This is the situation... I work in the same office with this lady, we have never really communicated, though its a para-military organization, it is only standard that I pay her her due compliment being that she is a senior officer to me in rank as well as age (early 40's). A couple of months ago, 30 of us were sent on a senior officers course, her inclusive for 3 months, and she was incidentally part of my group... We then got acquainted, having group discussions with respect to our exams and all. @ a point I noticed she started taking particular interest in me (and I must say she is beautiful )... She then told me that she was attracted to me but categorically* stated that not sexually though... Which I said was okay since she is married and I have certain reservations having a sexual r/ship with a married woman ( personal Principle )

We have been communicating quite frequently afterwards, she telling me about how her husband don't appreciate her anymore, because of the fact that she bore him no son but 4 girls, hw she got married early and did not do thing girls of her age then did, like clubbing, escapades and all that. She calls me frequently, sometimes @ midnight just to talk and advises me to look for a good girl to get married to. While all this is going on, I deliberately refused to call her unless she calls or sends me a missed call then I return the call and she complains bitterly about me not calling and I give excuses ( I do this to protect myself from getting too intimate)

But quite recently I have noticed that she is becoming too daring ( I am a very quiet and private person and I don't want people especially my colleagues @ the office to get the wrong idea or impression that I am sleeping with her) she comes into my office ever so often nowadays and she gets a lil touchy touchy if u know what I mean.

She's a cool person but I think she is takin this a bit too far and I am scared that if I find myself in a position where we are secluded, the push and pull factor might just overwhelm me and I know me... I can be unpredictable even to myself....But still don't want to end it. This is all new to me, and I am not really into women (and not gay) if u get my drift....

What would ya'all do in this situation just want to get other peoples opinion if u were in my shoes......

You should tell her you're uncomfortable with her advances:
1. Because she's married AND
2. Because you're not interested in her.

Be firm, Be clear.

Two things are involved.

If u know that u dont do "married women", then strictly tell it to her, and have ur peace.

If u is the type that pianks 'anything' (women of whatever status) that comes ur way, then give her what she wants, simple.

Rano's take!

Yield: You should tell her you're uncomfortable with her advances:
1. Because she's married AND
2. Because you're not interested in her.

Be firm, Be clear.

some people just say something as if it is so easy.
@poster, I feel what you are passing through cause am almost in such a situation to.
One thing you must bear in mind is that women nomatter how matured, intelligent or wise they are, they must still exhibit that childish act or thinking when they see someone they love.
This is what you need to do.
1. Stop engaging in personal discussion with her, like her family issues and your own family issues. Even if she raises up such topic, talk little about it and switch to another topic.
2. Be very social with her.
3. Devote that same time you devote to her to other females in her presence . (so that she won't take her's personal)
please when doing all this be careful not to hut her emotions.
If you follow the above steps, be rest assured that she will withdraw her feelings from you even with her not knowing it.
They worked for me and are still working for me. Wish you well bro.

Learn 2 be open, avoid private meetings n talk abt ur relatnshp, if u av one.
Also, she might nt really want sex initially bt if u help her build affection, she will break ur personal principle, so avoid privacy.

Considering the fact that you work together,Firmly tell her off in a civil and polite way and make sure the night calls ends. If she persists or becomes desperate,assume a very official relationship with her and cut her off totally.
It seems she is highly attracted to you already. It's your call to put an end to it. Otherwise, she'll sublty pursue you and you know how women are when they get desperate.

person wife

SMH!

See dis dude dey ask JAMB qstn? Get a gf (even if it is temporary) or ur pretty bribed female cousin 2 act as 1 and rub it in her face.
Works like a charm.

ijebuboy18: See dis dude dey ask JAMB qstn? Get a gf (even if it is temporary) or ur pretty bribed female cousin 2 act as 1 and rub it in her face.
Works like a charm.

Erm!!.. Dude.... Maybe u should do us as well as urself a favour and go play outside... This discussion is for matured and sane thinking people... I don't expect u to comprehend.

sycamore:





Erm!!.. Dude.... Maybe u should do us as well as urself a favour and go play outside... This discussion is for matured and sane thinking people... I don't expect u to comprehend.

Matured minds indeed!!! When you seek help,advice or suggestions, you should be ready to listen to the wise,foolish,bright,stupid,smart,outrageous,canny and funny,not casting any aside.
You remind me of so called "minds" that laffed @ d idea that the world is round when everyone thought it was flat,because it was conventional and cast out as unconventional thoughts.
My post is there 4 u 2 use or not 2, let me take my toys and go play outside as you suggested, while you keep thinking within the box.

Am short of words.

ijebuboy18: See dis dude dey ask JAMB qstn? Get a gf (even if it is temporary) or ur pretty bribed female cousin 2 act as 1 and rub it in her face.
Works like a charm.

I quite agree with your suggestion, geting a girlfriend would make her begin to see things on a diff light, it would create a boundary for her n make her realise that she's somebodys wife and you are somebodys boyfriend

Op, pls let her be! U need self-control here.
Avoid being private with her, avoid giving her a smile, avoid complimenting her appearance.
Tell her in a diplomatic way that u don't do married women.
However, woman like that could ruin your life for she's disastrous.

@merciie, thank u jo. My mature minded friend has forgotten how 2 release d child in him and think like 1.
U don't even need a gf sef, ur pretty cousin or friend will do.
Take a pix of ur cousin and save it on ur fone as ur screen saver,change her name on d fone 2 honey, sweethrt or wateva name u can think of, get ur cousin 2 call u when u r around ur boss n pik it with a smile n call her sweet names, look dreamily into space when she is around u and when she asks u wats up,tell her u r thinkin abt ur gf, wen she cals u @ nite tel her u r going on a date wit ur gf,ask her 2 speak wit ur gf on d fone n even ask her 4 rship advice or tips, implying that u luv ur gf so much n u don't want 2 loose her.
Now tell me whether she won't free u.
Going outside 2 play with my toys again sha, aftall wetin small pikin knw wen adults are talkin.

@poster i really feel ur prob. I advice u tell her politely about her act and give her more reason why she should stop it and u too should stop some certern tins like night calls, stayin long alone wit her etc.

I dont support de idea of forging a gf. Wen girls re desperate dey will go extra mills. I ve female friend even wen she knows my gf, she still wanna be intimate wit me.

Ranoscky: Two things are involved.

If u know that u dont do "married women", then strictly tell it to her, and have ur peace.

If u is the type that pianks 'anything' (women of whatever status) that comes ur way, then give her what she wants, simple.

Rano's take!

did I hear u right, did u not say [size=28pt]she was married[/size]. Look young men, marriage should be the line no one crosses. U don't just go wanting to see the naked nyash of a married woman talk less about giving her what she wants. If u scatter her home nko cos u couldn't control urself.
Gosh! people in this NL know how to give terrible advice that even they themselves may not do. Abeg young man runway from that irresponsible married woman. I do know a situation where a young man was assassinated cos he was doing anoda man's wife. Some men won't 4give that easily..

If you want the same for your wife when you finally settle down, you can go ahead.

@poster
You are nt gay I agree
But why don't u have a gf
Dats the best way to run away frm her politely becos she can ruin ur career and deal mercilessly with yu if u dnt handle dis mata serZli.

@poster,jst assume shes nairaland,spil it out 2 her jst like u did here,i think ur write up is polite.She wunt knw wat ur thinking or d position shes putin u into unles u communicate it 2 her.my advc d4 is 2 talk wit her abt ur fear,if she really meant wat she actualy said in d beginin(nt attractd 2 u sexualy).she wil adjust wit tym,u cant blame her either,she got problems wit her husbd

sycamore: This is the situation... I work in the same office with this lady, we have never really communicated, though its a para-military organization, it is only standard that I pay her her due compliment being that she is a senior officer to me in rank as well as age (early 40's). A couple of months ago, 30 of us were sent on a senior officers course, her inclusive for 3 months, and she was incidentally part of my group... We then got acquainted, having group discussions with respect to our exams and all. @ a point I noticed she started taking particular interest in me (and I must say she is beautiful )... She then told me that she was attracted to me but categorically* stated that not sexually though... Which I said was okay since she is married and I have certain reservations having a sexual r/ship with a married woman ( personal Principle )

We have been communicating quite frequently afterwards, she telling me about how her husband don't appreciate her anymore, because of the fact that she bore him no son but 4 girls, hw she got married early and did not do thing girls of her age then did, like clubbing, escapades and all that. She calls me frequently, sometimes @ midnight just to talk and advises me to look for a good girl to get married to. While all this is going on, I deliberately refused to call her unless she calls or sends me a missed call then I return the call and she complains bitterly about me not calling and I give excuses ( I do this to protect myself from getting too intimate)

But quite recently I have noticed that she is becoming too daring ( I am a very quiet and private person and I don't want people especially my colleagues @ the office to get the wrong idea or impression that I am sleeping with her) she comes into my office ever so often nowadays and she gets a lil touchy touchy if u know what I mean.

She's a cool person but I think she is takin this a bit too far and I am scared that if I find myself in a position where we are secluded, the push and pull factor might just overwhelm me and I know me... I can be unpredictable even to myself....But still don't want to end it. This is all new to me, and I am not really into women (and not gay) if u get my drift....

What would ya'all do in this situation just want to get other peoples opinion if u were in my shoes......

Hmmmmm....interesting.
Doesn't appear to me that you really want her...if she makes you feel uncomfortable my dear let her know.
And if you do decide to pursue it, do so at you own pace.

sycamore: This is the situation... I work in the same office with this lady, we have never really communicated, though its a para-military organization, it is only standard that I pay her her due compliment being that she is a senior officer to me in rank as well as age (early 40's). A couple of months ago, 30 of us were sent on a senior officers course, her inclusive for 3 months, and she was incidentally part of my group... We then got acquainted, having group discussions with respect to our exams and all. @ a point I noticed she started taking particular interest in me (and I must say she is beautiful )... She then told me that she was attracted to me but categorically* stated that not sexually though... Which I said was okay since she is married and I have certain reservations having a sexual r/ship with a married woman ( personal Principle )

We have been communicating quite frequently afterwards, she telling me about how her husband don't appreciate her anymore, because of the fact that she bore him no son but 4 girls, hw she got married early and did not do thing girls of her age then did, like clubbing, escapades and all that. She calls me frequently, sometimes @ midnight just to talk and advises me to look for a good girl to get married to. While all this is going on, I deliberately refused to call her unless she calls or sends me a missed call then I return the call and she complains bitterly about me not calling and I give excuses ( I do this to protect myself from getting too intimate)

But quite recently I have noticed that she is becoming too daring ( I am a very quiet and private person and I don't want people especially my colleagues @ the office to get the wrong idea or impression that I am sleeping with her) she comes into my office ever so often nowadays and she gets a lil touchy touchy if u know what I mean.

She's a cool person but I think she is takin this a bit too far and I am scared that if I find myself in a position where we are secluded, the push and pull factor might just overwhelm me and I know me... I can be unpredictable even to myself....But still don't want to end it. This is all new to me, and I am not really into women (and not gay) if u get my drift....

What would ya'all do in this situation just want to get other peoples opinion if u were in my shoes......

I like you dude! You are real and down to earth, good for you. My advice to you is to speak with her. Take her out to somewhere public but not generally frequented by your office folk and talk to her. You should approach the talk as an investigator would then when she clears you of her intentions you can take it from there. If you handle this right you would gain a friend.

ijebuboy18: See dis dude dey ask JAMB qstn? Get a gf (even if it is temporary) or ur pretty bribed female cousin 2 act as 1 and rub it in her face.
Works like a charm.

The bolded is an immature way of handling things. You shouldn't rub things in people's faces you end up making more enemies that way. Moreso in this case were she is his senior in a para-military structure. No need to make an enemy of her.

Wow! .....

I think I got some really brilliant advice. I will follow thru with some of them and hope for the best...... Thanks Ya'all for ur contributions... Really appreciate them

190: ^go 2 bed young man!

... U too go to bed old man! ..... Nimrod.

^^both old n young man, stop bein brainless. @topic, jst tell her off as a man

This lady has told you “no sex“...so what are you talking about here?I have more true married women friends than single ladies and there‘s just no sex involved...we can do everything like long hrs of phone calls,streams of text msges,etc BUT NO SEX!!

Look its not going to be easy at all but try n make ur stand known then prepare for the consequences of being a 'decent man'. She may hate u n wanna do all sorts of wrong towards u be prepared for that. 'Good people' always suffers.

Op

Promise her u marry 1 of her daughters