Wow this is so not the end I expected for this little boy s case

baby124:
Always tell kids the truth in a way they understand. It saves you a lot of stress. Lies never make sense to the intelligent ones and they will keep asking questions that can almost make you commit. Tell them their dad is in heaven and looking out for them from there. Tell them you do not have a lot of money but are trying your best.
Tell them things are hard in the country for everyone but they can make their requests and put it in a request box with no guarantee they will get any of the requests answered. Then you have no pressure and you can attend to the requests at your own time. Also teach them to write out their thoughts in a diary and take time to go through it. You know you are busy. You may not have the time to really know what is going on in their lives.
Teach them about money, contentment and how to manage, and it will take them far in life. Being a good parent is not based on how many material things you give them but the lessons you teach them. Life is not easy, so trying to shelter them is not helping them.
Let them start doing small chores to help you in the house and you can pay them a small token and from there teach them about saving and spending. Manage yourself and live within your means and all will be well. I know it is not easy but try to pace yourself at work so that you are not so tired after work, and you can have at least 1hr with your kids! Find out about their day and help with their homework. Let them help you with dinner if possible during that time so you can all bond. They grow so fast and you will not be happy that you spent their growing years a big time depressed and angry person.
Your husband is gone sadly, accept it and know that you cannot take his place or fill that void, you can only do your best to help them through life. Please don't also be in a hurry to find outside men to fill that void. Even if you remarry, leave their dad's place in their life and respect that.
Have a good system for them that when it's time for bed. It's time for bed, and when they are in bed, they are not allowed out of their room expect to use the toilet. You need to have a working routine or things can get out of hand and overwhelm you.
Don't be angry at those that are not keeping their promises to you. Everyone is struggling themselves and trying to survive. The truth is when we lose a loved one, we think everyone should stop their lives because our life seems to have stopped and we are stuck. But the truth is life goes on. If we don't get on with life, we may not survive the loss. Sad to say but you have to pick up all your broken pieces and move on with life for your kids at least.
Only when you experience loss do you truly realize that in this life, you are on your own. You can't rely on anyone. Everyone is out looking for their daily bread and soon will forget all the promises they made to you. Never hang your future on any promise. Humans mostly disappoint and it's not intentional. It's survival.

very well said and nothing more to add..

Bleble24 ((Hugs))) there is no manual that comes with parenting especially now having to deal with great loss. Take baby 124's practical advise and I am sure it will be well with you

Gracious10:


My dear, you are complaining of gloves, lol, so u havent seen where a nurse improvised plastic bag in place of gloves? Or wear gloves on one hand just to save the other pair, you haven't seen what really goes on. Ever wondered what happens to the remaining gloves, lol... naija is dog eat dog.
No patient should be required to buy gloves, it's completely the responsibility of the hospital.
Before Nurses are blamed, start from the top.

I wasn't blaming the nurses , I blame the whole system from top to bottom. The officer who is charged with procurement or facilities probably wants to finish his 4 X 4 Flat in Igando in 2 years all from his civil servant salary so of course why wont gloves, toilet paper, antibacterial gel etc. disappear from the Wards.

Its just sickening how people can be so greedy when it comes to Human Life. And it makes it even sickening that our leaders who by the way get flown abroad for ear ache see how its done and wont want just a fraction of these for their citizenry. No one is talking about over flowing CT and MRI scans but just the basics , the basics at the level of primary healthcare. The citizenry also have some blame as well but before we get to attitude lets focus on providing infrastructure( or even maintaining and upgrading those already there) Guys and St Thomas hospital was built in the 15th century and is still standing today as a modern hospital by any standard and same can be said for so many hospitals in the UK. No one is saying build thousands of brand new hospitals. I know lagos state has a wide range of health centres and hospitals in different local government areas .Just upgrade the services and invest in infrastructure so we wont be hearing things like ' Only this hospital has a dialysis machine' in the whole of Oyo state. and then you would need to know one big wig or pay big bucks to get priority.

I just get annoyed talking about it.

Wow just had a conversation about this with my Nigerian colleague over lunch.. she was vexed cos I am on this support 'Nigerian/Black Owned Businesses' crusade ( don't mind me I have been on this Black is the new black vibe in the last couple of months ))and was upset about the attitude of the staff in a Nigerian food stuff store. Kinda off topic I know but it all kind of comes back to the same issue- Lack of customer service

Like others have said its the environment but even as I make that excuse, some (not ALL) Nigerian nurses still bring that attitude to where you cant use the excuse of 'lack of facilities' I mean some people who have babies in London Inner City Hospitals actually have prayer points not to have a Nigerian Midwife on duty when they have their babies.

That said, the government needs to make healthcare infrastructure a priority. Its just getting plain ridiculous. My mum was cursing Nigerian leaders when she witnessed the care from Ambulance staff when I had my son. She kept asking if we were private ( and we in the UK know that the NHS has its own bad days ). This was because we had to get a commissioner to write a letter to get an ambulance to move my Dad from Gbagada General hospital to Lasuth before he eventually passed away . My beloved dad was a casualty of the failed Nigerian healthcare system so it is a sore talking point for me. is it the buying of gloves? gloves? Like WTH.Is that not supposed to be hospital supplies? Its the equivalent of a bank asking you to buy pens for a cashier to sign or process your cheque.

I don't even know how long it will take but we need to do better. and by We I mean the government cos that's the start. Then we tackle attitude next.We cant even use 3rd world as an excuse anymore. we need to do better.

Onegai:
Damiso, babythug and Alphahandmaiden, assume a fight position!!


Woooo Cha!!!! (in Jackie Chan's voice).

@ babythug and alphamaiden you are so funny

naijababe:


Wassup boss lady? I am not smelling natin here o, na so so oyibo stress but my kids are excited, letter to Santa already written, tree on Friday and I am trying not to be Mrs Scrooge

we are plenty that are trying not to be Mrs Scrooge..

edwife:
My ladies miss you guys.

efemenaxy
chillis
cococandy
byvan
kimoni
ifyalways
damiso
naijababe

How are you doing? I smell Christmas and you know me, i get agitated like a 3 years old.

aww how are you and the family Edwife hope all is well. The Christmas spirit has not yet arrived for me o maybe it will arrive by December.

babythug:


Welcome and thanks for stopping by!

Here's your souvenir- two bags of baby dust

I dash you back ..

This uterus has retired

Onegai:
I went to Balogun and got 2 pretty white dresses and socks for Baptism. She looked pretty, everyone loved it. If I could have used my Baptismal dress, I would have.

I think a lot of people get caught up in the "you must spend so-and-so for your kids" mentality. There is a lot of "have you bought this, does your child have that" going around and it only gets worse by the time they go to school. I have seen the party packs that come back from my nephews' and cousins' friends birthday parties and I am stunned at how much the parents spend. The worst I attended was a 1st year birthday party...with Photo booth, souvenir stand, 4 different caterers, a DJ, professional photographers, an MC and a cake stand, all themed. And all I showed up with was a card...

I don't get it especially for one year olds, one year olds tend to cry all through their parties so why all the stress. From 5 ehen, when at least they can have a feel of 'its my party'. I think a lot of extravagant One year old birthday parties are just for the parents.

Forgive me mummies.. followed onegai here

Not read all through the thread but na wa for all this people who keep messages and bring out later as ammunition chai I witnessed a very messy fight among friends( not even a couple) where they were digging out text messages and FB messages sent years previously and I was amazed. So you guys were friends wearing all the andco and aso ebi, saying my sister from another mother and you were busy saving gist( more like gossip ) messages sent to each other to use in case of fight in the future abi? Guess people do that with spouses too, interesting

Na wa o

Human beings sha

Why did you guys not tell her to know her limit at the time before it got to late.

That there is a relationship between a Donald Trump Presidency, Brexit and Biafra ( at least according to 'pundits' on FB )

EfemenaXY:
Damiso



[quote author=EfemenaXY post=50854761]Damiso
I'm in tears. Still am as I type.
Just finished watching Damilola, Our Loved Boy on BBC iPlayer.
I know it's old news but his story still gets me. Cried from start to finish. So painful...
Sigh. Good night sis.

I was in absolute pieces from the beginning to the end I think I even saw tears in hubby's eyes as well. I am so sure most parents felt that way after watching it last night.

I didn't even have a restful nights sleep. I felt the heartbreak killed his mum and to think that the Killers just got 8 years and are now out and even reoffending just made it worse .

It was heart wrenching and I pray God continues to strengthen the Taylor Family. It was nice though for us ( and for the people who go down the path of violence) to see the effects senseless crimes like this have on families.

Hello everyone

Supporting this charity drive for those in the London Area and thought to share.

http://wrapuplondon.org.uk/

Have any old winter coats that are now snug,( or loose for we weight watchers ) or ones you just don't fancy anymore gathering dust at the back of your wardrobe ? or ones you kids have now outgrown? This is a fantastic way to Utilise them to keep people warm this winter.

This charity is organising collections at London Tube Stations

Canary Wharf, Euston, Highbury& Islington, Kings Cross , Liverpool Street ,London Bridge Victoria and Waterloo. Times are from 7am to 11am 7th,8th and 9th November 2016 so you can just drop them off as part of your morning commute.

You can also organise office/church/community centre collections as well.

CC
Efemenaxy

Tearoses ( I know you don't live in London but you can help create awareness for people you know who do).

Jaybee 3

Edwife

and anyone who lives around the London area.

Thank you

I just Taya for this kain discipline

For petes sakes the punctuality of children in primary school is normally down to parents.

In secondary school then yes it is down to to the child as they are getting ready for life.

And for all those saying that's how we were trained most Nigerians are generally the worst time keepers ever. That's why you will give someone an appointment for 2 and the person getting there at 2 is seen as strange.

bellong:
Hello all,

Attached is the recent picture of Lola...

You can see that there is a huge difference to what she was before the transplant.

Thank you.

Wow she looks really well ..Thank you Lord for giving her another shot at life

tearoses:


A fellow baker in Mrs TV ……..Yayyyyy
Coach TV God bless you O!
Thank you for supporting Mrs TV
It’s not easy being the housemate of a baker
Icing sugar goes everywhere & I mean everywhere.

Like your wife, I started donating free cakes to start with but the orders started to come in.
2 weeks ago son asked me to bake him a cake for his gf’s birthday so I asked him to give me £30 for it…gave him a big big discount o!
He said “mom you want you charge your own DIL for cake”
I said no I’m charging you!
He said that’s even worse.
I collected my full amount from his dad sha o.
I didn’t come to count bridges in London

Testimony Loading o coach TV
At the very least, you can teach all those money miss road politicians big Grammar

LOL you are just too funny bet is true na how can you charge your DIL for cake naa mummy in Israel

You are right though about various ways to cash in on the Nigerian Owambe Industry. My people love to spend on party sha. I have a 50th birthday on Saturday and the decorators had to be booked early 2015

Kimoni:


the thing pass essay o, e reach Phd thesis. How person go go work, do bricklayer work finish, come dey type that kain thing? I hail Damiso walahi



lol...no day like that naijababe. In my Ijebu accent, "ee se mi"

You people are not serious

Me sef I no know how I take type am I finished and I thought Moji made me break my resolve not to ever type epistles on NL again

I just wanted her to know that swag and rep does not pay bills ni awa gan se iru e ri but that was a teenager she be adult now so has to face life's realities as quickly as possible.

Mindfulness:


African Literature is world-class. There are many prestigious authors that I am very fond of and they enjoy international fame and recognition.

I have all Sefi Atta books at home Damiso.

I also recommend

- “I do not come to you by chance" by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani
- "Night Dancer" by Chika Unigwe
- "On Black Sister's Street" by Chika Unigwe
- "Swallow" by Sefi Atta
- "The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives" by Lola Shoneyin


And of course all of Adichie's books. Do I have to mention Chinua Achebe? I don't think so.


Has anyone read "The other hand" by Chris Cleave (also known as "Little Bee"? He is British but grew up in Cameroon. The book is about a Nigerian girl / asylum-seeker. I have read the first few pages and it's promising. I heard it's taught in European schools. A film adaption is being developed and will be produced by Nicole Kidman. I guess, a book is always a better option. Most films disappoint when you have read the book but I will give it a try after I read it.

Cc: EfemenaXY

Cococandy, are you into litertaure?
Shaybebaby, Nubian999, HaneefahRN, MizMycoli, Mimzyy, what about you ladies?

I will definitely check out all the recommendations thank you I am actually excited again about reading and I hope I am able to continue even though I do know life sometimes gets in the way.

I have also read most of Adichie's work except Americanah and I will definitely get to it soon.

You are right, I almost always prefer books to film adaptations and would always prefer to read a book before seeing the movie.

EfemenaXY:
Beautiful memories ...

Yes, I read a lot of those books and even though I was a "pure science" student studying the threee sciences, Further Mathematics, Technical (Building) drawing, etc , I still clung on to Literature - thanks to my dad's foresight - and to the school's councellor's disdain

Did any of you read The Unknown Soldier?

Cc: Damiso

Aww thanks for mentioning me Efe.

Lovely Thread that does bring back lovely Memories

I was such a voracious reader in those days and loved African Literature.

Gradually getting better at it again though and I intentionally set time aside for reading and slot into my commute as well( when I get a seat ). I dusted up and renewed my library card a couple of weeks ago when I took the kids in ( I have a kindle but am old fashioned I love flipping pages) and went to the African Literature section, currently reading 'News from Home 'by Sefi Atta.( I like her writing style and just finished her another of her books ' A bit of Difference' could so relate to it as a Nigerian living in the UK).

I just found that my reading was becoming centred around the children alone. I told myself ,its not just reading to and with them it also helps them seeing YOU read as well. I also hope to introduce African/ Black Written Literature to them as well. My daughter got Maya Angelou' Little People Big Dreams as one of her birthday presents and hope to get her the whole set.

I loved

The Passport of Mallam Illia by Cyprian Ekwensi
Akin the Drummer Boy by Cyprian Ekwensi
Trials of Brother Jero by Wole Soyinka
The Lion and the Jewel by Wole Soyinka
The Gods are not to Blame by Ola Rotimi( we even had a stage production for this ) and so many others too numerous to mention.

Aww memories.

moji26:
hi Sir, Tanx for ur concerns towards me, I appreciate it sir, my mum ve come around to support me, the guy ve not been yielding anything, so I think it's best if we leave ourselves for good, now, just looking forward to help myself and my kids and take care of my pregnancy, I wanted to call u back Sir, I saw ur missed call, bt I dnt ve airtime to reach u Sir, so I tgink it's best if I reach out from here, thanks again sir

That's good to hear. Your mum really does wish you well after all said and done.I know you are an adult in your own right but you need to also meet her halfway by respecting,helping her when you can.

It took me becoming a mother and understanding the expectations,hopes,aspirations that you have for your children to understand (and even appreciate ) the sometimes hard stance of my parents concerning some things.

I do sincerely hope it all turns out well for you in the end.

baby124:

Thumbs up Dami. Don't mind this Moji, she has not had a true struggle or near death experience as a result of hunger. If she has, she won't be doing the nonsense she is doing. In this recession, most people will be grateful if they have a parent that has a shop where they can work and provide for their families. Most people don't even have work right now, so who has time to worry about Moji and her many problems like she thinks.lmao. She's not serious.

I get her reluctance especially if she has really never had to struggle for anything . I would however have given some sort of pass if she was a teenager without a child and new one on the way. We all did some silly things as teenagers especially if your parents were comfortable enough to give you all you want/need. To be honest I initially hated going to the shop as it was not too far from my school and I also did not want people to 'see me' but bless my Margaret thatcher mothers heart dem no born you well to not go like I said I learnt so much from those stints. I started selling from school sef and when people were carrying aristo to buy baffs I was taking goods from mum and selling with my own profit.Even from my mums friends.

I am glad that I got see the other side of life a bit as that made me or rather makes me appreciate the good times.

Mothers do get fed up but one thing I am sure of that is that a mother who paid international fees will definitely not totally abandon her if she sees a reformed character.

I don't even think she is a charity case and as far as I am concerned does not even need donations.

All she needs is guidance (maybe even counselling )the willingness to be humble and graft hard and she will be fine.

Just to add she also needs to lose the victim /entitlement mentality very fast.

I am naturally very patient with people but people with a constant victim 'everyone is against me ' mindset irritate me .

Not really commented on this thread as I didn't want to just repeat all that everyone else has said over and over again.. I hope and pray she is able to get her life in order and reconciling with her mum while showing a will to change for the better is the way out.

Moji26, I want to just touch on the issue of not wanting to go to the shop because 'people will see you' my dear there is dignity in labour. My mum worked in a government parastatal while we were growing up doing well , going on official trips abroad, official and personal driver etc. There was a time both parents had their own drivers and we were driven chauffeur driven to school. Now I am not try to brag here just sharing a personal experience to make you see that life is not a bed of roses and we sometimes have to face life squarely despite what we think we should have. My mum then left her job and decided to go it on her own , at this time she had 3 shops one on the mainland, two on the island( one in balogun and one in apongbon). She was into wholesale importation of gift items and shoes and bags. The first set of problems was when there was a dodgy clearing agent which meant some of her consignments went into demurrage and at the end of the day the cost of clearing those goods had eaten deep into her profit. She had a thieving salesgirl in the apongbon shop who was literarily cleaning out on a big scale which was found out after an audit and this turned into a big police case which eventually led nowhere. It was a case of one issue after the other and eventually 3 shops became one( the one on the mainland, I don't want to say the location as it was quite known in that location at the time).Dads business was also not going great at the time. We went from having 4 cars to one that was always at the mechanics.

My mum who I had always seen growing up with on the fleek hair, suits etc always looking fly( my mum was the most glamorous woman to me as child she still is ) had to sack the shop girls in that store and started opening the shop sometimes with the help of me and my siblings. That period was when there were long strikes and I would sometimes would have to be the one to go first and take delivery of drinks. We supposedly ajebo girls had to help mum sell coke,pure water,la casera, chin chin etc in that shop as we needed the constant sales of things like that when the other goods were not selling( it was gift shop and obviously gifts don't sell everyday) to keep the place afloat.


I went to secondary school with some of the snootiest kids you can ever find , some who passed by or saw us in that shop and I wont even lie that I was very happy that were 'seeing me selling coke/pure water ' but the truth is that shop was paying part of our bills. Its not a matter of them seeing us it was a matter of they were not going to feed us. I don't want to go on and on but things drastically changed for a while and the standard of living dropped drastically from what we were used to. My parents tried to shield us from it but as the first child I bore the major brunt of it and I saw first hand that life is not always a bed of roses.

To cut the long story short ,My family really went through hard times which is (let me lighten the mood a bit ) one of the reasons I call myself ajebopak. And you know what those skills I learnt following my mum to the shop is still helping me today so many years after. That period taught me dignity in labour and the fact that sometimes in life you don't just stay there and moan, you pick yourself up and do what you need to do to get back up again. It taught me no one owes you anything in life and peoples perceived opinions of you and what you are worth wont pay bills in the real sense of it.

If you see me today blowing fone in meetings you wont believe I had once helped my mum sell pure water. I can relate with directors one minute and the next minute I am cracking jokes with a keke rider. If I have to sell to you, I am able to come down to whatever level that you are comfortable at. And this has helped me even in formal work settings throughout the course of my working life. It has also helped me earn money trading on the side till today.

My dear, please as most people have said, reconcile with your mum and the one of first step is to start by helping her as much as you can.( or your strength can allow) . We tend to look down on informal skills, but even the art of attending to customers is something that you will learn and need later in life if you eventually go down the beauty/salon business route. Let her know you want to start helping her in the shop.

You need to start taking responsibility for your life and your kids and I also think the reconciliation with your mum will help with this.

Again I wish you well and hope it all works out well in the end.

Onegai:


Pentecostal Christianity sanitised a lot. It made everyone more moralistic.

I think it did but the 'morality' was more aimed at a certain target audience on certain issues i.e. .women and marriage. Cos a lot of times you see the women sticking it out at all costs these days more than the past. Not like its necessarily a bad thing but its just funny when you see posts that romanticise the past.

Alot of older aunties and grandmas cant even comprehend the 'ruth abokokus me and my husband' ( ruth die with husband ) antics of the girls of these generation. I guess its cos there was more openness about polygamy so they sef no send the man I have aunties who cant understand all these 'our house our land ' business. They are asking 'what of your own house, what of your own land'

Realhommie:
Please, that your grand aunt, is she a Deltan and is she a chief?

No she is not a deltan which means you know another one sef that is deltan. so much for this olden day angels theory

Onegai:

Puhlease! Wait, that gist sounds very familiar, abi it's not my family .
How about married mother of 1 starts sleeping with her married boss (father of 2) and then denies it furiously, only to pack into the boss' house and leave the 2 men squabbling over who gave her her 2nd pregnancy?
Or married father of 4 starts banging new wife and mother of 1 and they start lying that he is her "kinsman" and the poor unsuspecting husband not only swallows that story, he even starts carrying gifts to give his wife's "kinsman". Imagine person banging your wife amd collecting gift on top
Or young secretary who starts knacking married father of 3 and has to be waylaid and beaten up by wife's friends before she could receive sense and all of the women ended up buying shops on the same road in Balogun market.
And all these people, the youngest is 65 years old. All grandparents. If people only knew the shenanigans that happened in the past, they'd be so grateful of girls of today. Of course there are bad eggs, but to say in the past, all women were saints in the past and Modernity ruined that, that's just embarassingly wrong. Honestly, that show "SuperStory" never really quite had good storylines like some family gist

Seriously, I actually think the influx of Pentecostal Christianity into Nigeria kinda curbed women a bit( not so sure about the men though )

Because the shenanigans and life style of some women from way back ehn all this stay there and die kinda marriage was not in their dictionary. I don't know any woman in the 25-45 age bracket who had 4 kids for 3 husbands ( and is very proud of it) but off the top off my head I know over 65's with that scenario.

byvan03:
Same women of yesterday that dumped their weakling husbands to pitch their tents with local warriors? People tend to romanticize things they know nothing about.


Nothing really changed, bad /good women are as old as time.

Very well said. Some women of old I know ( some in my family ) make some women of today look like saints . I have a grand aunt who left her husband with 4 kids, married another man,a chief had one child for him and then went back to her former husband who took her back. They even had another make up baby I don't know too many men of today who would have taken her back.

naijababe:


Havent watched Narcos either but hubby has been raving about it too. I have too many series to catch up on jare. Touch S2 & Jenifa's diary S4-6. And Empire, Grey's, and How to get away with murder are all back! WTH!

Abi o me I just keep falling asleep with my ipad on my face will save them for my next time off when I can afford to sleep and wake up late .

Its not good to be a television major but its Autumn we are allowed to hibernate

naijababe you never disappoint abeg my hubby has been raving about Narcos ,is it good?

naijababe:
Make I reach house watch o. If Greg is dead, he deserves it jare, I hate him more than I hate Angela and Kanan sef

han han now how can you hate greg more than kanan and angela?

However I don't get why he was feeling like one kain matyr by confronting Sandoval. Ode could he not just have contined with the Angela is the leak story and later ratted him out. Mumu stunts ko smart rara I guess he had to die sha.

Timbuktou:


I say "tend to" ni o. . Ema binu. I've been in Ogun state for 16 years now and my eyes have seen.

Funny enough ( and I am half ijebu/ half lagosian and before people start there are indigenous lagosians ) all those tend to things you listed can be ascribed to lagos girls as well. Just add also not being able to cook to the list


Oh well , stereotypes are part of human nature jare.

Sebi all Yoruba men are demons so we the ijebu/ogun/lagos ladies are just towing the path of our men

Timbuktou:
Your people's fears are rooted in facts. These women tend to be promiscuous, unsubmissive and uncooperative. Maybe you should live 6months in Ogun state and see for yourself if these beliefs are unfounded or have some merit to them.

Don't get me wrong, this behaviour isn't specific to Ogun women but there's hardly one without a history of promiscuity, and/or multiple marriages, etc. I can't say much about Osun, Ondo, Elitist women. Na the one wey I know I done talk so.


*Takes cover

yetseyi:
Lool at ancestral curses, well the curse didn't catch my relative that has been married to an Ondo person for about 30years.


The death stuff is a scare tactic @ nyckeh

I wonder at this curse o

I think I need to stop reading/responding to this ijebu bait threads