No, not all men, Nigerian or not, cheat. Men who do not cheat are better men than those who do cheat. They are more content, more moral, more honest, and the list goes on. People, men & women, should look to fulfill themselves. Many men claim to cheat b/c the wife is not measuring up but the answer is to find contentment in yourself & then compliment, not complete, someone else. Any man who expects his wife to read his mind & then fulfill his fantasies is a boy.

Someone asked why women stay. In terms of Nigerian women it is the fear of divorce and separation. More specifically, the fear of being labeled and shunned b/c of it. Nigerian women do not have the support network to withstand certain troubling phases in life. For instance, if a child dies, family comes to mourn & support. If a marriage dies, family comes to hiss & cajole you. I have an aunt who parted w/ her husband after nearly 20 years b/c of continuous problems. Her decision makes sense but no one (family) will admit it to each other etc.

Anyhow, men & women have to have the the strength to be honest. If your marriage isn't working, then skate. It's simple. And more honest than cheating. You'll be a better man (or woman) for it.

I think that[b] cheating men[/b] try to convince women that all men are cheats so that the women won't leave them.

I second that chinani!

Personally, I have reached a stage in life where I don't vouch for anybody when it comes to male & female issues. There is a whole lot of secrecy involved in this matter. We only get to know certain things when the secrecy burst, like:
1. the holier-than-thou colleague who went to a hotel for a quickie with somebody else's wife but armed robbers came calling and he was killed right there in the hotel room
2. the madam that was caught having a romp with her hausa securityman (maiguard)
3. the dedicated and responsible husband/father that only do his thing at lunch time (he goes home immediately after work and stays there; he wife is happy.
4. the one who does it only when he is on official trips
etc etc etc.

Screw that. I don't cheat.

chinani:

No, not all men, Nigerian or not, cheat. Men who do not cheat are better men than those who do cheat. They are more content, more moral, more honest, and the list goes on. People, men & women, should look to fulfill themselves. Many men claim to cheat b/c the wife is not measuring up but the answer is to find contentment in yourself & then compliment, not complete, someone else. Any man who expects his wife to read his mind & then fulfill his fantasies is a boy.

Someone asked why women stay. In terms of Nigerian women it is the fear of divorce and separation. More specifically, the fear of being labeled and shunned b/c of it. Nigerian women do not have the support network to withstand certain troubling phases in life. For instance, if a child dies, family comes to mourn & support. If a marriage dies, family comes to hiss & cajole you. I have an aunt who parted w/ her husband after nearly 20 years b/c of continuous problems. Her decision makes sense but no one (family) will admit it to each other etc.

Anyhow, men & women have to have the the strength to be honest. If your marriage isn't working, then skate. It's simple. And more honest than cheating. You'll be a better man (or woman) for it.

Great post, homegirl!!!!!

Hmmm . . .This is serious! How does one know a guy who will not cheat?

Hmmm . . .This is serious! How does one find a guy who will not cheat?

Men only do what they are allowed to do. Since Nigerian women are resigned to the fact 'men will be men', then hell yeah the men take advantage because they know their woman won't say or do a thing about it.

I think it's actually possible to know if a man will cheat or not

Women in Nigeria should expect cheating husbands and accept it. It takes the grace of God to overcome temptation.The women should remember the wedding vows of for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer and till death do us apart. This vows are made to secure the matrimony between parties involved and knowing fully well that temptation is bound to come at any time. So i see the cheating aspect as part of the temptation and should be accepted and expected by women

I see okie -- the men are not supposed to resist temptation abi? What has that got to do with it? If you married and your wife cheated on you and someone tells you it's part of temptation what do you do?

I wonder why most men have the mentality that anything goes for them while the woman is a mere servant -- do as I say not as I do.

Zahymaka, it is a thing that comes within the system. No one is pointing accusing finger but for God sake put yourelf in the same shoes and see what will happen. I'm trying to balance the equation here.

80% of successful marriages in Nigeria are with those marriages where the woman accepts her husband cheating. Its sad but its just a FACT . The truth about it is this Nigerian men cheat, Nigerian women know this, The Nigerian Society condoles it and alot even allow it, I think a woman that can hold her marriage even with a cheating husband is more of a wife than others that scamps as soon as they hear that the man is cheating on them. Cheating is wrong in all vices and i dont vote for it but trying to be realistic it happens, if your husband cheating does not in anyway affect the family ( no disrespect, no lack of love , no abandoning of responsibilities, no bringing of his immoralities to the home etc, ) then i wonder why you would go and throw it all away all in the name of My Husband cheated on me.

Well i say it again this Husband cheating thing has been happening, is still happening, and would continue to happen, im not saying you should flow with the harsh stormy waves all am saying is build a boat on the water that would just withstand the wave and give you a smooth journey even though you know the waves would appear once in a while.

''In terms of Nigerian women it is the fear of divorce and separation. More specifically, the fear of being labeled and shunned b/c of it.'' Yes this statement can be true but it does not change anything Cheating Husbands would still be there and the'll always would be there. My advice is just find the best way to make and protect your home cause trust me even though you complain about that man trust me there are so many friends of yours just waiting to see your marrriage crumble and this is a reality statement

No, they don't have to. But, until more Nigerian women become economically empowered and culturally liberated, the sad trend will persist.

Look -- the fact that something is prevalent doesn't make it okay. I'm telling you that not all men cheat.

If my husband cheats on me i wont get angry; i'll get even.

go gal

@misslady,

No. Not all men cheat on their wives.
Cheating is not peculiar to nigerians

A reason I suppose why men cheat on their wives is because there are always women who would agree with a man to be a casual,

The wives of other men, secretaries and the likes of women whom married men cheat with are also to blame,
if there are no ears to listen to gossips, there'll be no mouths to talk gossips

Birds of the same feather will find themselves. Mind you, a lot of women cheat too.

I remember once, a neighbor of mine, a couple with 2kids started fighting one very early sunday morning, like 3am, thats when i started hearing arguments. I never heard such foul words from husband to wife before in my whole life. Till morning, the argument continued and about 5am, they pulled themselves outside, with the husband slapping the wife and the wife slapping the husband etc.,, all because the husband wanted to have sex with his wife the night before only to discover her tummy was just a little protuded for it to be a normal food-filled belle. Neigbors had to interfere, The man accuses the woman of sleeping with an Alhaji who gives her money, the woman accuses the husband of sleeping with prostitutes and another woman who owns a restaurant. Wonderfully, both of them had hard-evidences, twas a case of, they had been playing house,

now, in the case of the woman, who cheated? can we accuse the supposed Alhaji of cheating on his Alhaja. Did he do it with a goat or with a human being? somebody also has to blame,

and FYI, its more rampant nowadays to find married men cheating with other married women, not even with singles,

From my experience, when a man says "all men cheat, they can't help it, so women should accept it" - like some have said on this forum, what that man is actually saying is "I have no self-control, i am incapable of being faithful to one woman and i feel better about myself if i assume that all men are like me".

For all you men who are like that, BREAKING NEWS!!! Not everyone is enslaved by sex, by the grace of God many men and women are well able to keep sex within marriage. And for the woman who wants to know if a man will cheat, there's your answer - ask him this question we are discussing and see what he says.

80% of successful marriages in Nigeria are with those marriages where the woman accepts her husband cheating. Its sad but its just a FACT .

And please sir, how do you define a successful marriage? One in which the couple co-habitate but have no respect for each other? Where they are teaching their male children (like you have learnt) that it is okay for men to be irresponsible and teaching their female children to accept it? Where the family is openly inviting the devil into their home by disrespecting the law of God against adultery? For your information, a marriage is not successful just because the husband and wife live in the same house. My step mother lived in the same house as my father till she died but as far as i am concerned, they were not married. You could count the number of words they said to each other in a day on one hand and still have fingers left. But I guess you would consider that to be a successful marriage!

Go on Consultant -- I'm solidly behind you.

legry:

80% of successful marriages in Nigeria are with those marriages where the woman accepts her husband cheating. Its sad but its just a FACT .

Sorry but i don't agree with dat fact. 95% of All the families i know even though they r not perfect but the guy better not even think about cheating or their wives gon do some serious damage. My parents' marriage is a successful one and my mom don't expect my dad to cheat on her and he doesn't expect her to cheat on him.

Knowing your spouse is cheating on you and allowing it can never lead to a succesful marriage. i know peeps with marriage like dat and they r like cat and mouse. they r always fighting and questioning eachother about all the guys and girls they see eachother with. a relationship like dat is not healthy at all, and thats not what marriage should be about.

Marriage is a union between two people who are not perfect but are perfect for eachother. they are suppose to love eachother so much they can't even think about been with someone else but nowadays people get married based on lust and when it wears out they realize they don't have anything in common or something to tie them together except for their kids. so they stay in the loveless marriage and don't care about what the other spouse is doing on his/her own free time.
So even though they know their spouse is cheating on them they don't care. I don't think that is what a successful marriage should be like.

hell no, how would u accept ur husband as a cheat even if he is not, not all men cheat, and if a man cheats, then something is wrong somewhere, like i said in my journal, a wife makes her husband who he is, everything is all in your hand, if you are a good wife i see no reason why ur husband would cheat on you,

every man has the urge or would i say the possibilty of cheating on his wife, but women could help curb that, like i said earlier, the life, behaviour, attitude of ur husband is in your hands

a wife makes her husband who he is, everything is all in your hand, if you are a good wife i see no reason why your husband would cheat on you,

No offense meant but Aloib, are you married? Because if you are, or have interacted closely with married people you will know that a man (or woman) really doesn't need an excuse to dishonor his (or her) marriage. Many men have lovely submissive wives at home and yet cannot resist the urge to step out on her - even men themselves will tell you that. Ultimately in this world, no one person is responsible for the actions of another. You are who you are because you choose to be.

Well said consultant, very well said. I dont know why men who lack self control should blame their misconduct on the women folk. This is very disheartening!

We always tend to go sentimental when issues like this one are brought up. For a marriage to succeed, married couples have to face reality and brace up. Marital life is like human beings, exposed to bacterias everyday but still look healthy because of the level of individual immunity. The day the immunity level drops, an opportunistics infection comes in, BANG, then sickness. Same with marriage, men and women are exposed to temptations everyday.
temptations could be from:
Colleagues at work
Neigbours (same building, same street, same estate, etc)
Family members
Unknown individuals
Boss at work
Church member
Doctor/nurse at the local hospital
Taxi driver, etc

Most times, we are able to fight these temptations but atimes, temptation could come at the lowest ebb of one's marriage. This could be when there are emotional issues which have been left to linger. It could be when one has been starved of sex. It is very easy for most people to succumb when they are at this period.

TAKE THIS OR LEAVE IT. For most marriages, sexual activities drop after the woman has put to birth! Due to many physical/psycological/emotional stress as a result of the new entrant (baby), the woman tends to 'deprive' the man of attention. THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE FOR THOSE WHO KNEW BEFORE HAND! For some, they take it wrongly. The first 3 or 4 months after child birth is always the lowest ebb for men. If during this period, a man comes across temptation, he might decide to have a fling. IF he does, in most cases, he takes it as a substitute to his wife. There lies the danger! During this period (before he's tempted) couples are advised to go for/get counselling.

We should also pray that we don't come across some demonic people. Some people sit down and set targets for themselves. I know a few people (male & female) who target a particular member of the opposite sex to go to bed with them. They would not stop until they achieve their aim. This is no fantasy.

I have a colleague who works offshore (on rotation: 4wks on 4wks off). Due to his long absence every 2months, his wife, a mother of 2, goes for flings around. It has gotten to a stage where everyone knows except the husband.

This is a nice thread@chinani, U made a lot of sense.
Well we just have to pray and hope for the best.
Marriage is not something one rushes into cause if you
rush into it, you will rush out of it.
People need to take time to get to know each other better.

Once you meet the one and things work
You need to put him/her into GOD's hands.
THere is no assurance that a man will not cheat on you
but u still need to trust him as ur man,


get real,
Ladie,s u've got to be good at whatever u do
I know marriage is not all about sex
but yall need skillz,
that's ur man, do whatever it takes to keep him
at the same time be urself and don't do something u don't feel comfy with.

Most times, we are able to fight these temptations but atimes, temptation could come at the lowest ebb of one's marriage. This could be when there are emotional issues which have been left to linger. It could be when one has been starved of sex. It is very easy for most people to succumb when they are at this period.

TAKE THIS OR LEAVE IT.

I'm sorry i cannot take it or leave it _{(and yes, i'm very emotional about this)} because some of us hold ourselves to higher standards of morality than you do. Just say, "this is the case for me", don't assume that everybody feels the same way. While temptation may be a fact of life, God is well able to give us grace to overcome it. THAT TOO, IS A FACT OF LIFE. Unfortunately, the devil has sold too many people on the lie that they are incapable of resisting sexual temptation, in essence therefore, reducing us to mere animals. Because herein lies the fundamental difference between human beings and animals sexually - a dog on heat will do anything to satisfy its desires with ANY dog that comes its way. A human being on the other hand is (or should be) able to control his/her desires and put them under subjection to his/her principles in life.

Now, i am not saying that some good people don't fall for temptation and commit sexual sin, but when they do, if they assume that it is only a normal fact of life, then they will shrug it off and inevitably do it again, thus starting a vicious circle. But if they acknowledge that it is wrong, repent, seek the forgiveness of God and their mate and take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen again, then they will be successful in resisting it next time.

I am tired of this cheating threads. As it is, you will discovered it is the women who are the champions of such discussions. The truth is men will cheat at any slightest opportunity, Body no be woods, with so many ladies around the corner who will depend on a man's largesse to survive, a man is not safe even if he will not cheat. For instance, suppose I am not married and I insisted I don't cheat, how would a woman know? Suppose I am married and I insisted I do cheat, you bet some ladies would chat me up. Let us stop deceiving oursevles and live in a real world and not this type of world that is full of pretences. An average woman will want to eat her cake and have it, that is, they will dated a married man, but will not want her husband to be to cheat on her. Men will always cheat, and the bad news is, you wont know he wont until you got married. So women should stop having some hope that her man will never cheat on her. Like I always say, a man that will not cheat on his wife is gifted and they are around, I even have one as a friend, but sadly, his wife never believe he doesnt cheat on her.

I will not stop having hope. Also, how do you know that "his wife will not believe"? You must be GOD to read the collective minds of women. You seem to know sooooooooooooo much about what women should do when married. Tell me, are you married to a man? You also know sooooooooooooo much about what single women do with their relationships? So are you a single woman who interacts w/ married men? Your "knowledge" really is uncanny. The reason I ask, is that there is only so much a person can "know" through observation. And though life teaches us, we can never anticipate a revelation. How old was Paul on the road to Damascus? ("I once was blind but now I see."
You, dear sir, condemn women for having hope, should someone condemn save you from your utter certainty of what men will or will not do? You must know the inner psyches of all men on Earth if not Nigeria, correct? (Honestly, I'm trying to follow your logic here. . .) Or perhaps you aren't GOD. . .just a juju man throwing bones by his keyboard? Well, anyhow, best of luck to you.

As I said before: Cheating men try to convince women that all men are cheats so that women won't leave them.

Anyhow, if you're tired, then leave the thread. No one's stopping you.

I have been told by a married Nigerian man that it is naive for a woman not to expect and accept that married men have lovers.

chinani:

I will not stop having hope. Also, how do you know that "his wife will not believe"? You must be GOD to read the collective minds of women. You seem to know sooooooooooooo much about what women should do when married. Tell me, are you married to a man? You also know sooooooooooooo much about what single women do with their relationships? So are you a single woman who interacts w/ married men? Your "knowledge" really is uncanny. The reason I ask, is that there is only so much a person can "know" through observation. And though life teaches us, we can never anticipate a revelation. How old was Paul on the road to Damascus? ("I once was blind but now I see."
You, dear sir, condemn women for having hope, should someone condemn save you from your utter certainty of what men will or will not do? You must know the inner psyches of all men on Earth if not Nigeria, correct? (Honestly, I'm trying to follow your logic here. . .) Or perhaps you aren't GOD. . .just a juju man throwing bones by his keyboard? Well, anyhow, best of luck to you.

As I said before: Cheating men try to convince women that all men are cheats so that women won't leave them.

Anyhow, if you're tired, then leave the thread. No one's stopping you.

I guess all the above tantrums are directed to me? Well, I am indifferent. We are both entitled to each other's opinion. But mark my words, No man will put a signboard on his forehead that he doesnt cheat, and of course until he is caught. Perhaps I am being too positive as far as cheating on the part of men is concerned.