Some days back i heard visa lotteries has been banned that i can deal with. But what is this am hearing about GRE and tofel. Does this automatically means no more masters or Phd in the US? So dis means our only hope is the B1 and B2 class visa (visitors and tourist visa) or has that also been banned. Sighs

Chillisauce:

You should go for eye check, you are getting old

Lmao u r d one who needs d eye check up cos d perrson is standing on a face

^ u are a home destroyer.

Using my wife's handle to post. So whats up with me that goes to the market,come back and cook 3 different soups? All in d name of trying nt to put mada under 2 much stress when there is jo nanny yet. See people, i also do part of what is assigned to madam, if i dont do others, must it be a reason for complaints to be brought up? "Mr factright

[quote author=dominique]Madam Bombay, You need to find a way to get it into your husband's thick skull that you can't do this alone. You're not a robot abeg. You made this baby together, you're building your home together, then why does it have to be you to do all the house work then look after baby? What manner of heartlessness is that? There are some habits one ought to drop once (s)he becomes a parent, smoking is one of them. So I can only imagine what manner of person goes smoking with friends instead of
spending quality time with his family.

Since you said you told him and he refused to listen, find a way to make him understand you're not a wife/mum/maid/chef all rolled in one even if it means going on strike. [/
quote]
Lol @ strike

bukatyne:

Dear OP,

@bolded: You are yet to highlight the reasons for the awesomeness...

Lol cos its not awesome. Irony of life

Ujujoan: Why do I have a feeling that Mr & Mrs Bombaybombay = Mr & Mrs Jeffizy . . . .

Lost. Who is jeffizy

bellong: @Op,

Contrary to what you wrote here, no woman is expected to become a slave to her husband. Marriage is meant for the two parties to be help-meets and not a parasitic relationship. It is a symbiotic relationship.

That being said, the only thing I believe your husband can't help you with is breast-feeding. He needs to understand that what actually create bond between a child and parents (either mother or father) is the overall care given from birth till adulthood. There is no law that says men can't change diaper or can't/shouldn't babysit their children. I wish he understands the importance of being part of the child's life and not only putting money down but expressing his love to the child by being part of her life.

Considering your last thread, I want to assume that he is probably leaving you to do all these on your own because of the unresolved issues you have. As noted by other people, please find someone he respects to intervene in this situation before the story becomes a touching one. Stress is a slow and painful killer.

Actually considering my last thread, its bin resolved and forgotten, hubby has really changed when it comes to our communication. Thanks to u all 4 ur contributions. It really helped us.

Phema: People don't understand. The OP is using this medium to talk to her hubby. He is a very active nairalander.

Husband, i know you're reading, all your wife is saying is that she can't do it all alone. She is no super woman. Please do help out. We know you try to provide for the home, but being a husband and father goes beyond that . You need to get involved in the nitty gritty of the home. It is not "unmanly" for you to help your wife with the baby or to make a meal for the family. The last thing you want is an unhappy, overstressed, cranky and depressed wife.

Lastly, know this; happy wife, happy home; unhappy wife, unhappy home.

Lol @ he is a very active nairalander

[quote author=Ennyhollar]It's our deity we have to do it... To be a mother is not easy at all[/quote
Oh dear op i knew some one like me will be here somewhere. Smiles. Data d truth its just motherhood, eveb if hubby helps out its just motherhood to play those roles, you know even when i want ro forcefully leave my baby with him, i just still feel restless, checking on them all d time to make sure he hasnt given her something she allergic to. Eventhough am stressed i always still find myself doing it.

chaircover: How old is your baby?

If you have tried talking to your husband and to no avail, then you are going to think of other things to do. You are not a failure if you cant keep all the balls juggling. we all have different thresholds.

I will suggest that you speak to someone your husband respects like his mum. You may also need to re-look into getting a nanny house-help even if its a daily one.

If God forbid you kill yourself or breakdown with stress, it is your baby that will suffer.

As a last resort, I would leave the home for the weekend, leaving the baby with him, so he has a feel of how I have been coping on my own without his imput. Sometimes men dont know what is involved until they experience it themselves.

Mothers really need to spend more time "training" our sons to be functional husbands and fathers and not just concentrate s to be good wives and mothers.

Please dont get me wrong, i didnt post on NL cos am in search of solutions, u know whenever i raise this issue with hubby he says its my job to do them so i should stop complaining, bin dat my marriage is fresh and i was brought up with maids am trying to live with it, am trying to get used to it, i only posted ere cos i bliv there is a mother and wife somewhere who lives like this and would probably encourage me to live with it. Cos me for one am beginning to wonder why women are assigned to sooooo many roles in the home and we also work jobs like the men.

kulyie: Mrs please live with your decisions and stop whinning.you made a choice to be married so you have to live up to the responsibilities of been married and carry the 'baggages' that comes with it like the afore mentioned.



I suppose you werent forced to marry or forced to have kids,be a ( WOMB)Man and if you cant cope with the stress anymore get a nanny and or house help,end of discussion,case closed.jeez!

Does that look like whinning to you, i must say you are a guy so i dont expect u to understand

samyan12: @op, pls stop trying to be superwoman, if u need help ask for it. All these "dare not do this, dare not do that". U are just sentencing yourself to a lifetime of servitude and depression.

There is absolute nothing wrong with u asking uur hubby for help with some chores.

Lmao. What makes u think i havent, i didnt get what i wish for inreturn. Am still hoping i would find a way to pass my message across.

Efemena_xy:

Lady, the hightlighted bits in bold show that you've got some serious issues that need to be addressed before you find yourself walking down the route called depression.

Are you afraid of talking to your husband about the way you feel? Have you even mentioned any of this to him? If you haven't, I suggest you do.

You also need to change your mindset about the perceived 'role' of a man regarding child care because it's outdated. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man feeding, bathing, changing nappies, taking his child out or even staying up for a couple of hours with the baby, to give his wife some much needed breathing space and REST!

You seem to think it's 'unmanly' for a man to do these? Listen, no one's going to give you a medal for running yourself to the ground, or getting ill from lack of rest. It's his baby, bearing his surnmame, not yours AND there's absolutely no shame in a man looking after his own flesh and blood.

Go have that much needed talk with you man and stop placing restrictions on yourself by saying you "dare not do this or that".

My sister i totally understand u, nd i av but it didnt get me anywhere. I have given up my prayer is d grace not to breakdown

Not complaining, just thinking aloud.
Sat down this afternoon after a long day of working domestically and career wise, its 9pm now, though really tired but still on duty cos i dare not close my eyes until my baby does, hubby is out hanging out with his friends as usual.. (How lucky he is) no baby worries.
Women,sometimes i dont know if its okay to be grumpy, sad, tired and kinda aggressive at hubby, cos sometimes am unconcious about it, and i just find myself doing it, cos its either d baby is crying for attention or food or i have to change diapers, or shez sick and i have to force her to use her drugs cos she hates drugs and manytimes spills it all over or vomits it, hubby's food must be ready, d house must be clean all the time so d baby wont pick up dirts into her mouth, To mention but a few. Sometimes i wish hubby would just say sleep let me change her diaper for you or let me have her bath for you, or let me mk her food for you or let me stay awake all night 2nite to feed her.LOL(in my dreams i guess).
Note that am happy being a woman cos its awesome, but sometimes am just REALLY stressed and i cry to make myself happy Women, do u sometimes av questions like these running tru ur mind. If i can just go on vac for just one day. I know. A wise woman dares not think that way. But i think its allowed to be tot, its when its executed there is a problem.
I was running a class this afternon and hubby helps me baby seat at this times, i heard my baby cry and i went into the room and found hubby sleeping, smh and lol, while the baby needed attention, i had to back her tru d remaining session of my class eventhough inconvinient, just thinking can a WOman dare sleep while ur baby is awake. And these days to take a maid u need God's direction so u wont get a maid that will put u in trouble, or has a bad spirit, or a maid that will treat your baby bad wen u r not around. if u know wat i mean.
Sometimes i get so bored dat i dont wanna watch tv, or read my bible, but i probably wanna just gist with hubby, but u dare not stop them when its time to hang out with the men and Woman cant go with him, cos its a smoking environ and the baby is still too young to go to such environs.
Even if mother in law comes would she stay with me forever. Sighs.
Being a woman is Awesssome!!!
Guess this is a Woman world. God bless us Women, and give us strength to fordge ahead nd love nd live with what we cannot change. Amen.

thorpido: Of course we love.
I won't lie there are a lot of men who don't want emotions at all.The way I got treated by a lady got me going in dat direction too.
...But I met my wife,she's got a beautiful heart and the love of God and his fear in my heart makes me do the right thing.
I love my wife.

At least you have reasons to love your wife. I am God fearing too i have a job, and i make him happy always. All i want is for him to love, win his love at least for once

andromida:

May I suggest to you that you can turn things around for yourself? If you have been acting like a doormat and living for his love and approval stop right now. Put the focus on yourself,live for yourself. What do you like doing apart from work?
Do you have a support circle like sisters or friends you can keep company with?can u jog,take long walks anytime you feel unloved. Can you invest your time and energy in something that does not involve him that makes you happy?. Will you consider treating yourself like the queen you are.?Can u keep writng in a journal and keep working towards your happiness.

Remember before you met him your life was happy and didn't revolve around him. Can you work that magic again by loving yourself even while with him.

This i like thank u ma/ sir

Nashville:

You said he asked you to get pregnant and you agreed even though you did not think he loved you? So why get pregnant for him if you were not sure he loved you. Sorry I am just trying to get to the how things were from the beginning. May be he was just looking to raise a family and he was just going to marry any girl that could get pregnant for him.

Madam this is a tough one. I will suggest you plead and talk with him. Tell him how much you love him and how much this hurts you. Tell him how much it is bad for the family and see his reaction. Get his family involved if need be. It seems your husband doesn't love you if at all he ever did, and that is very difficult to change. In his head you are a baby factory and an evidence of his marital life. You need to let him know you are more than that and deserve better. Suggest counseling if possible but what he needs is a total mind shift.

If i tell u his mum is here now, and guess what she couldnt help.

Nashville: Sorry to hear about your issues but you said you rushed into marriage how? Was it that you didnt know him or you kinda trapped him with pregnancy? I am just trying to understand how your courtship was like and if he you had to fight to marry him.

First of all, there is no justification for what he is doing. I can also see that you are very dependent on him financially and he has little respect for you. Has he always been like this or he has just found a new sweet 16. Don't rush to do anything you might regret. I will not advice you leave your house as you have nowhere to go. Please talk to him again and talk to members of his family about it. See what they say and do pray for him to.

Am not dependent on him all around cos i work. I got pregnant b4 we got married cos he asked me to sir, not becos i saw that he loved me. He was really nice to me though an dat was all. But he is nice to everybody(Sad to hear but true). Now sir/ma i dont know if urs becos i got preggy he married me though thats how i see things now though. And i av no where to go back to cos my dad will nucely shut his door on me, and dats all i have

Gaggi: Your writing is poor. Most people read fantastic lying tales of marriage on NL and d next thing they start talking of how it is better to be single and such nonsense.
Life is tough. Being single Is tough, marriage is tough, going to work everyday is tough, raising kids is tough. Every thing in this life is tough and only the tough survive. Find out ways to make ur relationship or marriage work just like u would make ur job work.

I was crying while writing so ignore d mistakes.

chaircover: Its one of two things . . .Either He is not in love with you and therefore doesnt care if your feelings are hurt. (You say that you rushed into marriage with him and you have a baby for him. Maybe you were/are not be his first choice.

. . . . . Or he he does this because as you say, he knows that there is nothing you can do and no where to go and he therefore believes that he can do and undo and he lacks respect for you. This is easier to deal with that the first option I mentioned. You just have to change a few things. For example do you work? Do you bring anything to the table? Are you totally dependent on him in all areas?

You need to sit down with yourself and be very honest with yourself and think about things and how and why things got to this stage and with a clear mind work out what to do.

Ofcourse i work. I do all. But its hard to make him sorry.

swtchicgurl:

the bolded part really touched me. If you've submitted and done everything good, the next thing is to pray. are u a christian?

Yea ma i am, and i pray, wake up at night sometimes to pray for my home

Many times writing helps calm my spirit down. I am sad, heartbroken and unhappy.
Here is why.
I picked his phone dis morning,i do once a while. And i saw his chat with dis gurl. Dis gurl's chat i av always followed up cos i wasnt sure they r just friends. Its either he is asking her to call him, or asking really deep questions of eachother. Now 2day, i saw him saying he misses her but hard to say, or he wants to see her nd d worse, "my P is doing geezgeez as am chatting with you". I tried to confront him and ask him what kind of chat that was eventhough am nt sure it was d right thing to do. B4 i knee it he has twisted everything b4 me. Saying did i catch him cheating. Dat i dont av a point. And i rem d last time i saw his chat with this i asked him y they where dat close, he said shez his padi.
He is ere acting as if he did nutting wrong nt a single word of apology, he isnt sober. Am shedding tears nw nt even becos of what he did cos i know dats just a tip of d iceberg. But am sad now cos of d way am bin ignored by him. This same man i make love to like a LovePeddler just to keep him. I do all, i submit. Anyone would advice me not to leave my marriage cos of this, but right now i dont feel respectedaor loved, instead bin apologised to am blamed for picking his phone. How would i pass my message across that am sad, i av cried in front of him he ignored me bluntly. He knows am gulllible, he knows even if i pack out i av no where to go. Is dat y i get treated dis way. I was hurt nd i snapped at him , is dat y i dnt deserve anytin. Anyone will say dont leave ur house for another woman to come in is it not better to be a single mum without a man to stress ur life.
Single girls dis institution called marriage can be d worse night mare once u rush into it like i did, cos i loved him and i tot he did too

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Any clues on where i can rent chapman mugs and how much it will cost

Emmyk: Sure.

Okay. Very well understood

festivity123: how can u be sleeping wit ur cousine,is an abomination,u have to let ur parents knw abt it and face d shame instead of abortion then die and go to hell.

Y would u ask her to tell her parents. U r wicked. Let het abort again, die and go to hell. I think dats a better idea

silverdam:

[url]tosinsilverdam./2013/10/10/must-read-im-pregnant-for-my-cousin-again-after-2-abortions/[/url]

U r finished!!!

Is it okay for a married man to give a single girl who happened to be his friend money. Or is it okay for a single lady to ask a married man for money. Eventhough they are friends.

masonkz:

Lol. Then there's nothing to worry about.

Smiles. Thanks y'all

Jamey Maxwell: Lol
As far as I know, it means Sex

U people r sure good at scaring d 'shit' out of me. Let me put wat i saw in his own words "me i no go nack you apako, b4 you become bad tackle". He likes to rhyme with words though.

I saw this statement on my husband's bbm status."make i nac you apako" And i asked wat it meant. He said it meant "to scope" is it true or are there other definitions to this word?