A guy tells his psychiatrist, “I
always have this weird dream at
night. I am locked in a room with
a door on which there is a sign. I
try to push it with all my strength, but no matter
how hard I try, it won ’t budge." The psychiatrist
muses, “Interesting." But tell me what does the
sign on the door say? The guy replies, “It says
'Pull'”!!!


A man goes to the police station wanting to speak
to the burglar who broke into his house the night
before. ‘You’ll get your chance in court,’ says the
desk sergeant.
‘ No, no, no! says the man. ‘I want to know how
he got into the house without waking my wife.
I ’ve been trying to do that for years!’


Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi
driver seeing that they were so
wasted when they got in, he just
switched on the engine and
switched it off, and said we are
here. The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said
thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him. The taxi
driver was stunned because he was hoping that
none of them would have realized the car didn't
move an inch. So what was that for, he asked.
Control your speed next time, you almost killed
us.

boy:hi, i tink i knows u b4
girl:yes,i also eye u b4

guy:baby,from d bottom of ur heart,i want u 2 tell me 'u love me'
girl:'u love me'.

correct

wrong, u can't eat poverty.

hey guys,here's 1
i am sometin.,d poor man has me while d rich man doesn't,if u eat me 4 some couple of days,u'll die, and even God does not have me. What am i?

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font] tanx

Three men were sitting
together bragging about how
they had given their new
wives
duties. Kevin had married a
woman from ABIA, and bragged
that he had told his wife she
needed to do all the dishes and
housework. He said that it took
a co, uple days but on the third
day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all
washed and put away. Jimmie
had married a woman from
ABUJAl. He bragged that he had
given his wife orders that she
was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told
them that the first day he
didn't
see any results, but the next
day it was better. By the third
day, his house was clean, he dishes were done, and he had
a
huge dinner on the table. Now
the third man had married a
girl
from LAGOS. He boasted that he
told her that her duties were
to
keep the house cleaned, dishes
washed, laundry and ironing
twice a week, windows cleaned
and hot meals on the table for
every meal. He said the first
day
he didn't see anything, the
second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day
most of the swelling had gone
down and he could see a little
out of his left eye, just enough
to fix himself a bite to eat, load
the dishwasher, and call a handyman.


Memo to all students: In order
to
assure the highest levels of
quality work and
productivity , From students, it
will be our policy to keep all students well taught through
our program of SPECIAL HIGH
INTENSITY TEACHING (Poo.).
We
are trying to give our students
more Poo. than any other school. If you feel that you do
not receive your share of
Poo.
on the course, please see your
lecturer. You will be
immediately placed at the top of the Poo.
list, and our lecturers are
especially skilled at seeing that
you get all the Poo. you can
handle. Students who don't
know Poo. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL
EVALUATION PROGRAMS
(D.E.E.P.
Poo.). Those who fail to take
D.E.E.P. Poo. seriously will
have to go to EDUCATIONAL
ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T. Poo.). Since
our lecturers took Poo.
before
they graduated, they don't have
to do Poo. anymore, as they
are all full of Poo. already.

A Yankee lawyer went duck
hunting in eastern North Carolina.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it
fell into a farmer's field on the other
side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the
fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he
was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck
and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and
you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best
trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me
get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you
don't know how we do things here in North
Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this
with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick
Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three
times and then you kick me three times, and so
on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the
proposed contest and decided that he could easily
take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the
local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the
tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first
kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into
the Yankee lawyer's groin and dropped him to his
knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's
nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his
belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney
nearly caused him to give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his
will and managed to get to his feet and said,
"Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my
turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said,
"Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

A women’s lib speaker was addressing a large
group and said, “Where would man be today if it
were not for woman?”
She paused a moment and looked around the
room. “I repeat, where would man be today if it
were not for woman?”
From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d
be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries.”

Early one morning, a mother
went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go
to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to
go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers
hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come
on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to
school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for
another, you're the Principal!"


On the first day of college, the
Dean addressed the students:
"The female dormitory is out-
of-bounds for all male students, and the male
dormitory to the female students. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first
time. The second time you will be fined $60. A
third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there
any questions?"
A male student inquired, "How much for a
season pass?"


Four high school boys afflicted
with spring fever skipped
morning classes. After lunch
they reported to the teacher that
they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well,
you missed a test today so take seats apart from
one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Then she said:
"First Question: Which tire was flat?"


“Alfred, if I had 20 marbles in
my right pants pocket, 20
marbles in my left pants pocket,
40 marbles in my right hip
pocket and 40 marbles in may left hip pocket –
what would I have?”
“Heavy pants, sir!”

ha ha ha! I can't wait 4 d continuation. 9ce 1

i think he should personally come out 2 claim his innocence, dat is,if he is truly innocent b4 d rumour against him goes out of hands.

An engineer dies and
reports to the pearly
gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah,
you're an engineer — you're in the
wrong place." So the engineer
reports to the gates of hell and is
let in. Pretty soon, the engineer
gets dissatisfied with the level of
comfort in hell, and starts designing
and building improvements. After a
while, they've got air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators, and the
engineer is becoming a pretty
popular guy. One day God calls
Satan up on the telephone and
asks with a sneer, "So, how's it
going down there in hell?" Satan
replies, "Hey, things are going
great. We've got air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators, and
there's no telling what this engineer
is going to come up with next." God
replies, "What You've got an
engineer? That's a mistake — he
should never have gotten down
there; send him up here." Satan
says, "No way! I like having an
engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him." God says, "Send him
back up here or I'll sue." Satan
laughs uproariously and answers,
"Yeah right. And just where are
YOU going to get a lawyer?"

chai!having an excuse nt 2 quit smtn bad!

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his
students the harmful effects of alcohol on living
organisms. For his experiment, he showed
them a beaker with pond water in which there
was a thriving civilization of worms. When he
added some alcohol into the beaker the worms
doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said, ” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you
drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

What d guys failed 2 do,d babes did it successively. But is it fair 2 treat them dis way.
Now if dis is d 1st treatment they get,who knows what other terrible things are waiting 4 them.