eezeribe:
Many people worldwide are also fighting for what they believe...

Hmm... The question is not about the number of those fighting for what they believe in, it is about ....How many were able to finish the good fight? Many people as well gave up in the course of the fight. That's why we need motivation and inspiration, so that we will keep going no matter the challenges we face, till we achieve our dream, make impact and influence lives positively.

What do you mean by "broke nairalanders"?... If I may ask

STRUGGLE:
Albert Einstein was born on March 14, 1879, in the city of Ulm, in the Kingdom of Württemberg in the German Empire. His parents lived in a very different world from what it is now: there was no electric light. The year Albert was born was the same year the electric bulb was invented by Thomas Edison. Albert was not a childhood prodigy. He started speaking relatively late when he was three years old. His parents made him see a doctor worrying that Albert had developmental issues.

As a student, young Einstein did not show remarkable results. Most of his grades were passing, and he was near the top of his class, but mainly because of math and science. In 1895, at the age of 16, Albert Einstein was determined to study electrical engineering, but he entered the Zürich Polytechnic (ETH Zurich) at the four-year mathematics and physics teaching diploma program at the age of 17. He skipped classes that he did not like and was a frequent guest in coffee houses and beer halls. To pass his exams, Albert copied class notes from Marcel Grossmann, which got him the highest grades in the group surpassing Grossmann himself. Einstein got some of his first ideas when still in college.

Albert Einstein passed the exit exams well and obtained the degree and a teaching diploma in mathematics and physics. He wanted to continue his life story as a professor’s assistant, but none of the professors would accept him for his rebellious character. After graduating in 1900, Albert Einstein searched for a job for two years until the father of his university classmate, Marcel Grossmann, helped him get employed as an assistant examiner at the Federal Office for Intellectual Property in Bern, Switzerland. At the patent office, Einstein was responsible for evaluating patent submissions for a variety of inventions.

Albert Einstein romantically became involved with Mileva Marić, who was the only female student in his group and got married to her on January 06, 1903 and gave birth to two sons. Albert Einstein and Mileva Einstein-Marić got divorced on February 14, 1919. Their separation was accompanied by fierce arguments about money and children. Albert Einstein was restricted to get married for the next two years, but he married Elsa Löwenthal just three and a half months later, on June 02, 1919. By this time, Albert earned the reputation of an eccentric non-traditional educator, and his teaching career started its decline.


STRENGTH:
When Einstein was 10 years old, he started educating himself under the guidance of his uncle Jakob Einstein, who bought the boy books for the upcoming study years. This way Albert managed to read them before the classes started and get good grades without active participation in classroom sessions. For instance, he taught himself Euclidean geometry by the age of 12 and differential and integral calculus by the age of 15. Einstein loved doing things his own way rather than following the teachers’ guidelines.

In 1902, together with new friends, Conrad Habicht and Maurice Solovine, Einstein had met in Bern, he organized a small discussion group “The Olympia Academy,” which regularly gathered in Einstein’s apartment to discuss physics and philosophy. The discussion group played a significant role in Einstein’s intellectual development. Einstein was a visionary, thinking ahead of the time and most of the achievements made in this period became widely appreciated only 15 years later.

Liberty and equality were essential values for Einstein. He was a big supporter of socialism and the idea of a global democratic government. He was also recognized as an advocate for African Americans civil rights movements and was even a supporter of National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) in Princeton.
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile – Albert Einstein


SUCCESS:
The year of 1905 is called the “miracle year” of Albert Einstein. The reason for this was that he wrote four papers printed in a scientific journal Annalen der Physik that contributed significantly to the groundwork of modern physics and completely changed the view on space, time, mass, and energy. Those papers were on the photoelectric effect, Brownian motion, special theory of relativity, and mass-energy equivalence.
Having given a lecture on electrodynamics and the relativity principle at the University of Zurich in February 1909, Alfred Kleiner recommended Einstein to the faculty for a recently created professorship in theoretical physics. Therefore, Einstein became an associate professor in 1909. The new title altered Einstein´s image completely. He changed his neat patent office appearance for baggy short trousers and indifferent hairstyle. His lectures bore quite a similar style. They were quite informal: students could interrupt the professor anytime and often spent time together at different cafes and even joined him at his home.

Albert Einstein moved to Prague to work as a full professor at German Charles-Ferdinand University and obtained the Austrian citizenship to do so in the Austro-Hungarian Empire. It is interesting to know that, at first, his application for the position was not approved by the Ministry of Education in Vienna and Franz Joseph I, Emperor of Austria and King of Hungary. The job was given to Gustav Jaumann (1863–1924), who turned down the offer when found that Albert Einstein was the first choice for it. The position allowed Einstein to travel a lot through Europe. Also, while working at German Charles-Ferdinand University, Albert Einstein wrote 11 scientific papers, 5 of which was on the quantum theory of solids and radiation mathematics.

He held the position of a professor at the Humboldt University of Berlin and the head of Kaiser Wilhelm Institute for Physics (1914–1932). He also became a member of the Prussian Academy of Sciences, and in 1916 Einstein was assigned as president of the German Physical Society (1916–1918).

Einstein spent 1911 – 1913 working on the general theory of relativity, which calculated that the Sun’s gravity bends light from another star (now known as Gravitational lens effect). By November 1915, Einstein finalized his general theory of relativity and in the spring of 1919, an English astronomer, physicist, and mathematician Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington went to Africa to prove the theory during the solar eclipse of May 29, 1919. In November 1919, when he received the proofs, Einstein became an overnight success. This theory of gravitation has now received an extensive usage in astrophysics and explained the essence of black holes, the parts of space with such a strong gravity attraction that even light gets attracted to it.

Albert Einstein was awarded the 1921 Nobel Prize “for his services to Theoretical Physics, and especially for his discovery of the law of the photoelectric effect.”

In 1940, Einstein became the official citizen of the USA. He was inspired by America´s power of individual in government and the respect for the freedom of speech. This encouraged the creativity, the trait he has always treasured. Albert Einstein was one of the founders and Board of Governors of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, established on July 24, 1918.

Albert Einstein died at the age of 76 in Princeton Hospital. During his last years, when his health was worsening, he still worked on theories. Albert Einstein left behind hundreds of both scientific and non-scientific works; the total archive released comprised more than 30,000 unique documents. In 1916, Einstein made the discovery that has been proven by science 100 years later. He predicted gravitational waves that transfer energy in the form of gravitational radiation.

Thomas Stoltz Harvey, a doctor at the Princeton Hospital, performed the autopsy and preserved Einstein’s brain without the permission of his family for the neuroscience of the future to discover the reason for his intelligence.
Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them – Albert Eistein


SUMMARY:
That is the story of a child who can’t speak until he was three years old. A rebellious teenager always skipping classes and was a frequent guest in coffee houses and beer halls. A jobless man for two years.

He was creative and a man with self-confidence. He became a genius not overnight, but by early self-discovery, critical reasoning and started gaining knowledge when he was 10 year-old by educating himself under the guidance of his uncle. Einstein understood the fact that when you are different from others, people tend not to understand you, hence they oppose you, yet He was never afraid to stand alone and loved doing things his own way rather than following others. He cared less about what people will say, He was determined, focused, hardworking, and never gave up. Einstein was a visionary, thinking ahead of the time and believed in impacting lives. Though His road was tough and rough, He never hesitates to pass through it and become a success; Einstein did not lose his gaze on his dream, he pursued his dream to the very end and achieved it.

He turned himself into a World Citizen, a Jewish physicist surviving Nazi Germany, the fighter for the world peace. He was the underestimated professor, the Nobel Prize Winner, a “mad” scientist and the man, whose input can be traced all the way to current high-tech explorations. Now the name Einstein is often used as a synonym to “genius,”

Reference: “Albert Einstein Biography: Success Story of Physicist and Scientist.” Astrum People, (2017). Web. 10 Mar 2017.

-Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
https://ahyobammy.

What is life without hope?
It is like a river without water.
It is like a pen without ink.
It is like a bird without feathers.
It is like a flower without petals.
It is like a forest without trees.

It is like a wind without air.
It is like a clock without time.
It is like a bulb without light.
It is like a door without entrance.
It is a like a lion without claws.
It is like life without breath.
Life without hope is everything without anything.

Hope gives meaning to life.
Hope gives chances to change challenges and become a champion.
Hope can make a chicken fly like an eagle.
Hope is the life that defines life itself.
Hope is the tiny inner voice that whispers “don’t give up. It is not over yet”.

Hope can make a snail compete with a cheetah.
Hope brings out the possibility out of impossibility.
Hope keeps a dream alive and awakens creativity.
Hope is the beauty of life.

-Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
https://ahyobammy.

I was going through Facebook news feed when I stumbled on this quote on a friend’s wall “The greatest investment in life is to spend your youth days productively. If 30years is wasted in a lifetime the rest is a waste!”

In as much as I agree with my friend’s post, I disagree with “… If 30 years is wasted in a lifetime, the rest is a waste” Yes! I am a 100% supporter of the course of shaping and giving direction to life early enough, for the good of you and me, and our society at large. It is a wise decision to make your youthful days productive, but if you miss those youthful years, that does not mean that it is all over (the rest isn’t a waste).

With this statement… “If 30 years is wasted in a lifetime, the rest is a waste”, the writer is limiting the essence of man (limiting man’s ability, creativity, power, imagination and reasoning of the mind). Hence, the statement has the capacity to cause depression and promote suicidal thought in those that lost their early 30 years because they believed in falsehood, that ‘they are finished’.

It isn’t over yet, as long as there is life. Life is like boxing, it doesn’t matter how many times you were knocked down (years of not being productive). As long as you are still in the ring (the referee is yet to blow the whistle), the fight isn’t over yet. Death is the only valid limitation to success. As long as you are alive, you have no limitation to success nor excuse to stay poor. Haven’t you heard of ‘starting over in life’, so get Up! Don’t condemn yourself.

Guess what? Life is never too late! You may not win the first round or even the second round, but the good news is that the referee is yet to blow the whistle. Get up! It is not over yet. Wake up and discover yourself; you start living only when you discover yourself. If you discover yourself early in Life, then it means you are alive but if you discover yourself later in life, only then will you start living. As long as you are alive, there is no time limit for self-discovery, though it is advisable to discover yourself early enough in life because the higher you increase in age, the higher your responsibilities.

If you are a youth reading this, the best time to discover yourself is now because you have the strength to pursue your purpose, have less societal pressure and fewer responsibilities compared to a married man/ woman. If you are above 30 years, thinking that it is already late to be productive, perhaps you also have read a similar quote like the one I stated above, and all you are doing right now is to wallow in self-pity and condemn yourself. Maybe you feel like ending life itself, you believe in the lies of others that it is too late for you to amount to something meaningful. Wake up! This is the best time to prove them wrong. Challenge yourself.

Yes, there are possibilities that the people you know lived wasted years after when they are above 30 years. That should give you more reason to let your life be an exception. This should give you more drive to succeed like never before. Change your mindset, renew your thought, discover yourself and make progress. Some great business men in the world discovered themselves, even in their seventies, so if they can, you can. We also read the story of Moses in the bible, he discovered his abilities and passion in his eighties. It is never over until it is over.
Though time is a limited resource given to live, it is not a limiting factor to success. The limiting factor to success is ‘YOU’. Yes, there is no time limit to self- discovery, but self- discovery has a limitation. The limitation is not time, but ‘YOU’. Now, let’s talk about the ‘YOU’. Success is a function of self-discovery and self- discovery is a function of YOU. To make it easier, let me explain self-discovery for a clearer understanding so that we can see the correlation to YOU.

Self-discovery is the act or process of gaining knowledge or understanding of YOUR abilities, character and feeling. Who does the act or process cover? Or who carries out the act or process of self-discovery? YOU of course! If YOU understand your ability early enough in life, good for you. If you understand it late in life, good for you as well (at least you were able to understand before you die). It all depends on YOU. The difference in the timing of self-discovery (early or late or never) is determined by YOUR ATTITUDE. The worse thing that can happen to a man, is for him to die without discovering himself. The truth is the earlier you discover yourself, the BETTER. Hence, I advise the youths to discover themselves early in life. Perhaps, you missed out on the advice/campaign to discover yourself early (due to lack of exposure or understanding), I am here to motivate you and tell you not to give up. It is never too late as long as there is life. Don’t lose hope yet! Though you may think it is too late, but it is never too late. Nothing will stop your achievement as long as you decide to get up.

We hear of inspiring success story of those that discovered themselves late. An example is COLONEL SANDERS, the founder of Kentucky fried chicken (KFC). His life was a mess. At 65, he retired. He could not provide for himself, so he decided to commit suicide. He sat under a tree writing his will but instead, he wrote what he would have accomplished. Guess what? He discovered himself. He became a billionaire at age 88. The rest of his life did not end up in a waste. He discovered himself, though late, but he was still able to achieve in life.

Hard work without self-discovery will only result to mere TOILING. This explains why some people have been working for over 50 years, yet nothing to show for it (no success story) because they failed to discover themselves. I strongly believe that success does not come overnight; success is the result of the accumulation of acts/ actions done over a period of time and self-discovery is the first step to achieving success in life. Time does not decide success, self –discovery does. Discover yourself now and become successful in life.

-Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
https://ahyobammy.

It is often said and proven that good ladies are attracted to and end up with bad guys, and good guys also get attracted to and end up with bad girls. This has raised the question of ‘why’ in the mind of many.

Some said it is because the bad ones are always spontaneous and lively to be with, while some said it has to do with the law of attraction (opposite attracts). I believe that there are also good ones that are very spontaneous, jovial and lively. Well, for some, you might not know unless you engage them. Also, the law of attraction does not operate in a relationship. If you are good, you will definitely dislike a bad person; if you are wise, you will dislike a foolish person… that is why it is said, “show me your friend and I will tell you who you are”. This is because when it comes to a relationship, you get attracted to people of your own kind or similar to your own kind; your friend/spouse/partner is an extension of YOU.

I think the major issue here is that people always think that a good person is also intelligent; people expect that the good ladies/ guys ought to pick the right choice, so they get shocked when the opposite is seen. The truth is that there is no correlation between ‘good’ and ‘intelligent’. You could be good and lack intelligence. It takes intelligence to define what you really want, go for what you want, know what you got, and process what you got to confirm if it tallies with what you really want. The fact that you are good does not mean you are intelligent.

Being good is not enough! Lack of intelligence is the major reason why these good ladies/ guys are attracted to bad ones and always suffer at the hands of the bad ones. In terms of attraction, the truth is that the good ones who are attracted to bad ones, have a craving for bad things, but tends to suppress it, and restrict themselves from carrying out the bad actions because of what people will say about them, as people already have taken them to be good. So in the real sense, they are not really good as they present themselves to be good.

No good and intelligent lady or guy will ever date a bad person except in the case where the bad ones disguised to be a good one and they also failed to thoroughly evaluate the person’s character and their relationship as well. A good and intelligent guy or lady will always get attracted to someone of his/her own kind or similar to his/her Kind but never the opposite.

-Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
https://ahyobammy./

Your gender, houses, car, bank account… will not be recorded in the book of life. One thing pertaining to the earth that will be recognized in heaven is your NAME. Your name is the requirement for registration of your soul and a ticket that will grant you pass into eternal life.

What is your name? Parents! Be careful when you name your children. Perhaps, your parent named you contrary to your purpose, you have 100% right to change your name. Ask God for a new name.

God changed some peoples’ name in the bible because with their formal name, they are not qualified to be registered in the book of life. Everything concerning you on earth will come to an end, but your name has no end; it is what you will be called with even in heaven. #ChooseNameWisely #LetHolySpiritDirectYou #AskGodForChangeOfName

Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
https://ahyobammy.

“Love is not enough in a relationship”

Love is not enough to keep a relationship/marriage going. Love is a strong affection that attracts two people, but love is not all that is needed to make a relationship/ marriage work. I will explain why love is not enough, using the illustration of magnet and steel. I believe this is a more simplified method, easy for everyone to understand. Love is like a ‘magnet’ while the two people in love are like ‘steels’. The magnet attracts the steels and keeps it together, but as soon as the steels start to ‘rust’, the force of attraction (power of the magnet), begins to lose its effect. It will get to a point when the steels will no longer adhere to the magnet because of the high level of rust.

When the rust becomes extreme, that is when the steels will fall off the magnet, in this case, the marriage or relationship will break. Do you know that more than 70% divorced couples still claim to love their partner? So, lack of love is not the reason for their divorce. They are divorced because the love between them was unable to bind them together as a result of their differences in character, believe, motive, want, needs, attitude, etc. Though the love (magnet) is still there, but cannot bind the couples (steels) together due to unwanted attitude/ character (rust). If two steels (lovers) are kept together by a magnet (love) and either one or both steels start to rust (unacceptable characters), it will get to a point that the steel (s) will fall off the magnet.

If a steel attracted to a magnet gets detached from it, are we going to say the magnet is missing (Love is missing)? Or are we going to say the magnet has lost its value? Hell no! It simply means the steel is rusted because the magnet is still there. As we know, rusted steels defile the rule/principle of a magnet. The principle of a magnet is to attract pure metals and not rusted ones, in likewise manner love also has its laid down principle/ rule, similar to the magnetic principle. We know in science that rust does not happen suddenly, it is a gradual process. Rust and corrosion strongly affect the magnetic properties of metals. Rusting and corrosion introduce atoms of other elements (typically oxygen), making new chemical forms with different interactions between neighbouring atoms’ electrons. Usually, these end up either non-ferromagnetic or less ferromagnetic than the pure magnetic metal.

The most common form of corrosion is rusting, which occurs when iron combines with oxygen and water. Rust (a collection of some iron oxides: ) is virtually non-magnetic, unlike plain iron or most types of steel. (let’s not go into chemistry- #smiles). The main point is that rust doesn’t just occur; there are factors that cause rust in steels/ metals. In the same manner in a relationship/marriage, rust is caused by unacceptable characters, motives, beliefs, want/ need e.g. infidelity, malice, selfishness, greediness, abuse of power, lies, insecurity, inferior complex, extreme jealousy, third party interference, lack of conscience, etc. This unacceptable character by a partner or both partners is capable of destroying the relationship/ marriage. When these bad characters /habits start to dominate a marriage, it is at this point that a partner will file for a divorce and be like “I have had enough”. S/he seeks to divorce even though they still love each other, just like a heavily rusted metal/steel will fall off the magnet and won’t stick any longer even in the presence of the magnet.

Just as metal rust is a gradual process, these bad characters are introduced gradually into a relationship/marriage. That is why it is advisable to watch out for these characters in your partner before you get married. Don’t be fooled! Never believe that your love for each other will take care of everything and your marriage will work out fine. Love is not enough in a relationship/ marriage. Love is dependent on many other factors; trust, communication, money, character, commitment, responsibility, reliability, faithfulness, etc.… without these factors in a relationship/ marriage, it will collapse. Love does not come with these factors, you have to acquire these other factors, alongside with Love. Love is not enough! Though love is the foundation upon which every other thing needed in a relationship is built upon.

-Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
https://ahyobammy.

djlaqua91:
Salient points made here OP

Greatest Ife

Great!!!

“Alert! Success may not increase your friend circle, but accumulate your enemies.”

When I was an undergraduate on campus (OAU), my department was on the fifth floor of the faculty building. Anytime we were told that our lecture will take place in one of our lecture rooms in the department, all departmental students countenances will fall. At times, we try to convince our lecturer to change the lecture room. Do you know why? It was because of the stairs.

Imagine climbing 4 flights of stairs containing 20 block steps like 7 times daily. Hmm… You can imagine, right? Ideally, a student will not give his classmate his matric number to check his result on his behalf except if they were close friends. Exam result is believed to be extremely personal by students, so they prefer to check it personally, sometimes wish it wasn’t posted publicly so that fellow students won’t even know their grades.

In my department, because of the stress involved in climbing the staircase, anytime we hear that our results are out, we will write down our matric numbers to a classmate that is willing to go to the department. The thought of going to the department alone is enough to dis-stabilize us, not to talk about the anxiety and fear of the result. (The anxiety you feel thinking of what your grade will be).

Why am I talking about my campus days? Campus life came to my mind when writing the above quote. Why do you feel relieved when coming down from the stairs (descending) but feel reluctant to climb up the stairs (ascend)? When you descend the stairs, little energy is required, but when you ascend the stairs, you feel exhausted (depending on the altitude) and it’s always like all you ate that day has disappeared as a result of burning more calories. The scenario of the staircase applies to life. In life, it is so hard and difficult to get to the top of your career while it is so easy to fall from the top (height) of your career. This is because more calories are burnt on getting to the top.

As you walk up the stairs of greatness, you will burn more calories because stair climbing is a calorie-blasting activity. The calories burnt when climbing the stairs of greatness includes sleepless night, dedication, patience, self-discipline, determination, focus, positive thinking, hard work, smart work, innovative ideas, strong will… and enemies. Yes, enemies! If you don’t burn your enemies, they will burn you away from the stairs of greatness.

The enemies you know, the ones you are not aware of, and the ones that seem to be your friend will burn you away from your achievement.
It is wise that you become aware of your enemies and decide to burn them as calories to get to the height of your career. Enemies are determined to frustrate all your effort to reach the top by placing obstacles in your way, criticizing you, envying you, device/ plan evil for you, etc. Your enemies, both the inside enemies (enemies within) and the outside enemies (enemies without) do the work of burning you away from your career height, just as your blood (within) and limb (without) are involved in the climbing of the staircase (inside-out).

One of the greatest mistakes a man can commit in life that will cause a lasting regret is to be ignorant of the fact that he’s surrounded by enemies and they increase as he keeps pressing on to the top. You can only solve a problem when you understand the problem. Always be on alert for enemies as you climb the ladder of success. Don’t be easily carried away by men and friends that sing your praise. Trust me, some people you even consider as your friend is your enemy at heart due to envy/ jealousy. The earlier you are aware that success will accumulate your enemies, the better you get equipped to handle it and sustain your career height without falling.

Let me quickly give you 5 steps required to guide yourself from enemies and maintain your career height:

1. Be vigilant
2. Always listen to your instinct
3. Confirm your instinct carefully
4. Keep your tongue (don’t say everything about your life or your plans to people including your friends)
5. Be prayerful (let God destroy the stronghold of enemies over your life)

Be on alert! Success may not increase your friend circle but it will surely accumulate your enemies as you climb up the ladder of success. For those that don’t want to climb up (be successful), their life’s result will be determined by those that took the decision, endured the pain and burn their calories to climb up.

Back to my campus life story, as soon as the person that went to our department (climb up) to check the results comes back, we will inquire our grades from him. You know what? There is no way for us to confirm the accuracy of the results he checked. He could probably have made a mistake of mixing up the grades, but there is no way to confirm unless we also decide to go to our department (climb up). We definitely become what he says we are because we refused to climb up (go to the department). Thank God for technology. When I got to part 3, Our faculty started posting our results online on the campus e-portal, so we don’t have to worry about the stairs. We will just log in to the portal and check our result, this development made every student happy as it also promotes result privacy.

I remember an incident that happened back then in school. A lady was told she had an F in a core course (3 units) by someone who went to the department to check. She cried and said she feels like dying. She did not wait for the next lecture; instead, she went to her hostel (I guess to cry more). That day, the lecturer gave us an impromptu test of 20 marks. Of course, she missed the test, therefore missing 20 marks already in a core course (5 units) in the Harmattan semester (new semester). After the lecture, her best friend decided to go to the department to confirm this lady’s result, only for her to come back and said the lady did not have an F, she had a C.

The first person that went to check the results made a mistake in her matric number. We were happy to hear the news that it was a C. We blamed the first person that checked, but to be candid, he has no fault. The question is: Why didn’t she decide to check her result herself (climb up), but decided to rely on someone’s else effort? If you don’t decide to climb up the success ladder, you will be a slave to the one that climbed the success ladder; and your life will be a product of his action, whatever he gives to you is what you will take. I challenge you to get up and burn the calories! Enough of living your life at the mercy of others. Decide to burn the calories, so that you can truly be in charge of your life and make an impact in this world. Life is not about jut breathing, it is about making an impact. Success is beautiful and it is readily available to those that stretch forth to receive it; it is never partial.

Play smart! As you rise in life, don’t trust anybody completely (100%). Always give room for disappointment from people so that perhaps if they disappoint you, it won’t negatively change the course of your life, you will be able to move on with life. If you are highly placed in your career, be careful, less you fall from grace to grass. Remember to fall is easy, just decide to become irresponsible, lazy and carefree, and you will fall; great will be your fall. Falling does not require any other energy than the gravitational force. Success is beautiful to behold and expensive to keep it up. Success comes with a caution. If you ignore the warning signs of success, you will lose it, but if you adhere strictly to its signs, you will gain it.
Success may not guarantee that your true friends will increase, but it will always guarantee that your enemies will accumulate. Wake up! Stop wishing you have no enemies. As a matter of fact, if you don’t have enemies, then you are not progressing in life. Your life is as good as dead. Accept the fact that there will always be enemies on your way to success and then play smart.

“Alert! Success may not increase your friend circle, but accumulate your enemies”

The worst feeling ever is to be an ‘Ex-champion’ -Refuse to be regarded as someone that was formally successful, wealthy, great, influential, etc. When you get to the peak of your career, do whatever (morally acceptable) it will take to keep/maintain your position. Be vigilant! Remember, it is easy to fall. Never fall a free fall in the gravitational field of your career.

Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
https://ahyobammy./

"Without mutual agreement by a couple to fix a broken marriage; all efforts will be frustrating and fruitless"

What steps should someone whose spouse is in the act of infidelity take, in a case where he/she still wants that marriage?

Hmm! Lovely question, isn’t it? You know when we talk about marriage; we have to take two parties into consideration. It is not enough that one party still wants to continue the marriage when the other party is completely done!There must be a mutual agreement or else, if anything is done to fix the marriage, it will be fruitless and very frustrating because “it takes two to tango”. But in a situation whereby both parties are still willing to make it work, many things will be involved. Let me list few steps that should be taken in order to save a marriage that suffered from infidelity from a partner.

1. Transparency: There must be complete transparency. Both must communicate extensively to let out their feelings, the offenses, the secrets, the inadequacies, etc “When the reasons for an action is known, the reaction becomes less effective, and the solution becomes possible” They need to discuss their dislikes with each other so that they can both know where they went wrong. Often times, when a marriage is on the verge of breakage, it is always due to lack of communication.

If you don’t talk about how you feel, the offense, insult, altitude… you won’t understand each other’s reasons for acting the way you both act. Your actions at times could be due to self-defense or messed up perspective, you have for your spouse, which is also capable of stirring up a reaction in your spouse. When you communicate with your spouse, letting out all the feelings you bottled in for long, you will feel like a heavy luggage was just lifted off your shoulders. Ensure that you always keep communication alive in your marriage, if communication is disconnected/ broken; build a bridge. Never allow a complete break in communication, if you want your marriage to work.

2. Determination and ready to take responsibility:The unfaithful partner in the relationship must show responsibility and determination to curb infidelity because willingness is not enough. That he/she is willing to curb infidelity does not mean that there won’t be a recurrence of such act. Willingness without determination will fade. To curb infidelity, the unfaithful partner must be determined, strong-willed, adopt self-disciple and self-control, be responsible, communicate with spouse effectively, renew his/ her mind daily, and keep conscience alive.

3. Patience: The other partner that still wants the marriage to work despite his/her spouse has cheated on him/ her, must be willing to be ‘patient’ with the unfaithful partner because he/she will not change overnight; change is a gradual process. Give your partner time to practice step 2. It is not easy to change, especially if infidelity has become a habit for your partner. Are you willing to be patient? How long you need to be able to trust your spouse again is based on your spouse determination and strong will to consciously curb infidelity, and your willingness to adopt an open mind that is capable of trusting your spouse again. Note; a sudden change is ‘pretense’. Don’t fall for pretense!

4. Compromise: Both spouses should adjust their differences, compromise their wants and improve on their inadequacies. In as much as infidelity is wrong from every point of life, at times there could be justification for your spouse’s infidelity act. Understand the reason(s) behind the act and learn to compromise. To make a marriage work; you must be willing to compromise. When I say compromise, I mean healthy compromise, of course, not the type that will be a threat to your self-esteem and well-being.

You are both two different entities, you both have your differences in taste, want, perspective, motive, believes etc. What is capable of building a bridge to bring the two of you to a common ground in marriage is a compromise. Adjust your differences; work out your needs to suit your spouse want. Note: for every action, there is a reaction; amend the actions, and there won’t be a need for reactions.

5. Rebuild Trust Again: This is the most crucial aspect needed for making your marriage work again. If there is no trust in a marriage, it is dangerous to continue in such marriage. Do you know why? It negatively affects self-esteem and self-worth. Lack of trust in any relationship is poisonous, it is capable of destroying your emotional capability; leaves you emotionally traumatized, and makes you feel unsecured, thereby having a negative psychological effect on your reasoning and your perspective about yourself. If you know that you cannot trust your spouse again, staying in that marriage will do you more harm than good.

Though it is hard to build trust again after it’s been broken, nonetheless, trust and communication are the fuel and engine of a marriage. If your unfaithful spouse is not ready, determined and focused on building your trust again, it doesn’t worth it for you to stay in such marriage. The feeling of a break in trust is extremely painful, it could be short-termed or long-termed for some people, but it can still be rebuilt with an open mind and deliberate action. Marriage is for companionship and there can’t be true companionship without trust.

I easily don’t trust people, but if I do and you break the trust I have for you, I won’t give you a second chance to prove yourself.Some people have the grace to trust and trust again, but I don’t have that grace. For people that are like me, don’t ever make the mistake of staying in that marriage. If you know you can never trust your spouse again, don’t stay in the marriage because you will be destroying your spouse’s self-esteem even long after when he/she as changed for the better and you will also be hurting yourself emotionally which could lead to emotional frustration or trauma.

6. God Factor: Finally, please always involve God in all you do. Hopefully, the marriage can work again and ‘bond’ stronger just as gold comes out shining, strong and beautiful from the furnace.

-Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
09028593408
https://ahyobammy./

"Most marital problems’ genesis is right from when the couples were in courtship: they ignore their instincts, get married and complain afterward".

Discussing infidelity, someone asked me this question “Let us look at the scenario of someone who is playing smart with his/her extramarital affairs? A case study of a woman who discovered her husband's extramarital affairs. What should be her next wise action? Meanwhile, the husband in question is making provision for his family except that he can't simply stick to his wife only”.

I know that the issue of infidelity is really affecting many marriages/ relationships, so I thought of writing the answer to this question to help others in the same situation or those seeking to confirm their suspicion of their spouse cheating on them.

You know there is a saying that one man's food is another man's poison. Regarding this case study? One major question for the woman is: What do you what? I do hear some ladies say “As long as their Husband is taking care of them and the children, they have no problem with his infidelity act”. This statement is often born out of low self-esteem and lack of self-worth. Deep down, these women really wish they could be their husband one and only desire (everybody loves the idea of being special and being treated specially). This statement is often altered from women who are yet to discover their value, emotionally and psychologically traumatized. In a way to leverage and disguise their true feelings in public, they use this statement. So we need to ask the woman what she wants. It is important we know her school of thought before taking any further steps. If she belongs to the above party, all she need is to discover herself, value herself, love herself and know her worth (She needs to be healed emotionally and find peace within herself first).

If the woman does not belong to the above school of thought and wants a complete man; we can then proceed with our discussions, even though it is really a big issue to deal with. Most marital problems' genesis is right from when the couples were in courtship/ relationship; they ignore their instincts and just get married and complain afterward. Whatever you don’t like in your partner, if it is not dealt with before you both get married, then it will continue to reoccur (it won’t change) and any attempt you make to change it because you are now married will lead to great dispute, at times divorce. This is because your spouse cannot understand your sudden change in attitude or reaction since you do accept that specific character/attitude from him/her before you both got married. Your spouse will always tell you “you know that I am like this before you married me”. That’s it (end of discussion). More than 70% infidelity cases started right from relationship/ courtship (Well! That’s a topic to be discussed for another day).

To expose and address a partner hiding his/her extramarital affairs, it takes wisdom, diplomacy, and well-skilled actions. I will give you six (6) steps on exposing your partner’s infidelity act.The success of these steps is dependent on your level of wisdom, diplomacy, maturity and intelligence.


1. Caught in the act: The most important step worthy of discussion is to catch him/her red-handed. Hmm! Someone will say HOW? This is why you need intelligence; you must not let your spouse know of your plan. Play your game tight! Having just suspicions or non-concrete evidence can be denied by your partner, but 'caught in the act" can't be denied. When I say ‘caught in the act’, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you must be the one to discretely investigate your partner in order to catch him/her red-handed. You could employ the services of professionals e.g. Cheaters.

If you should catch your partner in the act, don’t barge in and start raining insult or causing trouble within that location. (This may work for some people, but is not the best way of conflict management; you have to control your anger to avoid catastrophe). This type of problem should be treated with diplomacy, in a systematic way and with a high level of intelligence, especially if your partner is not a complete 'jerk' and you still want the marriage to work. Make sure that you have a "valid evidence/ fact” e.g. video, picture (anything digital).

2. Right timing: Wait for the moment when you know your partner is most relaxed and then raise a discussion about infidelity. Make up a story or a case study for discussion. (Only those that are diplomatic can wait for the right timing when their partner is relaxed before they talk about their partner’s infidelity. This is because the scene of ‘caught in the act’ alone will stir up anger (boiling over 100 degrees Celsius) and feeling of the betrayer, that makes you feel like trampling and squeezing the traitor at that instance/ moment. If you are not diplomatic in nature, you can skip step 2, it’s very much understandable).

3. Confrontation: confront him/her (get your partner by surprise). His/her statement/ submissions about the infidelity case study you raised (in step 2) will determine your means and direction of confrontation. From experience, I discovered that those guilty of infidelity are always the ones that are quick to judge others and disapprove of their infidelity act. Step 3 process is centered on using your partner’s words against him/ her. Note! Make sure to confront your partner during the moment he or she least expected, that was why I said when s/he is well relaxed. With that, your partner won't have ready-made lies; you will see him/ her stammering and saying more than 10 different words/ statement within a minute. If your partner denies, show your partner the evidence (this is the best part). S/he will have no reason/ justification to deny again. The truth is out already.

4. Listen to explanation: Yes, always listen to your spouse explanation even if you think it’s not needed. The effective value of communication is to listen. Hear your spouse out. Yes, I know you already have evidence of infidelity in your hand, but just listen to whatever he/she has to say. I have heard and seen different cases of infidelity of which it was just a setup or a trap. What you saw might not be what really happened, so don’t be too quick to judge. Even if you haven’t heard/seen cases of set up, at least I believe you watch films and must have seen it happened several times in the movies. And you will agree with me that in such cases, the marriage would have been saved if only the partner could listen to his/ her spouse explanations.

5. Confirmation: Now that you have listened to the explanation your spouse has to say, process the explanation and conclude if the explanation is just an excuse, or a fact, or habit. Even the bible says we should find out/ prove everything and hold fast that which is good/ true. Confirm by going through a thorough procedure and firm reasoning.

6. Make a threat: Before embarking on this journey of confirming your spouse infidelity, if you still care to work things out in your marriage, you must plan for the best (reunion) and prepare for the worse (separation for a while or total separation ‘divorce’). Since you are prepared for the worse, make a threat to leave him/her and if you sense 'sincerity of change' and 'willingness to make things work' with your partner, then you both can apply methods of making the marriage work again.

Your threat, if well administered, will work for your good. If your partner values you and can't cope with the thought of you leaving him/her, especially knowing full well that the fault is from him/her and not you, your spouse will also be more than willing to work things out with you in the marriage. But the question is: Are you a person worthy of value? If you are not of value, I will advise you just the same way I will advise the lady that her husband cheats on her, but still provides for the family (case study), to stay in your current situation since you have no value. What you need is to heal your emotions, first by finding yourself so that you can know your worth and the value you deserve.

Let me summarize the steps scientifically, starting with the hypothesis:

• Hypothesis: Have your suspicions about your spouse.

• Experiment: Get your samples for experiments. Put your acts together and work on catching your spouse red handed “caught in the act”.

• Result: Produce evidence of your experiment “caught in the act” e.g. videos, pictures, messages (preferably digital evidence).

• Conclusion: After listening to your spouse explanation, and from the result (evidence) in your hand, make a conclusion. Draw your conclusion after thorough reasoning and situation analysis.

• Theory: From your conclusion, you can state the theory of your spouse act of infidelity. Do you want to stay and continue with your marriage or you want to check out?

• Law: Make the law! If you want to check out, go ahead and issue your spouse a divorce letter and If you want to work it out, go ahead and tell your spouse the new Do’s and Don’ts of your relationship, accepted by you under your own terms and condition.

_Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
09028593408
https://ahyobammy./

[quote][/quote]Your exit could be your escape route. Never ignore it!

If you keep doing something in a wrong way or continue to channel your talent into the wrong direction, no matter how determined and focused you may be, it will never yield a positive result. Never ignore your exit! For you to be successful, you need to take exit (escape route) from the wrong path.

I remembered during the raining season last year, a man decided to plant maize on the plot of land by the side of my house (it was the season of maize). He planted maize on the full plot of land, but his maize never yielded corn, not even a single mature corncob. This man was determined to harvest corn that season, he stayed focused, he never gave up, he weeds the plant frequently, did everything as expected but he never had anything to show for it. Do you know why? The land he planted the maize was a sandy soil (cannot retain nutrient). In other words, this man channeled his idea (planting of maize) to the wrong direction. If only he did not ignore his exit, he would have had something to show before the maize went out of season.

Your exit is your way of stopping every activity you are doing (take a break), and think (analyze) if your pathway, method, or style to achieve a meaningful thing is right. If it is not right, then leave that method to start a new method or to walk in a right path. To exit from a place is not for you to give up, it is just for you to re-analyzing and re- strategizing your situation. An exit is a break to analyze a situation. You can't get to see the structure of a building if you stay inside all through. You have to go outside (take the exit) and walk through the building to know how the whole house looks like. Exit helps you to analyze your situation. It is a break you can either resume after the assurance that the method/way you are taking is fertile to yield a result or you start a new method/way to achieve your goal if the previous method or way is infertile/unproductive.

The exit is a pathway that leads to the outside of a place. Your exit doesn't mean that you are giving up. When I tell people not to give up, I am simply saying, fix your gaze on your goal. For a clearer understanding, let me give you a scenario. I want to go to Ikeja silver bird to watch the latest movie by 12 noon. That movie I am about to watch is my goal. You know that there are many routes that lead to Ikeja (for those familiar with Ikeja, Nigeria). Now I have passed through Ogba to get to Ikeja, I encountered a serious traffic because a trailer fell on the road. I then decided to make a U-turn and take Agege road to get to Ikeja and I eventually was able to meet up with the time for my movie (12 pm). Later, after like 5hrs (5 pm), news came to me that the Ogba road is totally blocked, even those that have been there since 10 am are still there. Meanwhile, by that time (5 pm), I have watched the latest movie in the cinemas and I'm even back home. My exit from Ogba route to follow Agege route was my escape route. When I decided to change my route, I did not change my goal. Why? My gaze is fixed on my goal (watching the latest movie). I did not give up on my goal. If I had stayed on Ogba route, as a matter of fact, I would have missed out from my goal. I won't be able to fulfill my goal because I will still be stuck on the way.

The man that planted maize beside my house missed his goal of having corn during its season. If he had stopped to take a break and analyze the situation, he would have worked on improving the soil condition of that land but if the cost of improving the soil condition is very high, his exit from that land would have been his escape route to save guard his goal. He would have moved to another land, apply his analytical skill and knowledge obtained from the previous land to the new land (i.e. also determine/ensure the new land is fertile) and plant the seeds if the new land is fertile. He also would have had corn before the end of the season to harvest. Do you know? One thing about the wrong path is that it always looks like the right one until you get to the end that is when you will realize it's a wrong path because you couldn't get to your destination. This man’s maize plant was growing in the sandy soil, he was seeing changes in the height of the maize plant, and he was given a false hope that he will also harvest his farm produce soon but at the end of his path, he has nothing to show for it. Don't wait until you get to the end of that path, it might be too late to start afresh. Why not analyze the path now and take the exit as your escape route if need be.

The reason why some people have nothing to show for their hard work is because they channel their efforts to the wrong direction/path and they couldn't take an exit because they have totally ignored their exit. EXIT exists for you to reassure or reconfirm your decision to stay in a place. If you cannot confirm your stay, you can take the exit. Always remember this; An Exit is a pathway. It is not for you to give up. An exit of a place is the entry of another place (don’t forget). Your pathway is not your destination, ensure you get to your destination.

-Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
09028593408
https://ahyobammy./

Quote:

“Anywhere you find yourself, make sure you impact lives positively”

Impacting lives positively is not just a way of touching lives, but also a way of improving yourself. When you are determined to touch lives regardless of what you face, the environment you find yourself, what you are currently experiencing; you are simply awakening the giant in you.
Most times, we limit our capability and ability to accomplish some things. We always believe that some things are beyond what we can handle or understand, hence we tag/believe those things can only be done by others. I remembered telling a friend about programming (writing codes like Java, HTML, XML, PHP, etc.) since he has a strong passion for anything software. His response was “I can’t write code. Ayobami! Don’t you know that those people who write codes are more like wizards?. I don’t have the brain and the capacity to be a programmer, even though I wish to become one”. I smiled at his words, these are the usual words we speak to make ourselves comfortable within our boundaries and limitations. I asked him a few questions “ are those programmers human?” He said “yes” and I proceeded to ask another question “ are you human?” he said “ yes, but… " I cut him off because I knew quite well that he was about to give an excuse. I told him “ I don’t need any further explanation. When you get home, think deeply about the questions I asked”.

As we continued our discussion, he kept talking in admiration for programmers, so I asked him why he was so passionate about software. He said, “It always amazes me to see that words that look like jargons are responsible for Techworld revolution happening around us today.” I told him, do you know those people discovered themselves because they were determined to impact lives positively and make the world a better place?. And now, those people have really impacted our lives positively, and they are still impacting us. My last words to him that day was that, “Anywhere you find yourself, make sure you impact lives positively.”

Months gone, I did not hear from him until a particular day, he chooses to call me for us to hang out. I obliged and we met at our usual place. After exchanging pleasantries, he started gisting me of his milestone achievements in the software world. He said “Ayobami!, you won’t believe that am now a programmer. Remembered you told me to always impact lives anywhere I go? I took those words to heart and I made up my mind to impact lives anywhere I go to. I started helping people with the minor computer/smartphone tasks, giving guidance/help in Microsoft office, power point, Corel draw, etc. and anytime I solve their problems, they always thank me and leave with a smile. I later noticed that I was more interested in their ‘smiles’ than ‘thank you’. With time, they started coming to me to help them develop a website, mobile application, etc. This will need software like Java, PHP, HTML, XML, etc. They thought I could do those things because they always take me to be a computer guru. Initially, when people ask me about programming related issues, I was always quick to tell them I don’t know programming languages. But after I made up my mind to impact lives positively with my ability and doing what I know how to do best, I found it so hard to tell them I don’t know programming languages. I think this is because I don’t what to lose those beautiful smiles that always make my day fulfilled. My determination for impacting lives made me accept those programming tasks and I challenged myself with it. I started studying programming languages, I went for training /seminars so that I will become equipped in solving the tasks I already challenged myself with. Everyday, I always practice whatever I was taught in training and even search online for relevant materials. It took me months, but I kept on learning because I wanted to prove to myself that I can do it since I have already taken up the challenge. Though some that couldn’t wait for me gave their work (website dev., App dev. etc.) to professionals. You won’t believe it! I eventually did those programming tasks. In fact, You need to have seen the joy inside of me, I was extremely happy and those people were happy too, seeing that it was working perfectly well. Some of them gave me money as a way to say thank you to me. It was one of those people that I helped that advised me to start software programming as a business since I was good at it. Today, I am a programmer, making money with my ability and improving my standard of living”.

No matter where you find yourself, use your ability to make others happy. When you are determined about impacting lives, you will be amazed at things you could achieve/do. You will be able to do things you once considered to be impossible for you. I remembered when I started motivating people, I always go to motivational sites, draw out materials/quotes and share with people. Motivation was my passion, so I was always happy anytime people share their testimonies with him, how those motivational words I shared with them changed their lives positively. Although, I always think of writing motivational words myself, but somehow, I always assume/believe those quotes can only be written by highly intelligent people, so I always limit myself. One particular day, Someone shared his testimony with me as usual and he ended up saying “I can’t believe you wrote those words, highly intriguing”. Believe me, his last words hit me like a rock, I kept thinking about his last statements. I knew I wasn’t the author of those motivational words, that made me feel so terrible all through that day. Then I challenged myself to start writing motivational words. For weeks, I couldn’t come up with inspiring quotes, but I kept trying. It's been over two years now, my pen is still writing and will never stop writing. Anytime people share their testimonies with me, I feel so happy and fulfilled knowing it was my words that changed their lives positively. I found myself while impacting lives and I was able to unleash the potentials within me.

Impacting lives is a way of discovering and developing yourself. Impacting life is just like a rubber band. You can only know the true length/size of a rubber band by stretching it (applying force). Without stretching the rubber band, you will limit the ability of the rubber band. Impacting life is the force you need to know your true potentials, without which, you will limit your ability/potential. Stretch yourself!
The effect of Impaction always come as two in one package. When you impact others, you impact yourself as well. “Anywhere you find yourself, make sure you impact lives positively”.

-Ayobami Abiodun
Motivational Speaker
09028593408
https://ahyobammy./

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