Unique!:



I honestly fail to see how this is any of your business. Are u the one married to the woman? Even if the man is stupid enough to reveal stuff going on in his home to you, who appointed you mediator? Meanwhile, you're not even mediating! It's clear you've taken sides! My guy, sometimes the best approach to this kind of hing is to MYOB - mind your business! So not minding your business has already fetched you a nice reward - your friend abandoning his matrimonial home over a simple issue he ought to sort out amicably with his wife. Hope you enjoy the gift for some more time. At least enough time for your friend to learn to behave like the married man he claims to be. As for you, don't be surprised if you find yourself ex-communicated by the couple in the near future, cos no one who interferes in husband wife matters ends up unscathed. Trust me, this problem will pass, but consider yourself lucky if you and your friend remain friends!

i gave an honest opinion- and it wasnt right that the Guy should apologize for sumthing he didnt start.

bukatyne: lol! wat God has joined together, let no man/friend put asunder! that ur friend doesn't value his marriage and he is very proud n u're a classic example on y people esp married should mind who their confidant re. since he 'listens' to u, tell him to go home n apologize to his wife! if he genuinely loves her, he wouldn't bear to be seperated from her! later, he can call his wife's attention (in love else, it would backfire) to the fact that she is sturborn n hurting him n she should learn to apologize when she's wrong! if this doesn't work, he should tell their pastor n get d pastor to preach on the matter one sunday so dat d wife ll hear! it is well! a lot of men/women get married witout knowing wat it is all about!

why should d guy apologize, i feel the wife is pompous and proud

Nony J

well am really sorry for what your going thru but the way we make our bed sometimes...
you shouldn't have consented to that total finance disclosure. opening a new account will
bring so much trouble b.c he will believe you want to start controlling the affairs.
since you earn more and there is a general opinion that women breadwinners call the shuts, men with attitude problem display these acts and even more in a bid to prune the wings of their wives and some succeed in breaking their marriage.
i must commend your courage all the way and you are under obligation to make your marriage work, because is for better and for worse. you have to sit him down, talk to him gently and in a humble manner probably a day he is in a good mood. let him know you are supposed to take care of your family because they were there before him and will remain a part of you, and you need to look good too and be outstanding at your office and elsewhere.
marriage has no written formula, you use humility, understanding, truthfullness , love and above all prayers to continue to stir your own ship "marriage" until Christ come. most people face more challenges than you do,yet they are onboard and ones your out another sharp woman will enter and turn that man around.

Hey fig, you have reason's to be vexed believe me but you have come this far haven't you? So just work on the other excesses of your man. The bible say's a wise woman buildeth her own house but a foolish one will tear it down with her own hand's.
Do not let anyone push you into destroying your home half the people on here advising you give your hubby the harsh treatment are really not as happy as you are in your marriage. Why do you think they have all the time to hang around NL?
So wipe your face and light those candle's in your bedroom with a soul music playing in the background and do not forget to wear a seductive lingerie too.
Now, whine your waist vigorously while walking up the stair's and just about when you are about to enter into your room, look back and ask your man could you please help me massage my back honey ? I had a hard day at work. *wink's* life's Good you know.

figures: thanks, that is the reassurance I need.

thanks so much dude.jah bless

olawahle: thanks so much dude.jah bless

you mean me? Cos I am already grinning.

Guitarlife: Hey fig, you have reason's to be vexed believe me but you have come this far haven't you? So just work on the other excesses of your man. The bible say's a wise woman buildeth her own house but a foolish one will tear it down with her own hand's.
Do not let anyone push you into destroying your home half the people on here advising you give your hubby the harsh treatment are really not as happy as you are in your marriage. Why do you think they have all the time to hang around NL?
So wipe your face and light those candle's in your bedroom with a soul music playing in the background and do not forget to wear a seductive lingerie too.
Now, whine your waist vigorously while walking up the stair's and just about when you are about to enter into your room, look back and ask your man could you please help me massage my back honey ? I had a hard day at work. *wink's* life's Good you know.

that's exactly my strategy and its beginning to work. Two wrongs don't make a right. I honestly understand how a man feels when he is not able to provide everything his family needs. I understand the ego issues and all, but this puts the woman under a lot of pressure, innocent actions and remarks may be misinterpreted by outsiders and inlaws alike. May God give us the strength. I believe God doesn't put us in a situation greater than us.

Another startegy is to get a family focused devotional .Do make sure you have your family devotional atleast once a day and that he is the one to lead the devotion. By the time he does this for a week and he has to explain some scriptural passages and he see's you listening attentively (even when he's not making sense lol) It could help him to adjust to the financial situation. Enjoy your marriage joor and never ever allow the devil sneak in this thought that you married the wrong person. Believe me, half the people laughing in church have worse challenges .

figures: that's exactly my strategy and its beginning to work. Two wrongs don't make a right. I honestly understand how a man feels when he is not able to provide everything his family needs. I understand the ego issues and all, but this puts the woman under a lot of pressure, innocent actions and remarks may be misinterpreted by outsiders and inlaws alike. May God give us the strength. I believe God doesn't put us in a situation greater than us.

snthesis:
i gave an honest opinion- and it wasnt right that the Guy should apologize for sumthing he didnt start.

My dear, I quite understand your concern over your friend's 'ordeal' in the hands of his wife. LOL. U never see anything sef. My point actually is that you should allow your friend to manage his home with his wife as they deem fit. Your friend is no longer a single man; He's married now, so if there's any problem between him and his wife, please let them work it out by themselves. Every marriage goes through different challenges, and you honestly shouldn't be muscling in to play voltron over your friends marital affairs. Seriously, how long do you intend to continue to do this? It seems you have lots of time in your hands! Is your friend a child? I suggest you and your friend pick up a good christian book on marriage to understand that marriage is in fact for Men and not for boys! Your being his friend should not make you think you have rights to take decisions he, should be taking.

Finally, since it's clear your friend listens to you, as one poster suggested, ask him to go back home and go sort out his issues with his wife. That's the mature thing to do after all. Plus, it's a nice way to get rid of him now he's become of nuisance value to you. Lol. Hope you learn from this incidence sha. Lol

Unique!:


My dear, I quite understand your concern over your friend's 'ordeal' in the hands of his wife. LOL. U never see anything sef. My point actually is that you should allow your friend to manage his home with his wife as they deem fit. Your friend is no longer a single man; He's married now, so if there's any problem between him and his wife, please let them work it out by themselves. Every marriage goes through different challenges, and you honestly shouldn't be muscling in to play voltron over your friends marital affairs. Seriously, how long do you intend to continue to do this? It seems you have lots of time in your hands! Is your friend a child? I suggest you and your friend pick up a good christian book on marriage to understand that marriage is in fact for Men and not for boys! Your being his friend should not make you think you have rights to take decisions he, should be taking.

Finally, since it's clear your friend listens to you, as one poster suggested, ask him to go back home and go sort out his issues with his wife. That's the mature thing to do after all. Plus, it's a nice way to get rid of him now he's become of nuisance value to you. Lol. Hope you learn from this incidence sha. Lol

TANX! spoke with him and he agreed to go back home, after we go clubbing tonyt

Your kind of person is rare, I give u kudos. I ll advise you not to have another account aside d one u ve been operating together cos u ll only succeed in causing more problem and as a result more pain in ur heart.

Always thank God for the grace He has given u (ur earning) while u remain humble and give him due respect always. I think your husband is having ego problem as mostly seen in men in his situation. Sending u errands, he is trying to maintain his superiority and at d same trying to see if you ll raise ur voice against him or be adamant.

Call him and have a heart to heart discussions with him, if possible on ur kneels but before this, pray to God to direct ur words. Above all, prayer is key. Pray and commit d situation into God's hands. All d best.

snthesis:
TANX! spoke with him and he agreed to go back home, after we go clubbing tonyt

^^^you're welcome dear

@ Figures,
Each union has its own challenges.
Don't allow many of these green people ruin your relationship.
What's the problem with co-owning a family account? It would've been a different kettle of fish supposing :
1. You didn't have a joint-account or
2. He was the one earning bigger.
But as it is now, don't even try opening another account or restricting his access to the J-Acc cos if you do, you will make him cast a doubt & air of suspicion on you, you'll bruise his ego more & drive him more into his cocoon, which will defect your purpose/intention.

I do tell people to check themselves too when I hear issues like this. Someone raised an issue of how you may be treating your MIL but ThoniaSlim was quick to attack the suggestor. What even baffled me was calling him a fool ! Ha ha !!! Please Thoniaslim, softly softly.
It's even the perceivedly or seemingly small/negligible matters that forms the bedrocks of either the success or failure of a union like the proverbial tiny rudder of the airplane.

Lastly, to be candid, the ideaism of gender equality will make more marriage suffers because it cannot address the problems the people intend it to. Trust me, I'm not a bigot nor sexist, and what I detest most in human is Bossy/master/domineering trait. A simple respect for all our fellow humans, irrespective of colour; closeness; caste, will solve the issues that the Seesaw balance-like Gender equality/woman emancipation is trying to solve.
The God that made man & woman differently was not a novice or trial-ist.
Please, don't equally underplay the role of personality compatibility & adjustments.
All will be well.

Seriously, I have always been so scared of Marriage, even at 25. Most of my school mates we graduated together are getting married one after the other, it has never bugged me at all. I always think "What if I don't love him anymore after we are married, or what if he stops loving me?" I am not actually the relationship type I've been in only 1 r/s b4 until my present one which is a long distance r/s which doesn't seem like a r/s to me but helps me keep the guys away, I am a solo. It's not that I don't believe in Love, I watch a lot of romantic movies but things have not seem so perfect in real life. I've got my life all planned and laid out in front of me, I've achieved most of the goals i set out for myself few years back and getting close to marriage but to be so honest with you: I AM SO SO SCARED OF IT. Each time I think about it I get depressed but I don't want to spend my life alone.

Dextra: Seriously, I have always been so scared of Marriage, even at 25. Most of my school mates we graduated together are getting married one after the other, it has never bugged me at all. I always think "What if I don't love him anymore after we are married, or what if he stops loving me?" I am not actually the relationship type I've been in only 1 r/s b4 until my present one which is a long distance r/s which doesn't seem like a r/s to me but helps me keep the guys away, I am a solo. It's not that I don't believe in Love, I watch a lot of romantic movies but things have not seem so perfect in real life. I've got my life all planned and laid out in front of me, I've achieved most of the goals i set out for myself few years back and getting close to marriage but to be so honest with you: I AM SO SO SCARED OF IT. Each time I think about it I get depressed but I don't want to spend my life alone.

I didn't intend to scare anyone. it is good to know that marriage is not a bed if roses before you jump into one. It is the natural order things, to be fair, the good largely outweighs the bad. Its is just natural for human to hold on to negative things. Every area of Life has its challenges, just focus on the positive. Even the work place, if u have a bad boss, will you decide to be a stay at home mom because all bosses are bad? You face the challenge and rise above it. That's what makes you a better person date what makes u worth more than your age. Only a coward runs away from challenges. So my dear you have to face it ( as your mum IS) and make it.

MOBBDEEP: @ Figures,
Each union has its own challenges.
Don't allow many of these green people ruin your relationship.
What's the problem with co-owning a family account? It would've been a different kettle of fish supposing :
1. You didn't have a joint-account or
2. He was the one earning bigger.
But as it is now, don't even try opening another account or restricting his access to the J-Acc cos if you do, you will make him cast a doubt & air of suspicion on you, you'll bruise his ego more & drive him more into his cocoon, which will defect your purpose/intention.

I do tell people to check themselves too when I hear issues like this. Someone raised an issue of how you may be treating your MIL but ThoniaSlim was quick to attack the suggestor. What even baffled me was calling him a fool ! Ha ha !!! Please Thoniaslim, softly softly.
It's even the perceivedly or seemingly small/negligible matters that forms the bedrocks of either the success or failure of a union like the proverbial tiny rudder of the airplane.

. I don't av a MIL or FIL anymore. We lost her last year, and my FIL dead a long time ago. He is the last child and has very elderly siblings. I have never disrespected any1 and no1 comes barging into my home. I don't problems with dem ( they are males). He has a lot of nieces and nephews that like comin around, infact dey see me a mentor career and relationship wise ,I take as my siblings,I don't have any problems with them. Maybe that's why it pains me that he doesn't give my side as much attention as I give his. When I discussed this with him, he said they are big boys ( independent) and they don't need follow up. I made him see he was wrong, as the 1st child's husband he has to be their big bros no matter hw much he thinks they have. I get where he is comin from because he is the last. As kristonium rightly said, we comw from different backgrounds and it will take a while for both side to fully adjust.

MOBBDEEP: @ Figures,
Each union has its own challenges.
Don't allow many of these green people ruin your relationship.
What's the problem with co-owning a family account? It would've been a different kettle of fish supposing :
1. You didn't have a joint-account or
2. He was the one earning bigger.
But as it is now, don't even try opening another account or restricting his access to the J-Acc cos if you do, you will make him cast a doubt & air of suspicion on you, you'll bruise his ego more & drive him more into his cocoon, which will defect your purpose/intention.

I do tell people to check themselves too when I hear issues like this. Someone raised an issue of how you may be treating your MIL but ThoniaSlim was quick to attack the suggestor. What even baffled me was calling him a fool ! Ha ha !!! Please Thoniaslim, softly softly.
It's even the perceivedly or seemingly small/negligible matters that forms the bedrocks of either the success or failure of a union like the proverbial tiny rudder of the airplane.

Lastly, to be candid, the ideaism of gender equality will make more marriage suffers because it cannot address the problems the people intend it to. Trust me, I'm not a bigot nor sexist, and what I detest most in human is Bossy/master/domineering trait. A simple respect for all our fellow humans, irrespective of colour; closeness; caste, will solve the issues that the Seesaw balance-like Gender equality/woman emancipation is trying to solve.
The God that made man & woman differently was not a novice or trial-ist.
Please, don't equally underplay the role of personality compatibility & adjustments.
All will be well.

Dude where did I call him a fool? Try using your glasses next time you reading rather than jumping into stupid conclusions!

figures: I am actually crying because all these things are missing in my marriage. I have been married for 4yrs with 2 kids. If I try to talk to him he ignores me or says I talk too much. Mind u, I am the introvert here, he TALKS tooo much disclosing personal stuff to strangers. He hardly appreciates anything I do. Despite the fact that I work full time, I didn't have a house help until I was about resuming maternity leave for my 2nd child( he didn't want househelp). I did all the chores myself, he claims there is a washing machine dat I don't do much. He sits around and sends me on errands. He even says I am lazy sometimes. Since I had a house help I have been relieved. Always complains about about food and he cannot even cook noodles. Many times I regret marrying him. He changed completely. The area of finance is another kettle of fish. I make 90 percent of our income. I work in an oil company ( dis was just after we got married). I see this as a priviledge, so we have 1 purse. He access to my account and monitors my spending. I am not extravagant by any standard. My issue is not in buying clothes etc, he gets angry when ever I send money to my mum or siblings( dey don't know about dis). I am the 1st child and it is my responsibility to take care of them. I have 3 siblings and they are all independent. But once in a while dey need things from me. In fact dey give me more than I give them despite the fact I earn more than dem. If he discovers I sent money home, he sends money one distant cousin too. In fact I have concluded dat he does not love me. [B]I made greatest mistake of my life. [/B]Sorry for barging into ur thread op, I just had to vent. I have never discussed this wif any1.

I don't have any reassuring words for you unlike some of the others. . .these bolded statements are all I am going to base my judgememnt on - four years is not beans and if that conviction in your mind remains amd grows any further, pack your things and leave that dude for good while you can!

snthesis:
why should d guy apologize, i feel the wife is pompous and proud

dear, wat u feel is different from wat is right! the wife is truly proud and the man is also PROUD, EGOISTIC n DOES NOT HAVE A FORGIVING SPIRIT! wat kind of offense can d wife commit that he wouldn't go back home for one good wk? u mean he never went to check on her etc etc etc? when next ur friend comes wit his wahala, tell him to go back home n learn how to be married! come to think of it, if ur female friend came wit d same problem, would u give her d same addy? pls always learn to be a peacemaker esp in marriages! stay blessed!

Marriage is overrated. Couples are not usually as happy and settled as they make out. Too much bullshit and pretence and thats why it falls apart very quickly in the face of any major challenge such as illness or lack of money (even if sudden).

bukatyne: dear, wat u feel is different from wat is right! the wife is truly proud and the man is also PROUD, EGOISTIC n DOES NOT HAVE A FORGIVING SPIRIT! wat kind of offense can d wife commit that he wouldn't go back home for one good wk? u mean he never went to check on her etc etc etc? when next ur friend comes wit his wahala, tell him to go back home n learn how to be married! come to think of it, if ur female friend came wit d same problem, would u give her d same addy? pls always learn to be a peacemaker esp in marriages! stay blessed!

point noted, thanks

snthesis:
point noted, thanks

hope ur friend is back home now..

kristonium:
hope ur friend is back home now..

yep-

snthesis:
yep-

bless u

mutter: Figures the fact that you earn most of the money does not mean that your husband should not be able to make decisions regarding the money. In a family it is wise for the man and woman to plan together for the future.
It is also not unusual that he did not want a househelp, many people would avoid taking a househelp if they could afford to, they often come with a lot of problems.
As regards the errand sending, I can only shake my head. That`s your husband and it is your duty as a wife to serve him hands and feet!!!!
I do not think that your man does not appreciate you, I am sure he does however four years is a very short time give him time!!!

Oh dear Lawd

Inspiring encouraging thread.
OP & first few replies got me chuckling (hope that word's right). Then @figure took my smile away. & I rushed to page 2 to see how best to describe such hubby as her's, but alas the smile's back. ( thank God my wife is not here to ask why I'm smiling)

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