The scenario playing out here seems to baffle me, as I wud not have expected such from this two!

I have a cousin who has been dating this chick now for the past twelve years, a relationship soo many has expected wud lead to the altar, but alas dis doesn't seem to be the case!

@ first the issue was they were both in skOol hence they cudn't take tha plunge, then school was over and the xcuse became a lack of a good job on the part of the guy.

Now, the dude has a well paying job, and still yet marriage seems not to be in the picture yet. recently I summoned up courage and asked the dude what was wrong and why he hasn't taken the step yet, and the response I got shook even me!
He says she isn't the type he wants to marry, and he din't love her anymore!

This brings my question nlanders, is it the longer a relationship, the less chance of getting married!

Ladies, wud appreciate ur thought here!

12years!!!!

Poor girl, she is on a dead end route.

Obviously the guy wants out, but the lady is ignorant of that until she gets an invitation to his wedding

There are diff levels of a relationship.
It starts as a platonic before it graduates to puppy love.That may take some years.
You cannot at these early stages commit or make promises to settle down with somebody bcz it's an exploration stage,love's first steps or breastfeeding stage.
The best time to weigh the quality of a relationship is after it has passed the test of time.By this I don't mean the time spent on it but the hurdles,character,stuff that have stood the time. Character and quality can be refined with time or made crude altogether.
Now if after 12 yrs having gone through the diff stages he doesn't find the qualities he is looking for I see no probs.
As we mature,the mind transforms,desires change,goals change,we meet diff people and we want diff challenges, not what we are used to. Life is dynamic.

Again rem,people don't always marry the people they date.
They look for their soulmates.

ok how old is the girl nway

have you heard the girl's view? it could shock you

This brings my question nlanders, is it the longer a relationship, the less chance of getting married!

Yes and No.

The longer a relationship, the higher the chances of it becoming a come we stay affair.Live in scenario.
It can also become a bore if you live close to each other.
In relationships just like in business, we always want to take things to another higher level because we remain stagnant if we don't.
By another level I don't even mean marriage cz not every committed person is married and not every married person is committed.

It means committing to a relationship and being responsible for each other's actions.

sexkillz: Still baffles me what they would be doing for 12 years. . . If sex was involved, then I'm really shaking my head here.

well this is the reason I said relationships are built in stages.
I am trying to assume they were in a platonic relationship for the better part of it.the early stages ie

sexkillz: There is a huge difference between knowing someone for 12 years, and being in a relationship/dating someone for 12 years. . .

If he dated someone for 12 years, no comment. . .

me too.I would have walked out loooong ago.Thats a teenager in between u know!

@pendo, that's some sound advice I have heard from a lady in a very long while!
Well scripted and very concise!

Now if I must add, I believe the view must have really changed over time like yo said,but shudn't that be the same for the lady too!

Also, what I have been asking myslef all dis while is if the lady hadn't had advances from other guys, or even marriage proposals!

I believe 2years is e en too long to remain in a relatnship if u really take the person serious and all is ripe for marriage!

what ages are they?? That will help us give concrete advise

@pendo, he is abt 32 and am not certain buh she shud be btw 28-30!

Aniways my major wori is that I knw he wud most def get married next year, not to her though so am wondering how dis breakup is going to pan out!

Messy I pressume!

izeek: @pendo, he is abt 32 and am not certain buh she shud be btw 28-30!

Aniways my major wori is that I knw he wud most def get married next year, not to her though so am wondering how dis breakup is going to pan out!

Messy I pressume!

WOW. so they started at 20 and 16 respectively? Not kids, really but puppy love was at play.
But look here all is not lost! Infact better this way than sleeping around with every tom dick and harry.
Always try to pick out a positive element in everything.
Not much lost here except emotions,no kids involved and stuff.

Well stop worrying about breakup. They better look for their soulmates than settle down together on that basis cz It doesn't make sense.

Time spent on courtship isn't equal to great marriage.

.

tell him its normal. he would have felt the same had he married her. remember to also tell him he'll feel the same way no matter who he finally marries. marriage is hard work not fantasy

Mr Cork <<<<<< 17inches loooong but not too proud!

Now dis begs d question,y d hell do we date?y was he wt her wasting both dr time.
And u say men know wot they want?and she is meant 2 b faithful abi?ok
God hw did u create men?

12 years? Somebody please lend that girl a gun and get out of her way

this is pure wickedness on the part of the guy and utter foolishness on the part of the lady. This is why every relationship needs to be defined. Ladies!! if a guy is not forth coming within 6 months-1year quit. THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

10q 4 being so honest.ladies una go hear?

Couple of guesses: the guy has most likely been cheating on the side for a while. He's determined to get married next year, well to whom? Obviously he's having side rels. Also, he probably knew he wasn't going to marry her by year 7-9, but was applying some sort of thought-process such as "I will hold onto her, while looking out for what I want". I've heard people do this, a guy has said openly that he only breaks up once he has confirmed her replacement (karma has caught him). So this man has been selfish, because the minute you confirm inside that you cannot commit to someone, pls free them and yourself.
And for the lady who does marry this guy with this type of mindset, don't come on NL to cry afterwards. Any man who will knowingly waste someone's time by being selfish will NOT magically turn into the perfect husband. That is the biggest mistake we all make "oh, this person who has treated people badly in the past will change magically because my love is so special". Yeah right, call me in 5 yrs, let's know how that worked out. He/she must show full remorse for their past, or else...
Let her be glad, infact, give her warning this very moment! A part of her will feel relieved. Trust me.

Dang.

Woke4all: 12yrs? dat's semi marriage o

Hell Tom Cruise's marriage was not that long