinds, make the cripples to walk and so many miracle. my sister, prepare yourself and allow God to speak to you. like my people use to say, he who dress crazy is a craze man. do not follow your husband steps to do anything wrong. meet your pastor for counselling, check your attitude, change where neccessary and learn to love and care for your husband at all time.          if you find my advise useful, kindly email me on royaljohnsonfromhome@yahoo.com

Well myomy, your last post made me do this, I would normally have a few questions to ask but I guess that can wait, if at all. View my posts on NL and if they seem like coming from someone who might be worth your while, then check my profile to see how to get in touch.

Ur story is pretty much not different from many people out there but wat makes yours a different case is that you have allowed the problem to be a part of your livelihood look madam am not saying that there is no problem there is but your approach to this problem is very bad thats why the problem still lingers like u said maybe its spiritual and i must have a believe that you are a christain and wat does the bible says that the weapons of our war fare are not carnal but that they are mighty for the pulling down of every strong holds
Ecclesaistics 7:14 in the day of prosperity be joyful but in the dat of adversity consider that God has made one side by side with the other so that man may not find out anything that shall be after him u see mam that u are going thru a trying time and that u need just the grace of God and not that man or guy u posted to be of assistance to u man wud only give u humanly advice but wen u look unto God then u have a divine answer
Proverbs 3:5 trust in the lord with all ur hearts and lean not unto thy own undertsnading this is very powerful the devil has failed becos he gave u trouble and u are supposed to use that trouble to achieve great feat if only u use the right channel read up Romans 9:17 and see wat the good book says
The reason why i tell u all this xtain jargons and not tell u to go after men or pack out of ur houise is that Romans 10:14 how can people have faith in the lord and ask him to save them if they have never heard about him and how can they hear unless some one tell them.Mam that someone is me and i am telling u that only God holds the key to ur problem i wud read from u again post ur opinion here and i wud tell u wat the lord holds in stock for u

Na wa o! See the different subtle ways of soliciting sex from someone else's wife. The comforters!!! Some guys are just not worth more than the value of their d**ks. Some can't even be entrusted with an HIV positive old woman. The sad thing is that, if we find out, all these friendship respondents are young and single. No one can cheat nature! sleep with someone's wife and someone else will sleep with yours! As for you that require a male friend, do what you got to do. You will definitely reap the fruit of your labour. Same goes for your husband. Good luck!!!

cool Fkseun i must confess that u understand the rythm of Karma but u failed some were u cud have given the lady a piece of advice wat she needs is more than scolding or actually backlashing any one she needs solace and although she searched for the wrong source so if u think u are kind enof u cud have told her that she needed more to wat she asked for thats how i see it

oh, I feel your pains, I imagine myself in your situation and I am, i don't know. I will suggest you try to talk to him, I know you said he accusses you or gets angry whenever you try to talk to him about his behaviour but there are ways in which you can do that and he won't flare up. Wait for a time when he is in a happy mood, then ask him why he changed suddenly or create the mood, You can cook him a special delicacy or buy him a gift or something that will make him happy, then try to talk to him, All disagreements are caused by misunderstanding, and you make someone understand you by talking to the person.
I wish you happiness in your marriage but i am declining your friendship offer. Call me on 08077286163 or email at pingu2k5@yahoo.com. Seun

lilrukevwe:

your story is pretty much not different from many people out there but what makes yours a different case is that you have allowed the problem to be a part of your livelihood look madam am not saying that there is no problem there is but your approach to this problem is very bad thats why the problem still lingers like u said maybe its spiritual and i must have a believe that you are a christain and what does the bible says that the weapons of our war fare are not carnal but that they are mighty for the pulling down of every strong holds
Ecclesaistics 7:14 in the day of prosperity be joyful but in the that of adversity consider that God has made one side by side with the other so that man may not find out anything that shall be after him u see mam that u are going through a trying time and that u need just the grace of God and not that man or guy u posted to be of assistance to u man would only give u humanly advice but when u look unto God then u have a divine answer
Proverbs 3:5 trust in the lord with all your hearts and lean not unto thy own undertsnading this is very powerful the devil has failed because he gave u trouble and u are supposed to use that trouble to achieve great feat if only u use the right channel read up Romans 9:17 and see what the good book says
The reason why i tell u all this xtain jargons and not tell u to go after men or pack out of your houise is that Romans 10:14 how can people have faith in the lord and ask him to save them if they have never heard about him and how can they hear unless some one tell them.Mam that someone is me and i am telling u that only God holds the key to your problem i would read from u again post your opinion here and i would tell u what the lord holds in stock for u

impressive

@Myomy,

Are you in Nigeria?
Well,
The moment i read your mail, i knew you were not faking. I guess since you could be a little confused with what to do, take time out to rediscover yourself. Your instincts will help you. if you have read some nice post on the topic, you should be careful enough.

As per your husband, he is not too much trouble if you ask me. he will soon get tired. He will be the one to beg for you attention later. I know how these things work. men like your hubby are everywhere and one thing for sure is that if they start early, they stop early. you will soon have him all to yourself OK. its just a mater of time. Just remain well behaved and attractive.

I wish you knew what i know,

i personally think you shd still examine yourself
try not to get upset with anything he does
even if e brings a woman home(which will be to the extreme)
just remain calm

dont ever accuse him of infidelity or
that he's cheating or whatever
i'm married and i can assure you
if u remain calm and act "the fool"
u will become unpredictable

i wouldn't subscribe to female companionship (its all gossip n gossip)
male friends will lead u to adultery cos
u may start seeing him giving what your husband does not, time, care, love
(and gets you into trouble)

maybe some frds you have around you will do
(i mean those telling you the TRUTH (u will know who does, although such truth may be hurting)

and of course THE GOD FACTOR
cos u need to take care of all ends and then add God
and not just praying and not playing your part.

i wish you all the best,

myomy,
I admire your courage to make your need known to us. I think many people do not understand what you need, and if they don't understand what you need, they cannot know how to give it to you. If you want to understand men better, try and study your brother, probably older than you. I also consider it risky to have a friend of the other sex, for just friends sake. I won't like it if my wife has such a friend, because if I found out I would already assume that somethings going on btw them. Imagination is not good for men. But in the meantime I think you can read a couple of Christian Books on men and for men and women. My suggestion is to read

1) Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men, Dr. Myles Munroe

Goodluck

Didn't you guys dated before you two got married? How long was the relationship before you decide to say, "I do" with him now finding your self in this mess.

When seeking for a companion to fill that empty space your husband left, you ironically saying God cannot do any thing about it. hhhmmm!! that a wrong step my dear.

My advice, whoever is your companion as you called it, called it "OFF" and if you don't have one. good!! stay just the way you are.

Each time you think of making love to him and he is not urging you, beg him. tell him that he is your husband and no one else you would like to make love to and you don't see it as a faithful thing to do going outside for pleasures when he is alive and well.

Just keep doing this as often as you think you can handle. i bet you, your husband will change.

Best of luck.

IT IS WELL MY SISTER. Just keep on praying. It seems God is not answering ur prayers abi, continue dear one day the result of ur prayers will come.
God is not a man that can lie neither a son of man that repents. God is the foundation of
Marriage. Please read "THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE" by Stormie Omartian. It will help you.

Just be prayerful.Present everything before God.If u must have a male friend, let it be someone like your brother who u can confide in, because the Devil knows ur weakness and might explore it, i wish u the very best.
female friends might not be better my dear, it's only God that can help u but He definately wont come down to help u, please help urself too, have fun but do not be derailed.

My Dear,
Nairalanders had said alot, you do not need any man, what you need is fervent prayer either before or after marriage man do like having an affair.
Pls your man will definitely come back home but then take a stock of your attitude, sexual pattern and mode of communication towards your husband.

IN SHAR ALLAH, YOUR MARRIAGE WILL BE RESTORED.

Madam,
are u sure having a male friend will be the solution?

Are u sure u're not paying him back in his coin? well i dont think that will be the best solution, only if u'll want to do that for other reasons. think of other solutions, but having a male friend will definitely not be the best solution, as that may worsen the situation. What if the male friend comes and take what he can take from u and dump you?

so, think of better solutions than that.

The last post of the lady says she has tried everything you guys are suggesting and nothing has worked. She even said she was tired. I do not know why everyone thinks a male friend must become an assistant husband. Are we saying there are no genuine male friends anymore? In my university days, I had a female friend for 3 years. We were not lovers. In fact, I knew almost everything about her and her fiancee. Everyone suspected we were sleeping together. There are still some sane men out there, even in Nairaland, who will not take advantage of a woman in her situation. Therefore, I do not condemn you woman, but I advise you to be VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL in choosing that friend. Whatever you need to try to make you happy, pls go ahead, but be in control.

I do not know why everyone thinks a male friend must become an assistant husband. Are we saying there are no genuine male friends anymore?

He's an assistant husband, whether emotionally or sexually. He's only there because the husband is not there.

Most times we tend to get carried away by sentiments. In my few decades on earth, I have come to realise that humans tend to make reports of their situation with fellow human beings in a way that would score for them higher points. We all know that he that sues another is not necessarily going to be the winner of the case. In cases involving husbands and wives the complainants never say the whole truth to 3rd parties until the 2 parties involved are present. You would then hear comments like: "was that what he/she told you?" A very close friend once complained about certain issues about his wife. As a 3rd party I just couldn't imagine why she didn't want to make love to him. If I had allowed sentiments to becloud my reasoning, maybe I would have advised him to go 'take care of himself outside'. The issue degenerated so much that I had no option than to call them together. It was then the cat was let out of the bag. HE HAD INFECTED THE WIFE WITH STD AND THERE WAS NO PROOF THAT HE HAD BEEN TREATED. That made her feel unsafe making love to him. The solution: I encouraged the two of them to visit a good clinic, run tests and get treatment if need be. The are still happily together today.

Dear myomy,
I have carefully gone thru the thread. I am married and enjoying the same. I'm also a Xtian.
While I do agree in the main with edatika's post, I also undertand ur peculiar situation which is not new.
Do pls give me a call on 0804 419 2550
Remain blessed

I am certain all you need is a listening hear, a should to lean on and heart that cares. I may not be able to offer all but I could try , eruobodo@gmail.com

to me, i think d only thing u need is ur children if u av any n if u dont have y dont u go hangin out wit ur female friends cos male friend wen u r married n ur husband aint doing well will cause u more pains. u might end up filing a divorce.

we guys are dangerous and d fact dat ur husby aint doing well doesnt mean u'll now start doing the same.

this might be a period of faith-test for you. so just believe in God n move closer to God.

one day He'll come back home fully.

urs sincerely

email me and let's discuss about it.godfrey92002@yahoo.co.uk

I really dont know how to say this am a guy going thro the same and being wishing to meet a woman who could just be a companion too, send me a text on 08025262372. take care of you, people dont know what it is like till they been thro it.

Look woman. i have read through your first post , the advices and especially your responce and I've come to realise that you indeed love your man. my candid opinion is do not look for a male companion this will lead to sex.and it will not stop. this is how it will start. meet him bring up your husband attitude, do doesn't crucify him,will pity your condition, follow out on many occasion, will ask you out on festive occasion knowing your hussy LL not be available,take you to party, pampers you, will start with cuddling,advance to lite kisses,occasional deep kisses,close with conducive environment for sex.and there it is.gbam! can longer stop.
please don't look for one i know what am saying,am married and have friends male and female alike.

Dear Friend, i think you should be prayerfulin the case involving you and your husband, any attempt on your part to look for a male companion may eventual lead to adultry, invariably bringing up a licence to hell fire, i will suggest that you look for a branch of APOSTOLIC FAITH CHURCH where you will be prayed for and GOD will look down on you with profound mercy of eternal SALVATION. thank you

hi dont be so worried i feel ur pain, well u can lean on me ,i will make it my personal problem to make u very happy and stress free,well i cant assure u of 100% but i will try my best.u can mail me on ralphchelsea79@yahoo.co.uk/08050415377

I've read through the many advice given u. I can imagine how confusing it might be for you. Situations like this have a way of making you reason in ways you never thought or imagined.  The truth about life is that IT TAKES YOU AND ONLY YOU TO GET OUT OF ANY NEGATIVE SITUATION you may find yourself whether you read books, fast, pray, talk to or make friends etc. (Now don't get me wrong, all of that is great). But if you can't  PICTURE yourself happy and your marriage working it will just be all a futile exercise. Once your mind is made up  be it in the right or wrong direction things just begin to go  that way for you.

Three (3) things I'd say here

1. Allow your husband to be responsible for his wrong doings i.e allow him the space and time to get back to himself (cos he definitely will)

2. Stay away as much as possible from blaming/accusing (it only compounds issues)

3. What do you see? A home filled with laughter, joy, peace? OR a battlefield?

The choice is all yours! Make up your mind. Use your will power, its right there within you

I thought this through and i must say your case is simply complicated. I have 2 solutions. 1. Take a bow and file the papers in court. 2. Talk to God. Note that you need option 2 to carry out option 1.