I never stopped going to church, I never stopped praying, but my faith is dead, so is my life

After a failed overdose last year, I came in contact with this great man, Mr Josh Yi of David E Taylor ministries, I was just on my own on the hospital bed when I got a message request from him, I was thinking inside of me, who could this be, he introduced himself and said to me that God sent him to deliver me from the hands of the devil. I have been an altar server for over 13 years, and coupled with my praying spirit I have worked with many pastors and priests. But at that moment I was down and needed their support and help, I was on my own. Well Mr Josh took me as a special case and he has always given me that moral support.

So tonight while I was reminiscing on my decisions, he called, just out of the the blue, because we haven't talked in months now, we talked to about what I'm going through and all. we also prayed.

He has given me a chance to make it pass tonight, I hope God set up someone for my sake

Whatever awaits me on the other side I welcome with my hands open. what is hell that I have not seen here man. is it days I slept out open in the cold just to make ends meet, is it days I go without putting nothing in my stomach, is it taking amlodipine so my nerves will calm down. what is it I have not seen

johnpaschal:
how about you give life one more chance bro .....let's try together hmmmmmm......if it's fails then we can both go together

I have given it many chances man, I have tried. the only thing is repaying okash their 7600 is used to buy medicine recently, I don't want anyone to disturb my mum.

closer

"Dear God"

I just want to make this clear
I am a believer
But sometimes it gets hard
My name is Dax

Dear God
There's a lot of questions that I have about the past
Can you hear me?
And I don't want hear it from a human you made so you're the last person that I'm ever gonna ask
Tell me what's real, tell me what's fake
Why is everything about you a debate?
What's the point of love?
Every time I've showed it I was broken and it's forced me just to only wanna hate
Why's there only one you but multiple religions?
Why does every conversation end in a division?
Why does everybody want to tell us how to live but they won't listen to the same damn message that they giving?
Bleep them
Tell me how to feel, tell me what's wrong
I tried to call, pick up the phone
Pick up
I'm on my own
Everybody said you're coming back, then man why the hell's it taking so long?
Why do I hurt?
Why is there pain?
Why does everything good always have to change?
Why does everybody try to profit off another man's work then destroy it just for monetary gain?
Tell me are you black or are you white?
I don't even really care I just really want to know what's right
They been saying one thing but I've been looking in the book
And it seems like they've been lying for my whole damn life
Tell me where I'm going
Is it heaven or hell?
I just hope this message greets you well
I had a dream that I was walking with the devil
Don't remember how it feels but I swear that I remember the smell
Looked me right into my eyes and told me everything I wanted could be mine if I gave up and decided to sell
But I said I'd rather die then get mine now I'm here no fear one man with a story to tell

Dear God
Where were you when I needed it?
When I bleeped up and repeated it?
When they set the bar and I exceeded it?
My life is like a book that they've been judging by a cover but have never took the time to fucking read the shit
I remember telling you my goals and my dreams but you didn't even answer so I guess you didn't believe in it
I remember sitting with a gun to my head trying to ask you for some help but I guess you didn't believe in it!
I don't want religion I need that spirituality
I don't want a church I need people to call a family
I don't wanna tell my sins to another sinner just because he's got a robe and he went to some academy
I don't wanna read it in a book, I wanna hear it from you
Don't wanna learn it in a school because they're hiding the truth
Don't wanna talk about it to another fucking human being and that's only reason that I even stepped in this booth

Dear God
How do I take this darkness and turn it into light?
How do believe in a concept where I speak to a man I've never seen with my own two eyes?
How do I know that religion wasn't made just to separate the world and create a whole disguise just to keep us in these chains while the rich get richer and the poor pray to you and perpetuate a lie?
How do I know this ain't some big joke?
How can I have faith when there is no hope?
How the hell does one man have a hundred billion dollars and we still have people on the street that are broke?
There's a lot of things I wanna talk about and get off my chest
I can't sleep 'cause the devil won't let me rest
I used to know a fucking pastor in a church and I can still hear the screams of the kids he would fucking molest

Dear God
Do you hear me?
I'm supposed to fear you but you ain't said shit so maybe it's you who actually fears me?
I don't know the answer I just want to see it clearly
So many lies there's a thousand different theories
All I want to know is who really made religion because I know it wasn't you but don't nobody believes me
No more lies, no more death
Bring back King, bring back X
Please dear God let their souls rest
Protect who's left and watch their steps
Dear God
I don't want to have to ask you again
I just hope that you know that I'm still a believer so I'll end this all by saying amen
It's Dax

Dax-dear God lyrics

johnpaschal:



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try this one

I don't know why it's not redirecting

back to the topic, everyone will tell you to pray and talk to your pastor or priest, but it have been suffering this for years and whenever I talk to someone they take me unserious, priests and pastors are not left out. but something happened last year after I survived my overdose, I went online on Facebook only to see a message from unknown man, he is a pastor in the US, he said God directed him to me, he gave me the moral support I have never had for years. he made me strong again. but then the darkness is big. I have made up my mind to end it even though I doing fasting and prayer, I just see no reason for that

where do I start

Family
Past decisions
Being rejected travel twice
being dupped
health
finance..

my story is not one I would wish for my worst enemy..

I know it's about to end, I quit the journey


https://www.nairaland.com/6359121/rest-other-world#97979692

took a loan from okash to buy drugs, but how do I pay back since my health can't allow me go back to some hard jobs I used to do..

johnpaschal:


that's because you have to have telegram pre installed in your mobile device because it redirects you to telegram automatically

I know how it works, something is wrong with the link

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!

I don't want to hurt you or anybody so please forget about me. Just try. Find yourself a better friend.

It is not seen as insane when a fighter, under an attack that will inevitable lead to his death, chooses to take his own life first. In fact, this act has been encouraged for centuries, and is accepted even now as an honorable reason to do the deed. How is it any different when you are under attack by your own mind?

We don't kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, "He fought so hard." And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.

faithfull18:
@OP, Life is tough, no doubt.Only in God, can you find the much needed rest and peace.

Please don't give in to those thoughts, you are stronger than you know.

Kindly join this group on telegram: http:///chinazayounganyanwu

He is a mental health specialist, you can talk to him.

And peace do I want to find, peace.

johnpaschal:
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if you have telegram and you have people that know about crypto just click on that link .... it's A token in china looking to expand it's database and they are giving out free $1500 worth of ethereum crypto to users who can get at least 5 referrals from now till Friday .....

take it as a last resort before ending things you never can tell because I'm also in your shoes also 24 this year and this is also my hope so why not join me and give life a second chance ..it may just work out better than you imagined.....

your link is not accessible

DaniDani:


hello, if you are still alive reply me pls let talk.

I'm alive but not around, I'm in isolation, wish to be left alone, I am feeling silence,

Psalm 13 & 22.

Psalm 88 says much about me, my family, my little friends who don't understand what I'm going through, those who couldn't help me even though the were capable of doing so... I wish I could have done more for my mom, she has gone through a lot... I can't do this because of her, but life ( God) has left me with no choice. all the promises he made her, she is still strong, 20 years of sickness and pain but her faith is still strong... I love you mom..

My advice to young guys, run away from polygamy, don't bring kids I to this world to suffer, no one deserves it.

Live a decent life, laugh when you can, I don't know if I will say try and help others, some people I helped when things were a little ok for are the same people who can't give me 500 for drugs, even people I call cousins.

No matter what happens, please don't be like me, don't give up.

GOOD NIGHT ALL..

Read my story and help anyone you can, don't let them end up like me

I'm not really a writer, and this is not main account.

I don't know where to start, but one thing I know is that I have come at the Nd of my journey here, the pain, the pressure, the failure, those words, I can't bear no more... Before you tell me to talk to God, since my childhood knowing where I come from and knowing the journey is not going to be an easy one for me, I have always put my faith in Him, but I feel betrayed..

once a smart kid with a promising future, but then the family struggle brought in depression, which affected my reading and my understanding, I lost one thing that made me happy, I lost interest in life, in friends, in family, in any thing that might bring joy, all I feel is pain and sadness, even though I don't get angry.

I'm 24, but still not yet in school, no hand work, just usual daily labourer work. left secondary school 2015, saved up to continue life outside Nigeria, but then my dream travel to Germany was cut short because of someone's wickedness, then the stage two depression set in again I fought back, I tried to remain calm and happy as much as I can. once again I started saving again and then last year I tried my luck with the nursing schools, well I got them after writing the entrance exams but then no money to continue... it wasn't easy.. the money was much.. then I did the most foolish decision of my life, that has made me want to end it, I invested in Forex with the last I had, and shit it was a scam.. All through this year's of pain and sadness, I have been calling unto God, hoping things will get better, but it's not, last year my BP went above normal and I nearly died.

well I think there is too much to tell but not everyone really want to read through. one thing for sure is there is no rest for me here, there is rest for me only in the other world..

last year I attempted suicide but it didn't work out, but this time for sure, I hope God is willing to send me to hell for believing and hoping things will get better for me.