soulglo:


I agree. Sometimes you have to focus on the message and not the delivery.


@ OP Your mom sounds like a difficult person and so does your sister. I think she means well but she just has a bad approach. Bottom line is mom is tough and sister is tough. Pick your mom. Go back home and deal with moms issues for now. Are your parents divorced?

She used to be but she has rly changed, compared to the woman I grew up knowing, yes they are.

Okay, thnx I appreciate all ur comments and I am taking note of everything.

[quote author=andromida]

Do you mean your sister and the man she is living with are not legally married?

I ask because you said you are a lady and it is not ethical to get your own apartment, your sister living with a man is not ethical and you moving in with her makes it worse could be one of the reasons she is so cranky.

I think you should go back to your mom's house whatever issues you and your sis have will be resolved in time i can't see any urgency in resolving it so give it a rest and go back home to mommy.[/quote

My sister made her choice and I believe its not right for me because ow many pple do I want to explain to that I got an apartment in a state where my mum is leaving.

coogar:

you are the problem.....
this is not necessarily because you have a disgusting behavioural attitude but because you lack the gift of foresight.....

you knew you & your sister never got along, why move in with her? you have a brother who you get along with, why not stay with him? why would anyone even move in with a sister? isn't it expected that your sister could be a carbon copy of your mother? why were you expecting different results?

women are generally fussy! they are the ones that would notice if you didn't greet, if you didn't clean, if you didn't sleep early & all kinda bullshyte. their hormones get in their way of reasoning too so it's expected of them to take their frustrations out on you - they will always find fault where there's none.

if you know what's good for you, move in with your fiancé or your brother. don't even move back to your mom cos once the novelty of your moving back wears off, the ghosts of the past shall return. if your brother has a wife as well, then forget it. she would frustrate your life as well. move in with your fiancé & forget the yeye tradition you are holding on to.

good luck!!!

I understand you very well, my brother doesn't live in the same state with me,and he is married but myself and his wife are very close and I used to go there very well. So I cnt move in with him cos am working now and I can't move in with my finance though I go there( we've been dating for 2yrs, he also brought up d suggestion) often but not packing all my loads there. I dnt want that.

banega: Op, why don't you just rent a room apartment, since your working now and also have small business.. And save yourself all this wahala...

Its not ethical, the only thing that can make me rent my own apartment is if I get a better job in another state. I am a lady.

zizazizu: I actually read this epistle to the end...wow! That is a record for me (tapping myself on the back).

Back to the matter. How are u wrong in two houses? Beats me to think that the issue is with them when u r the common factor. U really need to ask a close friend what is it about u that makes ur blood to be easily irritated with you. I don't think u r a bad person else, u wouldn't have attracted a fiance.

Talking about fiance, how far with him? How long before u guys formalise the relationship. From ur gist, u r ready to settle down in ur own home where u will now be the one commanding issues as it is obvious that women are picking issues with you.

Regarding ur moving out or staying put, I think u should have a lengthy discussion with that ur brother that supports u. He knows u. He knows the women in question. He knows u guys history together. He is in prime position to tell which move will be the best.

As for me, I think u should sit with ur mum and talk issues. She seems to listen to talk. Remind her how u r learning how to prepare for ur home through her and how u wld love to leave for ur husband's house from hers. Find words u know will stick and melt her heart.

In any case, goodluck!

If everything works out as planned, we hope to settle next year, I'll call my brother later today and spk with him.
My mum is very happy dat am coming back but she says I shud allow the issue to die down. Thank You very much, I appreciate it.

Hello NL,
I had to create a new account because of my identity, so pls bear with me if u didnt see any previous post or smthn.

I am the last born of my mum, there are 5 of us. I left her house early this year because we were always fighting. Each time she was having issues with the other children, she would pass the aggression on me because I am that last daughter standing, but am doing my business and also working in an organization dat doesn't pay much.
It got soo bad that I couldn't take it any longer and with the help of our third born who fueled the issue that day, I was forced to leave, in fact my dad had to come from lag to help me pack and two of my sister, my brother who happened to be first born wasn't too pleased with it but he kept mute.

I moved to my immediate elder sister's house who is in her husband's house in the same estate my mum lives, she hasn't done any formal thing but she has a baby already and she stays in the nice apartment, a bungalow. I wasn't pleased with this at all but I was left with no other option, I can't move to my finance's house, I cnt do that till he does the normal thing.
Few months after I got to her house, she started behaving somehow (we fight a lot right from time, so it didn't start in her house, dat was y I wasn't pleased moving in with her), she nags and complain about everything and little thing, its either after I cook, I didn't clean the gas well, I ddnt close the tap well, I don't sweep or something, am ironing too much and all...

About the house chore, she has a house help who washes plate immediately after eating, she told him to be sweeping twice in a week, he washes the car even the boy doesn't have much to do aside to run errands. But there is practically nothing left for me to do than to tidy my room
Pls how is that my fault? Will I manufacture work or re wash clean plates and I told her this, she said I should join the boy when he's washing. And moreover am not always @home so I dnt even get to eat, most times I eat out because I dnt expect her to cook for me since I wasn't @home to join her in cooking so I got used to it that I dnt even go into the kitchen

Before I got this small job, I have been doing my business and it requires me going to campuses, I sell female wears and accessoriesm I'll pick a bike of abt 40/50 kilometers cos @times I always carry big ghana must go to sell stuffs
She complained that I dnt tell her where I am going to and soo many complains like that. She told me not to bring friends home. There was a day she insulted me because of 500naira in d presence of a customer (d funniest thing is the lady bought goods out of what she gave me to sell for her) that time I had just bought my goods, which really cost me all my savings (she didn't add a penny to support me) and that was the time I got the job few months ago because I wasn't expecting it(I saw it as something that can compliment my business), I couldn't go out to sell immediately after I got the job so I was out of cash. (And I was very sure she'd insult me if I try to collect money from her so I told mumsy to give or borrow me money that I was sure I'd get money that weekend when I go out to sell and mumsy said she had 1k dat she needs to get to bank also that we can share it.)
she insulted me that its not that I dnt have money o, I jst like begging for money, dat I shud grow up and stop all those childish behaviors and she meant it (this is someone who knew I have goods worth over 400k in my room that I haven't sold)
I really felt bad because this is a customer who we just greet hi hi in the estate and when the lady left I told her, even if she'd talk abt the money she shud av allowed d lady to leave and all.

She sed can't she talk again in her house and I shudnt bring anybody home and all and I respected that. She went bck home to report me that I did this, I did that, painting me black and painting herself good. And I told her recently is that the fact dat I don't go home to report her doesn't mean she ddnt do anything that has hurt me buh I jst believe its uncalled for.
Now an issue happened last week, a very good friend of ours came from abj and because he was working around apata-abk now, he came to eat around my office and he called me if I was in the office and I said Yes, and he came and we talked. I pinged my sis that the guy wants to see her and the baby cos he'd be leaving the following day and I sed he promised to chill till my closing time because of her and we even left office late, before we left I sent 'we r on our way home o' and she ddnt read or reply so we were jst going home with one of my other female frnds she knws well, my sis got home shortly after we entered the house, less dan 10mins

So in the evening after the guy left she sed she wasn't happy with the way she met the guy that why didn't I tell her, that wat if her hubby was in town and they came home together or her in-laws and I said buh you know the guy chilled till dat time cos of u (this guy is our verrrry good friend o). And she sed I shud av waited for her to reply and I said okay I accept that buh cos I even left office late cos I was tidying smthings and I still needed to drop smthing for one of my frnds before she leaves her own office. Dat next time I'll jst chill for her to reply and all

And from that oo, that was how she strted alll those issues all over again and I cudnt help it.

Mumsy has even apologised since and told me to come bck that @least I won't go to my husband's house from my sister's house and ppl have abused her that y wud she frustrate me to the extent of packing my things out of the house.

I have stayed with my sister for 6months but I dnt enjoy it anyway because I dnt like to pass my boundary, wen am outside my parents house, I always respect myself. And she said it herself that she's not happy either.

I intend going bck to mumsy's house who was very glad to help me pack my things but I dnt want to leave because we have issues, I want us to resolve it and then leave in peace. Because there's no how things like this won't occur again(before anything happens, she'd call my siblings and strts telln them lies and those ones believe I am d one @ fault, she won't call my brother because she kws that one will not even believe her rather, he'd insult her) and I won't feel good if it happens in the presence of her husband.

Pls advice me..... U r free to ask me any question. Thanx