I know the heading will trigger some of you who believe you can do anything or even die for your mothers, but hear me out before you crucify me.

First of all, I am 34 years old. I work here in Lagos and earn a decent income. My mom also lives in Lagos.


My mom was a disciplinarian when I was a kid. She punished and flogged us when we misbehaved so much that I once wondered if she was my mother. Normal thing in Nigeria at that time. You either did things her way or you did it her way, the hard way. Whatever you do, you would end up doing as she says. I was relieved the day I gathered my savings and rented an apartment 3 hours away from her.

Why am I ranting here? You may ask. Well, it is because of woman matter. That’s what can make a man rant about his mother.

I’m in love with a Muslim woman. I was raised a Christian. My mother is a staunch Christian (like many Nigerian Christian mothers in their 50s and 60s) who doesn’t joke around with spiritual things. She is easily swayed by prophets plus she has recently joined a white garment church where prophecies are like an everyday thing. I have told her not to bother me with her prophecies. The few she has shared with me went offside anyway, and I pointed it out to her, so she has learned to pray on her own if she receives any “message” concerning me.

I have dated only Christian ladies in the past and have been disappointed by all of them, right from when I was a broke student to when I was a Corper to when I began living fairly comfortably. They have either cheated or moved mad or just up and left. Anyway, that’s in the past.

Two years ago, I met a lovely Muslim lady who is just 4 years younger, not too young, still within my preferred age bracket. She is beautiful. Like many men, I am attracted to beautiful women. We became friends then grew to be close friends and only started dating this year during the pandemic. I met her shortly before my last breakup. She was NOT the reason my ex left me. That is a story for another day. I had been solitarily single since then until I started dating this friend of mine. Now, the issue is, my mother is tribalistic to the core so we know we cannot marry anyone who is not from our tribe. That is the LAW. Even my father supports her on this. But I wonder if my own is a different issue as it involves religion. I haven’t discussed with my mom yet nor have I told my girlfriend about my mother’s proclivity for discrimination. But when a close relative of mine married a non-Christian my mother was one of the people against the union.

I am enjoying this new relationship. It is a beautiful upgrade from my friendship with her. She has her shortcomings but I can live with them because she apologises and accepts my apology as well. She wants our relationship to work. She has shown me her commitment. She works for her own money and doesn’t stress me for mundane things like hair or wigs or phones. She is the only woman in this life (apart from my mom) that has given me gifts without “using style” to collect it threefold later. I give her random gifts too. It comes naturally. She is different from all my exes. In fact, she eclipses them all. I never imagined I’d find someone as thoughtful, practical and deliberate about love like her. Hers is a practical, demonstrable love.


The challenge is, I know my dear mother. She will raise a storm once I tell her about my girl. She did something at my younger sister’s wedding that made me realize that she would always be domineering. My dad managed to stay on in the marriage until he retired and informally separated and relocated to another state to start a business and enjoy his retirement. She won’t listen to him.

My girlfriend is from my tribe but she is Muslim. I am not a serious Christian at all. I only pray just before eat because that has been programmed into my being. My babe doesn’t judge me (I think) on my lack of spirituality or my scepticism. Her parents are staunch Muslims and I don’t even know if they would agree to giving their daughter to a non-muslim. When we get to that bridge we will cross.


I don’t want to start a fire in my family cos heaven knows I want this girl.



What do I do?

Should I let go of this clear chance at happiness? Should I dig in?

Mods, help me push it to a large audience. I need practical advice.

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