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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado (2979 Views)
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Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Simplechic: 7:08pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Hello all, I want to get peoples opinion on this. This is a lengthy write up to give background picture of the whole situation, so pardon me on the epistle. I am a married lady working in a bank as a marketer. My branch is in a remote part of Lagos which makes going into town and back to base cumbersome; traffic and all. Two weeks ago, we went on marketing call to Akute and got home a bit late(8pm). Along the way, we had a robbery scare which I told my hubby about (we dont live in the same town, he's out of the country for now). He got worried naturally and expressed dissatisfaction for being out late. Thankfully, it was a rare occurance which happens only when we get into town for calls. He went as far as saying that next time we go for such calls and time ticks by, I should leave whoever I went with and take a cab back home. Last week Wednesday, we had a similar call which unfortunately was worse than the previous. The traffic jam at Ogba was like never experienced before. I got home 11pm. All the while I was in touch with hubby and he was angry this time around which I partly understood. No man wants his wife out so late, but hey, it was never intended. He said he wanted to speak with my friend by that time of the night. She stays in the same compound. I told him it was late and the girl was sleeping obviously, cos I called her immediately I got home to help with the gate but there was no response. Also, I couldnt make out what my friend has got to do with anything but he wouldn't tell me. The high point of the situation was when he said he must speak with my friend that night or I should not make the mistake to call him ever again for the rest of his life and he won't make the mistake of picking as well. He actually swore by his parents and said so many other bitter things which was very perplexing for me cos I didnt see that coming. I mean being out all day, traffic, exhaustion and all, it was almost 12am. The only thing I needed was to shower and sleep. He said it was my choice to take either of the option. For peace to reign, I went out, knocked and woke my friend who was surprised to hear that he wanted to speak with her that late. When I gave her the phone, the convo was centered on trivial subject after which I was given back the phone. The line disconnected and I said goodnite to my friend and went back in. Hubby called back and said I should go and give the girl the phone again. It was @ that point I snapped and said I wasn't going to go out there again. I told him the only thing I was going to do was take a shower and sleep. Meanwhile, all these while, it was raining and it was 12am. Since that day to date, we've not spoken. I've called him severally, sent him chats yet no response. I really dont know what to make of this. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by reinedamse: 7:28pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
@OP I think ur hubby was actually suspecting u of infidelity and I think he just wanted to be sure dat u passed d night in d house hence d insistence on speaking to ur friend dat night. I think ur hubby is insecure.I pray God touches his heart soon enough so dat he can at least pick up ur calls then u guys can now start discussing wat happened dat night. Just keep praying.he'll come around |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 7:28pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
1 Like |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Odunnu: 7:29pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Your husband is being annoying. When he asked to speak to your friend, I thought it was so he could confirm you were actually at home. Whats the distance between both of you? Can you travel for the weekend and be back for work by monday. I havent had a reason to beg/apologise to my husband for more than a few hours and when I try to chat him up and he still wears a long face, I let him be. Sometimes he drives off and leaves me but as soon as he comes back, we are friends again. Maybe you should let him be, stop disturbing him with chat ups, rather, send him an I love you, i'm crazy about you text early and late at nite and if possible, go visit him. 2 Likes |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 7:33pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Odunnu: 7:38pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Thats why I ask the distance. If it were say UK and Nigeria, na big wahala be that o. I just pray its inter state thing |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Simplechic: 7:46pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Thanks for the response so far. The distance is as Odunnu painted which makes it difficult for me to visit for now. I've modified that part in my post |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 7:53pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Odunnu: 8:12pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Long distance marriages can be really stressing I tell you. You must find a way of making him talk to you. He is under stress over there ( having to live single after marriage to a woman he loves) so you have to be cautious with what you say and present. Dont for any reason send an angry mail or shout at him. Just as you need him, he also needs you. And like the other poster mentioned, he maybe insecure |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 9:46pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Why do men put their women through hell? ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Odunnu: 9:58pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Being a man yourself, you should be able to answer why. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 9:58pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by tasandra: 10:01pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
Op,ur hubby s alittle bit insecure..i can understand thou,as my hubby and i av passed 2ru all this b4....just try all u can to make ur marriage work....all the best my dear. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 11:12pm On Jun 24, 2012 |
chaircover: 1. By nature, most men would rather solve a problem on their own than tell you so you can make it worse 2. Most men already know that talking over a problem with his woman might be the precipitation for another argument he will surely not win 3. EGO By the way, the ops case is made worse by the distance between them. It is very hard to maintain a malicious attitude with a wife whose food you have to eat and who will be lying beside you at night. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by coogar: 12:44am On Jun 25, 2012 |
Simplechic: find another job. if your hubby is not happy or cannot trust you because of the nature of your job then you should find another one. personally, i cannot marry a banker or a marketer.....not all men are comfortable with their wives travelling at 11pm in the night. it's grossly irresponsible for any married woman to be putting her life at such risks. a married woman should be at home tucking the children to bed and reading them bedtime stories. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 1:08am On Jun 25, 2012 |
coogar: Coogar, the OP lives in Lagos not London. Its hard to imagine what job she will get that will allow her to be home at 5pm. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by coogar: 1:18am On Jun 25, 2012 |
davidylan: teaching? |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 1:44am On Jun 25, 2012 |
coogar: and her salary would be what? Just enough to pay for her transport fare? |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by coogar: 1:51am On Jun 25, 2012 |
davidylan: is she better off being a marketer? chasing male clients up and down the city with majority of those appointments in hotel rooms? fuck her salary!!! another job like lesson teacher or the city post office should be okay for her. raising a family is a career on it's own. a wife must be prepared to sacrifice her career to raise her kids well......as long as the husband brings in the bacon, she should stay at home and knit! |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 2:08am On Jun 25, 2012 |
How do you people manage in Nigeria? Leaving home in the morning and coming home that late? I will quit faster than a speeding bullet ![]() ![]() Personally no job is that serious for me to be killing myself over, especially when I have a husband that should be doing all that. ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 2:22am On Jun 25, 2012 |
coogar: ![]() ![]() |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Nobody: 2:24am On Jun 25, 2012 |
stillwater: How do you people manage in Nigeria? Leaving home in the morning and coming home that late? I will quit faster than a speeding bullet I believe hourly pay is for low-income folks. High paying jobs here in the US are usually fixed salaries so i dont see a problem with fixed salary jobs in Naija. I recently turned down a very nice job because they were going to pay me by the hour... insult of the highest order. ![]() |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by coogar: 2:34am On Jun 25, 2012 |
davidylan: she should change that marketing job of hers. married women are not supposed to be doing it. it's almost prostitution in my opinion. if my wife has to chase up clients at ungodly hours to bring something home, then i'd rather she sells tom-tom, kolanut and boiled eggs under a cosy shed in my compound. ![]() davidylan: i like hourly pay jobs...i don't know how it works in the states but those contract jobs in infotech here are tagged per hour or per day. the pay is normally quite handsome. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Johndoe100(m): 2:52am On Jun 25, 2012 |
davidylan: Why do men put their women through hell? Eve started it. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Odunnu: 5:23am On Jun 25, 2012 |
coogar:does it even come easy? I know folks who have been in the job market for donkey years in search of jobs |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Odunnu: 5:28am On Jun 25, 2012 |
If she has to keep this job, getting a transfer outside Lagos shouldnt be a bad idea. Its crazy being a bank marketer, crazier being a married woman in a distant relationship and living in Lagos |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by MissIfe(f): 7:11am On Jun 25, 2012 |
@OP, how long have you been married ? I ask because I wonder if it's the first time your husband shows he is uncomfortable with your job/being late at night and suspicion... If your marriage is young, it might be one of the first times you guys encounter this problem, in that case, try as much as possible to follow CC's advice, talk to him gently, and don't stop there but start talking with him about any change/adjustment that should be done to your (both of you) lives : maybe thinking of reducing the distance between you, changing job or city etc. These are part of the early adjustments and talks you guys will need to make/have so that you can enjoy your marriage without unnecessary stress. However, if you've been married for many years, and you've already had this kind of talks/adjustments (ie he's ok with your job and you didn't do anything to make him suspicious), I would advice you gently put your foot down. You guys can't be arguing at the slightest thing and cutting all communications in a long distance relationship is quite immature and risky. What about waking up your friend in the middle of the night ? If he's that insecure, let him come home and stay with you. He needs to understand that his behavior is not helping, long distance marriage is difficult enough without adding pressure to it. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by cindylee: 12:42pm On Jun 25, 2012 |
I still blame you though haba! 11pm? If your husband was in the country you know you won't try that rubbish. I started working in a bank before getting married though not a marketer but in the head office. After I got married and once its 6pm, I carry my bag and baggages to my husband's house, I no fit shout. Due to the traffic and all that I end up getting home by 7.30 or 8pm. You can now imagine if I leave later than that. Simplechick dear, these are the challenges one go through as a married banker in Lagos but don't let these banks put a strain in your marriage. No matter what you go through for them, they can wake up one day and sack you not minding what you have been through for them. Sacrificing your marriage for any job is not worth it at all. Long distance marriage is a lot of hard work and things like this shouldn't be getting to you. Some men are insecure and I am sure you would have noticed it in your husband so it is not a case of I didn't know. The best way is to manage him and not trying to proove how insecure he is. Abeg continue to call him, send him messages to convince him. When you guys get back together, don't ever try this nonsense you did again because if my husband continues coming late, I won't tolerate it especially when it is now a long distance marriage and even after several warnings All the best dear, God bless your marriage 1 Like |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by Simplechic: 1:26pm On Jun 25, 2012 |
Cindy, I understand all what you said. As a statement of fact, I can never place anything above my family. Before now, we both agreed and know my time in the sector is limited. So its just a case of holding on pending... I didnt get home late 'cos I was working. On a very good day if I stay in my branch axis for calls, I get home 6.30pm tops. And if we go for town calls, we get home between 7.30-8.00pm. Unfortunately on this particular day, the traffic was something else hence 11pm lateness. |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by cindylee: 2:30pm On Jun 25, 2012 |
Simplechic: Cindy, I understand all what you said. As a statement of fact, I can never place anything above my family. Before now, we both agreed and know my time in the sector is limited. So its just a case of holding on pending... No problem, just continue begging and calling him. You are still his wife, he loves you and you love him back. He is just angry and when he calms down, you guys will get back together. Calm down, continue praying and hope for the best. This too shall pass. It would become one of those things when you guys look back at it |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by titilaelae(f): 2:56pm On Jun 25, 2012 |
@Poster, I feel your pains! Now I remember that Wednesday rain ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Hubby Chooses To Be Incommunicado by stepo707: 3:27pm On Jun 25, 2012 |
@op if you cherish your marriage,i would advice you quit that marketing job of yours.My neighbours marriage actually crashed 3 weeks ago(they gat 2 little kids). The wife is a marketer in a bank and she gets calls from several male clients as late as 12am in the morning(according to the husband) and the husband wasn't comfortable with all this and has consistently warned the wife and but it grew worse and worse daily and so much quarreling and fighting.Well right now she is back at her parents place and the guy has vowed that till Jesus comes,he is not accepting her back. so now is the time to choose wisely.All the best. |
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