I have been married to my wife for 10 years now,without the marriage yielding any fruits.As we all know the fruit of any marriage is children.So for 10 years now no fruit of this marriage.I do not want to write a long missive but you the members of the forum need to understand a bit about my problem.
when I married my wife I was a virgin and I assumed my wife was one because we did not engage in pre marital sex because of my religious beliefs.(Born again christian).I have the utmost respect for women so I made sure that I concluded every rite of marriage totally(Dowry etc).I made sure the traditional,church and registry rites were carried out totally.
After the marriage I discovered my wife was not a virgin,and appeared to be more experienced than me in the ways of the world,but I forgave her because of my religion because all things have passed away and become new.However after the first year of marriage she failed to take in and get pregnant,I started to become a bit worried,although my faith in God remained unshaken.
By the sixth year I an my wife were really worried.By this time relations on both sides of the family had started to become worried too and had started to kick in with all kinds of theories and stories.All this time I keep to my faith and so did my wife who had also by this time become a believer.We visited all kinds of doctors and did all kinds of tests but to no avail.My relatives started to advise my about taking another wife or trying my luck elsewhere.
To cut a long story short,we are in the 10 th year of marriage and still no fruit of the womb.It is driving me insane and I am losing my faith.I have started to notice other women and thoughts of divorcing my wife have started to cross my mind although I have not discussed this with her yet.I am feeling I need to try else where to show I am a man.You can not understand the feeling of seeing people who got married years after you rejoicing over the fruit of the womb,I am happy for such people but It still tears me up inside.My love for my wife is starting to wear away and I am just fed up.My mum is also on my case as well as my siblings.I think I am going insane and feel like ending it all and starting a fresh.At times I look at my wife and think about the approaching menopause.I think I have lost my faith in religion,because they keep telling you to ntry,try and try without any concrete suggestions.How long will I keep the faith.Should I get a divorce?
Should I put her away or try and get another woman pregnant behind her back?
Please I need matured advise,before I lose my mind.Thank you.

I am really sorry to hear about your story, but you have not said anything about the doctors finding. Do you guys know were the problem lies I dont think it would be wise or fair to leave your wife, after you have both gone through this together. I am sure the pain is just as heavy for her. You must remember that unless you get to the root cause, trying your luck elsewhere might not yield results

monkeyleg: I am really sorry to hear about your story, but you have not said anything about the doctors finding. Do you guys know were the problem lies I dont think it would be wise or fair to leave your wife, after you have both gone through this together. I am sure the pain is just as heavy for her. You must remember that unless you get to the root cause, trying your luck elsewhere might not yield results

Doctors said there is nothing wrong with both of us,but I feel I need to try my luck elsewhere.Thanks

i dont think divorce should be an option here, have you guys considered going for IVF or adoption?

If no health issue, you might want to consult with a fertility expert, and see what your options are. Divorce will not be the answer

If you are a true believing christian, you won't even think of cheating on your wife talkless of divorcing her or try to impregnate another woman. The fact that you married as a virgin doesn't mean you are not prone to having fertility issues. I am a medical practitioner so i know what am talking about.
If you can afford it, why not try the option of Invitro fertilization. You can discuss with your doctor about the possibility and success rate. Also adoption is there provided u wil both love and treat the child like your own.
Don't give up hope, it oh well.

@OP, Yes, you do have a choice. Look to your faith in God, recall your vows and your commitment to your wife and make it.

All the very best.
TV

D only tin u avnt done here is keeping ur faith. Divorcin ur wife isnt a good idea. Meeting anoda woman outside isnt an assurance dat she would bear u any child. Ur wife must be feeling more unhappy than u feel.

10 years

You tried,you really tried.


Could you tell me the gain of your believe since that has being the force holding you for long time?

If your church and your believe is against se.x before marriage,now tell me who is feeling the pain now. points for those who are planning to get married.

My advise

Don't divorce yet, get another young lady pregnant first,to be sure that you are not the real problem,if possible let your family do the arrangement for you.
After that you can confront your wife with full courage and assurance.

Thank you for all the replies so far.
However for those advocating adoption,what would be the gain of my marriage if i adopt a child that is not my flesh and bones?
I need to be sure I can father a child naturally,That is what is driving me crazy right now and making me lose my religion.
I love my wife but I just have to know.Or will I come to this life and leave without having my own natural child?
I feel I will lose my mind if I don't do something right away.

OYINBOGOJU: 10 years

You tried,you really tried.


Could you tell me the gain of your believe since that has being the force holding you for long time?

If your church and your believe is against se.x before marriage,now tell me who is feeling the pain now. points for those who are planning to get married.

My advise

Don't divorce yet, get another young lady pregnant first,to be sure that you are not the real problem,if possible let your family do the arrangement for you.
After that you can confront your wife with full courage and assurance.

Do u support d op commitin aldultry...

@OP
i would first like to ask WHY DID YOU WAIT SO LONG?! and if you could, then what stops you for waiting twice as long?
also i would really like to know what was the main purpose of your marriage? and if children was the MAIN issue then shouldnt you have done all the necessary check before marrying this lady? which brings us to my last question: if you could forgive her for her "indiscretion", why cant you continue forgiving her (if she is indeed the source of this problem) for her inability to bare children.
i am not even going to start with your FAITH and what it says about marriage, OR if there is anywhere in the bible a passage that saiys that a man should drop his woman if she cant bare him a child........but i guess thats the hypocrisy of MAN.

@Poster, there are tests that can be carried out to find out how well your soldier are marching. Go and have one quickly to reassure yourself. even if they are nore performing to thier optimum, there are ways to assist them get going. Leave divorce out of this for now. This is a challenege you are your wife should face together, and I am confindent that with the right approach, you can achieve success. Put negetive thoughts aside ok

Every marriage has its storm only the strong and dogged sail through. Medically you are both allright and you are both xtains why not continue to look up unto God he doesn't fail. You can adopt if you wish to. What makes you think divorcing and marrying another woman is the way out. As a born again, what is jesus saying?there is a word that apply to your situation that you two should hold on to. Don't give in to pressure at the appointed time He will come through. Infact you should be supporting your woman coz she is going thru a lot at this point in time

taryour:

Do u support d op commitin aldultry...

If you call it adultery after 10years then so be it.

Don't forget all men were born sinners saya the bible

So adultery or no only God knows the saints

@Poster, I feel this is just a test of your faith and like someone rightly said, if you have waited this long why would you want to give up now. Since you have gone for medical test and both of you are fine, I suggest you just hang on and wait for God, delay is not denial. Don't forget that every thing works out for good to those that love God, HE sees the bigger picture, just trust in HIM.

@ OP, you haven't completely exhausted your current options. Try IVF. It's pricey but it works especially in cases where the doctors can't find anything obviously wrong. Divorcing your wife of 10years is unnecessary and a bit short-sighed in my opinion.

BrotheR18:
I have been married to my wife for 10 years now,without the marriage yielding any fruits.As we all know the fruit of any marriage is children.So for 10 years now no fruit of this marriage.I do not want to write a long missive but you the members of the forum need to understand a bit about my problem.
when I married my wife I was a virgin and I assumed my wife was one because we did not engage in pre marital sex because of my religious beliefs.(Born again christian).I have the utmost respect for women so I made sure that I concluded every rite of marriage totally(Dowry etc).I made sure the traditional,church and registry rites were carried out totally.

After the marriage I discovered my wife was not a virgin,and appeared to be more experienced than me in the ways of the world,but I forgave her because of my religion because all things have passed away and become new.However after the first year of marriage she failed to take in and get pregnant,I started to become a bit worried,although my faith in God remained unshaken.

By the sixth year I an my wife were really worried.By this time relations on both sides of the family had started to become worried too and had started to kick in with all kinds of theories and stories.All this time I keep to my faith and so did my wife who had also by this time become a believer.We visited all kinds of doctors and did all kinds of tests but to no avail.My relatives started to advise my about taking another wife or trying my luck elsewhere.

To cut a long story short,we are in the 10 th year of marriage and still no fruit of the womb.It is driving me insane and I am losing my faith.I have started to notice other women and thoughts of divorcing my wife have started to cross my mind although I have not discussed this with her yet.I am feeling I need to try else where to show I am a man.You can not understand the feeling of seeing people who got married years after you rejoicing over the fruit of the womb,I am happy for such people but It still tears me up inside.

My love for my wife is starting to wear away and I am just fed up .My mum is also on my case as well as my siblings.I think I am going insane and feel like ending it all and starting a fresh.At times I look at my wife and think about the approaching menopause.I think I have lost my faith in religion,because they keep telling you to ntry,try and try without any concrete suggestions.How long will I keep the faith.Should I get a divorce?
Should I put her away or try and get another woman pregnant behind her back? Please I need matured advise,before I lose my mind.Thank you.

very traumatising experience.
to watch one's friends/colleagues who married after you doing naming ceremony and birthday events
for their kids time and time again can be heart-shattering. i feel your pain. you are even bound
by your scriptures not to derail. i think your best option is to stick with the formula you have
always worked with. you just have to keep the faith!

Many Kind Advises Here

But

HE WHO WEAR THE SHOE KNOWS WHERE IT PAINS MOST

Poster you better heal yourself of your wound.

I tell u oo

Poster
I really feel you, l can understand what you and ESPECIALLY your wife is going through now. What will it profit you if you gain the whole world (children) and loss your soul? Dont really have an advice, but please take it easy.

If your wife wont mind, kindly tell her to join Trying to Conceive Forum here in Nairaland, she might learn one or two things that will help her fertility journey. Since nothing wrong is found, it could just be that she is not doing the right things...I am also trying to concieve, but if you dont mind you can drop your email, l wish to talk to especially your wife.

IT IS WELL... JUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE STILL A MAN, you dont need to prove that to anybody!

Watery sp.erm can also be a problem. whatever you want to do, discuss with her. Make sure it is all done amicably and not you doing some
secret randevous. Just as it is hard on you, I'm sure it is hard on her too knowing she is unable to give you a child/carry a baby like others no matter how tough she is trying to look.

BrotheR18:


Doctors said there is nothing wrong with both of us,but I feel I need to try my luck elsewhere.Thanks

Yo dude , you must forgive me if I laugh, I just dealt with a born again witch called on another thread. Look you need to be mature and level headed about this. You and your wife are in this together. From what you say it's not her fault nor is it yours. Pray and go see a specialist. There are ways to assist the conception process. Try all avenues first before you take another woman.

The test@monkeyleg is talking about is Seminal fluid analysis. You can have a private one done without your wife knowing. Abstain from sex for up to 5days, at least 3days and go to a very good diagnostic lab. Tell them you want to do Seminal fluid analysis and MCS. You will be given a sterily universal bottle in which you will produce the specimen. Since your wife won't be aware of the test (you can inform her if you want), you will then masturbate and pour the entire e.jaculate (semen) into the bottle. The test is quite a sensitive one so make sure no single drop of semen spills out and note the time you produced the sample and write it on the bottle. So immediately clean up, wrap the bottle with paper and return it to the laboratory. It will take about 30minutes to an hour for the semen to liquefy so you can collect the result of the analysis same day and the rest after 3days. Let the Scientist explain the result to you or you can take it to a doctor. Goodluck.

armyofone: Watery sp.erm can also be a problem. whatever you want to do, discuss with her. Make sure it is all done amicably and not you doing some
secret randevous. Just as it is hard on you, I'm sure it is hard on her too knowing she is unable to give you a child/carry a baby like others no matter how tough she is trying to look.

watery? if that's the case, the doctor would have mentioned it....
if i were the guy, i would have found myself a lab-rat to test my prowess.
i am not born-again, neither am i bound to any strict rules and regulations.

besides, women are funny. like you said, it's hard on her too and when a
woman is that desperate, she is capable of banging the driver or gateman
and claim it's the husband's child.

just recently, a nigerian man who won the american lottery was asked to prove
the paternity of his 5 children he intended to take to america. only the last born was his.
the first 4 kids belong to another man. food for thought!

If the doctors say you are both fine, what makes you think you will instantly impregnate another woman? If the first woman you approach doesn't get preggers in say 6 months, what then? Move on to another woman? And another after that?

You haven't even identified the issue preventing conception yet you're already talking about divorcing her?

It is clear you haven't forgiven your wife for her having sex before you got married, else you wouldn't bring it into this conversation. Furthermore, you clearly believe it is her fault (either because she had pre-marital sex or out of a backward African mindset that women are the ones exclusively with the issues when it comes to conception).

Here you are saying you're fed up with your wife not conceiving - what if your wife goes around saying she is fed up of the impotent man she married?

Stop secretly resenting your wife and blaming her for what is not her fault (according to the tests). Explore all the potential options within your marriage and take a moment to think about what your wife is feeling.

PrettyCindy: The test@monkeyleg is talking about is Seminal fluid analysis. You can have a private one done without your wife knowing. Abstain from sex for up to 5days, at least 3days and go to a very good diagnostic lab. Tell them you want to do Seminal fluid analysis and MCS. You will be given a sterily universal bottle in which you will produce the specimen. Since your wife won't be aware of the test (you can inform her if you want), you will then masturbate and pour the entire e.jaculate (semen) into the bottle. The test is quite a sensitive one so make sure no single drop of semen spills out and note the time you produced the sample and write it on the bottle. So immediately clean up, wrap the bottle with paper and return it to the laboratory. It will take about 30minutes to an hour for the semen to liquefy so you can collect the result of the analysis same day and the rest after 3days. Let the Scientist explain the result to you or you can take it to a doctor. Goodluck.

You are very familiar with the process, do you do it often?

debosky: If the doctors say you are both fine, what makes you think you will instantly impregnate another woman? If the first woman you approach doesn't get preggers in say 6 months, what then? Move on to another woman? And another after that?

unfortunately, that's the way of the world. what seems normal would
be difficult and what seems obscene would be easy. you can bet if this man
lies with a plantain/orange seller in his hood(even if it's one round of sex),
she would get pregnant with twins.

You haven't even identified the issue preventing conception yet you're already talking about divorcing her?

according to the doctor, nothing is wrong with the both of them.
wife is well and able, husband is as potent as a boar.

It is clear you haven't forgiven your wife for her having sex before you got married, else you wouldn't bring it into this conversation. Furthermore, you clearly believe it is her fault (either because she had pre-marital sex or out of a backward African mindset that women are the ones exclusively with the issues when it comes to conception).

normal human perception!
he was a virgin before marriage, she wasn't. there would always
be a doubt as to how she lived her adolescent years. if the roles
are reversed, a woman would think the same ish as well.

Here you are saying you're fed up with your wife not conceiving - what if your wife goes around saying she is fed up of the impotent man she married?

get out of here......

Stop secretly resenting your wife and blaming her for what is not her fault (according to the tests). Explore all the potential options within your marriage and take a moment to think about what your wife is feeling.

she should do a sarah.
i mean - she can go to her village and get a woman with ripe hips
for her husband to test drive!

i agree wit pretty c ,Op see a specialist doc....4 a solution..good luck

after 10 yrs? Bros you can persevere a bit more. Divorcing your wife now will destroy her for good... no child, no husband, what hope? If you truly love her i doubt her childlessness is enough reason to kill her spirit.

@poster, posts such as yours really get me angry.

You ask for mature responses to your plight but you come across as really immature, poorly educated, self-centered, selfish and unbelievably hypocritical!

You've just fed us with a long accusatory narrative of how you have been married for 10 years, of how you feel bad seeing others married after you are now enjoying the fruits of the womb, of how you need to feel like a man (the poor woman of course doesn't need to feel like a woman, abi?), of how you think it's okay for you to try sow your wild oats outside of your supposedly sacred marriage??

In all your tiresome write up, you portray yourself as the long, suffering innocent victim here. You fleetingly mentioned your visit to the doctors with no real information on the outcome. You've even been advised on exactly what to do by a medical practitioner on this thread of yours - and yet you harp on about divorcing your wife and trying your luck elsewhere.

How do we know you aren't the one firing blanks??!! Since you feel it's okay for you to jump another woman, shebi you don't mind having another man jump your wife too? I mean afterall she also needs to be sure that the problem isn't with her, abi?

If you really are the er..."born again" Christian you claim to be, then go read your bible properly and find out what it says about adultry & the grounds for divorce! I feel sorry for the poor woman married to an a.$.$ like you. Shebi if you catch AIDS, Hepatitis or any other nasty STD you go tell the poor woman say na the good lord's will??

Nonsense!

Efemena_xy: @poster, posts such as yours really get me angry.

You ask for mature responses to your plight but you come across as really immature, poorly educated, self-centered, selfish and unbelievably hypocritical!

You've just fed us with a long accusatory narrative of how you have been married for 10th years, of how you feel bad seeing others married after you are now enjoying the fruits of the womb, of how you need to feel like a man (the poor woman of course doesn't need to feel like a woman, abi?), of how you think it's okay for you to try sow your wild oats outside of your supposedly sacred marriage??

In all your tiresome write up, you portray yourself as the long, suffering innocent victim here. You fleetingly mentioned your visit to the doctors with no real information on the outcome. You've even been advised on exactly what to do by a medical practitioner on this thread of yours - and yet you harp on about divorcing your wife and trying your luck elsewhere.

How do we know you aren't the one firing blanks??!! Since you feel it's okay for you to jump another woman, shebi you don't mind having another man jump your wife too? I mean afterall she also needs to be sure that the problem isn't with her, abi?

It you really are the er..."born again" Christian you claim to be, then go read your bible properly and find out what it says about adultry & the grounds for divorce! I feel sorry for the poor woman married to an a.$.$ like you. Shebi if you catch AIDS, Hepatitis or any other nasty STD you go tell the poor woman say na the good lord's will??

Nonsense!

no mind am. Foolish men do foolish things. Like you noted, not once did he tell us his wife was medically at fault...