Miss_Ife:

A degree is always useful. But four years ?! Imagine, when she gets back her oldest will almost be a teenager! And it is also not a grat idea for her relationship with her husband. Is she going to have a lot of courses to follow? Maybe she can spend 3 days a week over there and the last 4 days at home, that could be manageable. But how about her, doesn't she feel bad about not seeing her kids growing on a daily basis? Why her husband doesn't want to move with her? I kind of have the feeling that their marriage is not going fine and that she's using this college as a way to put distance between her husband and her,

Her husband has no desire to move at all. You are right. That would make sense. I agree. It looks like she's trying to get away from her husband. I wouldn't be surprised if after she gets the degree, she suddenly gets a good job and doesn't move back.

Outstrip:

Is her husband still against it? If he is what are his reasons? What is she going to study that cannot be studied in a local university? Honestly if she is 5 hours a way then she should be able to see her kids almost every week.

The strangest part in all this is the part about just seeing her husband and kids once a month. I've know other people who took turns seeing each other every two weeks. But to start at once a month? She's now saying she'll be home on breaks, but still she's going to be missing a lot. If a man said the same thing, most people would wonder if he was up to something. She said the local university programs were just average and she wanted something better. Her husband was against it because he wanted her to go to a local university but she stood her ground and now says he's come aound. I think he backed down because he wants her to be happy but it does seem odd that he wouldn't even see if moving could be an option. It's as if they've skipped some steps or something.

Why not? Well, for 4 years, she will barely be there for her children. And there's no telling what will happen to her marriage.

If a woman goes to college or graduate school over 5 hours away from home and leaves her children with her husband with the plan of seeing them about once a month, is that okay? I have an in-law who is in this situation. She wanted to go with the best program possible and thinks the 4 years sacrifice will be worth it. Her children are 4 and 7 years old. Her best friend is also doing the same thing, which has me wondering if that's influencing her. She plans on having her aunt or mother move in with her husband and kids to help out.

Is it okay for a woman to leave her family to go to graduate school or college? Is she still a good mother and wife? Is the sacifice worth it? What would you say if you had a relative or friend considering this option? Also, what about the marriage? I keep thinking if her marriage falls apart, her husband could get the kids. I just don't feel good about this at all. Her husband is totally against moving and he at first was against her going away.

Thanks so much for the advice. I agree. She does need to do something especially how things are going. It sounds like her best option is marriage, but so far she hasn't met the right guy. I wasn't aware that she'd have to go back to Nigeria to apply for a visa even if her application through her sister comes through. There's no way she'd want to do that. That could explain why she doesn't like talking about this. This is really a lesson to all the people thinking about overstaying their visas.

My SIL overstayed her VISA. Someone on this thread made a good point. Maybe not knowing what's going on with her isn't a bad thing. I do think of course it would have been better for her to think through this first. Getting a work visa would have been a better route. I'll suggest to her that she keep her info current with immigration and consult an attorney.

Obey? That's a pretty strong word But the thing is I've got a really bad feel about this. The hand writing's on the wall. Is there any way I can convince my husband otherwise? Also, if anyone has gone through getting the green card as a sibling of a US citizen, please share.

Those pics are beautiful! I really like St. Thomas. It's so beautiful there. I have heard St. Johns is really nice and is less touristy.

My SIL is an illegal immigrant in the US. I'll call her a fake name, Patrice. Her sister (my other SIL) who is an American citizen applied for her to get a green card back in 2000. I am African American and my husband's Nigerian. I have been watching the news and I fear that the US is about to become even harder for illegal immigrants. I suggested to Patrice that she go see an attorney so they can hopefully check on her application and speed up the process. I have heard that the waiting period for siblings to get called in is 10 years.

Patrice doesn't like discussing this and hasn't been returning calls lately. My husband won't talk to me about this and he does not want me to talk to his other sister even to ask her about the application. One thing I wonder about is if they ever updated the address since both have moved since 2000. I know she's an adult and should be taking care of her business, but she isn't. Maybe I'm missing something. What advice can you give me about how to handle this? How long is the waiting period for siblings? Could an immigration lawyer help speed up the process? If I call my other SIL to discuss this, I'm going against my husband. But, this seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Your opinions/thoughts are much appreciated.

Thanks. I'll try the Travel board. Yes, I things are going to get harder. Look at all the hoopla about a mosque being built near ground zero in NY.

My SIL is an illegal immigrant in the US. I'll call her a fake name, Patrice. Her sister (my other SIL) who is an American citizen applied for her to get a green card back in 2000. I am African American and my husband's Nigerian. I have been watching the news and I fear that the US is about to become even harder for illegal immigrants. I suggested to Patrice that she go see an attorney so they can hopefully check on her application and speed up the process. I have heard that the waiting period for siblings to get called in is 10 years.

Patrice doesn't like discussing this and hasn't been returning calls lately. My husband won't talk to me about this and he does not want me to talk to his other sister even to ask her about the application. One thing I wonder about is if they ever updated the address since both have moved since 2000. I know she's an adult and should be taking care of her business, but she isn't. Maybe I'm missing something. What advice can you give me about how to handle this? How long is the waiting period for siblings? Could an immigration lawyer help speed up the process? If I call my other SIL to discuss this, I'm going against my husband. But, this seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Your opinions/thoughts are much appreciated.

Consultant:

It's probably because it's easier. Having carried my last pregnancy (morning sickness and all) in the middle of an intense SAP implementation, I have determined not to do it again unless I have a less tasking job, or I am working from home.

Good point. I had taken off some time after I had my child and i got so bored I started wanting another child, but when I went back to work, I lost that feeling for about 9 months or so. I'm trying for another child now, but I really can't picture at all wanting to go through 2 more pregnancies. But if I were still a SAHM, no problem. Not to mention I wouldn't have to worry about when to disclose the pregnancy or how that would affect my ability to learn new tasks, deal with stress,

Someone in this thread said that stay at home moms/housewives have way more children than women who work do. I've noticed that too. I'm starting to wonder if they do that to avoid going back to work.

All the same, i hate it when western media has to be the one dictating the kind of stories the world hear about Nigeria and Africa,


They are soooo GOOOD in pointing out ONLY the NEGATIVE aspect of AFRICA, SHOWING the world Pictures of STARVING kids from 10 years back, just because they still like belittling AFRICANS and BLACKS all over the world, PUTTING fear in those blacks who want them to and making them feel less human to each other,

I agree. And this is worldwide. Black people are not portrayed very well in the American media and are in subservient roles in the Spanish media. Every AA--no every person of African descent should go visit a West African country. But I also think it's important for Nigerians and other Africans to understand AAs and other Westernized blacks more. I think black South Africans understand AAs the most because the struggle has been very similar. My guess is Liberians would come in number 2 simply because of the strong AA influence there. What's interesting is Nigeria is often described by so-called experts as one of the most Americanized African countries. I'm sure 99% of the people on this board would disagree. lol.

Something else I wanted to point out is after the Civil Rights movement, because of opportunities, integration actually changed AA communities. Talk to any AA 50 and older and they'll tell you how their next door neighbors looked out for them, how you didn't talk back to elders--values very similar to Nigerian values. We really played a price for integration, but it's the same thing Nigerians in America experience. I hardly know anyone who teaches their first language to their children--speaking of nigerians here. AA culture has always changed with each generation. I do sense there are a lot of people who realize what we lost with integration. But of course life was also harder back then. What some foreign blacks don't understand is life would be a lot harder for blacks had AAs not fought. West Indians have also fought for black people in the U.S., which is sometimes overlooked because many don't have a problem identifying with AAs. But obviously both groups are of African descent and there were first generation Africans who helped made major contributions to America. That's why all this squabbling is kind of useless.

Someone in this thread says this is an example of the Willie Lynch syndrome. I agree. This is divide and conquer.