What’s the single most difficult aspect of single parenting? I know, we all have our different answers as the individual challenges differs from state to state and country to country. I complete agree with the fact that a role meant for two mates now belongs to an individual is enough to break one down with enough stress to last a life time.

However, despite what you read from the media and hear, being a single mother is not all bad news. To encourage our beautiful strong single mothers out there are these tips to becoming a great single mum help ease through the journey.

1.Maintain a relationship with God.
Whatever your religious inclination, talking to your God through prayers and reading your Holy Bible, Quran etc will only require a few minutes or hour of your time in the day. Doing this will refresh your soul, give you inner peace and renewal, hope, especially if you are facing different challenges.

2. Seek out role models:
Single mums and her child(ren) can flourish. The first step is to make a list of other single mums or children raised by single mums who inspire you and refer to it as whenever they are going through a difficult day. The world is amazed how Obama turned out good from such a background.

3. Find a work schedule that suits your life style and family.
Do not be afraid to express your needs to your employers by telling him or her you are a single mum / parent. Most of them will understand and assist you in getting a flexible work schedule.

4. Do not freak out over things beyond your control –  if your child’s father promises to show up unannounced during an event at your child’s school. Do not loose your beauty sleep over it. That’s his wahala not yours!
5. Do make out a ‘me – time”.
Being a single mum is hard work, so you deserve time off every now and then. When you create free time for yourself, you can enjoy going to the salon or spending time with friends after having left your child(ren) in the capable hands of either a baby sitter,  another single mum friend or neighbour.

6. Be yourself.
Do not compete with yourself. This is because, nobody is keeping scores on the unmade beds, unclean breakfast dishes and toys scattered about on some chaotic morning. Please, focus on doing the most important things to avoid lateness for you and your child (dren). These include bathing, getting dresses, having breakfast and leaving for school/ work for both you and the child(ren). You can always get back to doing these chores later.

Finally, this tend to reduce or completely take the pressure off you whilst spending more quality time with your child (ren).


www.singlenaijamum.com

I call my process of coming out as "exhaling". This is because I have had so much bottled up inside and wouldn't want to talk about them.

Now, daily, I am getting closer to being healed of the hurts and pains and even to the extent of having my shoulders for some other hurting lady to cry on.

I refer to my stories in www.singlenaijamum.com

I will come back and share more here. Thanks for this thread

Thank you all for still commenting on this post. I took the decision and allowed her go to secondary school. She is doing fine and coping well. I got her an extra. Classes teacher at home- a female. I also got a housekeeper to assist at home. Its been smooth thus far.

By the way, because she is so cute and pretty she was made the official Queen of her school.
Thank you everyone.

Mine is http://singlenaijamum.com

Their families don't have needs for medical treatments in naija so how do they know what the average Nigerian has to go through? Maybe they do have cousins or some distance relative that may need medial attention once in a while thus handling the issue with kid's glove when many lives are at stake.

Our women are dying! A lot of them out of ignorance while others, poverty! Nobody is talking about these issues. Where they do talk about it? Does it make front page? The mortality rates increases, the suffering continues and more money are being said to be spent.

@Ifyalways, I think the Director of the Agency does need to do a lot more than what they are doing. The traditional birth places are not in most cases equiped enough to handle cases that ordinarily won't lead to death or complications for our women. For example, who are these homes accountable to should any casualty in the cause of delivery ?

Are there records of the numbers of these homes in each state of the Federatio or State?

I would really like to have answers. Enlighten our women as a measure to curb the rise of mortality rate too

@Chaircover, the trado home do charge more.

Just when I thought I had wrapped this issue of Floxy and maternal mortality story, I came across this except from one of Nigerian newspapers.

 Expectant Mothers to Hospital, Get N500 : FG tells Birth Attendants


The primary Health care system Development Agency, an agency of the Federal Government, says it will pay N500 to any traditional birth attendant who takes an expectant mother to an orthodox health centre or labour room!
Its Director, Dr. Abdullah Mohammed, told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Abuja on Sunday that the incentive would hopefully contribute to a reduction in maternal mortality which had become worrisome.

"We have facilities that record 500 antenatal attendants in a month, but these same facilities may not register more than 50 births in a month; so the question is: Where are these other people delivered?

"We ve seen that many of them deliver at home.

"For any of them that brings a woman to delivery room, we pay them between N200 and N500; we can't start too high because we look at something that is sustainable"

Mohammed noted that the use of the traditional birth attendants called volunteers, had not been part of the formal health system in the past.

According to him, the traditional birth attendants play very important role in the northern part of the country, including Lagos and Ogun states.

Mohammed noted that for any country desirous of reducting maternal mortality, it must have skilled birth attendants as midwives. He said that the unfortunate situation in Nigeria was that midwives could not be available everywhere, "nothing" even where they are, some women still preper the traditional birth attendants".

The Director said the agency would make it clear to the traditional birth attendants not to take deliveries, but that they would be equiped with basic knowledge. "So the focus on TBAs will be in terms of promotion what we call "Key household practices"exclusive breastfeeding, family planning, attendance of antenatal clinic, ensuring that deliveries are carried out at the facility level.

"But beyond this we want to give them incentives for bringing a pregnant woman to the facility to deliver because this is happening in Rwanda and it is making a lot of impac in the health system". Mohammed said another issue the agency would tackle was the reluctance of some expectant mothers to attend orthodox health centres.

He said the agency would learn from a country like Indonisia where expectant mothers were allowed to be delivered at home but would have, at least a midwife in attendance. "We are not just looking at facility-based delivery alone: we are also looking at assisted home delivery. "We want the country to grow so that we move clearly to a level where we have close to 80% to 100% skilled birth attendance, which is still very low now; it is still below 40%. "If we must transit to a country with low maternal mortality, we have to work hard on that"

This is serious indeed, N200 -N500? wonderful
Culled from PM News, Monday, 30 July, 2012 (page 4)

@Ivynwa, simple put, you ROCK!

I have so much to be thankful for and I am sure you have too. As the first half of the year is running to a close, my list is an indication of how wonderful and gracious God has been to my family.

1. I thank God for the gift of life. For keeping me and Princess through all the challenges of our daily lives and the grace to face all others without giving up.

2. For His provision despite the recession going on globally. Keeping us out of debts, meeting us at the very point of our needs.

3. Keeping Nigeria together as a nations. Its been terrible with all the air mishaps, bombings, killings and corruptions in high places. Its been the worst of times for us as a nation but your peace Lord has kept seeing us through each day from a complete breakdown of law and order and total war outbreak.

I have decided to share this post with you all. For one, its got me on a different level of thought, I reserve my comments for now. Happy reading:

Firstly,if you are still struggling to find a husband at an old age because you are looking for a perfect man,something is certainly wrong with u. Now,your propaganda magazine tells you that 'All men are liars,cheats a...nd useless,but lets be Honest here,which is more likely?

Is it that there,s something wrong with about 70million African men,OR there is something wrong with one African Women,U?

The Truth is this when a product is not doing well,the sales team don't blame the customers,they either blame the product or sales and marketing strategy.

So ladies,have you been marketing urselves? What's your marketing strategy? Do you think you will be picked out off the shelf and placed in the basket of matrimony if you are always hanging out with that coven of witches you call friends? Those ladies who intimidates any man who approaches you?.

http://singlenaijamum..com/2012/06/single-guilty-as-charged.html

Source

Ibeme Nnamdi wrote: For your information; Issues concerning the Nigerian Medical Association,Medical guild of Lagos. The consolidated medical salary scale is the salary structure designed by the federal government 4years ago with the aim of providing a uniform salary scale for doctors irrespective of the state,kind of hospital,and specialisation. With an annual increment denoting years of experience. Most states in the country immediately began paying conmess in full. 2years after this,the medical guild wrote several letters to the government to remind them of conmess as they were yet to be paid. The governor then SIGNED an agreement that he would commence payment in 2011 with arrears being owed. The federal government made it clear that if conmess is paid, Doctors would ignore the poor work conditions,work extended hours like they have been but this time they would be happy doing it, they wouldn't have to leave the country to work abroad, more people would be encouraged to train as doctors and the health of the people would be secured. Tax was increased, conmess was not paid, work conditions were not improved, doctor's lives were lost to stress related illnesses. Call rooms were not provided for doctors on call. When Mr Fashola was reminded in January,he simply said the President couldn't dictate how much he would pay doctors in his state,and the tax increase was necessary so we can get used to it INCASE he agrees to implement conmess! He said he couldn't afford to pay conmess(but could plan the most expensive birthday party in the World for Mr Tinubu) We then embarked on a legal 3day warning strike with prior notice to sensitize the people and remind the government of the signed agreement On resumption,all doctors were given individual query letters(for a joint action?). Another one was issued,then letters were issued for "call to panel / impending dismissal from duty". 

A week later, armour tanks were brought to all lagos general hospitals and teaching hospital Lasuth ikeja,with doctors walked out of their clinics while seeing patients. The Med guild immediately called for an indefinite strike and the lagos state government sued for breech of agreement and Victimisation of doctors.

Fake pay slips were published in the papers 2weeks ago claiming doctors were being paid as much as 900,000 whereas a medical professor of 20years has never been paid as much as 500,000. A Neurosurgeon(brain surgeon) consultant still collects 171,000 as salary. Be informed we have only less dan 20 in Nigeria(2of them with lagos state,they trained in America,they have both been sacked!).They work round the clock(we have enough head injuries daily due to road traffic accidents). 3days ago,we were issued sack letters and 97 doctors(not 373 like u heard) were employed as locum doctors (doctors paid per hour).

These locum doctors need residents and consultants to put them through. It takes years of experience to perform a caesarian section on a woman or a brain surgery(esp bore hole to relieve increased brain pressure or blood in d brain) or an appendectomy or treat a sick child or even to help a mentally ill patient.

NMA has made it clear that the newly appointed doctors should not & would not accept the job offer,and that all doctors across the nation would join in the strike against victimization on friday after the on going professional exams. The issue is now beyond CONMESS struggle - the government is aiming to devour the medical and dental profession. Be informed that doctors are not slaves,our Hippocratic oath explains that we owe an obligation to our patients and they owe an obligation to us and our services must be paid for. 

Thanks for taking time to read this. I hope you have been well informed.

A few months back I posted on NL the story of a lady ( Eunice Becker Ikwueto ) who was badly battered by her husband. Unknown to a lot of people, the lady was as at that time 2 months pregnant!

She is delivered of a bouncing baby boy, Ted Cheta,on friday 4th May.

This is wishing the mum, Melvin,Troy and baby Ted a wonderful weekend.

Congratulations from singlenaijamum..com

Hello bloggers, mine is singlenaijamum..com

Jide, thanks for bringing us all together. Can u check it out and let me know what u think.

Is it because one is being tired, bored or oxygen deprived, or low temperature of the brain?
What is excessive yawning?

@ Kunbee, thanks for suscribing, lol

The last weekend was a very interesting one as husband and wife were able to have a real heart to heart talk about the issue of hair lose in the wife and other problems that it had caused their relationship. I didn't pry more but just accepted that they have been able to solve their problems themselves! Gush , I wonder how long it was going to last!

Thank u everyone for your contributions. It amazes me how advice we consider so little go a long way to help ease these aches of the heart

@ Roland17, you are right, its not the end of the world, actually, life just got more beautiful, it depends on how we look at the glass.

Thank God for the privilege to be a mother!

MrBrownJay, I am not part of the problem. How can i have been?  I only listened to his troubled heart be poured out and he assumed that i could know how the falling hair of his wife was affecting their marriage.

i couldnt have given him any advice when I didnt have any to give. 

I actually did ask more questions to know when he started noticing the change in his wife. I couldnt believe it either becos, i mean why is the wife not wearing weave on instead?  Does that mean that the whole hair is gradually falling off completely?

I have nothing to do with the problem, i simply listened and did tell him i will try and find out how she can be helped.

@Tpia, I have noted all you have said. Thank you again

@Parisiene, thank you, i will explain it to him, hopefully he will understand and not get so worked up as has been his nature more recently.

@MRbrownJAY, hard words. I was made to understand that its been a gradual process and now she decided to wear the wig to bed these days.

@Highland, she is so embarrassed by her predicament and i am sure she has been doing her research too.

A lot of times we hide from the hurt inside just becos of what people will say or think about us. I quiet agree. Maybe its the right thing to do or not, i cant say for others but for me, telling my story is for the purpose of healing. I told my story not for anyone in particular to celebrate me but i guess a lot of pple dont like it.  I am very proud of my daughter and trust me if you have one like her you will be very proud of her too. I am thankful today that i had her.  You may not like how i came to be single or that i am still single but its okay.

@Tpia, we all may not know how to go about topics on forum, thats why i want to say, for trying to "advice me" , i say thank you. For every other person, i just want to say, i really need to exhale and that is what is important to me right now.

How do I help a family friend who came to me asking for my candid opinion about issues he was having with his wife. I thought it best to bring it to the house, please help.

My wife is going bald! I need advice please. She wears wigs even to our matrimonial bed because she is embarrassed of what my feelings for her will be as a result of this.

What do i do?

@ Sisi Kill, your imagination will do a 360 degrees if you could hear how this beautiful lady told the story. I curled up on my seat as she narrated the ordeal.

@ Lady Winona, I completely agree with you that women should speak up against this evil. It about time that our beloved Nigeria wakes up to this evil.

Indeed a project is in the making and I will definitely keep you and other interested woman like you posted.

This is wicked! I have been following Eunice Becker's story and even paid her a visit! I truly believe that all forms of violence against women should be stopped!.

Eunice Becker's STORY:


This is for all those faced with similar issues and those curious enough to want to know how a seemingly perfect marriage can come to a brisk and violent end. And also in memory of those who found their demise at the hands of their abusive partners and care givers.

First and foremost, I thank you for all your opinions, rebukes and support but let me tell you the story from my own point of view.

I am quite down to earth and much as I am one of the most difficult persons to deal with, I am quite loyal, honest and do not mince words in expressing my opinions and positions on matters however delicate. I also can, but I do not date wealthy men because I am a firm believer in working very hard for your desires in life and also building up with my life partner possibly from scratch so that when the success, recognition and wealth comes, I would be a proud member of the successful unit and not just because I did all the house keeping or bore all the children. I have always known that I have quite a bit to contribute to my partner’s life and as a result only took serious interest in unions that could give me the opportunity to do just that.

I am neither obedient nor submissive because my childhood and early life battles thought me NEVER to be that if I must succeed but I am extremely considerate and would sacrifice everything in fact, I would lay down my life (literally) to ensure my inner circle are fine.

My husband and I spent just six weeks getting to know each other and then got married because, at least I was certain we were a great match and there was indeed something special between us. We both decided to do whatever it took to make sure we succeeded. However, I asked for two fundamental things both of which were the core of this union and as a result the only two things as far as I could imagine capable of breaking us up and leaving us facing life again as single entities. 1) I asked that he should never lie to me because I do not know how to love, trust and believe in my partner if he is capable of lying to me and 2) He should NEVER raise his hands on me no matter how bad I hurt his feelings. He assured me he had never hit a woman before (which turned out to have been the first and a fundamental lie) and promised never to do that no matter what the problems were. He also believed in the same things I did (at least so he said) so the fact that I was quite independent was supposedly a huge plus for our union.

The first time he destroyed my laptop and beat me up it was over what movie he wanted to watch on my laptop as against the one I was already watching. The second time, which was a time I was five months pregnant was because he forbade me from attending a very important business meeting and I insisted I had to go. This time my offence is having unknowingly confirmed to his lady friend/lecturer that I am financially responsible for our family but only until he is successful enough to take over his duties. He felt so undermined by this that he argues till this minute that his actions were justified. Pushing me against scratchy walls, hitting me on the face and using an iron rod from the leg of the dining table I broke to hit me on the head repeatedly and then sitting patiently, waiting for me to come around from each of the unconsciousness and hitting me again and again thereafter. It is not a trauma I would psychologically recover from soon but that’s not the issue.

A number of people actually agree that his actions were justified but I am not interested in these opinions because we had a deal and he broke them all. I also do not and can not condone domestic violence and he knows this too well. I can’t even hit my kids or let anyone else do it because I consider even that an extreme measure. Let us also not forget that even the “tell me the truth at all times” pact was never taken seriously because day in day out, more and more lies were discovered, even lies about how much money he needs for school or what he actually uses the huge amounts of money he takes from me for….more or less stealing from me which is as good as stealing from himself. Who does that?

I enter all my relationships head first but I never hang around praying, waiting or hoping for miracles instead of doing something about my life and/or the lives of those directly dependent on me. Everybody can indeed change for the better but most times it requires a sincere determination to do so or a major jolt in one’s regular life to achieve this change. If he could change, he would have done so after the last beating so I give up and I am not sorry!
Ebele might or might not improve but I am not willing to take anymore chances than I already have. He is a great man (to be) and I am positive that with the right woman on his side, the sky may not even be his limit. However, I am not that woman and I am okay knowing and accepting this. It is nothing to be ashamed of and for those of you who think it is a thing of shame to walk out of an abusive union – you are all in my prayers.

Finally, all you men already dropping hints and notes about wanting to live happily ever after with a battered mother of two. You all better ensure your pockets are so full and your belongings that many to make even men like Bill Gates jealous…, else…. STAY OUT OF MY WAY!

And hey! One thing I know how to do exceedingly well, is to survive! So peeps, the battle continues!







http://singlenaijamum..com/2011/09/so-batteredthis-should-be-stopped.html

@ Horny4u, this is so hard for me but the truth is I really want the best for my daughter. I am almost running out time to take a decision.

I am so grateful for all the advice.

@ Okija_juju, thank you so very much

@ Horny4u, it is real life. I went to visit her. She is not lazy, she is very comfortable in her skin, only offence is loving this man.

This violence against women is getting too much these day. We are yet to come to terms with the Skye Bank lady that was killed by her husband , now this?

Something must be wrong somewhere!

@ Ronkebp, Poison ke? my dear, dont you think that will be taking things too far? People like Ebele should be handed over to the Law.