Nairaland, All of you that said it was infatuation are right. lol. I'm over it now. A better one has come. Thanks a lot to everyone!!! ciao.

Zahnda:

So what u're saying is Bad Boy got u sprung, u're getting no sleep and u're damn near close to losing your mind. If that's the case, I say jump right in, it might all go to shyte after some time or it might not. But u would've at least given it a try. A life filled with 'what ifs' is nothing but a waste of time and oxygen consumption. And just because some other dude who's 'by the book' suitable is shopping for a wife doesn't mean you have to stamp a SOLD on your rear. That little voice keeping you awake is the real you telling you what you need. Good Luck.

Zahnda, I will do just that because I am tired of suffering so much in silence. I don't know how I ended up in this situation in the first place, and I don't even see the end of this tunnel. God has blessed me with beauty (inward-outward) and intelligence. Now, I have everything, but still no happiness. I pity myself sometimes! However, if he doesn't have feelings for me, I will accept it and move on for sure. He just has to tell me.

@TheCongo

Je vais t'avouer que sincèrement moi-même des fois je m'y perds. Je ne me savais pas capable de tomber aussi bas dans un tel cycle. Par contre, j'y suis et je cherche à comprendre pour m'en sortir.

Autant que je hais vivre ce que je raconte, mais je préfère le partager avec d'autres en espérant toujours triompher un jour.

@Orikinla

Why did you insult me for? Yes, I am a young professional. I did not choose to make a fool of myself. Trust me my friend!

@ big nero

Thanks! At least you brought a smile to my face with little hope. However, I played my last card 3 months ago. Hence, I just can wait and see!!! Concerning the superiority complex although others call it arrogance and even find it sexy lol I am working on it to knock it off for sure.

@ ujujoan

Hmmm, it's not easy to forget. I really care about him to the extent that anything Nigerian gets my attention.

@wi5dom and uchechinek

Thanks!

Why would a man who have not been treated a lady properly refused to leave her alone when she decides to move on with her life? Why?

[center]Somebody Almost Walked Off Wid Alla My Stuff
[/center]


somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff 
not my poems or a dance i gave up in the street
 but somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
like a kleptomaniac workin hard & forgettin while stealin
 this is mine/this aint yr stuff/
now why don’t you put me back & let me hang out in my own self

somebody almost walked off wit alla my stuff 
& didn’t care enuf to send a note home sayin 
i was late for my solo conversation
 or two sizes to small for my own tacky skirts

what can anybody do wit somethin of no value on
a open market/ did you getta dime for my things/
hey man/ where are you goin wid alla my stuff/
to ohh & ahh abt/ daddy/ i gotta mainline number 
from my own poo/ now wontcha put me back/ & let
 me play this duet/ wit silver ring in my nose/
honest to god/

somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ 
& i didnt bring anythin but the kick & sway of it 
the perfect backside for my man & none of it is theirs 
this is mine/ ntozake ‘her own things’/ that’s my name
 now give me my stuff/ i see ya hidin my laugh/ & how i
s it wif my legs open sometimes/ to give me 
some sunlight/ & there goes my love my toes my chewed 
up finger nails/ niggah/ wif the curls in yr hair/
mr. louisiana hot link/

i want my stuff back/
my rhytums & my voice/ open my mouth/ & let me talk ya 
outta/ throwin my poo in the sewar/ this is some delicate 
leg & whimsical kiss/ i gotta have to give to my choice/
without you runnin off wit alla my poo/
now you cant have me less i give me away/ & i waz
doin all that/ til ya run off on a good thing/

who is this you left me wit/ some simple naughty woman 
widda bad attitude/ i wants my things/
i want my arm wit the hot iron scar/ & my leg wit the
 flea bite/ i want my calloused feet & quik language back
in my mouth/ fried plantains/ pineapple pear juice/ 
sun-ra & joseph & jules/ i want my own things/ how i lived them/
& give me my memories/ how i waz when i waz there/
you cant have them or do nothin wit them/

stealin my poo from me/ dont make it yrs/ makes it stolen/
somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i waz standin
 there/ lookin at myself/ the whole time 
& it waznt a spirit took my stuff/ waz a man whose 
ego walked round like Rodan’s shadow/ waz a man faster
n my innocence/

waz a lover/ i made too much 
room for/ almost run off wit alla my stuff/
& i didnt know i’d give it up so quik/ & the one runnin wit it/
don’t know he got it/ & i’m shoutin this is mine/ & he dont 
know he got it/ my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure
 of the year/

did you know somebody almost got away wit me/
me in a plastic bag under their arm/ me 
danglin on a string of personal carelessness/ i’m spattered wit
 mud & city rain/ & no i didnt get a chance to take a douche/
hey man/ this is not your perogative/ i gotta have me in my
 pocket/ to get round like a good woman shd/ & make the poem
in the pot or the chicken in the dance/

what i got to do/
i gotta get my stuff to do it to/
why dont ya find yr own things/ & leave this package 
of me for my destiny/ what ya got to get from me/
i’ll give it to ya/ yeh/ i’ll give it to ya/
round 5:00 in the winter/ when the sky is blue-red/
& Dew City is gettin pressed/ if it’s really my stuff/
ya gotta give it to me/ if ya really want it/ i’m 
the only one/ can handle it


Ntozake Shange. “For coloured girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf”

borie4u:

See it is the truth as i ve been there as there used to be a gal i use to love.We got so close as to the fact that if there is no call between us a day its like hell.If u want to stop communicating wit him it wont work.the only way is to restrict the call until u see that u wil be free but to stop abruptly will get u back to wat u dont want to do.

6 months ago, I could have said that it was almost impossible for me to stop communicating with him, but now I'm ready for this. I probably love him. However, I'm determined to forgive, forget and move on with my life. I have too many plans, ambitions , talents, dreams and opportunities with a bright future ahead to be wasting my time on a man. The world is waiting for me lol. That's enough!

beeman80:


Please what are your fears? Cos it seems to me that u re so drawn to this dude.If u really enjoy his company then go spirirtual about it by going into prayers.Best of Luck!

What

I'm not interested anymore being submitted to David Deangelo's theories on beautiful women. He was so good at keeping me strongly attracted to him, but I finally understood why he was such a challenge to me. Now, I have no fears, and this experience drew me closer to my God too. Thanks a lot my friend!

I enjoy coming on Nairaland to read all your comments all over again. Some of them literally gave me the wake-up call. Wow! my people, you are awesome! The way each of you had contributed to help me see through this situation left me overwhelmed. I can only use these few words to express my gratitude to you: Thank you so much and may God bless you!!!

mito:

Hopefully, you'll forget about him soon. cheers!!!

I will. Thanks!

mafolayomi:

pls 4get about him, he is just toying with yr emotion. dont wait until he sends u his wedding text message b4 u dump his backside. ,  a word dey say is enough for d wise

I would love to dump him, but he doesn't seem to agree though. In fact, when I informed him to stop contacting me he replied with a laugh, and told me I say this all the time. He even dared to ask what does that mean. I realized that he really takes me for granted. SMH! Phew, I think I'm ready to give a chance to someone else.

i_am_model:

Reminds me of a situation i've bin into, I've always bin admired by pretty girls and some even want intimacy which i dnt give in to, At a time i noticed i was in deep luv wit dis particular girl which i tried to make her understand but she never wanted anything oda dan frndship. I tried to convince for more dan a year all to no avail. I foundout she doesn't care abt me as much as i do, but then i never stopped loving her. Even wen am dating someone else now, i still love and think abt her more cos i feel she's the one i shuld be with. Since she's not interested, i have no choice dan to let her be. Though i still call her, but dnt bother her abt relationship no more-she neida call nor text except on my bday,

hmmm! Now that I have lost interest in him, he started contacting me. I think that I will never understand him.

chines4:

Ok just be happy

Thank you!

@chines4 and St. Richy:

I appreciate your comments, but, as far as I'm concerned, it's over. I'm very slow to decide sometimes especially when my level of interest is high. However, I finally made up my mind. It was a good experience; It opens my eyes on the many things I took for granted, and I discovered another side of me. Anyway, his behavior towards me is the deal breaker. The real me is not tolerant on issues regarding respect. I took some time off to think about myself and I realized that I deserve more because, as "a total 10" with great culinary skills,  I have what most men are looking for everywhere (a Nigerian woman would have said I'm too much lol). Moreover, I love, respect myself and my family. Thus, I only deal with the best in all aspects, but sometimes I do make mistakes too; he is one of them. For some reason, I had forgotten how special, precious and beautiful (inward-outward) I'm. This is not for me. I wish him luck and happiness. Thanks for your time!

oniema:

I really felt your pain but i think you are the cause of your unhappiness
Dis guy saw who u are and what goes on in you, he reads you and then capitalize on it, you are weak where he is concerned
and you have build your entire life (yet to be) around him, you have soo much fantasize on things you can do together, even without getting to know it and its hard to accept a crashed dream.

My dear let go off it, it is just a mirage and the more you move closer to it the farther it goes, pls and pls move on with your life be around friends and let them occupy your thought so you can dump his own thought.

NOTE:- Its better you cut the communication once and for all and face the music or let it continue and be a slave 4ever

I'm moving on, but I was expected at least an apology or an explanation for his behavior. He just does not want to talk about anything. Your comment is very mature. I appreciate it!

Ifedisky:

Hmmm, waxing lyrical now? So you finally let him go, I believe? How is your response,, taking it well? I think you two were playing games with differing motivations. You just got outplayed. Did you stop to ponder that the guy's dither might actually be his own defense mechanism against the "threat" he percieves from you. Sure he doesn't dread you and fears opening up emotionally only to be left high and dry? You told him ab initio that he wasn't good enough for you, then re enforced that conviction by offering him a conditional relationship i.e, no sex, what if the guy feels you spelt it out the  he's not good enough for you so you best stay at arms lenght while he dams his emotion in a turpor. It's like chess hun, vary your moves, you'll learn more about even urself. That young man might ne an angel ya know?

I thought about it, and have tried everything possible to make sure he understood that I was sorry. I found strange that he never skips a Christmas, easter, valentine day etc without sending me wishes or even on his birthday he called me very early in the morning just to let me know/remind me, so I could wish him an happy birthday. There's many other things that he used to do which are just not coherent like getting nervous if he hear a male voice around me etc.  All this got me confused, and you are right I was outplayed. It's time for me to move on though.

Please, what did you mean by:"It's like chess hun, vary your moves"?

I stumbled and I became fearless. I got hurt to discover my strength.

If you had have the same kind of experience, here is the explanation:

This guy is a skillful player. He applied on me one of the psychanalyst phenomena explained by Freud. In our communication, he was the master and I was the slave. He looks so innocent, thus I trusted him. Because, I'm a proud person who discriminated him from the get to go, he enslaved me mentally via communication and increased challenge and attraction for it was the only way to make me surrender. Human's brain is what it is, so my reaction was unevitable. I should have run instead of trying to take control, but he knew what he was doing very well.

MrLoverMAn:

@ fiswu

YOu are getting a taste of your own medicine

It's ok! 

Finally, I hope this thread will be useful to other young women in search of answers. Learn what you can from it, but still we should all remember that life is a wonderful journey. A big thanks to all of you!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfJ1X7THwFw

Lekoile:

Your problem no doubt is loneliness. You have missed alot of things while you are young and still keeping yourself from learning it. having housegirl to take care of you having cousings around you, not letting you go out is creating nothing but a wall around yourself. to top it all you said you are not comfortable " So, I'm not comfortable among group of friends".  You are also living alone now.
What you have found in the person you enjoy talking with is openness, ability to express yourself freely and company which you have denied yourself for long and you have also not allowed anybody to try to get you out of your shell.
Solution: Make friends with older people (ladies) in and arund you, try to help every new people get to  understand them, always look at peoples good side and feel free to express yourself.
Get to visit places and open up your mind, with this you will discover more beauty and happiness and if the guy you said in your thread is not the one you want to marry its a passing phase it will fade away but if He is the one you want to marry you he will soon discover a new.
Everything is beautiful if you look good at it.

Thanks! I started going out more. However, there are people who have always made themselves available for me at anytime, but I don't feel this kind of strong attraction for them. Sometimes, I even have to push them away to have my space to think about this stubborn young man lol. I have tried to reason myself, but because he never tells his mind on any issue, unless he really wants to talk about it, I'm totally confused. As an example, I still don't understand why a man would  kiss a woman secretly while he thought she was asleep though when he didn't care about her; why he got so nervous around me; why when I finally contacted him after 3 months he couldn't hide his joy, but instead of admitting it, he told me he was just being positive etc; why the little voice inside of me is misleading me? At this point, I'm tired of looking for answers, and will leave this matter in God's hands.

@Lekoile

Are you the only child of your parent? : NO, but I was a spoiled child with too much attention.

Do you have brothers?: NO

How often do you get along with your brothers or any member of your family?: I was living with them until recently. Now, I'm living alone.

Do you have any childwood friend ( Guy): NO

How many girl friend do you have? :Let say for here 3 girl friends. I have 3 other good friends (they were my schoolmates in Haiti), but we are not living in the same country. While growing up my mother didn't let us get along with other children. She even raised us with 2 cousins (girls) to make sure that we won't be lonely not talking of 3 house-girls which the single task was to look after us. They bought all kind of games for us which they put in our backyard. So, I'm not comfortable among group of friends, and I'm very selective when I'm choosing my them. However, many people approach me, but I always keep my distance. In this country, the only very good friend I have is the guy that I mentioned in my first post who wants to marry me.

How often do you go out with your friends?: from time to time, I don't like going out a lot, and we were all very busy with our studies.

Rocktation:

Still trying to figure out what you want to hear from me.

My brother, I believe that each us holds a part of the Truth because we all have had different experiences and possess different  Knowledges. Thus, you can say whatever you judge proper in this situation.

Tosinville:

Fiswu,

Its quite funny when some african people says u look like fulani, so haitian weather don't change looks? well since they say you look fulani then its under probability that u also originated in anywhere from central and west africa.

I have some friends who came from west african countries like Cameroon and Senegal. They told me in the North part of their countries there's fulani people. I think it's the same in Nigeria also.

St Christina:

'm also dating 1 igbo guy 2 whose behaviour is similar 2 dis n 2 egoistic,'m even thinkn of dumping him.is this common 2 all igbo guyz?

I really would appreciate that if at least a Nairalander can give an honest answer to this question.

eridah2007:

@OP
That guy don't deserves you,and he knew it.So move on,and don't EVER  look back if you love your self.

TAKE CARE

Thanks, and I will not look back!

isijango:

However, I must confess you reason and talk like a Nigerian and not a Haitian

hmmm, ok! I used to practice English with him a lot. I probably learned it in the Nigerian way.

isijango:

I thought you were in Haiti
so what part of North America were you guys

lol I can't be more precise because of privacy. I gave too much information about me already.

isijango:

Oh , same applies

May I know why you are shocked?

isijango:

Then he travelled for greener pastures like most igbo youths, so he is more focused on achieving his aim of coming to haiti than falling in love, although he may like you but you must come second to his goal until he is through

We are in North America.

isijango:

So this guy was raised in Haiti?

No, he was raised in Nigeria, and traveled aboard to attend university.

Tosinville:

Fiswu,

I understand that you're from haiti but can't you figure your own tribe in africa? If no, then you need Y-chromosome test to help you find out where you really originate from in africa tho! must blacks across america were taken away from this country but go for the test first.

I'm thinking of doing it, but most African people I have met, associated me with Fulani people. I admit that I look like them.

Tosinville:

fiswu,

Maybe i will come for my Yoruba people someday u folks called nago including the igbos too cos we're all nigerians and what tribe are you if i may ask?

I'm Haitian, and in my country there's no tribes. We are one nation coming from many African tribes.

tosyne007:

they have said it all but i really dont understand something and i will like u to clarify that.

is it that u can't cut him off entirely since it has been agreed by everyone even urself that the guy is no good for u?

can't u do without calling him/seeing him? are u that attached to him? cos i think both of u setting limits is just a waste of time. the limits u set now will definately be broken if u keep seeing him. i blv answering these few questions will be of great help

I plan to do it gradually because the last time I  tried to cut him off completely I got hurt even more in the process. Yes, I'm attached to him because we have been friends for more than 2 years, and we used to communicate a lot. However, I decided not to see him anymore. By the way, I asked him to set his own limits, but he refused to do so.

Deep Soul:

Poster,

Something similar has happened to me before. Not the same situation tho, but in terms of how I felt (like the other person is oxygen).
No1 else is ever good enough, even people who are seemingly better than the objection of your affection.

I think your case is even good because you didnt date him. I dated on and off for a long time and I have memories haunting me!!

Sometimes, I get over it by indulging myself in other activities. Sometimes, I remind myself by looking at myself in the mirror and realizing I'm too much for that rubbish. But sometimes, it just hits me like a heart attack and I feel  remaining under my duvet all day.

When that happens, I pray. And it goes away. Till the next time. Then I pray again, lol.

I thought I was the only one living with this pain, and that something was wrong with me. However, I would not wish that to happen to even my worst enemy if I ever have one; it hurts like hell. Thanks for sharing!

lazy1:

He can't be your "happiness" so find what your "happiness" is!!!

Thanks a lot for your time!