I learn a secret everyday at work cause i work with social workers and there are people / families i know that i have seen their files and know whats happening in their homes.

Woman of God dont think anyone is gonna judge u.
That Pastor is just bone faced wrong!
He used his position to take advantage and he shouldnt do that.

Girl and u have to careful - do not even try to tell the Pastor's wife cause she will not understand o - she will call u a jezebel that is seducing her man.

What i feel u should do is get maybe a pastor that ur pastor respects - someone he is close to maybe his mentor and speak with him.
Girl its so unfortubate that he is like that - God is not in anyway like that so dont use him to judge God He is so not like that.

You started the relationship on a wrong foundation.
You based the relationship on sex and money and now u wanna remove the money aspect or reduce the money they are getting off u - thats just not gonna happen.

If perfect people do not exist then perfect relationship cannot.

Its just that people need to learn to compromise when it comes to their weaknesses.

I know that statement was a bit much - but i just got to prepare her for what may be.
Yes i have met more than 500 nija men for sure.
I have seen how they treat women that arent from their country and its just wrong.

I totally understand that she knows her husband more than me - however, if she could handle the situation then she wont be here asking our opinions.

@Poster, girl am not saying he is cheating or whatever am just saying be on the look out (no man can say he isnt attracted to nija women) they dont have nija women stamped on their heads on first contact.
Girl just get a female nija friend or his relative to help u out - and if u are a praying woman, get on ur knees and pray.

These people are humans and flesh and blood.
The abstaining thing is not for everyone - Apostle Paul said it in the bible that if u can abstain and go into full time ministry then do it but if not, u need to get married.

They are dragging the name of God through the mud and its so unfair.
I dont understand this, they are not forced to be single for life - why dont they just get married rather than all this hulabaloo!

davidylan:

Good thing you ended all that piffle by making it clear it was just your oppinion, no matter how flawed and misinformed it may be.

You don't know all Nigerian men neither can you attempt to speak for them all.

Yes its ma opinion and i do not speak if i havent seen or had it happen to someone.
You can speak for urself, u may not be like the nija men that i know but thats what ma opinion is.

Stop picking someone else's opinion apart and give the girl ur own.

@Poster, girl i am just saying all this cause i know ma men and i have been around them especially the ones that marry non - nija ones - all am saying to u is that u are now married to him, try and make it work out.
He is gonna act like this (like he did with the fridge incident).
You just have to sit down and speak with him and address the issue - am sure u love him and want this to work out thats why u even care.

Girl like i said, if u are good friends with his female relatives, they would best advise u on what to do.

You say u saw tissue everywhere.
Are u sure that he didnt have a cold?

Girl, we women are very good at sensing that something is wrong. If ur instincts are telling you that something is wrong then it is.

How long have u been dating ur man and did u really talk about the fact that u wont sleep with him.
Cause believe it men cant wait that long - where is ur relationship end? In marriage? Where?
Its just that i truly believe in no sex before marriage.

So there is no point fooling urself cause the man will not wait forever.

@Poster, see ur man may say that he isnt attracted to nija women but you better keep ur eyes peeled cause they say that but end up going back to nija and marrying one.

He only told u that so that u dont suspect him when he is around them.

U may have grown up with different culture but neither of them is Nija - see what happened when u discussed the cultural issue 0 he said it didnt matter but now it obviously does.
Nija men will always say one thing and mean another (ma personal opinion o abeg).

The thing is that there are times when i have signed on and just havent had time to chat with anyone.
I leave ma name signed in and have no time cause am working so the fact that he doesnt reply you is no big deal.

Well all i would say is that just email him and ask what the story is?
Tell him you have been away from ur lappi for a wehile and was just wondering if he had tried to contact you.

Thats it. Cuase there is no point liking someone that just doesnt like u back.

About the 'u are not innocent' comment - he is just saying that because he feels u are acting like u dont know that he is trying to date u. Thats just what i think.

@Alert, the thing is that he could come and meet the parents - that shouldnt be a problem. Its just that she has got to be careful - if she could actually go and visit him then its cool but if not then i dont know.

Like its been said, let her take a chance, there are some its for and some havent had any luck.

Let them meet - first of all she better pray to God that he displayt his flaws to her so she can know who she is dealing with.

I really believe in trying to understand a man's culture before u marry him.
Its just so sad when u dont understand them - Nija men are the most complex on earth. I really feel its a nija woman that can handle them (thats ma opinion).

Girl, i think u should make friends with a nija woman that can tell u what those men want.

Nijamen are very complex and willalways be - i love them alot but you need a heart of iron to handle them.

There isnt a need to leave her in ur life if you cant see past what she has done.
Leave her be and after some time if u can u will forgive her fully - dont rush urself.

Forgive her but it would obviously take time to forget.

U know how u feel about her and noone can tell u how to feel.

Omo this is hard.
You have really done well cause u have stayed for four years - but if this grl doesnt kilol herself, she will kill u o.
Break it off now, stay away the best way u know how.

For real this isnt a game u need to really run away from this scenario cause if u stay in it, and she starts having kids for you, she would probably kill them too.

I Know peace of mind is the ultimate and i know that u dont have that - why would u wanna live without it.

For the fact that she has done it and it hasnt had a side effect, praise God.

But its a bit late now cause the deed is done. I would think nothing about it but then i would ask her not to do anymore cause they aint nice.

ogrebuga:

I know, I wouldn't.

Well thats just u outta the billions of men - what about the rest.
I know what am sayin - its happened and always will.
Nija men are still Nija men to the core.

No its not but when it comes to NIGERIAN men, u always claim that u are openeyed but u people aint.
You are still Nija to the core.

When a woman really opens her heart to yous, u usually run away so i probably wouldnt.

Its all good though.
This could be true - most of us were just not maturely stable.
But when it hapened, we just have to step up and face the plate its been hard but after 9 yrs am used o it - its not ideal but the child has a right to live too.

But honestly looking at it, if i had known about getting rid of her (out of desperation), i would have but thank God i didnt - she is my joy.

Omo in this day and age when u have to do things with wisdom, na wisdom u go use o.
You have said it urself, if u marry this girl, ma bukata o.

Just know that and the fact she wont be able to cmmunicate with u amongst friends, omo think hard.
Dont let her prettiness fool u.

But ur friend shuld think about the reason he is so desperate to marry her.
Maybe he is a social reject where he is at - or just mental.

Your friend should seriously think.

THATS SO TRUE BOUT ME - CANCER ALL THE WAY.

This is actually very true and shocked to see how true it is.

Well i personally havent really had good experiences with them in London but maybe the ones there are different.
But like its been said, all the people should be judged individually and not as groups.

I think u should just confront him and whatever he says, come back and tell us and we tell u what next to do.

Dont sweep ur intiution under the carpet cause woman have the best and are very alert when it comes to that.

Ask him and then decide go to him unannounced or better still, ask someone to spy on him for u - i would.

Like i have said it depends on the age and stage the woman is at.
Young ones tend to go for the looks etc but if you have been around the block a few times and been hurt, u usually look before you leap.

@D Truth, if he gives her a pet name like 'dodo' how can he forget dodo?

Give her a pet name that would b easily accessible to ur head - something nice and easy to remember.
But its nice you and ur wife has that sense of humour to laugh about this.

Well, i ll just accept the fact and move on.
But then after the shock, i would then sit dwn and write one of my dear exs text.
Its a poisonious text i send to exs who need to hear certain home truths from me.

C_JAY:

Adeboo did i really pull that off? hey I'm all smiles

Yes u did - i havent cried for a while now, cant even remember when i cried or even thought about crying.
But reading ur posts made me shed a tear with force though - but a tear still came out.  

dot2002:

Hello Ms Shaun Asewo where do you suggest we move the post to?

Schwepps! Alhaja ewo ni tebu?
Which is is cursing?

My favourite amusement is watching yoruba films - and eating 'monica' (tilapia to gbe dodo senu)

You for not telling me this sooner.

For real it isnt ideal.
If you are a believer, its against what we believe but even for yourself - your body is a temple and its supposed t be treated as such. 'Do not awaken love until u are ready for it'.

Otherwise u wont like what u have unleashed.
I say that when you do have sex before marriage, the guy wont trust you - he wouldnt trust u for real (men are funny like tat).
If you an hold on for sure, you would be glad you did.