Bump lol

There is NO JUSTIFICATION for what he did. I don't care if the wife was sleeping with his uncles and brothers. You don't kill innocent kids. If he wanted to kill, it should have been himself only.

Was getting a divorce so bad? He could have found another woman to have a relationship with.

Only reason he did this is to make sure she suffers for the rest of her life. if he only killed himself, she would have moved on with her kids. And he killed himself so he wouldn't face any consequences. Just a POS. His wife cheating pales in comparison to killing 2 innocent kids.

archintunde:
After several months of break up for some reasons best known to her (cos i dint kn d reasons why she jilted me)she hurt me seriously...Recently,she sent me a msg on whatsapp nd started givn me some kind gestures which i interpreted to be a love gesture.she even told one of my closest frnds dat she stil loves me despite our break up bt she is in anoda relationship wit anoda guy.To b honest,i stil hav a soft spot for her bt m stil doubtin ar. . .UR ADVISE WILL B APPRECIATED PLS

As a woman from a different culture, if she left you for someone else, don't take her back.

For one, if she loved you so much, why would she leave you for another man?

Two, she is with someone else. Seems like the relationship isn't working out for her as she thought, so she is going to you for back up.

Three, if you accept her back, she will likely not have respect for you because she knows she got you wrapped around her finger. And who is to stop her from leaving you for another man again?

It's your life but expect to get hurt again if you accept her back.

Ebuka2016:



hope you have money to give because most of them will not agree if you are just chyking dem for the first time and then you say this

they go just slap your face oo

lol. I am from America. You would be surprised...As someone with brothers and male colleagues, for some women, it doesn't take much to have sex with a man. Some women you literally just need to be cute and have good game.

I would smash any hot girl, but I would be REAL about it and say I am not looking for anything serious.

Damn, she will never live this down. IDK how conservative South Africa is but this will always follow her.

At least if you're gonna cheat, don't take pics.

People don't take marriage seriously anymore. I'm about to stay single forever,lol.

Original thread: https://www.nairaland.com/4252296/dating-nigerian-man-having-doubts

I planned on updating but been busy with school and work. Well, I can admit out of anger and hurt I posted him on a cheater website back in Jan. I basically made a post about my experience and warned other women to be wary of him. I also insulted his manhood, yeah immature, moving on...

You have to realize when I visited him out of state, that was the first time we were intimate. Even though I requested for condoms to be used, he never used any, even though he had some at hand. This made me concerned and nervous because I don't want to risk getting pregnant or contract an STD. I even told him I was concerned and at the time he basically said "F* it." And when I asked what he meant, he said, "Abortion." So, he didn't even care that I was concerned. And for someone who claims to be somewhat religious, to think of abortion as nothing is hypocritical.

Anyway, shortly after I posted on that website and blocked him. Last month, basically 3 weeks later after I made that post. I checked my Blocked voice message list and he left me a message basically saying I am a bad person, and threatened to file a lawsuit against me. Saying he could defame me too. Even threatened to use his position in the military against me. Told me to remove the post and that I can call him or not, to discuss this matter...

I called him and told him he was messed up for ghosting me. However, he did provide proof that he was in Nigeria. Still, it doesn't change the fact that he ghosted me, and though it was ok to not remain in touch. Also, the fact he left me a message when he found about the post I made about him, but couldn't bother getting in contact before. He actually said, "I see you called me twice but I was no where around." BS, so you like a woman but couldn't call or text back once?

My lawyer friend, who is also Nigerian said straight up, that he was just trying to get laid and lying to do so. And also thinks it's BS that he couldn't try to stay in touch all that time.

Anyway, I said he is the evil one to use a woman for sex and he replied, "That's not true, I have no problem getting girls, blah blah." But the phone call was mainly him being the victim. He didn't even try to apologize or answer to why he ghosted me or felt it was ok to have sex with me w/o a condom.

Even though everything I said was true on that website, I felt a little bad and tried to have the post removed to no avail. On those cheater websites, they don't remove a post unless you have a court order.

I even tried to have my lawyer friend help out but guess what? Another woman commented my post and posted his picture in his military uniform and confirmed the same thing as me. She said that he is a selfish player who strings women along and he pretends to be a good man, but is like the rest.

With that, I told my lawyer friend don't bother helping him.

For a few weeks since, the Nigerian basically kept texting me saying I am such a bad person, how he hates me and how I ruined his life. Yet he is still on the dating website where we met, so how ruined can your life be?

I am no longer mad or even disappointed. In life, sometimes you win some, and sometimes you lose some. It could have been worse. I could have gotten pregnant or caught an STD. I didn't do anything wrong, I was honest and open from the jump. And I accept that who he presented himself to be is a farce.

I am just going to use this as a life lesson to make sure this situation doesn't happen again.

Another mini update:

So, the older Nigerian and me are still hanging out or shall I say dating? He invited me to go out of state with him to visit his daughters. He was married before but has since been divorced for 5 years. I declined for obvious reasons. I am talking to other guys as well. I don't plan on being loyal to any man unless he is my husband. I ain't gonna be sleeping around but I am not taking any man serious.

As for the Nigerian of this thread, I sent him a message last week on his dating profile that if he wasn't looking for anything serious, he should have been upfront and to delete the selfie pics I sent him, and I will return the favor. I have a setting on my profile that lets me know if people read your message and apparently he read it today, but never replied.

How someone can call themselves religious and claim to "treat people the way I would want to be treated" yet ghost on a nice woman, who is educated, attractive and went out of her way to see you. Wow. Most guys go crazy for me,lol.

I will be fine and am doing fine, but I am still surprised he pulled this stunt.

Turn off in a Man:

Traditional yet open-minded

Tall

Educated/well spoken

Romantic

Big expressive eyes

Turn off:

Short

Bad teeth

Promiscuous

Baby Daddy

Small eyes

Cheap

Ghetto/low class

Just a little update:

This other Nigerian who I know via my school has given me signs he is interested in me. Since me and the Nigerian who ghosted me is off the table. He has been forward and states he likes me and will wait however long. Has been calling me and texting everyday. Says how other Nigerian is messed up to ghost on me. We went to dinner as friends, and he basically acted like my man the whole night. Even other people around us thought he was my man and said he clearly likes me.
I’m not really attracted to him and he’s 42 so he’s older than me. But I’m considering settling and giving this a shot, maybe not now but in a few months?

He even wants to marry me, lol. And yes he has been in this country long. He’s actually a lawyer. But I don’t really believe men anymore so who knows.

At this point, I’m not taking any of these men seriously. This white guy I dated before said he missed me and apparently wants to get back in touch. He was actually a njce guy and even told his mother about me, so I think he’s genuine. He’s a little bit younger than me, but maybe I should date him too, lol.

analyser:
I've read your topic from the get go,you seem to have made your decision already,but i want to share you a story about an online relationship i had recently,before i start,i apologise on behalf of those people who made unnecessary nasty comments on here.
so,one time i was on facebook i saw some funny posts on krakstv and gossipmil,and i was on a spree of making insanely funny comments which got a lot of likes,comments and friend requests
one of which was a beautiful Botswana police officer,we got talking on oct 18 of this year and we were soo into each other she wanted to come to Nigeria,so it was all bliss and fairytale until she began to distance herself from me,she'll come online see my message buh won't reply,it almost pissed me off,cos she always told me i'lld have to get used to her "texting fast and asking a lot of questions",but i said to my self
"maybe it's her 24/7 police job she can't be texting on duty or maybe she needs time,cos i'm currently in Nigeria and she is in far away Botswana" i texted her and i did'nt get the sweet reply i expected on her whatsapp,until 8 days later she said hello on facebook messenger like nothing happened,i asked her what's going on,she said she thought i was distancing my self from her,i told her i was'nt,that i love her, already,and she replied "you see where will you take that love" and then i said we were going to talk about the distance sometime,we kinda got talking again,but she went back to ghost mode again, but then it dawned on the both of us that we should let go,so we called it quits

Now to your topic,i don't know what's wrong with him but anyone who claims to love you will always find a way to be in touch with you,irrespective of the time and environment forget the whole baldadash of he's celebrating Christmas,an average Nigerian sends everyone on their friends list a "Merry Christmas message"for someone who he claims to love,he should'nt miss that out,but one thing you need to know is him wanting you to come to Nigeria does not define love,i've had a female friend from another country fly in to visit without any thing really intimate going on,i'm glad it dawned on you that there is a low probability of this relationship working,cos even in the USA you both don't live in the same state.

But you might still need to be open minded in relation to him opening a new dating account,my facebook account was once hacked and the hacker,actually made active use of my account he even opened pages with my account,liked posts,commented,deleted me and fellow admins of a 70,000 member group on facebook i was co-heading,so he might have not been the one to open that account

We don’t love each other, I did like him and I thought he did too. Well, he does live in my state but seemed he moved. He did mention how it would be fun to live together and how if I lived here he wouldn’t be bored. If we were dating for like 4 more months or more, I would have considered moving in with him. As I thought he wanted to settle down like me.

Nonetheless, if someone likes you, they keep in touch.

Anyway, a lesson learned. I’m just glad it was 2 months and not 2 years or 20 years I wasted ha ha

WebSurfer:

All I can see from your write ups is simple , you miss him , you miss sex , but you’re more interested if he feels thesame..


Don’t worry, he’ll be back to give you that after the holidays and you’ll be both fine

I’m over it but thanks; I will be fine

analyser:
In regards to the voice mail it's not just you,as you saw your friends number was redirected to voicemail as well,i hope you're not too emotional though,one thing i need to let you know is "don't let anyone make you seem desperate" stand up high and be strong,and please i beg you not to stereotype all other Nigerian men for the mistake of one.

you seem to be a Nice person i pray you settle with someone who will come to know your worth.

Thanks hun�

I actually have another Nigerian who is interested in me. He works at my school. But he’s older than me, in his early 40s. I’m not interested but I wonder...

We shall see what happens but I’m keeping my options open.

CuteCp:


madam...if he isn't into u...he would never have invited u to his country to see his mom....i think he's proud of you and was willing to show u off but u blew it....women u guys are too forward. so because he didn't reciprocate ur text on time u feel he isn't into u...someone that isn't into u will never bring u to see his parents....we Nigerian men.. .bringing our girlfriend to see our parents is a big deal to us...all I'm saying is that u were too forward to jump into conclusion....so if u think he doesn't like you. .just wait 4 d next guy to wooo you n let this one slide...best of luck

You're so right, he is so into me that he made a new dating profile! He is so into me that he hasn't responded since Friday. My fault.

Bidobado:


For a start, there's no where in this world where ignoring someone is cultural or perceived as such, anyone who told you that lied.
Secondly, I've realised that when people travel back home, they usually find it hard to stay in touch with people overseas due to many reasons..example, unstable electricity means people can't charge their phones as they would wish to.
You also have family members who might wish to see you or for you to come to them.
However, having said that, it is NOT AN EXCUSE for your boyfriend to completely ignore you like that, unless he's busy with a side chick somewhere.
You nailed it when you admitted to not dating a man of high morals, maybe that's where your problems started, IN YOUR CHOICE OF A MAN..
I am married to a carribean woman, 15 years still going strong, if they love you, they give you everything.

You know my aunt went overseas to visit her country. And the connection there is bad, especially since they were hit by a tropical storm, but she still managed to find a way to contact my mom and let her know how she's doing.

I didn't know he was NOT of high moral before I dated him. He seemed to be traditional and seemed like a decent guy, but clearly he was love bombing me to get what he wants.

I guess in my part, I should have listened to the red flags such as the jealousy. And him wanting to move on so fast when he barely knows me. In that part, I can take responsibility for. Next time, if a guy tries to move too fast, I will let him go.

That's life.

Bidobado:


Don't listen to this shyte..and asking random strangers for their opinions on social media about your private life is a mistake.
Only you can tell if he's a faithful person or not, is he your first ever date??.
And why does a Nigerian man have to prove heaven and hell to a woman before she believes, but somehow you people can come and go as you like and we are to take you for face value. You have a lot to prove too.

I never dated a Nigerian man before. I know when dating someone from a different culture, there are certain nuances that one may experience because of cultural differences. Initially when I made this post, I wanted to know if him ignoring me was perhaps cultural. And many in here did say wait. But my instincts told me otherwise.
Second, no one knows me on here. I assume most people on here are from Nigeria?? While I’m from America. Third, even if someone found out my identity here I have nothing to be ashamed of. I didn’t lie or do anything illegal or immoral.

Also, you’re making assumptions the man I dated was someone of high morale. When he clearly isn’t. He asked to be exclusive, saying specifically, “I like you, I want you to be my girl.” Regardless if what issues were or are going on, there is no excuse for him creating a new dating profile or ghosting on me.

I have nothing to prove as my actions matched my words. I was honest about my intentions from the get do. I was consistent in my effort and interest level.

Anyway, I’ll be fine. I’m still young, attractive and educated and hopefully at the right time, I find a good man to appreciate that.

I’m fortunate this was only 2 months of my life.

RSVP:




I actually don’t think he even went to nigeria. I think he used it as a way out.
TRUE


He knew I wasn’t going to come to nigeria. And used that as a way out. And this man has 3 sisters!

This dude is just a disgusting liar Very true

It's obvious dude is pvssy thirsty.

Forget that idiot and move on!

Thanks, finally someone sees it the way I do!

emoch:
Nothing kills a relationship faster than Assumption and Expectations.

Give him an excuse and only conclude when he gives an explanation as to why he wasn't responsive.

Wow, unbelievable, isn’t it obvious? He was playing games and ghosted me. If your daughter or sister went through this, would you be telling them to wait around for a response?

If you like someone, you don’t treat them this way. That’s universally known.

Anyway, even if he came back, which I doubt he will, I don’t want him anymore.

Waffarianman:



Take it easy never call him a liar yet, still try to call to know what's wrong with him okay.

as I said I called him and straight to voicemail.

He led me to believe we were exclusive but created a new dating profile.
He probably didn’t even go to Nigeria.

He never contacted me since he allegedly left but yet he wanted us to live together and to meet his family. But when he was in Florida and I was here he had no issue contacting me daily.

I may be naive at times but I’m not dumb or blind.

My ex who I was with for 4 years. If I left the country to travel, I would stay in touch him. He did the same for me when he went out of state to travel. Just to show each other we have each other on our mind.

Waffarianman:



What I mean you should and try call him no matter what to settle your difference even though you guys comes from different country.

I did call from my phone and it went straight to voicemail. I used someone’s else phone and it went straight to voicemail.

Anyway, nothing more to say. There is nothing to settle. He was playing games and ghosted me.

dasparrow:


Most Nigerian men are terribly misogynist. Are you sure that is what you want? Take a look at Nairaland's homepage/front page. There are two threads of Nigerian husbands who killed their wives.

Women who marry Nigerian men don't always have a voice especially in Nigeria. Many are maltreated and cheated upon and infected with STDs by their husbands and the Nigerian society expects them to put up with it.

As the wife of a Nigerian male, you get blamed for everything that goes wrong in his life. I personally will not wish for any of my female kids to marry a Nigerian male because I don't wish to have to bury any of my daughters.

Just be careful because prevention they say is better than cure. Follow your intuition.

I appreciate your insight. As for him, he seemed like a nice guy. Key word, seemed. He is born in America but has lived in Nigeria. He seemed open minded.

I probably won’t date a Nigerian again because I noticed the ones who pursued me bring up marriage and kids up way too soon for my liking. Perhaps that’s cultural but that makes me uncomfortable. I find Black American men to be a better match for me, that’s what I normally date. I don’t even date men from my culture.

I don’t think all Nigerian men are bad because of this experience by the way.

Waffarianman:



Babe 4get all D's ur Mara try call DT dude mak una settle una mara. If you dey form porch e go tire u o remember na woman u b... Cool dwn 4 Jesus, na inside life life dey... I gerarahere

I don’t understand what you are saying. I’m not Nigerian.

Waffarianman:




One thing I see here is this. This guy want to take you to Nigeria to see he's families and friend but you decline and secondly he called to see you before leaving but you never show up... You reason d Mara hw e b u

Try call ahm to settle una difference

He likely isn’t even in Nigeria. And he never called to see me before he left. He never even asked to see me before he allegedly left. He never even wishes me a merry Christmas but has time to create a new online dating profile?

Bottom line he’s a liar.

IamLaura:

Hi dear I've been following this conversation and I have one question for you
Are you a Taurus?

Nope.

BigdaddyPR:
While he was immature about the whole thing, I think the defining moment for him was when you gave a negative answer to his request to come to Nigeria which is understandable because the relationship was just 2months, if you had gone with him, then of course you both would be in Nigeria now and you wouldn't have to worry about all of these other than to build your relationship.

He probably thought after your reply there won't be a need to go to Nigeria again and he stayed put.

This perhaps is one of the assumed logical reasons why he should still be in the states, otherwise this makes absolutely no sense on his part considering how old he is.

Don't sweat much on it, if he won't communicate well this early in the relationship then of what use is all the future talks.

I actually don’t think he even went to nigeria. I think he used it as a way out.

For instance he said Kevin heart was coming to Florida December 31 when he is suppose to be in Nigeria. If you’re in Nigeria why even mention this.

He knew I wasn’t going to come to nigeria. And used that as a way out. And this man has 3 sisters!

His family is in Nigeria so there would be a reason to go. This dude is just a disgusting liar.

GameKartel:
i don't mean to object or generalize on the notions that too much emotions from our love interest scares us away, you are a nigerian like myself and not everyone would act like this inconsiderate but cum to think of it, that relationship was already falling apart the moment she came back from FL, l think. that proposed get away trip to go along with him; barely two months into the flint, to naija was just a prank. An opportunity for him to want out! Nothing more. his dating mannerism is out-dated, that's not a cool way to bolt

Yeah, it isn’t cool at all. That’s what makes me upset. I’m a nice person and was genuine from get go. And he’s 35 years old! He should have been honest. I don’t think he went to Nigeria either. His Facebook doesn’t even indicate that he went to nigeria.

alexialin:
Op, be patient but remember if you are dating a Nigerian man don't be too emotional and be easy going about it.

Too much emotions scare them off. What am. I even saying Sef? As in emotions of I love u die! Scares them off.

Relax, do your thing. Make yourself happy. He will come back to u later.
Worrying will just make u sad. Remove your mind and do your thing.
One day u will receive a call from him, trying to make up. That's how most are.

And if he's yours for keeps? With time u will know and be decisive about your decision about him

I was easy going about it! I wasn’t the one asking him to live with me, or asking to come to nigeria with me or asking to be exclusive. Remember I was dating 2 other guys at same time.

I don’t expect a call from him or want him anymore.

chaarly:


you will dear.
and you know, there are some things that happens to us that we don't really deserve but I heard my pastor one day saying. . 'if it doesn't happen to you then who should it happen to? if u check it out, the setbacks we have at some occasions in our life are often times not compared to the comebacks we later achieve.

one thing is certain, you don't have to bother yourself. what's yours is yours, what's not is not!

Happy Holidays

Thanks hun, you too. I appreciate it. Because this legit spoiled my mood. Hopefully one day I can find a real man who doesn’t play games and is sincere.

Write2018:
Follow your heart

I wasn’t in love with him ha ha. I did like him. And was thinking it could work out long term.

I wanna believe this is a misunderstanding and hope he contacts me to clarify things but deep down I know this is it. It is what it is. I’m sure in a month I’ll be over it.

GameKartel:
@Corps1000, i would assume you were somewhat into him even if you dont admit it in your own way. relationship is tough and it sucks everywhere, cutting across all forms and cultures and all that. i guess you guys shared a kind of chemistry that has now nudged to him using some physics mechanism to distant his feelings from you. i 'm thinking like an engineer, lol ;like when one wants something to happen fast fast or wants things to go his way as expected and evenually they don't; one would kinda feel he aint that doing enough or caught out for it thus; the feeling of doubts set in. These is just the natural instinct i feel as a man. but it might be different for some perhaps. you did your part by flying over to see him, perphaps your first. but i think u deserve a bit of closure from him to say the least. Thank God you didnt travel along with him to my wow country bcuz that was the litmus test to actually bolt out of the relationship. wait a min, barely 2months and he wants you to make the ultimate sacrifice.

Regardless, he’s a coward for not being Real. I did like him. I’m very cautious and don’t trust men and flew to see him, something I won’t ever do again unless it’s a husband.


I’m not a child he should have been real. I would have had more respect if he ended it outright.

But yes he asked me to travel with him to Nigeria and stay with his family. Now I’m thinking it was just game.

At this point, he’s dead to me.it was only 2 months of my life and I have a long life to live.

Thanks for the advise hun!

chaarly:



guess he isn't man enough after all. maybe he couldn't stand telling you in your face and just wanted things to unfold just the way it did so you'll get the message. and its not handwritten on the wall my dear. . he wrote it on your face. lol. move on, it's 4days to the New Year.
all this rubbish should end this year!

I guess so but it's messed up. I am a nice person and don't deserve this

And it's like why on the last day he ask me to come to Nigeria with him, which it seems he didn't go anyway. Like, just end it at that point. Loser.

I guess everyone can't be man enough. I dated an Indian guy for 1 month and I didn't see a future. I contacted him and told him our culture is too different and I wish him luck in finding a decent woman. I could have ghosted but I try to treat people the way I want to be treated.

Oh well.

Taking a break.

And you're right, soon enough i will forget about him.

pryme:


Religious Ppl? Am very very weary of them. My only worry now is that, if you will take this out on the next guy.

I am NOT religious. Actually told him that from get go. He says he is kinda religious because he tried to go to church. But I should have known it was BS. I grew up in the church and a lot of people are hypocrites, a small part of why I stopped going to church. But that's another story.

But he told me he smokes weed once in awhile and of course having sex. If he was religious, he wouldn't even do those things. In fact, when I was religious, I didn't do any of those things. And I even told him about it and he said we are natural sinners, he didn't seem upset that he sinned or anything. So, seems his religious thing is BS too.

I won't take it out on the next guy? Or I hope not but the dating culture in America sucks. There are decent woman like me who are faithful, relationship minded nice women and we get bleeped over.

But I think I am going to take a break from dating. I am just disgusted. So many times this dude talks about marriage and settling down. Saying he isn't trying to play games. But I guess I ignored red flags. Like, why would an attractive engineer who is educated need online dating? I guess people can say same thing for me. But men usually pursue, with the good school he goes to and everything, he couldn't find a decent girl? And you know since I came back from FL, he didn't intiate contact like he use to.

I can say that I will never fly out for any man unless he is my husband, no more taking risks.