please house help.. I married my husband during my masters in the UK we were both students.. after barely 3months of dating i got pregnant and we got engaged 5months into the relationship.. the cheating signs started immediately after that but I could not recognise it.. for example after the engagement with all our friends in attendance he told me he will not proceed with the marriage as he wants to marry whitie for papers.. the shock was much for me so I said ok.. the child will bear my father's name then.. after much argument for months 2weeks to when I will deliver we went to court in the UK as we were still studing and got married.. this was in 2015.. fast forward to 2017 we came back to Nigeria got the traditional and white done.. this is where the main drama started.. few months into our coming back one issue of infidelity to another if I complain he will say I want a divorce.. in 2018 I had another child but while 5months pregnant I almost lost the baby to a miscarriage because he made me walk long distance all in the name of teaching me a lesson as he said I was too stubborn.. the next day I went into premature labour.. all of these no apology from him ohh.. then infidelity with my house maids not 1 not 2 the 3 one was what broke the camels back.. I have had enough.. now the case with the 2nd house girl was; he and her made my life hell when I asked her to leave he told me instead of the house help to leave I should leave the house and keep the 2kids for him... I was so depressed and ashamed of how he treated me I could not tell anyone not even my family I stayed back and prayed the girl eventually left when she was tired of staying.. in 2020 November he sent me and the kids to his mother's house in lagos to stay that he wants to focus on his new company unknown to me he moved to a new 2bedroom apartment and changed girls like wrapper while I shared a room with 7 people including my kids and the house helps plus his cousins in his mother's house.. sleeping on the floor.. for over 1year he refused to allow me come back home to the new apartment he rented always threatening me with divorce and taking the kids.. all this time sincerely I was depressed I could not work i was just getting by no zeal to achieve or fight for my self.. lost my self confidence.. finally in 2021 december we came back... april 2022 he left for lagos said for work.. didnt come back till february 2023 just before the elections..then the big incident happened.. the house help I have found that was God sent since 2020 she has been with me even while I was in his mother's house giving me support he tried to harass her too but she refused him and reported to me.. when he saw he could not get his way he asked her to leave the house.. by this time I had gotten a good job and the house help was helping with the children while I work.. so I said no.. she will stay.. then the abuse started again.. he asked me to leave and go back to my mother's and he will take my kids.. he even called my mum saying he is no longer interested in the marriage and wants me to leave the house.. at this point I have had enough I tried getting a divorce but I could not afford the lawyers fees at the time about 100k so I filed a complaint against him stopping him from illegally throwing me out of the house.. he got upset saying I disrespected him for filing that complaint so he packed his bags and left for Lagos in April 2023.. well in june 2023 i met someone at work fell in love with him.. for the first time in years I felt wanted I felt loved and appreciated but i asked him to wait until I sign the divorce papers. suddenly in December 24th 2023 without notice my husband came back begging forgiveness saying he has changed and found God.. now everyone is begging me to give him a 2nd chance. but what about me? I no longer love him.. I have moved on and found someone.. am afraid to say am in love with someone else because he might use it against me in court even though I never agreed to have sexual intercourse with this new love of mine but my husband will never believe that... and my husband has refused to get a divorce begging and trying so hard to show me he has changed ... what do I do..? i have forgiven him but i won't be happy if I stay with him but I don't know how to go about the divorce since he is not willing
also note since 2020 [quote author=definitelyso post=127862151]please house help.. I married my husband during my masters in the UK we were both students.. after barely 3months of dating i got pregnant and we got engaged 5months into the relationship.. the cheating signs started immediately after that but I could not recognise it.. for example after the engagement with all our friends in attendance he told me he will not proceed with the marriage as he wants to marry whitie for papers.. the shock was much for me so I said ok.. the child will bear my father's name then.. after much argument for months 2weeks to when I will deliver we went to court in the UK as we were still studing and got married.. this was in 2015.. fast forward to 2017 we came back to Nigeria got the traditional and white done.. this is where the main drama started.. few months into our coming back one issue of infidelity to another if I complain he will say I want a divorce.. in 2018 I had another child but while 5months pregnant I almost lost the baby to a miscarriage because he made me walk long distance all in the name of teaching me a lesson as he said I was too stubborn.. the next day I went into premature labour.. all of these no apology from him ohh.. then infidelity with my house maids not 1 not 2 the 3 one was what broke the camels back.. I have had enough.. now the case with the 2nd house girl was; he and her made my life hell when I asked her to leave he told me instead of the house help to leave I should leave the house and keep the 2kids for him... I was so depressed and ashamed of how he treated me I could not tell anyone not even my family I stayed back and prayed the girl eventually left when she was tired of staying.. in 2020 November he sent me and the kids to his mother's house in lagos to stay that he wants to focus on his new company unknown to me he moved to a new 2bedroom apartment and changed girls like wrapper while I shared a room with 7 people including my kids and the house helps plus his cousins in his mother's house.. sleeping on the floor.. for over 1year he refused to allow me come back home to the new apartment he rented always threatening me with divorce and taking the kids.. all this time sincerely I was depressed I could not work i was just getting by no zeal to achieve or fight for my self.. lost my self confidence.. finally in 2021 december we came back... april 2022 he left for lagos said for work.. didnt come back till february 2023 just before the elections..then the big incident happened.. the house help I have found that was God sent since 2020 she has been with me even while I was in his mother's house giving me support he tried to harass her too but she refused him and reported to me.. when he saw he could not get his way he asked her to leave the house.. by this time I had gotten a good job and the house help was helping with the children while I work.. so I said no.. she will stay.. then the abuse started again.. he asked me to leave and go back to my mother's and he will take my kids.. he even called my mum saying he is no longer interested in the marriage and wants me to leave the house.. at this point I have had enough I tried getting a divorce but I could not afford the lawyers fees at the time about 100k so I filed a complaint against him stopping him from illegally throwing me out of the house.. he got upset saying I disrespected him for filing that complaint so he packed his bags and left for Lagos in April 2023.. well in june 2023 i met someone at work fell in love with him.. for the first time in years I felt wanted I felt loved and appreciated but i asked him to wait until I sign the divorce papers. suddenly in December 24th 2023 without notice my husband came back begging forgiveness saying he has changed and found God.. now everyone is begging me to give him a 2nd chance. but what about me? I no longer love him.. I have moved on and found someone.. am afraid to say am in love with someone else because he might use it against me in court even though I never agreed to have sexual intercourse with this new love of mine but my husband will never believe that... and my husband has refused to get a divorce begging and trying so hard to show me he has changed ... what do I do..? i have forgiven him but i won't be happy if I stay with him but I don't know how to go about the divorce since he is not willing
also note since 2022 February my husband and I have not have sex or been intimate..

please help..