Wow I never thought of this

It is hard enough finding love and even harder to find one and being unable to do nothing about it, oh the travesty! Like you are trying to make ends meet, barely having two coins to rub together, minding your business and boom you meet this beautiful woman, you “stalk” her on social media, she is living quite the life, you like her contents, comment on a few of her posts. She does not post pictures of any guy, surely that must mean she is single, right? Maybe not, maybe she is the kinda girl who loves to keep her private life private. But you are stuck anyway; you love everything about this woman you have never met before, you like the look in her eyes, it tells so much about her personality, she has a smile that could light up any room and lighten any kind of storm, you are trapped and you know it!

You DM her, hey you cannot be obsessing about a person and not even talk to her, what would it hurt, it is not like you expect anything to come out of it, it is the social media for god sake and she might be miles away, so no harm done! Wrong!!!

You DM her and she replies almost immediately, unprecedented!! That almost never happens; there is a ping pong of communication, a positive sign and then you go, “we should hang out sometime” and she says “cool”. Few weeks later with a few notes in your account and pocket, you are both off to the movies and it was not all bad and yes she was everything you thought she was; lively, full of life, funny and naughty, yes this is it!!


Few weeks later, your bank account is back to its normal self, you ought to ask her out on another date but your bank account thinks differently, you make do with shallow conversations and soon you begin to drift apart, that small hope you had nurtured for week that this might be something begins to fade away and fast, she no longer replies your messages and you know why, you took too long to go on a second date but it isn’t like you didn’t want to but your financial status isn’t exactly conducive for dating.


A lot of struggling young men find themselves in this situation and many have decided to save themselves the hurt by not attempting to date, at least till they are financially able to do so. Forget all that talk of women seeing your potentials and being willing to lug it out with a hustling man, LOL, story for the gods!! An average woman is seeking comfort and when you cannot promise her that, she is off to the next guy, it is not hate, it is the truth. Life is about the survival of the fittest. Truth be told, not many guys want to be broke and not many want to pull anyone down into the murk with them, so they prefer to wait a bit, till they are just okay but if you are lucky to meet a woman while you struggle, it is a plus, an added motivation to keep plugging away at life’s obstacles.


It is difficult being broke; you gotta understand that, you meet SO MANY amazing people but you consider them “outta your league” and you are stuck wondering if you met your “the one” and chalked her off as out of your league!! The thought scares you but the romantic in you wants to believe that when she comes along, she will stick it out with you but…


Romance is expensive, especially in this social media evolution, from Facebook to Tiktok, people flaunt relationships and holiday getaways, not many people would admit this but it gets to them, many more are tailoring their expectations of life based on those posts and as such expectations are placed so high, that reality begins to skewer.

Even broke men have lofty dreams too, they are humans after all, and they do not plan on remaining broke forever, so they dream, hope and strive, hoping to mold that dream into reality but it isn’t always that easy and so for the interim, most broke men choose to stay on the sideline, watching people get in and out of relationships, hoping to get picked, waiting for their time to shine and while they do that, they keep liking posts and leaving comments, one of them ought to get the much needed attention, their chance will come, their luck will change. They have chosen not to try and get hurt in the process, they have become ardent watchers, and they have become digital stalkers.


And so every Saturday, they watch as a woman they thought was it walks down the aisle with another man, they shake their head in despair and try again! No harm in that.

Broke men do not deserve love, they know that and most have accepted it as status quo, until it isn’t.

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Na Naija we dey, how many times have you said those three words? How many times have you had it said to you? Those three words surface every time Nigerians want to sweep a wrong under the carpet or want to gloss over a wrong that can only happen in Nigeria.

Yesterday, I was on a bike and my driver was complaining about the state of the road; a road that had only months ago undergone some “repairs”, if you would call it that, but the recent rains; which have not being heavy had already started to eat its way through the road. I said those magical words that are often met with a sigh and resignation “Na Naija we dey” and to my surprise he replied, “So you want tell me say one good person no dey Nigeria?!” And sadly the answer is NO! And this is just me.

Here is why I think so. The chasm between the rich and the poor is so huge, such that the rich are getting richer and the poor even more so, in fact, if you say the ruling class has weaponized poverty, you would not be too far from the truth. That is why it is easy to offer youths “crumbs” to disrupt elections or protests targeted at police reform. But I digress, lemme get back to the point of this essay.

Poverty has corrupted us all, you might not agree but that is true, one of the major root causes of some of the problems we face in the country is poverty, plain and simple. Let us take the case of the subject matter that instigated this literature; building of accessible road networks. If government earmarks 10 million for the rehabilitation of a major road and gave it to the ordinary Nigerians to manage and oversee, I am almost certain that a huge percentage will shortage change the contract, with a huge sum going into their pockets. Those who are gracious enough to use the whole sum, will probably recruit friends and family instead of people who are actually experts in the field.

Nepotism is why electorates queue in line to vote the man who is from their state, region, local government or practices same religion as them instead of voting for the man who is best qualified for the job. Sigh.

In Nigeria, you are shamed for being honest, “chop your share of the national cake, no dey dull yourself”, a common phrase mostly hollered into the ears of those who try to do the right thing.

Sometime ago, I read a Twitter thread about a man who refused; rightly so, to let a car boycott traffic by illegally using a kerb by standing in its way. He narrated how insults were thrown at him by the driver and passengers of the said vehicle, even passerbys took turns to hurl insults at him, some even went as far as getting physical with him for doing the right thing! The truth is, the average Nigerian is a true representation of our leaders, the only difference is some of us may never get the opportunity to act on our innate impulses.

There are a few good men in Nigeria but sadly the construct and structure of the country has them drowning in a sea of manipulation, fear and corruption, their voices drowned by the incessant cry of hunger from their kin and folks.

Na Naija we dey, because we have been systematically programmed by a microscopic few to believe that the only way to function in this society is by cutting corners and jumping lines, well that is until we travel abroad to a system where things actually works.