I saw an aunt sometime today and we got talking about her marital issues.
She's married to my uncle who used to be someone i really respect until she told me he beat her up recently..
I asked why and she told me.
He had once made a statement while they were dating..saying no woman would have capital investments under his roof and she took it lightly then.
Now,when he needed to roof his own building and didnt have enough money, she gave him about 300,000 naira (a part of her saving over the years) to add to it.
She later found the receipts of the building and some other things with just his name written on it.
That was when she decided to start using her money for something personal and visible.
She bought a piece of land behind her husband's back.6 months later,she decided to tell him and on hearing it,he got mad and seized the documents of the land since last december.
She's been asking him to give her back since january and he kept saying he he had misplaced it.
She then asked him some two weeks ago..and he flared and lambasted her...said he's just been keeping quiet all this while because he was still planning how to deal with her.she replied him angrily and in the heat of the argument,he slapped her and beat her up!
It has become a family issue now..though i'm quite positive they'll sort it out!
I support her decision all the way though.


Now to the question...
What's wrong with building my own house/houses despite me being married ?
Men,would you allow it?
Would it hurt your ego?
Is it even supposed to hurt your ego?
Since projects are not joint and are just yours,why can't i have just mine?
If you find out your wife did what my aunt did,what would be your reaction?

what an Epsitle rozay dey my ees right now so i can't read until 2morow. Chao

bennyraz: what an Epsitle rozay dey my ees right now so i can't read until 2morow. Chao

whatever..
Bounce along!

May God help me, I dont wanna settle for family less than that of my parents.
Everything is always jointly done, with documents carrying Mr&Mrs!
Well ur aunt was careless though. She heard him, but care less.
Im supporting her all the way.
This reminds me of my distant relative that her husband sold their house, and died after some months.
The woman was surprise seeing the documents of the new ownership.
Ur aunt should be careful though, and be prayerful....I support her all d way.
Dont wanna lambaste ur Uncle.....u said it all!
Girls of this day, thats their plan o!

^feel free to lambast him abeg...
Me sef don lambast am for my mind..
I want unbiased opinions on this issue..

Ahh the woman got it wrong...your husband is your other half for Christ's sake,why should you do something behind his back and tell him few months later.i would feel like a fool if i were the one nevertheless,i hate guys who beat up there women.He should have forgiven her

ayobase: May God help me, I dont wanna settle for family less than that of my parents.
Everything is always jointly done, with documents carrying Mr&Mrs!
Well ur aunt was careless though. She heard him, but care less.
Im supporting her all the way.
This reminds me of my distant relative that her husband sold their house, and died after some months.
The woman was surprise seeing the documents of the new ownership.
Ur aunt should be careful though, and be prayerful....I support her all d way.
Dont wanna lambaste ur Uncle.....u said it all!
Girls of this day, thats their plan o!

Well, its not the woman fault though. Men always promise one thing before marriage and after that they change. They prefer buying the whole things in their house with their names and always leaving their wives out of it. Pls any woman that has a husband that writes Mr and Mrs on their receipt should really be thankful because men are always and very self centered.

binger: Ahh the woman got it wrong...your husband is your other half for Christ's sake,why should you do something behind his back and tell him few months later.i would feel like a fool if i were the one nevertheless,i hate guys who beat up there women.He should have forgiven her

hello dude, ow's ur day goin? did u read d story? d wife is reacting to wat her husband did. take care

It depends on each couple and how they want to handle their finances. If Mr does everything in his name only, then I'd definitely have something going in my name only.We can also agree to both contribute and use Mr & Mrs on everything, or use Mr & Mrs for major investments and have other personal investments with our name only on the side. Whatever decision is made, both partners should be aware of what is going on.
Though hubby probably doesn't know the exact amount, he knows I have savings and how i plan to invest them, same goes for me, and we both planned our joint investments. The point is to provide security to both partners and the children in case something happens to one of them.

Concerning your aunt and uncle issue, I think the biggest mistake she made was to not talk to him in the first place. She should have let him know how she felt about him using his name only, and telling him about her plans to invest. Then again, your uncle is definitely wrong for beating her, plus if he was to refuse any investments to his wife he should have secured her future by using Mr & Mrs on every document.

binger: Ahh the woman got it wrong...your husband is your other half for Christ's sake,why should you do something behind his back and tell him few months later.i would feel like a fool if i were the one nevertheless,i hate guys who beat up there women.He should have forgiven her

Go read d tori and not just the topic!
This one na Nollywood tinz!

nonyJ:
Well, its not the woman fault though. Men always promise one thing before marriage and after that they change. They prefer buying the whole things in their house with their names and always leaving their wives out of it. Pls any woman that has a husband that writes Mr and Mrs on their receipt should really be thankful because men are always and very self centered.

Nevertheless, I wasnt supporting the man either, but the woman shld also have been careful......then her bf told her something, but she didnt care.
Now, she is right to do whatever she is doing.
Na d guy give am d money ni?

let me dodge my head out of here b4 anyone notices me and asks me 2 comment...

That your aunt deserves serious beating, infact an immediate separation. Now marriage in Nigeria is slowly getting to 50-50 shey? What about the formulaic way of Nigerian marriage- the marriage that was filled of love, understanding and oneness.

Maybe there's more to it than you were told but its pure insecurity to preclude your wife from owning her own house. Wisdom demands that I even build my wife a house(s) and have her earn passive income from it abi?
I think its about how the couple fuse and all that.

My wife is a great woman and i have bought cars and more in her name.
If she wants to leave me, she can go with those things, i go still dey kampe.
If i buy or build her a house, i buy or build the next in my name; the thing no hard nah!

I think men should feel good doing great things for their wives.

Like i said before, my wife is a great woman!

hmm...This is quite unfair and touching though. I think her husband has overeacted. He should quietly hand over her docs back to her and apologise (If the woman was bad, she wouldnt have told him bout the property and when she did and he seized it trust me she would have called the cops on him immediately) Your uncle should advice himself and do the right thing. I really dont see anything in my wife owning properties though. Maybe your uncle might feel the woman might one day leave him and go to her own house when he misbehaves.

p. rimzi:
Maybe there's more to it than you were told but its pure insecurity to preclude your wife from owning her own house. Wisdom demands that I even build my wife a house(s) and have her earn passive income from it abi?
I think its about how the couple fuse and all that.

My wife is a great woman and i have bought cars and more in her name.
If she wants to leave me, she can go with those things, i go still dey kampe.
If i buy or build her a house, i buy or build the next in my name; the thing no hard nah!

I think men should feel good doing great things for their wives.

Like i said before, my wife is a great woman!

Why would you want to buy a house for your wife when you have one already? That to me is sheer and gross bunkum. Buying cars and other things is quite consequential.
For a woman to buy a landed property without her husband consent is synonymous to animosity and total disrespect. She is no different from a recusant that violates the rules of marriage; and she must be dealt with! Women of nowadays want to be preponderant over their male counterparts. Nonsense!

Efizzi: hmm...This is quite unfair and touching though. I think her husband has overeacted. He should quietly hand over her docs back to her and apologise (If the woman was bad, she wouldnt have told him bout the property and when she did and he seized it trust me she would have called the cops on him immediately) Your uncle should advice himself and do the right thing. I really dont see anything in my wife owning properties though. Maybe your uncle might feel the woman might one day leave him and go to her own house when he misbehaves.

Please go through the article. The woman divulged the hidden after 4 months. Hence, it is apparent that guilty feelings knocked her off and she decided to tell the husband. I swear if my woman does that, I would be contemplating on divorce! How would I trust that kind of woman ever again?

slimyem: I saw an aunt sometime today and we got talking about her marital issues.
She's married to my uncle who used to be someone i really respect until she told me he beat her up recently..
I asked why and she told me.
He had once made a statement while they were dating..saying no woman would have capital investments under his roof and she took it lightly then.
Now,when he needed to roof his own building and didnt have enough money, she gave him about 300,000 naira (a part of her saving over the years) to add to it.
She later found the receipts of the building and some other things with just his name written on it.
That was when she decided to start using her money for something personal and visible.
She bought a piece of land behind her husband's back.6 months later,she decided to tell him and on hearing it,he got mad and seized the documents of the land since last december.
She's been asking him to give her back since january and he kept saying he he had misplaced it.
She then asked him some two weeks ago..and he flared and lambasted her...said he's just been keeping quiet all this while because he was still planning how to deal with her.she replied him angrily and in the heat of the argument,he slapped her and beat her up!
It has become a family issue now..though i'm quite positive they'll sort it out!
I support her decision all the way though.


Now to the question...
What's wrong with building my own house/houses despite me being married ?
Men,would you allow it?
Would it hurt your ego?
Is it even supposed to hurt your ego?
Since projects are not joint and are just yours,why can't i have just mine?
If you find out your wife did what my aunt did,what would be your reaction?

I wonder how some men think, to think I want my wife participating in capital projects like me. Na wa o. If she's yours, she's yours if not, there is nothing you can do.

Too many tiny-pricked egomaniancs posting.
Ur aunt needs to talk sense into dat man then get back her documents. Can't she sue him or something?its marriage and nt slavery. Seems d high dose of UV radiation we get here has eroded the natural minds of our male folks.pity!

There is nothing wrong with a woman having capital investments.
I think men should encourgae their wives to be more resourceful and engage in investments that are of worthy courses.

freshmoney: That your aunt deserves serious beating, infact an immediate separation. Now marriage in Nigeria is slowly getting to 50-50 shey? What about the formulaic way of Nigerian marriage- the marriage that was filled of love, understanding and oneness.

n d beautiful nigerian marriages filled wit love, understanding and oneness is master/slave abi?

Women should have their own source of income, as well as investments.
Men should resist the temptation to force their women to hand over their money. It's a daft, outdated idea.

freshmoney:


Why would you want to buy a house for your wife when you have one already? That to me is sheer and gross bunkum. Buying cars and other things is quite consequential.
For a woman to buy a landed property without her husband consent is synonymous to animosity and total disrespect. She is no different from a recusant that violates the rules of marriage; and she must be dealt with! Women of nowadays want to be preponderant over their male counterparts. Nonsense!

Like i said Freshmoney, it would be to make passive income and to own assets.

I disagree totally with a woman not carrying her husband along on such issues. Its improper and inappropriate and it sure speaks volumes as it could breed distrust and force me to "my own stuff" a lot more but i would not strike my wife for any reason.

So if its "sheer gross bunkum" to you, it aint to me.

Every one loves a sense of worth and i believe so does every woman.

freshmoney: That your aunt deserves serious beating, infact an immediate separation. Now marriage in Nigeria is slowly getting to 50-50 shey? What about the formulaic way of Nigerian marriage- the marriage that was filled of love, understanding and oneness.

You are not making any sense at all. Y are you talking like an illiterate? did u even read the subject matter... smh

binger: Ahh the woman got it wrong...your husband is your other half for Christ's sake,why should you do something behind his back and tell him few months later.i would feel like a fool if i were the one nevertheless,i hate guys who beat up there women.He should have forgiven her

Well said!

@OP, your uncle is wrong. If he doesn't want his wife to own properties he should then include her name in all the ones he has. We all know the typical Naija wahala where inlaws seize everything after their brothers demise. The only way to safeguard a wife you claim to love is give her part ownership in all you have. I know how terrible your aunt may have felt when her husband sidelined her. I hope the family has enough clout to get the man to return the docs. I also believe your aunt should continue to invest. But should have a discussion with hubby first (i.e. if he will see reason). You just cannot tell what may happen tomorrow....

Himi15:
You are not making any sense at all. Y are you talking like an illiterate? did u even read the subject matter... smh

No I didn't read it, I skimmed it. Neither can I write nor read. It takes someone of high IQ to understand my input. Dunce like you can only spew hogwash, just like you did now. Pathetic bear -hugging bozo. Next time, learn how to contribute-either positive or negative- rather than attacking verbally.

Hmmm, na wa for dat man o, wey pple like us D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ look for women wey go do capital investment. The man shud count himsef lucky cos hw many women are ready τ̅☺ invest in capital projects. Cloths , make ups and some useless fashion trend have not finished in †ђξ mkt for some women. That's Wђε̲̣̣̣̥я̲̣̣̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ majority of them put there money and U̶̲̥̅̊ c a woman who is ready τ̅☺ invest in a landed property , U̶̲̥̅̊ r beating her. Though, †ђξ woman ♌ȍ try sha, she for still tell before she wan go buy †ђξ land and maybe involve some pple that †ђξ man respect τ̅☺ talk sense into him.

Once MARRIED,ALL properties BOUGHT by any SPOUSE (visible and invisible) SHOULD be in the NAME of both husband and wife.

@OP,
The husband has a big chip on his shoulder, and so does the wife.

@OP, to be honest i've never really thought about it, my wife owning her own properties i mean. And to be quite frank, the idea of it makes me uncomfortable. I suppose y'all female folks will call it being ''insecure'', but since u asked for honest opinions, well there it is.
What i think is, to be fair to my wife, whatever property i acquire (after we are married!) will be registered under the ''Mr n Mrs'' tag; i mean, who else am i acquiring it for anyway? That way, if she really loves me and the home we're building together, she would also do the same. Oh and for the record, i'm old-fashioned; marriage for me is for life.
-
P.S, @OP: i think your uncle erred first; his wife supplemented the first building, and he had it only in his name? Thats bad.

p. rimzi:


Like i said Freshmoney, it would be to make passive income and to own assets.

I disagree totally with a woman not carrying her husband along on such issues. Its improper and inappropriate and it sure speaks volumes as it could breed distrust and force me to "my own stuff" a lot more but i would not strike my wife for any reason.

So if its "sheer gross bunkum" to you, it aint to me.

Every one loves a sense of worth and i believe so does every woman.

Good point there. There is nothing derogatory in jointly making a business ventures with your wife, I do this as well. I thought you said you would buy her a house while you are still living under the same roof, hence the 'sheer gross bunkum'. A woman that does something(especially a landed property)individually without her husband consent isn't worth being called a wife! What is she teaching her children? That woman deserves that strict response from that man.

Either we like or not, our tradition is deep-rooted in us, and to me, a man is dominant over everything. I love my woman, but I would not accept that rubbish from her! That is the fact.