by the way my names is Nicole

I don't mind u responding. I enjoy conversing with people. I have chosen to be a spritualist because my parent force fed me religion. My father is a Bishop and he has a few churches. My childhood was very restricted due to religion. I was a Sunday school teacher, choir director and a Youth Leader. I know the bible very well. People interpret the bible to their own understanding. Churches have rules based upon that. I feel that churches are unable to reach people due to the inability to identify with what goes on. How can you tell them that Jesus loves you and he can help you, if they don't or should I say are unable to comprehend the problems of real life. In order to uplift someome spiritually, you have to be able to uplift them mentally. I come from a line of Bishops and Pastors. My family is very religious. And I like you responding to my emails, through communicating people learn from each other. My motto is "If I can help somebody as I travel lifes' journey, then my living is not in vain". My family are all Christians. I guess they are suppose to be Chridst like. My father is obsessed with his churches. And both my parents negated the fact that they are parents and as a result my siblings and I experienced unecessary drama in our lives. My other siblings are unable to deal with certain things because of this. I learnt and as I got older I learnt. My parents kicked me out the house at 15 because I was pregnant. WHy? because the church didn't deem my actions appropriate. I was looking for acceptance and love, so I had a child. Interesting uh? Yeah that's why I'm a spritualist. And I have my own relationship with God. Many are called but few are chosen. Which one are you?

I dont believe in religion, I'm a spiritualist. And as far as internet dating, never thought about it.

I haven't given up on being inlove at all. I had a learning experience that has taught me quite a few lessons. Being inlove is a wonderful thing. Especially when the person you love, loves you back the same way. I'm not angry because I allowed this man to do the things he did to me. The pain I felt was because I allowed someone to be able to hurt me. I saw the signs, but I ignored them. Many females go into relationships thinking that they can change the man. I have learned that you have to accept people for who they are and if you can't let them go. I know that they are good men out there. And I also know that they are bad men out there also.

There's a saying, it's okay to look back where you are coming from, but its not good to live there. This means that I have overcame the pain, but I revisit that moment to remind myself that I deserve better. And to also make better choices to whom I give my love to.

thanks

Yes i was hurt. But I was just revisiting the pain. I no longer live there.

A prisoner of hurt with no time of release,
A prisoner due to love, that part of me is deceased.
Awaiting to fly away like a dove,
Awaiting to be released by true love.
Nothing but a great wall around protects my heart,
The aching of needing love tears me apart.
Tired of the pain, the lies, the deceit.
Will my heart forever be deceased?
Who will resuscitate my broken heart?
Who can I trust that won't tear it apart?
I once loved a man with all my heart,
He broke my heart and ripped it apart.
He said our son was his only nephew
Due to what he had on his venue.
I took care of this man with my all,
Bathed him when he couldn't walk.
I held his hand while he was in pain,
My loyalty and dedication was something he gained.
I now refuse to give my love to anyone that easily,
you have to earn it and it's worth it.
To gain my trust, my heart my soul
Is to gain a love like no other.
I am a prisoner looking for release
Awaiting that special man who is tired of deceit.
One who can love me without pride and conceit
One whom I can bare my soul with.
I am a prisoner looking for release,
Someone to revive my heart that is almost deceased.

People request honesty, but can they really handle the truth?
People beg for honesty, and request you to provide proof.
Honesty, honesty where are u?
Show yourself, prove  yourself
And they say I'm the fool.

When I decided to be honest and bare my soul,
I was doomed to ridicule and judgment and no one consoled.
Judged for my past in the present brings anger and pain.
Honesty, honesty what did I gain?

Nevertheless my heart is free and clear,
Nevertheless no more lies will I conceal.
Honesty, honesty my new best friend,
All my lies have come to an end.

No matter who wants to judge me for telling the truth,
I will no longer remain in that lying booth.
Honesty, honesty thank you freedom
In a world that cant handle the broken cycle of doldrums