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Join the best WhatsApp TV
Jokes
Music videos
News update
Comedy videos
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Don't laugh alone
*The ability to control tears
when food doesn't get to you
at a party is the highest form
of maturity. If you know, you
know
*when you enter heaven's gate
and angels start hailing you
bad, badoo, baddest. Just be
jogging to hell straight
*that moment when your mum
calls you stupid and u
mistakingly replied 'u nkor'
my brother jejely pack to the
next orphanage
*I've been thinking....when
Lot's wife turned to salt, who
saw her. Or we're there CCTV
cameras at that time.
*in america, when 2 lovers
stare at each other they kiss
. In Africa, you will hear
something like " y are you
looking at me, do u want to
give me money " Nawa 4 una
sef..
*Dear heart, it is ur duty to
pump blood. Stop falling in
love all the time... We re nse e
ni??
*Na only 4 naija u go see fish
inside meat pie...
*waste of resources is when
you die as a virgin and still go
to hell..
*I have nt been myself since
yesterday when I heard my
neighbor's son saying "capital
letter 1 and small letter 1,
capital letter 2 and small
letter 2" Chai......school fees
wasted
*welcome to naija, where you'll
study medicine and end up as
a welder. That's what i call
"Medical welderism"
*Dat ugly moment when ur
babe throws you on the bed
trying to be sexy bt u hit ur
head on the bedstead and
die.... Guess what's next..

This is Nigeria

America most of the tall guys are
BASKETBALL players
But in Nigeria the tall guys are BOARD
CLEANERS...
Why na
2.) Meanwhile.......
I killed 2 Yoruba mosquitoes today
How did I know they were yoruba??
Because they were flying near my wallet
3.) Some of these girls can't walk pass a
cemetery in peace...coz the babies they have
aborted will be shouting their names, ”Hey
mom wait”.
4.) Gentlemen No girl is ugly...It's just that
some of them look like their fathers. #Lmao
**
5.) The Lies We Sang During Primary School
Days.
"I Remember When I Was A Soldier"
When Was That Self?
6.) These days our Naija artists won't kill
me…
Davido, which one is "Banana fall on you?”
All these girls just dancing to the song up
and down, no wahala, until you miss your
period after dancing.# Hehehehehehehe **
7.) It’s only in Nigeria you will tell sum1 how
u suffered while growing up and they will
reply "u nor suffer reach me", as if suffering
is a competition... Na wah o.
8.) If a man tells you he is not like other men,
my sister ask him if he can give birth. #Lol **
9.) My girlfriend just broke up with
me and I feel like killing myself and I ate
fried rice,Chicken and and drank juice but
nothing happened to me
#PalzWhat else can I use?
10.) When u see a group of Four girls
& u want to Talk to one, First Greet the
Ugly one, She is d Commander in Chief
11.) I bought Gucci soap for ¢200 and Gucci
sponge for ¢350 and since morning, I've
been looking for where to bathe for people
to see me.
12.) Attention! Attention!!
...A cry for help!!
Please someone should help me tell the
person driving this country *NIGERIA* to
stop! I want to come down, am not going
again! IG@OMOJESU247
13.) Most Girls Pray For Hardworking men,
Yet They Don't Respond To Greetings From
labourers. #So_Ironic **
14.) That moment when your battery is at
1% and you see your Boss upload pictures
of himself and his family. And wanting to
impress him, you quickly comment "cool
pics" but auto correct changes it to "cool
pigs" and your battery runs out!
My brother Don't even bother explaining,
just go look for another job.
15.) Girls of Nowadays don't cry after
Break Up
They behave like Cashiers in the Bank, Next
Customer please
16.) A man was angry because he had it in
his head that someone stole his wallet. He
walked into a church to steal someone else’s
wallet, but later had a change of heart
during the service.
He confessed to the priest afterwards about
what his intentions had initially been. The
priest then asked, “What made you change
your mind?”
The man said, “In your sermon on the Ten
Commandments when you got to ‘Thou shall
not commit adultery,’ I remembered where I
left my wallet!” #Lmao**
17.) Today I saw two blind people fighting
then I shouted "I'm supporting the one with
the knife", they both ran away.
18.) I was watching Christmas drama
rehearsal by a church drama group during
last Christmas and I nearly burst into
tears...Why? Mary told Joseph she was
pregnant and Joseph shouted "Jesus Christ!
For who?" And I became confused.
19.) Do u know that # MALTINA Has the
following vitamins: A, B, B1, B2, B3, B4, B5, C,
D...?? Chaiiiiiii... So I’ve been drinking
somebody's WAEC result. #Lmao**
20.) I keep hearing evry1 saying”who wil
b my val?”
My question is what happened to ur last
year val?
Motor jam am?
21.) This heat is too much, you might think
the Government has chewed the money
meant for the rains too aba, na WA for you
ooo
22.) Hotel Room 80k for 24hours. It's ok I
will Sleep with the gateman.
23.) The way people die on radio during a
radio program is so alarming .
You will just hear, Hello! hello! Oh we lost
him! # NaWaOoo**��������
24.) Some girls should please try and
reduce makeup, especially on valentine…
Yesterday I Kissed a girl on her forehead
and it tasted like tiger head battery.����
25.) Beat an African child, console him with
biscuit & ask him "Who beat you?" He will
point at another person.
That's how corruption started in Africa.����
26.) My friend is getting married this
Saturday, I was so excited, until I checked
the transport fare from Port Harcourt to
Lagos, I just remembered that he offended
me in JSS 2.
27. If you don't like and comment after
laughing, u are evil
28.NOTE becouse i said the god that deliver daniel from crocodile den blind any one that read the post with out comment. some even course me, is now i know that they ddin't go to sunday school.)
Where in the bible did god deliver daniel fron the den of
CROCODILE?���������������������������

Today, I have two stories for you. Both of them are true. Here's the first one:

Maxwell Morrison was well and truly screwed. He was standing in a courtroom in Bangkok, waiting for his sentence. The offence was drug trafficking, and if found guilty, the sentence would be life in one of the most horrific prisons in the world. The problem was that Maxwell was innocent. the drugs had been found stashed in a musical instrument he had agreed to carry through the checkpoint for a woman who had appeared to have her hands full with a baby, two young children and a whole lot of hand luggage. Of course, the moment the sniffer dogs singled him out for special attention, the woman and her children evaporated into thin air.

He had tried to explain this to the judge in his super-fast-track case, which had so far lasted less than 45 minutes, but the prosecution had countered by pointing out that it would take a very stupid person indeed to be suckered into carrying anything through a security checkpoint for a stranger - especially in this modern post-9/11 world. They had also pointed out that back home in Nottingham, Maxwell was a police officer. A security expert, who could never be as naïve as he was now pretending to be. Maxwell's only counter-argument to that had been, *"Appearances can be deceptive"*. The Judge had given him the strangest look when he said that.

No, things were certainly not going well for him in this case. His only witness had been a British passenger who had seemed a bit drunk during her testimony. She admitted she had seen the woman hand the instrument to Maxwell, but added that they appeared to be travelling together. Again, Maxwell's defence was, *"Appearances can be deceptive".*

He remembered with irony the first time he had actually heard the expression *"Appearances can be deceptive"*. It was in the eighties. He was a teenager going through a punk rock phase. He wore nothing but black, had multiple body piercings and was always playing with a scary-looking flip-knife. All the kids in school were afraid of him and steered well clear. One afternoon when he was enjoying some peace and quiet behind the boat shed, listening to Grateful Dead on his walkman, he heard a commotion. Three kids were bullying a foreign student. They were about to throw the little kid into the river, and the poor boy kept crying, *"Please! Please, I can't swim!"*

Maxwell intervened. At first, the three bullies wanted to fight it out, but Maxwell was a good three inches taller than the tallest of them. Plus, he had his knife, and he made them believe he was happy to use it. So they dropped the little foreign boy and went off to find a new victim. Maxwell asked the relieved kid if he was alright. The boy adjusted his glasses, looked at Maxwell for a long moment and said, *"Appearances can be deceptive".*

*"Why do you say that?"* Maxwell asked.

*"Well, everybody thinks you're scary. Some kids even said you stabbed a teacher once. You're the last person I'd have expected to come to my aid. But thank you for doing so. I would have drowned if you hadn't. In Thailand where I come from, you owe the person who saves your life an eternal debt which you spend the rest of your life paying back. My name is Tran Pack, and I will never forget what you did for me."* With that, he shook Maxwell's hand and ran off.

Back in the Bangkok courtroom, Maxwell allowed himself a wry smile as he recalled that childhood episode. Thirty years after he saved a Thai kid's life, he was now a 45-year old policeman, about to spend the rest of his own life in a Thai prison, all because appearances can be deceptive. He snapped out of his reflections as the judge banged his gavel three times. It was time for the verdict.

And that's where I'll end the first story. Here's the second story.

Judge Tran Pack could not believe his eyes when Maxwell Morrison walked into his courtroom. Thirty two years had not done much to change his appearance, so Tran recognised him at once. He listened patiently for 45 minutes and then banged his gavel three times before giving the verdict. *"Mr Morrison, appearances can indeed be deceptive. Not guilty. You're free to go."*

And that is the end of the second story.

My people, I know I don't need to say much more about the lessons from these two stories. As you live your lives, please take every opportunity to do something unforgettable for someone who can't pay you back today. They'll pay you back tomorrow with interest.

Kindness is not a debt you pay, but an investment you make.

*Good morning & have a great week....*

*Copied.*