Johnny thought of how to talk Jenny into having sex with him. He had a plan,so he promised to pay N1000. They bargained, the spree was to last d period the girl bends down to pick the money. The girl told her boyfriend about this and he advised her to persuade him to pay N2000 instead. And that she should be sharp enough to pick it even before Johnny can remove her pants. She sped off with the idea feeling proud of her boyfriend, 5mins,, 10mins, 45mins. The boyfriend dashed out to see what has happened and saw the girlfriend. He asked "what happened?"
The girl replied "the bastard used coins".

An American Priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Mrs. Eze hires a maid with beautiful long hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."
That night, Mrs. Eze tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look."
The next day, Mrs. Eze asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?"
So Mrs. Eze pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Eze says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."
Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed, I had the four guys I play football with in the closet with me."

Sharp boy,love of money is the root of evil

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.
The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.
Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me."
So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.
The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

There was this pregnant lady who fell into labour. she was rushed to the maternity ward and as it is for ladies in her case, the Doctor and attending Nurses started comforting her with encouraging words, 'Madam push, push, push , '
Suddenly the baby's head started to pop out, and out came the ugliest baby's head all staff on duty had ever seen.
One glance at one another and the next thing that came out of their mouths was
"MADAM , WITHDRAW!!!! WITHDRAW!!!! WITHDRAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A cocky Arkansas Department of Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road." The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State of Arkansas to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land." So the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and gaining on the employee at every step. The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!


In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand. She was a grand-motherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs.
You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"
Again she replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too.
He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state.
Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney
almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench.
In a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she
Knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair!"

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed , lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful." Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute." "What happened to 'beautiful?'" she asked him. "The drugs are wearing off," he replied.


The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"


A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

dason4life:

nice jokes
but am very sure you copied them
from Sam Miller

who is Sam Miller? SOme of these jokes i have had since 1997 when i started surfing the web full time. I dont kow who Sam Miller is my Bro, But i sure know most of those Jokes are from the web (can even remember Most of the sites). I have always wanted to be a funny person so i have been collecting jokes since '97. I have about 716 of them on my PC. Enough to last me for a life time.

dason4life:

hmmmmm,
to nice to be true
you are on joke trend and you don't know sam miller?

one lie leading to the other
well those jokes belongs to him,
including the arrangement

A look at my profile would indicate to you that i seldom visit the Jokes threads regularly, i was just there today and i decided to have a great time and share some jokes, have you ever given it a thought he might have gotten those jokes from the same sources i got them from? And you are there calling me a liar. You sound so pathetic. Please be objective and have some fun. That is what i am here to have. Fun all the way. Moreso on my other joke thread (https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-11057.0.html#bot)
i had talked about the fact that some of the jokes i might post might have been here before cause i cant read through 90 pages of jokes threads.

Yes OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
SO continue having fun and Laugh all the way