Vicas2000:
My advice to you as a senior man in this game of marriage:

1. Do dna test for your kids. I know you may be apprehensive of what the result will be. But trust me...do this. And since you live in Nigeria....you can do it secretly without her consent. I don't think there is any legislation. In Nigeria that compels you to tell her before you do it (in the usa though.. You need to tell her...so best do it now before you leave).

2. Continue gathering Evidence. Your wife is already cheating on you. You just haven't caught her red handed. You work in a bank. You are very busy. Women are extremely good at hiding stuffs. Pay attention to her chats more. Save screenshots. One day...she and her lover boy will fess up via cht how they had sex and how amazing it was. They will share nude pix.

3. Get. Family lawyer who understands dissolution of marriage in Nigeria. Let them advice you on how to file for divorce and what evidence is sufficient.

4. The hard part: when you have enough evidence....approach the court for dissolution. And use your evidence as proof of infidelity.

I know the mindset you have right now is to try and save your marriage. Get your wife back.

But trust me...your wife has gone far. The more you beg. Plead. The more weak you appear to be before her and the more she will disrespect you because she thinks you are week and can't do anything.

And if you travel abroad....she will be able to even have sex multiple times and when she moves a road....there IS NOTHING! You can do to get her back.

Ẹ.g. If you divorce her After you both move to the US...she still gets the kids and most of the money you both save. And you will even have to pay for child care ontop she was the one that cheated.



Be secretive about your snooping and gathering Evidence. So thT when you start listing it....she will be shocked and won't see it coming.

I suspect you may not take this advice because you love your wife...but trust me..this is the best logical course of action.

Gather evidence before you move abroad and dissolve that marriage amicably with agreement that you both share responsibilities for the kids.

After all....this exactly is Wht she will do if you were the one cheating. She will dump your ass.

Finally...please go on Google and search for this phrase "Tunde and Moyo thomas paternity scandal"

Or even read this link: https://motherhoodinstyle.net/2021/01/09/mom-2-moyo-thomas-caught-paternity-scandal-fcmb-md-adam-nuru-finally-breaks-silence/

Thanks a bunch for this piece of advice.

Uglygurl:
Oga,are you romantic or not?
Start playing those foreign movie love for your wife,it seems she love that kind things.

To think this is what you can come up with....lip sealed

.

akins33:
Thank God for threds like this.... Bro ur sanity comes first,never give in to emotions over reality.
She has been sending her naked pictures to the guy.
She plans on divorcing u.

A desperate woman can do anything. She can even kill u.
A lady whose husband is dead...Can fall in love again and REMARRY!!!.. it is spirituually and legally acceptable.

Dnt get over emotional with the kids...if u die,they will attend ur funeral with thier mum's Bf. Be warned...

Thanks for the submission

heniford2:
dude believe it or not your wife is been beeped outside, So just get ready for anything that comes out of here because definitely you are going to see my observation also is that you should try saving up guyman To avoid heartbreak okay If your visa is ready don't involve her keep ur activities on low key buh is she cheating on u yes she is doing so and you are aware of it

Your submission is noted bro"

Mariangeles:


Don’t use the children as an excuse to tolerate rubbish.
Your mental health as at stake.
Is it that you don’t get the gravity of what your wife is doing or you’re guilty of something and she’s paying you back?

Guilty? Nope...i grab your point'
Thanks regardless

realestate99:
This man is afraid of divorce claiming one silly love but he is alone in this sham of a marriage, those chats are irritating to say the least, you do not take your mental health serious, if not you know what to do.

seems you are waiting till you see one of those men naked on your wife before you take action, before that time , the emotional torture you wife is afflicting you with would have squeezed you thin, call a family meeting for both families, show your evidences and give them ultimatum, Do not plead!!! you should be in charge. if she refused to change Divorce!!! your mental health is important......... but I doubt you have the mind for that, seems you are more obsessed with having a beautiful lady as wife no matter the shit she throws at you.
O dabo!!!!

I have the balls to do and undo bro!, I'm only passionate about the innocent kids future and all...as i grew up in a loveable home myself...thanks for the reply

Whyzaid:
Don't keep this info to yourself alone, let her family know what she's into before they tag you a terrible man later in future

Noted!

G0LANHEIGHTS:

Trust but verify.

OK

G0LANHEIGHTS:
How you lay your bed is thesame way you lie on it. I'm sure the op knew all this things before putting that ring on her finger. Let him live with the consequences of his actions.
Problems with your marriage
1) you don't have a frame
2) you're in your wifes frame
3) you probably begged her to marry you inspite of her shortcomings/redflags
4) you ignored your instincts and now you're paying for it.
5) the kids you're claiming to be yours might actually not be yours.
Solution
You've lost the game already, there is no need crying over spilled milk. Your mentally deranged wife has zero respect for you and the institution of marriage. Get a DNA test done on your supposed kids, give your wife a divorce. If the kids are yours then send them to your mum or a trusted relative/ friend for safe keeping, then go ahead and process your travel documents and get the Bleep out of this country.
Don't forget to take the Redpill.
You can never reason with emotions...you only manipulate emotions.

DNA is out of it as the kids looks like my carbon copy 100% even up to their dentition(diastema)
Gracias to your contribution.

Mariangeles:


Have you ever confronted her about your findings?

yes 2x i even screenshotted d discoveries to her phone on WhatsApp

royalpearl80:


@Barca2Wenger, the reality is actually staring at you right in front of you.....There are certainly some options in front of you based on how strong emotionally you are

One is to talk to your wife and discuss this issue with her since you still love her, bare out all your mind on how you feel and what her reaction would have been if the table turn around. The truth is that you should be ready for denial and she becoming more careful going forward with her chats and all thereby you will not see any traces again.

Secondly you can decide to ignore like nothing happened, focus your energy on the kids and pay less attention to the chats for now pending when you will get the hard fact. Continue to play your role as the hubby while also processing your traveling for now.

Thirdly, it's a dicey situation and practically impossible to say after traveling you want to take only the kids alone and leave their mother here. You rather face the reality of taking your wife and the kids then face the consequence of whatever happened afterwards or leave all of them here in naija. Except you want a divorce which is not advisable.

Fourthly, based on the present situation, leaving her all alone here while you travel abroad is also a bit of dilemma too cos as you said, you don't know what will happen. This bring me to earlier assertion that based on how emotionally strong you are, if possible for you to ignore and accept the reality of anything happening.

Would love to talk to you more & share experience with you. The other advise I can give you this particular moment is that you should make your peace of mind paramount.

I sent you a PM tho

i already replied your mail

JovialJune:
Since you obviously want to leave her here when you travel to U.S, be rest assured that she will cheat on you, just as you will also cheat on her over there, so in other for you both to not deceive each other with faithfulness, just divorce her, simple.

The emphatic and precise opinion of you saying I'll cheat over there amazes me though....anyways thanks for your advise regardless.

royalpearl80:


@Barca2Wenger, the reality is actually staring at you right in front of you.....There are certainly some options in front of you based on how strong emotionally you are

One is to talk to your wife and discuss this issue with her since you still love her, bare out all your mind on how you feel and what her reaction would have been if the table turn around. The truth is that you should be ready for denial and she becoming more careful going forward with her chats and all thereby you will not see any traces again.

Secondly you can decide to ignore like nothing happened, focus your energy on the kids and pay less attention to the chats for now pending when you will get the hard fact. Continue to play your role as the hubby while also processing your traveling for now.

Thirdly, it's a dicey situation and practically impossible to say after traveling you want to take only the kids alone and leave their mother here. You rather face the reality of taking your wife and the kids then face the consequence of whatever happened afterwards or leave all of them here in naija. Except you want a divorce which is not advisable.

Fourthly, based on the present situation, leaving her all alone here while you travel abroad is also a bit of dilemma too cos as you said, you don't know what will happen. This bring me to earlier assertion that based on how emotionally strong you are, if possible for you to ignore and accept the reality of anything happening.

Would love to talk to you more & share experience with you. The other advise I can give you this particular moment is that you should make your peace of mind paramount.

I sent you a PM tho

Thanks and gracias for this piece

Magnoliaa:
Won ti tun de. From the stable of Imaginative Creatives. I do hope Oga Sēun at the top is paying you people handsomely for these pieces, ehn?

what makes you think this is fiction? Is it until i post my pictures for people like you to believe? Besides how much can Seun pay me as an A.M in a first generation bank or can't you see i created this account solely for this purpose as i have a known moniker on nairaland. . Haba"""

Teleprompter:
The truth is before you.

Your wife is not faithful to you and you can tolerate it because the foundation must have been this way from the onset.

It is good that your children are important to you but notwithstanding, your marriage is not stable at all. All that you think she is capable of is a reality.

what do you suggest i do as i can't really think straight at the moment.

Acidosis:


Your wife is already cheating on you. That's the truth.

Hmmmm

Carchoice:
Probably attention from men fuels her energy. Most women rushing into marriage don’t even know when and how to put the act behind them. From small play, devil will start receiving the blame, post-nuts.

I was very lucky to leave Nigeria a single man. The peace of mind is unfathomable.

The issue now is, if you leave her in Nigeria, we have no way to keep tab on the mileage of the subject matter and If you take her abroad, we can’t guarantee She won’t misbehave over there.

Your story is so sad that I don’t pray to be in your shoes, I’m size 43 by the way.

Thanks for the response.

Hello good enlightened people of nairaland family. Kindly take your time to read through and look away from errors and punctuations '

Kindly advise me on a mind bothering situation I've found myself .I've been married for 5years with two kids a boy and a girl and wife is older than me wit 3years.

Recently i got to know my wife chat and calls guys seamlessly without stop to the extent some do admire her womanliness and stuffs and she always seems unpeturbed and flows with the rhythm at all times to the extent that my wife agreed to invite one of them to my house when i was not around in the name of visiting a old female colleague without putting me in the know or whatsoever...though it later never happened due to one reasonor the other ...maybe they met somewhere else i don't know...

She used to have an ex that she was on the brink of visiting him due to misunderstanding we had at a time.In there conversation,she told the guy that i was out of the country since last year March,maybe to hasten there meeting or whatever i don't know.When i got to know this via her whatsapp n fb messenger chats even with several call logs. I warned the guy and my wife sternly about what i saw and promised to expose them because the guy is a popular face in broadcasting domain likewise my wife holds a managerial post in a popular insurance coy.

However, recently i noticed several erotic chats with different men keeps getting much even though she never initiated any... but her effortless flows with them in response gives me goose bump not minding she's married with kids, that how manage will my wife be replying such talks. But i have not caught her red handed in adultery or in the act but emotionally she had in ways i know of.
It's of no doubt my wife is beautiful likewise I'm an handsome dude and average big boy in Buharinomics and we are pretty doing fine .....it really baffles me as i can't be monitoring what an adult does with her life.

The reason for my post is...i plan travelling out any time soon,but i want to go first and make ground clearance before they come over.I am of the opinion that i apply for visa alone without including she and my kids because i don't really trust her again because i believe with what I've seen in my presence what if I'm away?.... Another thing i noticed about my wife is that, in a working system like US..she can equally divorce me if she's more financially stable than now even though shes not doing bad at moment..

Also, i don't want to do anything that i will regret later because truly i love my wife and kids but the issue of what i've seen and know she's capable of doing brings weakness to my heart because I've discussed the issue with her diff times before but i don't want to talk about it again as she can go into default setting knowing i want to apply for visa for the family.

The great affection i have for my kids is what is really disturbing my head because my hustle n all is majorly to see them grow in a working system...


I wish to be advise on what to really do in this situation i am..
I am open to suggestion and advise from experienced and mostly married persons.

**Cropped attached pix is a sparing hint out of many'

P.S- if you don't have advise,just read and pass.
Thanks

Cc: lalasticlala
front page ...