@ op, the truth is it's not everyone that can do exclusive BF for various reasons.

Like many posters have already alluded to the fact that milk flow differs and low flow may not be able to sustain babies except you want a cranky, hungry and starved baby on your hand. I for one assumed that I will do exclusive atleast during my 3 months maternity leave. So while going for my first delivery I didnt bother to take infant formula with me. Unfortunately, there was no flow at all for the first 2 days. I was advised to keep my baby on the breast that milk will flow. It later did but the flow was very low. On the 3rd day my by has reduced from 3.6kg to 2.5kg all because I wanted to do exclusive. I had to resort to infant formula to augment it. Afterwards, I started taking lots of fluids ranging from pap, tea, kunu, millet mixed with moringa leaf, mention it, I tried all. Need I mention how I wasted money buying breast pumps both manual and electronic with the hope that it will help increase flow. Even with all my efforts and strategies I would nurse my baby at regular intervals for over one hour and immediately I remove her from breast she will start crying. Nobody told me before I accepted my fate that exclusive BF is not for me.

Just like the op, my hubby initially felt I was not trying hard enough. He too was insisting on EBF and was reading all manner of articles on it. He made sure a big bowl of pap/millet was made available every 2 hours. I drank all and increased my food intake but for where. He understood the situation when he realized baby would not sleep at night even after hours of nursing until I give infant milk. With my second baby, I didnt bother my head going through all the stress I went through in the name of exclusive BF.

Op, to allay your fears, babies fed with infant formula are also very healthy, intelligent and smart. I am a living witness to that. My kids only visit hospitals for immunization and routine check up and they are doing fantastically well. On a lighter note, if you are looking for pictures of babies for modelling,please contact me and I will gladly oblige you.

Cheers.

continuation.......
Ask for Change

If the relationship is in danger of deteriorating, a more active intervention may be needed. Use an approach I call assertive humility—clearly stating what you need by asking for help.

What to say: “I need your help. You’re a special person to me, yet I find myself wanting to avoid you. The reason is that every time we talk, I feel unhappy during the conversation and for a while afterward. It seems to me that you focus more on the negative than the positive, and that’s hard on me. Before I get to the point where I say something harsh or actively avoid you, I’d like to make a request. When we’re together, I need to hear about at least one thing that’s going right in your life. Would you be willing to try that?”

Dealing with Truly Toxic People

The above techniques work well with garden-variety pessimists. With even stronger toxic negativity, you need to take a different approach.

The toxic person isn’t looking for support but for control. He gains that control by throwing you off balance with upsetting, manipulative or irrational behavior.

You are dealing with a toxic person if he claims that his negative circumstances are your fault…goes beyond complaining to criticize or verbally attack you…twists your words so that you end up confused and frustrated.

Simple strategy: While the toxic person is ranting, look him in the eye neutrally and nonconfrontationally. When he’s done, pause for two to four seconds—a little longer than is customary in conversation. Then, in a matter-of-fact tone, say one of the following…

“Do you want to run that by me again?”

• “Would you say that to me again in a quieter voice?”

• “Do you actually believe what you just said?”

These responses work because they let the toxic person know that you are onto him and won’t be provoked into an argument or outburst.
Source: Mark Goulston, MD, psychiatrist, former FBI and ­police hostage negotiation trainer who has written numerous books, including Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone and Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the ­Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life. He cohosts the NPR show It’s Your Health. MarkGoulston.com

I hope this helps.....

How to Deal with Complainers, Whiners and Pessimists

Negativity is contagious. Even if you start off in a good mood, talking to a complainer or pessimist can turn a good day into a bad one.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to other people’s problems. Supporting each other through hard times is an important part of a good relationship. But talking through problems is different from the repetitive, unproductive negativity of chronic complainers. You know you are talking to a negative person when you feel tired during the conversation…you start feeling as powerless and victimized as he does…you notice yourself wanting to avoid the person because of the gloom that follows him/her around.

Most pessimists and whiners aren’t trying to ruin your day. In fact, they often aren’t aware of the negative ­effect they have on other people. After sharing their unhappiness, frustration or disenchantment with life, they feel temporary relief. They don’t consider the possibility that the behavior bringing them such relief causes other people to feel worse.

They also may not be aware that by venting their gripes, they alienate others, further increasing their loneliness and dissatisfaction and increasing their sense of powerlessness.

To protect your emotional health, it’s a good idea to minimize the time you spend with negative people. But if the complainer is someone you work with or is a friend or relative you care about, staying out of the person’s path may not be practical or desirable.

Several simple tactics can keep a pessimist from wearing you out. Some techniques work better than others depending on the person, relationship and situation, so don’t be afraid to experiment with different methods.

Important: Keep your tone matter of fact and pleasant. If your voice carries a hint of scolding, shaming or condescension, these strategies won’t work.

How to keep a complainer from dragging you down…

Quit Problem-Solving

The chronic complainer doesn’t want advice on how to improve his situation. He wants company in his downbeat view of the world. Even if he asks for your input, you are likely to wind up in a spiral where all your suggestions are rejected or lead to new complaints, and both of you will get progressively more annoyed.

Instead, ask in a friendly tone, “Are you looking for advice, or do you need to vent? If venting would be helpful, I can listen for five minutes. After that, I’ll have to do something else or I will wind up in a bad mood—and that won’t be good for either of us.”

Another option is to let the person complain for a minute or two, then say in a friendly tone, “Gosh, what a drag. What are you going to do now?” If the person says he has no idea or asks what you think, say pleasantly, “Hey, my advice only works for me. It’s your life, and I know you can figure this out. Keep me posted on how it goes.”

Deflect

Practice a few quick, light or even playful phrases that you can choose from to change the subject from negative to positive. Examples…

• “Wow, Mom, the doctor kept you waiting at the nursing home—sorry to hear it. What did he say is causing the pain in your hip?”
• “That does sound like something to complain about. Tell me something that’s going right. There’s so much negativity in the world, it’s starting to get to me, and some positive news would be a big help.”

• If you’re in a group that’s complaining: “Hey, everybody, we’re becoming a tad negative. Given the state of the world, we have more to be thankful for than upset about. Can we change the subject?”
Empathize

If you feel yourself being pulled into the other person’s negative view, say in a compassionate tone, “You’re doing a good job of helping me feel what it feels like to be you. I’m sorry you have to deal with all that.”

For a person who probably doesn’t receive many compliments and who feels alone in his unhappiness, this simple expression of empathy may provide the affirmation that he needs to let go of the negative topic for the time being.

I have been following this GHW stories and I have to confess that the scheme is really different from others. It is on a class of its own. Other similar scheme wouldn't have come out of the attacks of sabotages like that. Within a couple of weeks they came out with a fortified new site and spelt out available options for outstanding GHs. Clearly whoever is behind GHW is brainy and proactive. Thumps up, jor

Some men and double standard. Here is a link to how a man was told to handle his mother in law when he was in the same situation
https://www.nairaland.com/3282011/mother-in-law-visits-too-often-how#48385194 . But when it comes to a woman, they will expect her to stomach everything. This one was just visit o not staying permanently.

Wow, remembering those days makes me nostalgic and I can’t help but relive those times again. I so so much loved reading, it was my very best hobby. I would stay awake all night reading novels and even the ones my sisters brought home didn’t escape me, I read them with or without their permission. Read most of senior classes literature while still in junior class including almost all the books mentioned on this thread so far. Recalling.....

Shakespeare – Much ado about nothing, twelfth night or what you will, Merchant of Venice, Romeo and Juliet, As you like it, Macbeth

African novel – Arrow of God, Joy of motherhood, so long a letter, Things fall apart, Man of the people, weep not child, No longer at ease, Efuru etc

Pace setters – Evbu my love, stone of vengeance, sweet revenge, too cold for comfort, love on the rock, mark of cobra, the wages of sin, sisi, the concubine etc

I used to have special interest reading James Hadley chase – safer dead, not safe to be free, no orchid for miss Blandish, sucker punch, the vulture is a patient bird, knock, knock who is there?, the way the cookies crumble, have a change of scene etc

Mills and boom series is not left behind. Can’t even remember their titles anymore.

I never knew a time will come when other things will take over my love for reading. Those days.......

I appreciate you all for your responses.
@onegai, many thanks but I can't register her in a nearby crèche with help on stand by cos I will need her at home for when my older daughter closes from school.

@sayoddy, I just let her comment slide without reacting because I thought responding is not worth it and might make her feel more indispensable. I don't know if you understand though.

As it were self I only go to church on Sundays. But I will now make sure I use the hours in church to bond with her.

As regards the book sharing formula, I think mothers picking one by one with the books seen by all may be better (open ballot) rather than lucky dip. This gives almost equal chances to all. For instance, in the first round Mother A, B, C and D pick in that order then the next pick will be mother D, C, B and A in that order. This is for situation when all mothers are available.

@AlphaHandmaiden, thanks for your response. Yes I need to let somethings such as this slide but it hurts. I have to do a review of my activities.

In church, I belong to a unit where I have to stand for most part of the service. So LO still end up being with my help as I can't carry her while on duty. A couple of times that I sit with her, my HOD begs that I hand her to my help as we are very few in my unit. I'll have to look for a way to handle this.

Hmm... may God help me.

Hello mothers in the house, I will appreciate your advice on this issue. I also want to believe that I may not be the only one experiencing it, so mothers who have been there, how did you handle it.

I am a working mum and on the average I leave home 7am to come back 7pm. Hence, I have a stay-in help who I leave my baby with while I work. LO is now 9months. Recently, I noticed that sometimes when I'm with my LO and my help passes by, LO may start crawling after her. Or a times she may arch her back if I want to carry her while my help is holding her. I understand this may be as a result of the time they spend together. However, I have heard about babies crying for their nanny or a third party or preffering someone else carrying them to their mum and I don't want LO to get to that stage. Being a mother, it will surely break ones heart to think your baby prefers someone else to you.

On weekends, I have more time with LO and my older daughter but I also have other things to attend to - market, cooking, sometimes salon, outings etc. My Sunday self is busy with church activities. I also juggle work, family with studies.

Most times, when I get back from work I feel bad and guilty for my kids for leaving them in the care of someone else. But I have no option for now than to work, for the family's survival.

You can imagine how bad I felt when I overheard my help telling some people in church that my LO is very attached to her than to anyone else including me. My help is about 26years.

Has anyone being there? I didn't experience this with my first even though I had the same schedule. Once I walk in, she allows no one else to carry her. How best do I handle this o.
Should I be worried that she is getting attached to someone else other than her parent?

Well, I don't have personal experience with the clinic but I know Prof Oladapo Ashiru to be a renowned Obstetrician and Gynecologist with a specialty in Reproductive medicine -infertility treatment and assisted reproduction. I think he is the current President of the African Fertility society (the umbrella African society in that field).

Don't know much about the success rate of the clinic though.

Well done mothers in the house and father's too

---

. To even think this thread was started by a nursing father . May we all reap the fruit of our labour.

In view of the decay and ills in the society, let us continue to pray for our children that they should develop a keen sense of right and wrong and that they will truly abhor evil and cling to that which is good. And may we the parent have peace of mind concerning our kids. Amen

comtem2011:



I based in Keffi, Nasarawa state. any keffi mama in the house for the book?

Hello, I suggest you pair with Tojued. That makes 3 of you in that axis. Yours could be sent via a bus going to Keffi from Abuja.

Tojued:
Abuja moms pm me if interested in the books.

mukht:

I'm interested in the books.
Weldone @ Onegai and other mums keeping the thread alive.

Hello Mothers in the house! For all those interested in getting affordable children books, you may contact Mr Sylvester Omosun via watsapp on 09032730510. He is a writer and book seller based in Lagos. He sells in bulk- 50 pieces for N12,000. I have bought 2 batches from him and he sent the packages to me in Abuja. With the transportation I paid N14,000. He's got good and wide range of books including storybooks, bed time stories, christian books, pop-up books, etc He is reliable and you can also search for him on FaceBook.

Just let him know the range of books you want, the age of your kids etc and he will send them to you. Do contact him via Watsapp and thank me later.

In today's reality, women are really doing more than they get credit for. For me, it is not a biggie if a woman provides 50% so long the couple is good with it. Each family should foot their bills the best way they deem fit.

However, it is becoming worrisome that some men are becoming complacent and more demanding once they realize their wives are pulling their weight financially. I know a couple that the wife bears about 85% of the family expenses. She doesn't mind as she is more buoyant. She buys assets including a property using mr and mrs. She later got an additional property in her name and this has been causing an issue in the family. The husband is insisting that it should also be in both names because that is his decision as the head of the home. He presents the case as if a woman cannot buy anything in her name once she is married. I think this is going overboard. Compelling her is sending the wrong signal.

Women and pregnancy ! Who got them pregnant

Hmmm.... Cinderella inside Saloni. It is well. I wonder what Neil was looking at initially when Saloni got married to someone else. He surely understands Saloni better than everyone else. Even with the arrival of Uruvashi, Saloni's inlaws couldn't put the puzzle together that Saloni's behavior and disappearance has something to do with Uruvashi. Kudos to Kalveri for already thinking in that line, I guess being a villain herself she reads Uruvashi and her ways better.

I'm beginning to guess that the person Prunita(Bani)'s dad is seeing secretly is Jigyasa. I won't be surprised if she is the one.

@ Gaggi, since that is your opinion, I wish you all the best..... and please do well to groom your daughters and sisters in this light. Infact wake them up everyday with the talk 'Let her know women and sex are cheap to get.....' and also drum it into their heads that 'in case they get married, their husbands can get a side chick and the world would not end. Women were created to pleasure men. It's the right of any real man to always have a woman to take care of his needs'

Once again, all the best!

None of the above.






Like this?...... Yes

Elbizzcklinz:
I dont know what exactly to use as this thread subject.
* OP pls take this to front page
I had thought flowing on my mind and I had to share it to get views and opinions.
How does it feel, is it right for the woman you want to marry to support you, the man financially in wedding preparation.
This can be seen in the various situation:
-Where by the wife to be shows support without any need.
-where by the bill coverage is beyond the anticipated financial estimate of the man making him less bouyant to complete bills and wife to be assists willingly.
-Assumimg the man is 100percent sure of financial capability but unseen bill, expenses occurs leaving him with 40percent and wife to be supports with 60percent
What happens when things goes wrong after marriage, what becomes of the man.

Hmmmmm.... seems the groom to be is looking for a wife he will be able to maltreat and kick out with her Ghana must go if anything goes wrong with the marriage It's like he can't cope with a wife that is a financial contributor to the home.
Solution - Consider buying a wife that you can easily send out with her Ghana must go bag should the marriage go awry and make sure she has no say in your home.

Just joking sha. I guess some men are intimidated by financially supportive women. Different strokes for different folks........

What even got me pissed off while reading that thread Op is referring to was when he said he after the disclosure he felt as if his marriage just started and HE NOW SEES FUTURE WITH HIS WIFE and to add to the injury, he went further to say the wife is rich o. He passed across as a gold digger who didn't see any future with his wife not until ha knew her monetary worth.

Fine, there is nothing wrong if a wife willingly discloses her worth or changes her properties to a joint ownership but as the op rightly said, it shouldn't be forced. In the same vein, men alone should not be left to bear the whole financial responsibilities. Comments on NL gives that wrong impression that only men provide but in the real life where I live many women around me bear a huge financial responsibilities for their homes. It's a pity in Nigerian setting, the woman losses out if anything happens to the marriage (nobody prays for this though). But life happens!

Really, this is a difficult situation and I don't know the advice to give you. One thing I know is if I were the one I won't just forgive and pretended as if nothing happened. He was caught when the plan to do this was underway and he cried and begged (just as he is doing now) and promised to change and afterwards he still went ahead anyway. Many people will tell you to forgive but I don't know if I can.........

raumdeuter:


her dad was attacked by busybodies and never do wells who dont mind their business and she came to her dad's defence

if someone attacked your own dad for doing nothing wrong or illegal, what would you do?

or whats wrong with her dad marrying someone younger than herself

Donald Trumps wife is about 7yrs older than his first son yet no American is making a fuss about it

The wife is old enough to get married to anyone of any age in any culture

Donald Trumps has how many wives please? I guess the wife you are talking about is the 4th wife.... yes, No?

The op's argument here is not the age difference but the number of wives. Shikena

Is your aunt sponsoring your schooling? For me, I don't see why you can't combine bead making with schooling. Since, she want you to write jamb next year, fine, continue learning the bead making and start building your clientele base from now. Even while in school, you can still attract fellow students as customers. It's a very flexible business that you should be able to handle while schooling. Education is equally important even if you are going into business full time after NYSC. Although for now, you may have to hold on with the shop opening.

Before enrolling for jamb lessons, can you test run the cloth business from home?

-Checkmate
-The rich also cry
-Ripples
-Koto orun

Peeps in.....

My answer: because jobless men are on the increase

runs out.......

sallyopy:
lol, u think we r both under age right? anyway sometimes situation makes adult behave in a childish way. she has been married for over 15 years but on ttc.

15years!!! Wow, I now understand why you find it difficult to put her in her place. Just tread carefully and watch over your child. Don't let sentiments and pity push you into doing what is detriment to the bond that should exist between you and your child.

Her friends in question, do they actually believe that the baby is hers? Do you both live together for now. If she only does this while you go on visit, it could be bearable but if you both live together you have to set boundaries. I mean who dictates to a mother when to breastfeed or not!

Just wondering who is older between the two of you and if you don't mind my asking how old are you both?

Hi,

If you have the money, go for IVF and if that does not work you may settle for legal adoption

Yustash001:
I don't think African kids can do this.....at the sight of the statue...they'll start screaming...

Not true, at least not the kids I know.

Kids can be so funny and their innocence can be very refreshing. Wish everyone has a heart so clean and devoid of wickedness, the world would have been a better place.

kurupt1:
. So in ur mind lucifer was successful or even adolf hitler?na wa oo

Eh ya, so much for the comprehension classes in primary and secondary school.

What he actually meant is that even good kids could turn out bad later on. Those examples he mentioned seemed good initially but later changed course.

What cruelty! Watching your child gasp for breathe and she stood there waiting for locksmith. Who should have smashed the screen first if not the mother.

A case of love of material things over life. Sad

Who knows?? Maybe the child is not hers!

cococandy:
Whenever he leaves his clothes lying around unwashed, ignore them.
When he has no more clean cloths to wear, he will go find them in the laundry room and wash.

Highest thing he will do is report you to folks back home. E no pass like that.

Bellong's idea is smart. Connive with a neighbor to call the cops on him for disturbing the peace just once and he will forever tone it down.

As for dishes well. I don't know how you can handle that as he may keep piling the dishes until you run out of space in the sink.

Can you tell him to just put his dish in the dishwasher after each meal.

Just take it easy and Don't stress your baby too much.

Dealing with the cloth issue is very easy, just ignore them and if his clothes keep piling up, nobody will tell him to do the needful. For the plates, tell him to wash up after himself and that you wouldn't want your kids to pick up the habits of leaving plates in the zinc. Let him know that whenever he wakes your kids he will put them back to sleep. It's better you set the boundaries now before your home becomes unbearable for you. I am sure he is also testing his limit to know how far he can get away with his behavior so it's left to you and your husband to let him know your rules. At least if he is not willing to help, he shouldn't add to your burden.