Ascony:
do u actually believe that masturbation is a lesser sin than real sex?
cos i dont see any reason why u masturbate and still deprive yourself of real intercourse with a woman.
you are already 'sinning' so why not sin proudly

No, it isn't. I'm fighting to get out of it, why take another step of no return?

ilyasom:
everything you mentioned above are effects of long term masturbation. i can help you quit it if you contact me. Go to reddit and search for nofap forum. its a forum designed to help ppl struggling with the addiction. send me a message on my email ilyasomeiza@yahoo.com.

Sent you a PM sir

Moboj:
Nairaland members are worse than sidechicks,they break homes and relationship with crazy judgments ;Dpeople already saying leave her alone,Op Biko go and meet mad man,he'd have possibilities amidst his jagonz

Lol. I needed the beating to get my head back on track. I know I've messed up big time, so I'm not overly surprised by the responses I'm receiving. And I know what it's like on nairaland, ur cry for help is ignored in favor of a display of self righteousness by many, but you'd still find a few good advice. These are the ones I seek. I'd have spoken to someone close but it's rather very shameful and I'm not sure who I'd tell that won't judge me. This is safer... and honestly, I've gotten some useful advice here.

phyllistas:
Mm does this thing of no sex before marriage still exist ?

Lol... It does. We just don't wear it on our chest cos it's off-putting. But we exist. Sadly, I'm currently neither here nor there

oneolajire:
And you may be claiming "born again". See, NYSC will soon be over and everything will look like a movie to you. NYSC season is one of the shortest seasons of your life. You are engaging in relationship like unbelievers would do. You've learnt too little about christian sexuality and that's why you are still struggling with masturbation. Who are those mentoring you in your relationship? Seems you don't have one. The issue on ground concerns you more, not the lady. You seems too emotional, just 22 years old and already making marriage conclusions that you may not have soon. Get yourself a mentor that will teach you christian sexuality and relationship. ‎

I'm not sure I understand you sir. I haven't said I intend marrying her, I believe time will have to tell. I just don't want to continue doing anything stupid before marriage.

No, I'm not in the born again crew. I believe every one is free to make a decision about how they want to live. I don't berate others for not holding on to the same principles as me. If you engaged me in a discussion, you'd hardly know I don't believe in sex before marriage, cos I love my discussions clean without any holier than thou whatever... In fact, the few that hear my stand doubt it's sincerity, that's how free I am. But my fear is that I don't wanna lose my values, values I've held on to for so long... Yet, I don't wanna break her

Yes, I agree I'm a very emotional person. But I'm not sure how it applies here?

Avedonn:


You don't believe in sex before marriage, but you romance your girlfriend, she carry out BJ on you, you even checked the her vj to confirm it's authenticity.

So what makes you different from those that engage in premarital sex.

In my opinion they are even better than you because they are sinning and also enjoying but in your case, you are sinning and still torturing yourself by constantly checking the cover of your girlfriend's VJ whether is open or sealed. If it's sealed, you'd then node your head and close it back while salivating without eating.

I agree with you. I have never done that with a girl before, cos my conscience doesn't carry it. When we first started and she began getting all touchy, I told her I wasn't in for a sexual relationship. However, we can't stay in the same room alone without her getting all touchy, and when I turned her down initially, she cried. I hate to see her cry. She seems ready to give it all to me, but I don't want it this way.

So, to prevent her tears and/or sulking I flow with it without going too far. Sadly, my boundaries have been extended with each act. With each act, my conscience seems more dead than before... And so it goes further each time. I want it to stop completely, but I don't know how to do that without offending her. And then I decide to please her, but my mind ain't fully in it, so I just can't... And that makes her angry as well. I'm seriously not sure what to do. I'm not in the least sure of myself again. I want to avoid her altogether, but that causes trouble between us. I'm just so torn in my head right now.

olac21:
No manners at all from a supposed Corp member!
Now we know our destination!

highqueen:

you lack manners.

C'mon he threw the first blow. I'm frustrated here. I find it difficult talking about my masturbatory tendencies cos of the shame I feel after it. I know how much effort it took me to come clean to my momma back then, just so I could get help. The opening post on the thread made it clear it disturbs me deeply... I just didn't want to get into details here.

His post just made it seem as though I glorified the act, carefully ignoring the questions I asked and the help I sought. That's totally uncalled for if you ask me. Either way, I'd edit the insult off my comments. I know it won't edit it in your quotes but that satisfies my conscience.

banjicom:


in as much as you try to hide it masturbation is definetly one of the things causing issues between you and your girl. Long term masturbation has its own side effects and that is definetly what you are experiencing right now.

2. As for telling her to take away the Sexual edge of the relationship It won't be easy bro you shouldn't have started what you can't finish in the first place. My advise for you is to start giving her a little bit Of space most especially avoid been alone with her and talking dirty, make her understand you really love her but you are still working on yourself right now and there will be plenty of Sex For you in the future.

Thank you very much. I goofed. I normally don't let any sexual occurrence begin with any girl, but it happened with this girl somehow. I'm still battling masturbation tho. Sometimes I'm very successful for a month or so, and then something happens and all of my efforts crumble all over again. I really don't know how to put an end to that habit; Nothing seems to work.

apholaryn:
hypocrite..d dude was ryt abt u

Look, I know it's hypocritical to condemn sex before marriage and at the same time practice masturbation. I really do. I intended creating a thread for that practise but I thought to deal with this first. Note that it's not every thing that becomes a habit that is appreciated. Trust me, I've tried many times to stop that, I just haven't been able to.

If you do have anything to say about the opening post then that will be appreciated.

Flamezzz:
A virgin masturbating because you believe that sex is for married people but masturbation is for single niggas right?
Na Archbishop go cure your craze

I said it was a bad habit I picked up... One that I'm trying to conquer. That doesn't mean I like it. I've tried getting help severally, even reporting myself to my parents when it first started, but I haven't been able to get past it. In no way did I insinuate that I'm proud of masturbation up there.

P.S: This post has been modified to make it less insulting. My initial response which you will find in quotes below was rather emotional. Please do not take it personally, and do not let it prevent you from giving me mature help and advice. The posts below concerning my hypocrisy might also go some way to shed light on this comments.

Please this might be a little lengthy but bear with me, everything here is needed to get the story out and ask my questions. Thank you.

This will go down as one of the most embarrassing moments of my life and I'm deeply confused. But before I go on, I'd love a quick intro.

I just created this moniker to chronicle all of my confusions and to feel free asking for help without any of my friends here tracing them to me. I'm 22 and a serving Corp member. I'm a hustler and I can say I'm doing fairly well for a Corp member.

I am still a "virgin" iff that term can be loosely applied to someone who masturbates. I'm deeply disturbed by my masturbation, but that is not the purpose of this thread.

I recently met a girl - also a Corp member - whom I'm really, really fond of. However, I strongly believe that sex is for marriage (I'm a devoted Christian) and so I have always stayed away from it. With this girl tho, we get frisky a lot. I shared my first kiss with her, and we've since gotten more intimate than I'm usually comfortable with. Sadly, that doesn't help my desire to stop masturbation as I always do that after making out with her. When doing so, I imagine all we had done and it gets me off.

However, this is where it gets embarrassing. When making out with her she sometimes gives me a head. Despite all of her efforts tho (and she is sincerely really good), I can't get myself to remain aroused. No, my hands don't give me half the sensations I get from her mouth, but it still doesn't matter as I just can't remain aroused enough to get off as is the case when I'm by myself.

Today was the very worst as I kept shrinking rather than edging towards release. It angers her cos she believes I don't want her, or how else does she explain it? She feels if I wanted her as much as she wanted me that it would be different. I know my conscience pricks me while we're at it but I don't know if that is the cause. She says I think too much about it... but I can't help the thoughts. Now I'm torn.

I need to know just two things:
1. Is it my 'plenty thinking' that's hindering me when with her? I've already put away most of my inhibitions to get that far with her, but I can't seem to go further. And I don't really think I want to.
2. How can I tell her to take away the sexual edge of the relationship without coming across as offensive, and without confirming her belief that I don't want her?

P.S: Before you begin bashing the lady, note that she is also a virgin. Her vagina is still very much sealed. I doubted that at first, but I've seen it and... So I know. I don't want to lose her but I don't want to go so far either...