Lalasticlala

ishilove

Avalon316:


bro,if you can't help no problem.


But shut the hell up.

laurah001:
Hello,

Congrats to those that have visa already and to those awaiting theirs (have faith). I'm looking for anyone coming to Uni of Alberta this month or in the school already or coming for the fall semester that would want to share an accommodation ( 2 bedroom apartment). I'm a young, nice, & friendly lady looking for a female roommate, I'm a recent masters grad from the school and its a great advantage for you considering the fact you will settle and blend in fast (willing to help). Please and please you must be a responsible female and can clean after yourself, preferably a masters student. contact me by replying to this message.
NB: for the ethnic bias people i'm igbo, for the true Nigerians i'm igbo ...One Nigeria

Laura

bellong:


No worries, people create new monikers everytime here to narrate sob stories or story that touch. You are not the first and will not be the last. How are you sure that with the new moniker, your "girl" wouldn't know it is her story you have narrated here. You goofed with the opening post.




I know you will get sincere and insincere advices, my concern is "are you willing to take to the reasonable and sincere advices you will get?"



Good to know that you know a good girl when you see one. The two years are long enough for you to know what you want from a lady for a journey of a life time. If she stood by you during the thick and thin, she will still stand by you during robust and lean of the future.


At the mouth of two or three witnesses shall the truth be established. This lady has witnesses of her good behaviour from the members of your own family. Character is the foundation of a good home.

.

You are yet to cheat on her? Does that mean you plan to cheat on her later?



This "she is not romantic" phrase is too ambiguous for me to comprehend. What do you mean by it? Is it the romantic stuff you read from mills and boons or the one you watch in Hollywood? Please explain this your not romantic phrase.
If I don't understand what you mean, at least the lady understood you. She went ahead to tell you her opinion of the likely cause of the challenge. "What did you or have you done to help her through this challenge?". One of the essence of relationship is to help each other become better in virtue that is inadequate or totally missing. Love is not self-centred nor selfish but sacrificial.



Intense feeling of love?? Bro, please stop watching Telemundo. Probably you have read too much romantic novels that created an illusion in your mind. What intense feeling attracted you to her in the first place? Love is not a feeling, it is a decision. prolly you wanted to refer to the emotional attachment born out of lust or sexual desire for the opposite sex. That my friend is not love.

Since you realised that your love bug was missing months into the relationship, what pushed you to carry on? Why didn't you come out straight and tell the lady so you both can find your happiness/love in other places.
Beauty they say lies in the eyes of the beholder. As much as you have every right to hold dear to what you want but how does the "extreme beauty" of a woman helps in building a good home? It still amazes me why you approached someone who doesn't fit in to what you want. It shows that you never even defined your taste/qualities and desires in a woman before jumping the ship. Were you led by the testosterone before asking her out? What did you see in her from the beginning that you are not seeing now?

If she could go to the length of complaining about you not appreciating her beauty, she is dying inside slowly due to lack of appreciation from you. Why hold on to her when you know she is not good enough for you. Is it because she is good in bed?

A lady with an average beauty of 55% in your score cheat has the advantage of becoming a 98% beautiful and gorgeous looking diva if she is in the right environment joined to the right man. Maybe the thought of you not seeing her as pretty is eating deep into her heart thereby affecting her psyche. This alone can affect beauty. Bro, you are giving that poor lady slow poison by your attitude.

Physiology has taught us that every female has the same physiology irrespective of size, race, shape and culture. The illusion of beauty lies in the imagination of your heart. If you reset your heart that she is beautiful, you will start to see the beauty you never saw. And if you marry the most beautiful girl in the world, she later gets involved in an accident that affects her beauty, will you ditch her?

I am not saying beauty is not important. It is very important but after marriage, trust me you will be less bothered about the beauty if you marry a Hawk. The bible says "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is VAIN: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.." Why waste your precious energy chasing vain and mundane things. It is her character that will give you happiness in the union not her beauty. Her beauty may even become a problem you wouldn't be able to handle. In as much as she has the two roebucks on the upper abdomen/thorax and the hole in the lower abdomen in between her legs, and they good enough to behold, to hell with beauty with no substance.

So, you are not seeing or looking at what you should look at. Hence you are confused because you don't even know the right characteristics to watch out for in a potential spouse.



Congratulations on the visa grant. Was she involved during the visa application process? Was she happy about it when it was granted?



If your MUM likes her a lot, then she is a big catch. Fathers don't too get involved in their children's decision about marriage except on rare occasions. So indifference may not be because of her beauty or lack of it but because the choice is yours and he doesn't want to interfere. He is respecting your territory.. so stop reading deluded opinion to his action.



My advice, please ditch her. Inbox me her phone number and I will connect her to someone who will treat her like an "Emperess". Your understanding of love is the biggest issue you have. Love is not emotional butterfly, it is a decision to be fair, just, sincere, honest and accountable to your spouse. Love who you marry bro. If your first two relationships were full of emotional butterflies, why did they end? Why are you not marrying them?

A real man sees a challenge and confront it not running away from it. She is not "romantic", you have not done anything to help her with it. At least nothing to that effect from your write up. You don't tell her you love her because you have created a barrier in your heart blocking the "love hormones" to express your feelings. Until you break the wall of Jericho of beauty in your heart, I am sorry, you will never love her.



You are a confused bro... Your parents wanted an introduction, that shows that your dad was not against her after all. The best way not to hurt her is to let her go now. She will hurt but she will get over it. The earlier you realised this, the better for her.

You can never find anybody like her. No two individuals are the same. It is either you get someone better than her or worse than her. If nature/providence placed a rare gem in your path and because of vanity you throw it away, I am sorry you may never get such a gem again. Life has a way of paying back. You may think you got good package in the beginning but events after will show that you entered a "one chance". Since idea of cheating is crossing your mind now. even if you marry a beauty sent from heaven, you will end up cheating on her. Most people that cheat decided to from onset with this type of mindset.



I wouldn't say this is not a cause for concern as it may have a generational effect. However, if she has the determination to make her marriage work, then there is no cause for alarm. You only need to be prayerful. I don't have the info to what caused her mother's several marriages but if it is character deficiency, your description of this lady doesn't show someone that will tow that path.

My dad had six wives and other concubines I can't count or know but it didn't turn me to an "harem". Rahab was an harlot but from her lineage came forth the "Rod of salvation". As much as her background is important, the girl in question is more important.



Please let her go. I am willing to help you. Send me her phone number and she will totally forget about you.


I wish you well in your decision.

Woww this is an eye opener...........I cant thank you enough!!!!!!!! I am really grateful...... . By the grace of God, I will send you our wedding invitation personally!!!! I see tips on how to be the best husband she could ever have in your analytical replies. May almighty God bless the source of your huge knowledge......may your oil never run dry.....may you continue to progress higher and higher. I called her just now and spoke in an unusual manner. She was dumbfounded while the conversation lasted because i was expressive for the first time ever!!! she was so happy!!!! I found alot of peace and Joy in your reply. You said 55percent could actually turn to 100!!!! given the right environment.....wowww!!! I will definitely call you not to give you her number for someone thats gonna treat her as an "empress" though. I will treat her myself thanks . I will do a hard reset on my heart as you have indirectly suggested. I feel so peaceful. I have been unhappy and this has been a burden for awhile. God bless you abundantly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Floodgater:

Perhaps, thanks too.
The thought that you dont want to lose her is something to start with, it could be selfish aswell but try first to make her that random girl in your head having her character with 75% beauty. Sometimes, somebody or something could have raised a random girl from less than 55 to 75%.

I want to answer your questions.........

What brought or attracted her to you innitially.
Well being honest....when we meet, i was lonely. I just moved to the state where i meet her and we seemed to like each other the first time. We became friends for about 2 months then i asked her out. As you have rightly predicted, i am a kinda man with series of achievements which could attract any girl so easily. By the virtue of this, i rarely do the chasing game and i have dated really beautiful ladies in the past even working class while i was a student with little or no effort at all, they fall on my lap easily.(I have good looks too).Nonetheless, I was attracted by her dreams, her character, her qualities, and her nature in general

If you really just dont like her from your heart, its okay
About this it is not as if i dont like her at all.....what i am really worried about is the level of feelings i have for her. I feel it is not strong enough to build a home upon. I believe before you can decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, you must be willing to maybe die for that person. My problem is that the feelings is not strong to that extent and this is the main source of my worries. I am not even considering letting her go. I am looking for a measure of love.....like that breaking point kind of love......

Floodgater:
@acquilla
In addition to what others have seen in you, i see you are also a responsible man with fine character.

My issue with you is, since you are so keen on beauty, why start something with a not so fine person?
What brought or attracted her to you innitially.

If you really just dont like her from your heart, its okay. And you can get a beautiful person not good in character as her that you might be okay with even though your history points otherwise.
I'm yet to be convinced it is a case of you not just liking her. I see that you may never get over her real beauty/character if you let her go, i see she is too good to a fault, got her easily, does not give you the whinings of lover girl so it is easy to take her for granted. I also see you concentrate on faults too much and see them as irredeemable. You said in the beginning it was good until the issues you were not patient enough or lacked how to deal with cropped up.
Sometimes when you get a package that you are not total, love for it will make you seek ways to make it complete except there is really no way.

Obviously where she is coming from has made her unromantic. If you can get her to reach where she is willing to change, then good, but you will really push yourself not to give up on her easily as it may take time. You lead by example, assist her to ways of becoming romantic.

For beauty, most times it is the packaging. I have seen guys drool over the ugliest of girls because of the packaging. If genevieve doesnt know how to package well, you may never know she is so beautiful. As for her family issues, you are not in position to determine the effect on her future.

I advice you settle the issues you have with her before marriage if not they will come up again. You may want to use the tips above, if yes, start with appreciating her and her person first, you have taken that for granted too long. Should you set you heart and mind to wholeheartedly help her this time and it doesnt work, let her go.

Hehehe, na this type of girl one of those your friends saying she is beautiful go just pick from where you dumped her, repackage her and leave you forever looking at time to see if you can turn it back.

thank you. This is touching are you a counsellor or psychologist?

EfemenaXY:


Then man up and tell her the truth. Just let her go so you both can move on with your lives.

It's better she cries now than cry in a marriage of bondage.

It's been said over and over in this section - Don't marry someone you aren't into, out of pity. Let her go.

It is not just strong enough to do that kneeling down thing.......its not as if i dont love her at all........Thank you so much

realdee44:
That she is from a broken home or her mum got married to several men doesn't mean she is the same. Secondly being beautiful is not what makes a happy home. So many men get married to bad women because they choose to go after beauty or her financial status.

How ever I will not advice you to marry a lady you to love very much. My advice is give yourself like 2 to 3 months with her & try to love her for her good character & her faithfulness maybe this will make you love her much more.

Thank you so much..............my gratitude

I have never ate her apple. I have told her this before(the not feeling strong attachment part) and we thought it would get better over time.seriously I have been open and honest with her to a fault..........we still spend alot of time together on phone every single day ever since i left. Infact, i have been looking for a way to bring her to the states ever since i got here which we are currently processing. But not feeling that strong emotional attachment thing is really killing and scary. As a matter of fact i bought a ring before leaving Nigeria but i dont wanna deceive her by putting that ring on her finger.....

EfemenaXY:


I, I, I...Me, me, me.

You sound downright selfish. You want to eat your cake and have it.

~ There is nothing wrong with your not wanting to marry her.

~ There is nothing wrong with your not feeling physically attracted to her.

~ There is nothing wrong with seeing her as nothing more than a friend to you.

However, it's extremely selfish of you to keep the poor lady on hold for two whole years, simply because you haven't got the guts as a man to come clean and tell her how you really feel, about the whole relationship.

Not only is it selfish, it's downright wicked for you to bring in her family background as a cause for concern now. You weren't too bothered about her mother being divorced / re-married several times over when you first got together with her. It wasn't a problem for you when you chose to eat her "apple".

Now all of a sudden you don get visa, wan ditch the babe, she's suddenly only rates 55% beautiful on your scale. What nonsense. Are you yourself that handsome? But you're still clinging on to her just in case something "better" turns up. Honestly, some women have really suffered.

Please free her and let her find someone more deserving of her love. She certainly doesn't deserve to be saddled with someone like you.

People, I need your sincere advice. Here is my story. There is this lady I have been dating for the past two years. We have been together through thick and thin and being honest, she is a wife material. Even some of my family member’s siblings to be precise can attest to her virtues. All the while, I have admired her qualities and in fairness to God, she has what it takes to be a good wife and till now, I am yet to cheat on her because I don’t cheat. After few months of normal early cravings of a new relationship, things started declining from my own end. I realized she is not romantic. This she blamed on the type of home she came from. I tried my best to teach her but maybe I’m not a good teacher. I am this kind of guy whose romantic part get driven by my girl. In this case my girl is not romantic and it had adverse effect on me too.

I have told her couple of times that I am yet to experience that intense feeling of love one has for her boo. That intense cravings, outpour of excruciating feelings and emotional attachments that makes you so eager to ask if she’s gonna marry you…..I was quick to identify this some months after we started dating and while doing some self evaluation, I realized one of the reasons apart from the fact that I found her not romantic why I am not too attached is the fact that she seemed not too beautiful for my taste. I am this kind of guy that likes beautiful women; she isn’t ugly though I will classify her as average in all (55%) by my own standards. The funniest thing is my friends say she’s beautiful but I have never seen her in that light. There was a time she complained lightly that I have never called her pretty.

Late last year, I got a visa out of Nigeria and my parents started talking to me about marriage .My mum likes her a lot but my father is just indifferent about her. Well probably because my father and I kind of share the same taste in terms of pretty women (my mum is beautiful). Now I have to decide as soon as possible and I am really scared because my decision will either make or mar my home. I want to get married to someone I really love to the bones yet I don’t want to hurt her. Not someone who I will have to think twice if anyone asks if I really love her. It’s not as if I don’t love her at all but maybe not strong enough to talk about marriage. I am yet to feel so deeply in love with her after two years. I have had two ladies before her and I know how we were all over each other. In her case, I even don’t regularly tell her I love her yet I used to be very very romantic in my past relationships.

I do not have any other lady catching my attention I have just been indifferent. As a matter of fact, when I wanted to leave Nigeria, my parents wanted a formal introduction but I wasn’t sure if I want her for a life partner after two years and I don’t wanna hurt her because she will be broken psychologically. On the other hand, I get scared of losing her because women with such a good character like her are very rare to come by these days. Nevertheless, I am certain that if I meet someone with same character as her today and let’s say 75% rating, I may be carried away so easily without looking back. I don’t want to marry a woman I will likely cheat on after marriage.

One last complicacy is the fact that she is from a broken home. Her mum got married to several men at the early stage of her life and had children with them (I am not judging). I had to lie to my parents that her parents had divorced several years ago. Even at that they immediately started questioning me about her sisters: if her sisters are still in marriage and if they are doing fine. This alone haunts me sometimes because I don’t tell lies.

Now, I am at a cross road. Sometimes I tell myself that with time I will learn to love her as my wife and in the same vein I tell myself if after over two years, the love had dwindled from my own end to this extent what will happen in marriage? Can I learn to love her truly overtime? Should I let her go? Please help me!!!!!