Biglugard:


You're a compound fool

Is there no better way to get your message across aside insult?

Check am, have you made any sense from this statement?

alphaNomega:
Anoymus, marry her and invest in yourself. You don't want this type of woman to have more money than you at home, trust me. Rather build your finances (lucky you're in Nigeria) and invest in your children

Thank you boss

Notatribalist:
This one that you were quick to call your mum and dad,even her mum are you sure you're ready for marriage? Don't be quick to take your problem in marriage to you parents o,if you want your marriage to last..As for the investment I think you should not invest a that money on her.Buy some keke like you said and use the proceed to care for her and your future kids..

Noted. Thanks

adekal001:
At op, one of the best thing to do as an husband is to invest in your wife without expecting any financial responsibility from them. While growing up, sit down and go through your memory lane. You will realize how much your mum spent buying small small things that we think is insignificant. Moreover, when you are lacking at any point in time your wife will naturally support you under the pretence that she's borrowing you. Seemed you don't have a sister or probably you never lived with an uncle or aunt. If you do, that's how women are

Settle her up with that kind of money and throwey face? Okay oo

Ishilove:
So what exactly is she bringing to the table in this marriage apart from her womb and vagina?

How anyone can have this kind of mentality in this day age boggles the mind. Her kind will nag you to depression if you happen to fall on hard times.

Op, count your teeth with your tongue.

Thank you

GiantParrot:


Not too bad, but when a person routinely receives money from another person for a long time, some level of dependency is likely to be conditioned in the mind of the receiver.



Okay



You need to find a way to figure this out. Many women actually expect their male ATM partners to be responsible for the family they come from.




A woman can be far beneath you in terms of achievements and potential, and yet think she is doing you a favour by dating you because she gets attention and favours from other men who seem to be doing better than you.

Mind you, money is a big issue in marriages. Discussions about how to spend money is a must for any realist in today's dating scene. A poll in Canada found that 68% of responders were ready to divorce from fighting over money http://goldhartlaw.com/top-5-reasons-for-divorce-in-canada/

I wish I could give you a clear answer here. But a man must decide what he can and cannot live with. Read all responses and write down reasons to go on with the proposal and reasons not to after you're convinced you have enough information. Weigh the pros and cons, and make your decision. Good luck.

Thank you

idu1:
Keep your money in pocket.

Nonsense mentality.

No be say she can afford to open the shop by herself o.

You can imaging. After doing all, make she come dey tell me story wey dey touch.

GiantParrot:


Interesting. I have some questions.

1. Have you been funding her lifestyle? If she has gotten used to receiving finances from you over the years and money never flows in the opposite direction, then you may have contributed to her mindset.

2. Have you spoken to her dad to hear this thoughts about this?

3. Does her family expect you to be financially responsible for them in any way after the marriage?

4. Do you see her as someone who thinks she is doing you a favour in the relationship?

Personally, I would be very worried about the deep level of self-centeredness that would make a person that wants a long-lasting union to say they don't intend to support the union from the returns of a business I heavily invested in. That's some bullshit.

1. I just support her the little way I can. I never paid her school fees while she was in school I just gave her pocket money not more than 10k and it happens only once every 1-2 months

2. They dread their dad so much cos he is a retired soldier, the fear also rubbed on me on the long run. he just knows me as his daughter's friend. We haven't got that opportunity to discuss intimately yet. Her mum na my padi, I speak to her freely. Unlike her dad

3. I'm not sure. I think they should be responsible for all their own finances. More reason why I'm asking questions, make I no go marry person wey go dey carry money dash their people while I expenses go dey choke me.

4. No sir, she isn't. I am also a graduate, and was fortunate to venture into a booming business after graduation in 2014. I'm also not ugly or
handicapped in anyway (I'm sorry if you are a handicap reading this, this is not to spite you in anyway) she's certainly not doing me a favour being in the relationship.

Depressed101:
you should have replied thus;

"it's not that I will push our family responsibility to, infact I will won't let that happen, all I am saying is, if anything happens to my source of income, will you stand by me?"

Her reply to this will determine if you should invest in her, i am not saying you should not marry her if her answer doesn't sit well with you, no one is perfect..
. As the man of the house you should be able to handle everyone with sense.

You can decide to not invest in her, instead invest in yourself, afterall yourself is also your family,if i were you i will support her instead of investing in her.

To your question boss, i am quite sure her answers will be YES, she will stand by me when the chips are down but wouldn't change the truth about her real personality.

I'm just hoping and praying that worth the while.

Nuyokoi:
this is a selfish and entitled mentality
marriage is meant to be a partnership
hopefully she will change after marriage.
cheers.

Hopefully. Thanks

jelel6:


Reading your opening piece, I think the way you presented your perspective may be the problem for her.

You come across as someone who's well to do and as a result, she thinks you should be responsible financially every step of the home front cause it's easy for you.

You said you asked her what her responsibilities would be, not where or how she can help. Responsibility means duty in this scenario for her and not filling-in when there's a need

Hence, she's highly unlikely to contribute to major recurring expenses like rent, school fees, feeding, cable, water, electricity, and medical procedures.

As a man, I personally would like to be able to handle all that myself no matter what. (circumstances permitting). I'm sure you intend to yourself.

I'll tell you an open secret, your mom, her mom, my own mom, and the majority of the women out there purchase almost everything needed to run the kitchen themselves. Except the budget for food, the women who earn something would contribute mostly of the things that prepares a meal. Maybe not at the very beginning of the marriage, but with time they'll shoulder the majority because everybody wants to be responsible for something. And they'll buy all the little things that the kids need without the husband knowing.

If you sense she won't do any of the above then I'm afraid she's immature about what constitutes marriage. Like the one that'll ask you to buy toothpaste and body cream for the family while she earns.

Because I don't expect that you'll spill water on the floor and wait for her to come home before it'd be taken care of.

Modified: just to emphasize, you don't have to invest in her business before you can expect her to help any way she can financially. That's why common SENSE is the most important thing to look for in any human being. People who are too set in their ways and believe don't see the bigger picture.

Thank you for for your input, I'll like to know the type of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I feel discussions like this would broaden one's scope about the lady. Its possible for her to be earning and the only thing she does is to keeping up with trends, getting the latest bags and clothes in town just to feel among while large chunk of my money goes into maintaining a marriage we both started. I wouldn't care if she buys the latest every every with the proceeds of her business from which I started if she's doing her own part of the responsibility even if na steady 5% I'll gladly appreciate.

RomanGreen:


Let me ask you, is she the type that buys you stuffs...expensive gifts or things according to her pocket....if yes then go ahead but if no then it's a huge red flag she will deal with your sorry ass when the land isn't green or when she is financially secured, better use that money for yourself.... A man shouldering responsibilities alone is what has sent many men yo their early grave due to HBP, stress and nagging from the woman.... Evaluate your options well, most ladies change for the worse when they get married except of course if she truly loves you.....again I feel you flaunted a lot of cash before her....check well man

Thanks for your input bro. And as for the question you asked, she is trying, surprises me with gift once a while but I don't think she would be an enduring type when the chips are down. I have had instances where I spent 15k (drugs inclusive) to remove her troublesome decay tooth just 3 days after I gave her 4k to make her hair. She complained saying the 4k won't be enough for the style that she wants to make. Had to add 1500 before she happily hugged me and gave me a peck. Person wey I spend 15k to commot tooth 3 days after the hair incident. Thought she would be greatful and cut her cloth according to their cloth instead of nagging.. But according to her, she loves me very much and I do too

GOOOGLE504:


...except the sex on every last Thursday of every month.

It's not a bad idea to set a lady up so she can afford anything for herself and kids but when the mentality is bluntly negative, you have to think twice.

I'd advice to talk to her tho. At times the something in hand is worth 10 somethings in the bush. The gals out there rn are mostly rough. No go run from frypan enter fire.

Many thanks

GIANTPLUSHUB:
This is parts of the reasons the rich will continue to marry the rich while the poor does the same. Your wife behaves like someone who hasn't worked hard for money before, so she doesn't have the mentality that someone that supported her business with his hard earned money needs to be supported too. Bro, trust me, she's said exactly what she would do and that's what will happen. Infact, it might even be worst. Have seen several of such cases to the extent of ordinary pencil, the lady will ask her daughter to wait for her dad.

See, here's my advice for you. Please, support her business but drastically reduce the support amount to like 300 to 500k and use the remaining to invest in yourself as you can see that, you now have a load of task ahead of you.

Once you support the business, guide her in upgrading to a larger space and more machines just the way you want. This, you aren't doing with your money but her money. Only advice and guide her.

Lastly, as times goes on. Bring in tactics towards her supporting the family. I wish you all the very best!

Thank you so much.

Bola146:
No matter how little, a responsible wife must support her husband and home!!! No matter how rich or poor the husband is! So that the blessings will be coming back to both of them. The man might go broke, his wife should be there to raise him up.

My thoughts exactly. Thank you for your input ma'am.

aminu114:
man she will probably left u when she is financially secured

wow!

I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks